Dating in the Nineties

Dating in the Nineties

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 25 seconds

Honey, I will answer the phone,” I stated as Jan, whose job required her to be on call, had recently fallen asleep while I was reading Rising Tide.

“Is this Joe,” the female voice inquired.

I responded negatively and said she must have the wrong number.

“Rats, I knew he would not give me his correct number!”

“Have a good evening.”

I leaned over her to return the phone to the charger when it rang again.

“I spoke to you a minute ago. You have a nice voice. Are you married?

I answered affirmatively.

“Twice in one night…”

I hope the rest of your night goes better.

I hung up the phone and decided to stop reading and sleep.

The phone rang again. I started to say Jan should answer it this time in case it was the same woman. Fortunately, it only rang once.

I spooned Jan, who was sleeping on her left side.

“Who called?”

It was two wrong numbers,” I whispered as I kissed her neck.

“I love more than you will ever know, and I am so happy you love me.”

I am glad not to be dating now, I said quietly.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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All I Ever Needed Was Jan’s Love!

All You Need is Love by The Beatles.

Of course, all I ever needed was Jan's love.

In the 1960s, Jan and I would sing the chorus with the Beatles,

All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Until I met Jan, I honestly never understood love. She transformed my life, and my love for her will never die.

Humming the song today, I made a minor adjustment. Now and forever! All I need is Jan's Love

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Dating in the Nineties

Scammers Beware!

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 25 seconds

Dating in the Nineties is a memory I have shared verbally on numerous occasions.

While reading the NYTimes before leaving for my morning walk, I found this article, “Retirees Are Losing Their Life Savings to Romance Scams. Here’s What to Know.”

I do not worry about being scammed, but I do know that it is always possible.

I plan to calendar this post, so I can be reminded at least monthly of how much I loved Jan and was so happy she loved me.

Hopefully, it will strengthen me if my mental capacity fades and a scammer approaches me.

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Some Bright Nowhere

Read: November 2025

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Some Bright Nowhere

by Ann Packer

Ann Packer makes a triumphant return with a powerful novel, which is both tender and raw, visceral and unexpected. Emotionally vibrant and complex, Some Bright Nowhere explores the profound gifts and unforeseen costs of truly loving someone, as well as the fears and desires we experience as the end of life approaches. What if your partner’s dying wish broke your heart? How well do we know the deepest desires of those we love dearly?

The beloved bestselling author returns with her first novel in over a decade, offering an intimate and profoundly moving examination of a long marriage and how a startling request can change a couple’s understanding of themselves, both together and apart.

Eliot and his wife, Claire, have been happily married for nearly four decades. They raised two children in their quiet Connecticut town and have weathered the inevitable ups and downs of a long life together. However, eight years after Claire was diagnosed with cancer, the end is near, and it is time to gather loved ones and prepare for the inevitable.

Throughout Claire’s illness, Eliot has willingly—lovingly—taken on the role of caregiver, appreciating the intimacy and tenderness that come with this role, which is even more layered and complex than that of a devoted husband. But as he settles into what will be their last days and weeks together, Claire makes an unexpected request that leaves him reeling. In an instant, his carefully constructed world shatters.

As Eliot confronts this profound turning point in his marriage and his life, he grapples with the man and husband he has been, as well as the uncertainties of Claire’s final days.


Ann Packer is the author of five previous works of fiction, including the bestselling novels The Children’s Crusade and The Dive from Clausen’s Pier, which received the Kate Chopin Literary Award along with numerous other prizes and honors.

Her short stories have appeared in The New Yorker and the O. Henry Prize Stories anthologies, and her novels have been translated and published internationally. Packer divides her time between New York, the Bay Area, and Maine.



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Do You Remember Being Born?: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Do You Remember Being Born?

by Sean Michaels

I started reading “Do You Remember Being Born?” by Sean Michaels, a writer who won the Scotiabank Giller Prize. The novel is about an aging poet named Marian Ffarmer, a legend in the world of poetry. However, despite her success, she struggles with financial issues and her son’s inability to buy a house. Marian has sacrificed her personal relationships and happiness to pursue her career but questions whether it is worth it.

One day, she receives an invitation from a Tech Company to travel to California and work with their poetry AI, Charlotte. The company wants her to co-author a poem with their bot in a historic partnership, which clashes with Marian’s beliefs about the individual pursuit of art. However, she decides to take this opportunity, even though it makes her feel like a sell-out and a skeptic. The encounter in California changes her life, work, and understanding of kinship.

The book explores the nature of language, art, labor, capital, family, and community. It’s a response to some of the most disquieting questions of our time. The author, Sean Michaels, is a winner of the Scotiabank Giller Prize, and his book is a love letter to and interrogation of the creative legacy. It’s a joyful recognition that belonging to one’s art must mean belonging to the world to survive meaningfully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Ahab's Wife: Or, The Star-gazer: A Novel

Read: August 2021

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Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book I could not put down once I finished the first chapter. “Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last.” is one of the most-recognized first sentences in literature–along with “Call me Ishmael.”

Sena Jeter Naslund has created a transcendent heroine – Una Spenser – who is as memorable as Ahab. Una’s universe spans a time that begins to redefine both women and men.

After a spellbinding opening scene, the tale flashes back to Una’s childhood in Kentucky; her idyllic adolescence with her aunt and uncle’s family at a lighthouse near New Bedford; her adventures disguised as a cabin boy on a whaling ship; her first marriage to a fellow survivor who descends into violent madness; courtship and marriage to Ahab; life as mother and a rich captain’s wife in Nantucket; involvement with Frederick Douglass; and a man who is in Nantucket researching his novel about his adventures on her ex-husband’s ship.

Ahab’s Wife is a breathtaking, magnificent, and uplifting story of one woman’s spiritual journey, informed by the spirit of the greatest American novel, but taking it beyond tragedy to redemptive triumph.

Having read this book, I can easily understand why my wife loved the book and encouraged me to read it. Her life story was much like Una’s, an uplifting story of her spiritual journey and her quest to repair the world.

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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

Read: April 2023

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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

by Jai Chakrabarti

I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.

The stories in this collection follow men and women as they navigate transformations and familial bonds across countries and cultures. Each story is unique and captivating, but the one that struck me was the title story about a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata who seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. Chakrabarti’s skill as a storyteller is on full display in this story and throughout the collection.

I highly recommend A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories if you want a book exploring love and family’s complexities in uncertain times. Each story is a masterful exploration of what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races. I look forward to reading more by Jai Chakrabarti in the future.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In the fourteen masterful stories of this collection, Jai Chakrabarti crosses continents and cultures to explore what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races today.

In the title story, a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. An Indian widow, engaged to a Jewish man, struggles to balance her cultural identity with the rituals and traditions of her newfound family. An American musician travels to see his guru for the final time—and makes a promise he cannot keep. A young woman from an Indian village arrives in Brooklyn to care for the toddler of a biracial couple. And a mystical agent is sent by a mother to solve her son’s domestic problems.

Throughout, the characters’ most vulnerable desires shape life-altering decisions as they seek to balance their needs against those of the people they hold closest.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Still Life: A GMA Book Club Pick: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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Still Life: A Novel

by Sarah Winman

I began reading “Still Life,” a GMA Book Club pick by Sarah Winman. This captivating and bighearted novel weaves a rich tapestry of stories about people connected by love, war, art, flood, and the ghost of E.M. Forster. Kristen V. Brown, in The Atlantic Magazine’s Culture Survey, describes “Still Life” as the best novel she has recently read and considers it the best nonfiction work.

In Tuscany in 1944, as Allied troops advance and bombs fall around deserted villages, a young English soldier, Ulysses Temper, finds himself in the wine cellar of an abandoned villa. There, he encounters Evelyn Skinner, a middle-aged art historian who has come to Italy to salvage paintings from the ruins and recall long-forgotten memories of her youth. In each other, Ulysses and Evelyn find a kindred spirit amidst the rubble of war-torn Italy and set off on a course of events that will shape Ulysses’s life for the next four decades.

As Ulysses returns home to London, reimmersing himself in his crew at The Stoat and Parot—a motley mix of pub crawlers and eccentrics—he carries his time in Italy. And when an unexpected inheritance brings him back to where it all began, Ulysses knows better than to tempt fate and returns to the Tuscan hills.

With beautiful prose, extraordinary tenderness, and bursts of humor and light, Still Life is a sweeping portrait of unforgettable individuals who come together to make a family and a deeply drawn celebration of beauty and love in all its forms.



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Send for Me

Read: January 2022

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Send for Me

by Lauren Fox

Send for Me by Lauren Fox. Send for Me is an achingly beautiful work of historical fiction that moves between Germany on the eve of World War II and present-day Wisconsin, unspooling a thread of love, longing, and the constant push and pull of family. Annelise is a dreamer: imagining her future while working at her parents’ famous bakery in Feldenheim, Germany, anticipating all the delicious possibilities yet to come. There are rumors that anti-Jewish sentiment is on the rise, but Annelise and her parents can’t quite believe that it will affect them; they’re hardly religious at all. But as Annelise falls in love, marries, and gives birth to her daughter, the dangers grow closer: a brick was thrown through her window; a childhood friend who cuts ties with her; customers refuse to patronize the bakery.

This novel explores mothers and daughters, duty and obligation, hope and forgiveness of four generations of mothers and daughters – Klara, Annelise, Ruth, and Clare.

Klara is the matriarch who remains in Germany, where she dies at the beginning of the war. Annelise is her daughter who becomes a refugee in Milwaukee. The poignant letters from her mother ask for help to leave Germany and reunite with her daughter and granddaughter Ruthie, tying together the four generations.

The letters are found by Clara, who pays to have them translated. Can we ever escape from the past, and how does it shape our futures.

I enjoyed reading this book as I prefer historical fiction, especially about the rise of Germany and antisemitism.

Send for Me is also a reminder that we are refugees.

Our lives are forever intertwined between two cultures, the past and the future.

I highly recommend Send for Me.

 

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