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The Triad of Love

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes, 6 seconds
Packing Day

Ten Cherished Days of Memories Embracing the Fullness of Life

Remembering the loves of our lives is an ongoing journey that goes beyond anniversaries or special dates. The profound love I shared with my wife has defined who I am, and it’s hard to imagine a day passing without thinking of her. In the early days after her passing, I found myself engulfed in darkness, uncertain about how to live or even if I wanted to live at all. The incredible strength of our love has been like a guiding light, illuminating even my darkest moments.

This love has inspired me not only to embrace her passions but also to embark on my journey after loss. I share my story and actively support cancer research. I’ve dedicated myself to volunteering, taking long walks, immersing myself in books, and truly savoring every moment life has to offer. This love fuels my passion for living life to the fullest and serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, as well as the incredible power of love to inspire hope in the face of adversity.

I’ve come to realize that these small moments of remembering are not just fleeting thoughts; they are the anchors that keep us connected to our loved ones and provide comfort in our grief. Each day also brings opportunities for reflection and appreciation, a powerful tool that has been instrumental in my healing process. It reminds me of the beauty of our time together and the importance of embracing life to the fullest. The life I lead today, filled with love and purpose, would not have been possible without a marriage built on love and support.

Many of my friends have remarked that I seem transformed, almost like a better or entirely new person. While I can’t confirm or dispute their perceptions, I do know one thing: every day, I consciously choose to embrace life with open arms. I strive to savor each moment, filling my days and nights with as much joy and meaning as I can for however much time I have left.

In this post, I will share three essays that I previously published on my stream, covering events that took place over ten days from April 26 to May 5. This timeframe begins with the Big Climb, just two days after what would have been her seventy-fifth birthday, and it concludes on the fourth anniversary of her funeral.

Initially, you might think that these stories revolve around sad memories, but they reflect who I am today and offer insight into my future journey. I always appreciate your feedback, as it plays a crucial role in my growth and helps me strive to live my best life. Your thoughts and insights are invaluable to me, and I truly value your presence in my journey. It is your support that has made my transformation possible, and I am grateful to every one of you. Your support is not just appreciated; it is essential to my journey and my fight against cancer.

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How to Love Your Daughter

Read: August 2023

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How to Love Your Daughter

by Hila Blum

I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.

The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.

The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.

The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.

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The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony

Read: April 2024

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The Mango Tree

by Annabelle Tometich

Today, I started reading Annabelle Tometich‘s The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony. The Mango Tree is not just a memoir but a profoundly emotional family saga. It takes us through the complexities of Annabelle’s life, from her childhood in a house filled with balikbayan boxes, vegetation, and luscious mangoes to her journey from aspiring medical student to restaurant critic.

It is a tribute to her fellow Filipino Americans, her younger self, and the mango tree symbolizing her family. Above all, it is a heartfelt homage to Annabelle’s mother, Josefina, who carved out a life and a home without whom Annabelle would not be who she is.

When journalist Annabelle Tometich picked up the phone one June morning, she wasn’t expecting a collect call from an inmate at the Lee County Jail. And when she accepts, she certainly isn’t prepared to hear her mother’s voice on the other end of the line. However, explaining the situation to her younger siblings afterward was easy; all she had to say was, “Mom shot at some guy. He was messing with her mangoes.” They immediately understood. Answering the questions of the breaking news reporter—at the same newspaper where Annabelle worked as a restaurant critic––proved more difficult. Annabelle decided to go with a variation of the truth: it was complicated.

Thus commences The Mango Tree, a memoir that deftly weaves a tapestry of a mixed-race Filipina’s life in suburban Florida. Annabelle’s journey is not linear but a series of interconnected stories that delve into her upbringing, her father’s tragic demise, her mother’s longing for her homeland, and her quest for identity.

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The Young Man

Read: April 2026

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The Young Man: A Memoir

by Annie Ernaux

Annie Ernaux, the winner of the 2022 Nobel Prize in Literature, is the author of “The Young Man,” which chronicles her passionate love affair with A., a man about 30 years her junior, while she was in her fifties. This relationship prompts her to reflect on her own youth while also making her feel ageless, as if she is living her life in reverse.

Amidst talk of having a child together, she feels time running its course, and menopause approaching. The Young Man recalls Ernaux as the “scandalous girl” she once was, but is composed with the mastery and the self-assurance she has achieved across decades of writing. The book was published in France in 2022

Annie Ernaux, the winner of the 2022 Nobel Prize in Literature, is the author of approximately twenty works of fiction and memoir. She received the Prix Renaudot for her book A Man’s Place and the Marguerite Yourcenar Prize for her body of work. Additionally, she has won the International Strega Prize and the French-American Translation Prize and was shortlisted for the Man Booker International Prize for her book The Years. In 2019, Ernaux was awarded the Prix Formentor. She is now recognized as France’s most important literary voice and is the first French woman to win the Nobel Prize in Literature.

Alison L. Strayer is a Canadian writer and translator whose work has been shortlisted for the Governor General’s Award for Literature and Translation, the Grand Prix du livre de Montréal, and the Prix littéraire France-Québec. She currently resides in Paris.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!

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The Book of V

Read: October 2021

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The Book of V

by Anna Solomon

The Book of V by Anna Solomon is a book that I may not have read at another time in my life, and I did find it to be a book that I could not stop reading.

Goodreads summarizes its plot.

Anna Solomon’s kaleidoscopic novel intertwines the lives of a Brooklyn mother in 2016, a senator’s wife in 1970s Washington, D.C., and the Bible’s Queen Esther, whose stories of sex, power and desire overlap and ultimately converge—showing how women’s roles have and have not changed over thousands of years.

Being Jewish, I knew the story of Queen Esther, although this version added new layers of the story that I did not know. The book’s illumination that women’s roles have not changed over thousands of years was something I knew but did not fully understand.

The three characters are very vivid and weave a story that is worth reading.

Lily is a mother and a daughter. And a second wife. And a writer, maybe? Or she was going to be, before she had children. Now, in her rented Brooklyn apartment, she’s grappling with her sexual and intellectual desires while also trying to manage her roles as a mother and a wife.

Vivian Barr seems to be the perfect political wife, dedicated to helping her charismatic and ambitious husband find success in Watergate-era Washington D.C. But one night he demands a humiliating favor, and her refusal to obey changes the course of her life—along with the lives of others.

Esther is a fiercely independent young woman in ancient Persia, where she and her uncle’s tribe live a tenuous existence outside the palace walls. When an innocent mistake results in devastating consequences for her people, she is offered up as a sacrifice to please the king, in the hopes that she will save them all.

I recommend this book.

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Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

by Jonathan Lethem

I recently recommended reading “Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel” by Jonathan Lethem. The story is set in 1970s Brooklyn, where a daily ritual occurs on the streets. This ritual involves exchanging money, surrendering belongings, and asserting power. Violence is promised everywhere and becomes a currency itself.

Regardless of race, the street is like a stage in the shadows for the children. In the background, other players hide, including parents, cops, renovators, landlords, those who write the headlines, histories, and laws, and those who award this neighborhood its name.

Although the rules seem apparent initially, in memory’s prism, the roles of criminals and victims may appear to trade places. The voices of the past rise and gather as if in harmony, then war with one another. A street may seem to crack open and reveal what lies behind its shimmering facade. None who lived through it are ever permitted to forget.

Jonathan Lethem has written this story with kaleidoscopic verve and delirious wit, making it a breathtaking tour de force by a writer at the top of his powers. He has crafted an epic interrogation of how we fashion stories to contain the uncontainable: our remorse at the world we’ve made. He is known as “one of America’s greatest storytellers” by the Washington Post.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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What Kind of Paradise

Read: July 2025

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What Kind of Paradise: A Novel

by Janelle Brown

What Kind of Paradise is a captivating and suspenseful novel by bestselling author Janelle Brown. It follows a young woman on her quest to understand self-identity. The story boldly explores complex themes, including the relationships between parents and children, the balance between nature and technology, the tension between innocence and knowledge, the losses we experience in our past, and our aspirations for the future.

This unforgettable narrative delves into what shapes us as individuals. The first thing you have to understand is that my father was my entire world, says Jane, the narrator.

Growing up in an isolated cabin in Montana in the mid-1990s, Jane knows only the world that she and her father live in: the woodstove that heats their home, the vegetable garden where they try to eke out a subsistence, the books of nineteenth-century philosophy that her father gives her to read instead of going to school. Her father is elusive about their pasts, giving Jane little beyond the fact that they once lived in the Bay Area and that her mother died in a car accident, the crash propelling him to move Jane off the grid to raise her in a Walden-esque utopia.

As Jane becomes a teenager, she begins to push against the boundaries of her restricted world. She begs to accompany her father on his occasional trips away from the cabin. But when Jane realizes that her devotion to her father has made her an accomplice to a horrific crime, she flees Montana to the only place she knows to look for answers about her mysterious past and her mother’s death: San Francisco. It is a city amid a seismic change, where her quest to understand herself will force her to reckon with both the possibilities and the perils of the fledgling internet, and where she will come to question everything she values.

Janelle Brown is the New York Times bestselling author of I’ll Be You, Pretty Things, Watch Me Disappear, All We Ever Wanted Was Everything, and This Is Where We Live. An essayist and journalist, she has written for Vogue, The New York Times, Elle, Wired, Self, Los Angeles Times, Salon, and more. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their two children.

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