Birthday Blues

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 58 seconds

Thoughts on the Seventy-fifth Orbit of the Sun!

I have always preferred not to celebrate my birthday, as a year is too short to measure any significant change or growth. After I met Jan, whose birthday falls just twenty-five days after mine, I used to joke that we could skip the month of March and celebrate her birthday instead. However, my wife didn’t appreciate my attempts to avoid celebrating my birthday.

Throughout 2021, Jan’s health had been a cause for concern. She had been hospitalized twice, and both times, she had to stay away from home for an extended time, starting from Valentine’s Day. She expressed her desire to return home before my birthday; finally, the day arrived when she could return. I was overjoyed about her return, not because of my birthday, but because I longed to see her and have her back home.

As a family, we decided to have a FaceTime call on my birthday, and I set up the laptop on the side of our dining room. Jan was comfortably seated with the support of the chair’s arms. As I had been playing the role of a caregiver for more than a year, I was grateful to be able to participate in the call, even if only through my voice. It was a bittersweet moment, as I couldn’t be physically present to celebrate my birthday with my family, but I was happy to see Jan’s smiling face and hear the voices of my loved ones.

My Seventy-Fifth Birthday

Yesterday was special for me as I reached three-quarters of one hundred years. It was a milestone for me, similar to completing my 1061st consecutive day of morning walks since burying my wife, and I felt proud of myself for sticking to this healthy habit. While completing the third mile of my walk, I received an unexpected call on my Apple Watch. It was from a dear friend who wanted to wish me a happy birthday. Even though I was wearing gloves, I attempted to answer the call, but unfortunately, I missed it, and it went to voicemail. However, when I listened to the voicemail, it was so heartwarming that I felt a wave of emotions. My friend had sung the “Happy Birthday” song, one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. It made my morning walk more enjoyable than any walk I’ve taken this year, and I felt grateful for having such a fantastic friend in my life.

After listening to my Apple Watch voicemail, I finished walking to enjoy the beautiful weather, realizing I no longer needed my gloves. As I was crossing the footbridge, I unexpectedly ran into my dear friend Peter. He was out for a long stroll with his beloved English Bulldog, and we happily greeted each other. We stopped to notice the breathtaking lower nearby blooming much earlier than usual. The vibrant colors and sweet fragrance were a true delight to the senses. Despite the ongoing climate emergency, the beauty of nature never fails to amaze us.

As we admired the flowers, I casually told Peter it was my birthday. To my surprise, when I told him, he couldn’t believe my age. “You can’t be 75!” he exclaimed. I thought you were closer to my age of 58!” We both laughed and continued our walk, enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of the natural world around us.

I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having such a close and supportive friend. To express my heartfelt gratitude, I listed out my three birthday blessings, and Peter listened intently, his eyes lighting up with happiness at my words. When I finished, he took a moment to describe how much I had inspired him with my positive outlook on life, and I felt a deep sense of pride and contentment within me. As we were out to say goodbye, Peter immediately looked at me and said, “I love you. May God bless you!” His kind and heartfelt words left me feeling uplifted and renewed, grateful for the precious gift of his friendship.

Over dinner at Ambelis, I thought of a memory from the last time I saw my mom. She was in a nursing home. It was the middle of December 2013, and I spent three days sitting by her bed from early morning until late at night. She was weak and slipped in and out of sleep. At one point, she asked me if God had tested her when she was younger and had numerous bouts of cancer. “I am so much healthier than everyone else here,” she explained. Maybe God tested me, which is why I am healthier.” I thought about an answer and realized she only wanted affirmation. Now that the loss of my wife has tested me, her question haunts me.

I am unsure if I subscribe to the concept of God testing me during my trying times. However, I consider myself immensely fortunate to have received boundless love and support from countless people, six of whom were present with me for my birthday. The grieving process was a formidable challenge, but I am grateful to have emerged on the other side. My experience has been transformational, and its impact on my life will undoubtedly be positive and long-lasting.

Recently, my friend Mark expressed his eagerness to imagine the next twenty-five years of my life. Though I found his comment light-hearted, I reminded him I would be a hundred years old by then. To my surprise, Mark replied that he would be honored to celebrate that milestone with me. The idea intrigued me, and I shared the news with my friend Franco, the owner of Venue 104, who was thrilled and immediately marked the event on his calendar. As I am still deciding if I can attend, I invite you to join me in celebrating my centennial on March 30, 2049!

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3 comments add your comment

    • Mark, I want to share something personal with you. Before the tragedy of 9/11, I had a positive outlook on life and was optimistic about reaching the milestone of 100 years old. However, my late wife, Jan, had a different perspective on life and wasn’t sure if she wanted to live that long. After losing her almost three years ago, I have been on a journey to rebuild my self-confidence and find a new sense of purpose.

      Although life is unpredictable and has no guarantees, I have realized that I cherish every moment and want to live life to the fullest for as long as possible. I hope to celebrate a centennial with you someday and spend more quality time together.

      Today, I am grateful to have you by my side as I celebrate my 75th birthday. Thank you for your constant support and for being a true friend.

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Worry: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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Worry: A Novel

by Alexandra Tanner

Today, I began reading Alexandra Tanner‘s debut novel, Worry: A Novel. The New Yorker praised it as “dryly witty,” The New York Times Book Review called it “fabulously revealing.” The story follows two siblings-turned-roommates who try to navigate an absurd world on the verge of calamity. It explores existentialism and sisterhood in a Seinfeldian style.

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Worry is a darkly funny and deadpan portrayal of two sisters struggling through anxiety and uncertainty in America. A bold new voice in contemporary fiction writes it.

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Long Island

Read: May 2024

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Long Island – Eilis Lacey Series

by Colm Tóibín

Today, I embarked on a literary journey into the distinct world of Long Island, a novel by the acclaimed author Colm Toibin. This captivating narrative continues the life of Eilis Lacey, a beloved character from Toibin’s celebrated work Brooklyn, but two decades have passed. Eilis, now in her forties, is married to Tony Fiorello, an Italian-American plumber, and they are raising two teenagers.

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NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly speaks with author Colm Toibin about his new novel Long Island.



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Read: October 2022

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The Bookstore Sisters: A Short Story

by Alice Hoffman

The Bookstore Sisters: A Short Story by Alice Hoffman is a heartfelt short story about family, independence, and finding your place in the world. The overview should be enough to encourage everyone to read the book. I recommend this short story without any reservations. Ms. Hoffman has written a moving story that helped me to grapple with grief and reminded me that love is the highest and most important goal that humans can aspire.

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I have always fantasized about working in or owning a small bookstore.

The Bookstore Sisters: A Short Story rekindled that dream and reminded me of the power of love.


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Atmosphere

Read: June 2025

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Atmosphere: A Love Story

by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Exciting, fast-paced, and emotionally charged, Atmosphere showcases Taylor Jenkins Reid at her finest: transporting readers to iconic times and places, creating complex protagonists, and narrating a passionate and uplifting story about the transformative power of love—this time among the stars. The book also explores themes of ambition, friendship, and the unknown, making it a compelling read for those interested in contemporary fiction and the exploration of space.

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Taylor Jenkins Reid is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of nine novels, including Carrie Soto Is Back, Malibu Rising, Daisy Jones & The Six, and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their daughter.



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Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Read: October 2023

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Land of Milk and Honey: A Novel

by C Pam Zhang

Today, I commenced reading Land of Milk and Honey: A Novel by C Pam Zhang, the award-winning author of How Much of These Hills Is Gold; she returns with a rapturous and revelatory novel about a young chef whose discovery of pleasure alters her life and, indirectly, the world. With the arrival of forest fire smoke in my neighborhood, it seemed a timely book to read.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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When We Cease to Understand the World

Read: September 2024

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When We Cease to Understand the World

by Benjamín Labatut

Today, I began reading When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamín Labatut, translated by Adrian Nathan West. This book, listed on The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, promises to be thought-provoking as it delves into the intricate connections between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.

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