Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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The Outrun: A Memoir

The Outrun: A Memoir

The Outrun: A Memoir by Amy Liptrot is about her return to Orkney after more than a decade; she visits the Outrun on the sheep farm where she grew up. Approaching the land that was once home, memories of her childhood merge with the recent events that have set her on this journey. My current grief journey is not like Amy Liptrot's, but I learned from her struggles as we all need the support of family and friends.

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Jan Working for COPE

Sharing Jan’s Love October Newsletter

Jan LilienThe October Newsletter includes articles on:

  1. Honeymoon Day Two – “Richard, you did what was best for us. I love you! Now and forever.” We hugged firmly, and I was sure our souls would reunite and become one again., and
  2. Perplexed But Devoted! – I held her as tight as I could. Between sobs, Jan repeated, “I love you! There is no way I could fight cancer without your love and support as my husband.

Both are stories about our love, faith, and family journey.

Short stream posts on:

I have reviewed recent books:

  1. Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson
  2. The Friend by Sigrid Nunez
  3. The Unfolding by A.M. Homes
  4. The Bookstore Sisters by Alice Hoffman
  5. And More.

Please consider making a Donation to The Jan Lilien Education Fund! Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Sharing Jan’s Love Newsletter September Issue is Online!

The September issue includes articles on:

  • Honeymoon Camping - "I am just looking for America while my wonderful husband drives us on our honeymoon." and
  • I See a Ghost! - "Saved by Love, I now have a chance to live a responsible and meaningful life."

Both are stories about our love, faith, and family journey.

Doing Good Is My Maxim

Doing Good Is My Maxim

Jan and Richard

Jan and Richard

Jan, friends, and coworkers often compared me to Mr. Rogers.

The comparison was generally favorable but sometimes critical.

I am generally low-key and continuously seek ways of helping my family, friends, and neighbors.

On my walks, I always convey to walkers and runners a simple message; “Have a good day.”

Today when I walked in front of the Breadsmith, they were loading baked goods for delivery. I offered to help, and they said they were OK. But then they commented that I was “so sweet” to offer to help.

When new neighbors moved in, I welcomed them and helped carry their possessions into the building.

As @POWEROFPOSITIVITY wrote,

Do good for others. It will come back to you in unexpected ways.

I do not expect any direct benefits from doing good and helping others. I am satisfied if it allows each person to have a better day and share with others.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

Jan’s Love Helps Me Every Day!

I hear Jan's words of wisdom reminding me to embrace the day. I walk, read, and write about Jan's love and why it will never die in my journal.

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Accepting My Briokenenss Allows the Light to Shine!

Accepting My Brookenenss Lets the Light Shine!

Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown

We are all broken!

All of us, not only widows, are broken.

We can begin to heal when we accept the thoudands of fragments of our lives.

As L R Knost wrote,

Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, and unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.

Each day without Jan next to me, I seek to open myself to the light by loving her, my family, and my friends intentionally, extravagantly, and unconditionally.

The light I share with them will help us illuminate the correct path of our lives.

Jan lived a good life and is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives!

The love Jan and I shared will never die.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

Illuminate the Path of Our Life

My reading was a contemporary Avinu Malkeinu that presented a series of questions acknowledging our responsibility for our lives. It was the ideal lesson for me as I began a year of growth and change. Was it merely luck that I was assigned this passage? Or was it another divine intervention like the one I had experienced after the fire?

Healing by Cocooning

Healing by Cocooning

Jan Lilien and Richard W. BrownLike most widows, I have tried almost every option to manage my grief.

I have tried individual and group therapy, peer groups, and journaling.

I have cried, begged to get off the roller coaster, focused on growing around my grief, and prayed.

Each option has helped, but I have also unilaterally chosen at times to go into a healing cocoon.

It was good to read that the @the.holistic.psychologist recommended cocooning,

Normalize going into a healing cocoon where you disappear for a period of time to be alone, read, listen to podcasts, learn to set boundaries, and spend time in nature. You’ll be a completely different human being when you emerge.

At first, this seemed counterintuitive. Why would being alone help me more if I already struggle to live independently?

The healing cocoon has helped me to read, listen to podcasts, and commune with nature.

Am I a different human being? Yes, I am.

But I am also one who loves Jan more than ever.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

Growing Around My Grief

As Dr. Lois Tonkin's research documents, we need to grow around grief, so our grief is a smaller portion of us. I will grow around my grief by sharing Jan's love, and my suffering will become a smaller portion of me.
Weeding Jan's Garden to Share Her Love

Weeding Jan’s Garden to Share Her Love

As Kirsten Robinson wrote, Jan is not with me physically, but her spirit remains with me and encourages me not to “let sadness grow weeds/in the space/you have left behind.” The love Jan and I shared has kept the roots strong even as the leaves and flowers have faded. With assistance from my friend Deb, a master gardener and a member of the Hanson Park Conservancy and the Green Thumb Garden Club, I salvaged some of our house plants.

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Flowers Convert 3B Into a Home

Thanks to my friend Deb, I have made a giant step in making Apartment 3B my home! Deb, a master gardener and a member of the Hanson Park Conservancy and the Green Thumb Garden Club, helped me select the plants, and she re-potted them.

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The Rabbit Hutch

The Rabbit Hutch

My sixtieth book this year, The Rabbit Hutch, was a page-turner that I highly recommend. The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty is a debut novel that won the 2022 National Book Award for fiction. It is a novel about four teenagers—recently aged out of the state foster-care system—living together in an apartment building in the post-industrial Midwest, exploring the quest for transcendence and the desire for love.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The Outrun: A Memoir

Read: October 2022

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The Outrun: A Memoir

by Amy Liptrot

The Outrun: A Memoir by Amy Liptrot is about her return to Orkney after more than a decade; she visits the Outrun on the sheep farm where she grew up. Approaching the land that was once home, memories of her childhood merge with the recent events that have set her on this journey. My current grief journey is not like Amy Liptrot‘s, but I learned from her struggles as we all need the support of family and friends.

Amy’s long walks, detailed description of bird watching, and life on a small island were very moving. I might have moved from one apartment to the adjacent one, but I learned from Amy’s journey and feel more confident facing life’s uncertainties.

I highly recommend this memoir.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Amy was shaped by the cycle of the seasons, birth and death on the farm, and her father’s mental illness, which was as much a part of her childhood as the wild, carefree existence on Orkney. But as she grew up, she longed to leave this remote life. She moved to London and found herself in a hedonistic cycle. Unable to control her drinking, alcohol gradually took over. Now thirty, she finds herself washed up back home on Orkney, standing unstable at the cliff edge, trying to come to terms with what happened to her in London.

Spending early mornings swimming in the bracingly cold sea, the days tracking Orkney’s wildlife—puffins nesting on sea stacks, arctic terns swooping close enough to feel their wings—and nights searching the sky for the Merry Dancers, Amy slowly makes the journey toward recovery from addiction.

The Outrun is a beautiful, inspiring book about living on the edge, about the pull between island and city, and about the ability of the sea, the land, the wind, and the moon to restore life and renew hope.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Jan Working for COPE
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Doing Good Is My Maxim
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Accepting My Briokenenss Allows the Light to Shine!
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Healing by Cocooning
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Weeding Jan's Garden to Share Her Love
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The Rabbit Hutch

Read: October 2022

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The Rabbit Hutch

by Tess Gunty

My sixtieth book this year, The Rabbit Hutch, was a page-turner that I highly recommend. The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty is a debut novel that won the 2022 National Book Award for fiction. It is a novel about four teenagers—recently aged out of the state foster-care system—living together in an apartment building in the post-industrial Midwest, exploring the quest for transcendence and the desire for love.

As Viktor Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, “love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

Ms. Gunty’s book focuses on that ultimate and higher goal. If you can read only one book this year, I recommend The Rabbit Hutch!

“This week is the ceremony for the National Book Award, and one of the finalists is Tess Gunty, whose debut novel, The Rabbit Hutch, is a finalist in the fiction category,” said Kerry Nolan as she spoke with Ms. Gunty.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The automobile industry has abandoned Vacca Vale, Indiana, leaving the residents behind, too. In a run-down apartment building on the edge of town, commonly known as the Rabbit Hutch, several people now reside quietly, looking for ways to live in a dying city. Apartment C2 is lonely and detached. C6 is aging and stuck. C8 harbors a great fear. But C4 is of particular interest.

Here live four teenagers who have recently aged out of the state foster-care system: three boys and one girl, Blandine, who The Rabbit Hutch centers around. Hauntingly beautiful and unnervingly bright, Blandine is plagued by the structures, people, and places that not only failed her but actively harmed her. Now all Blandine wants is an escape, a true bodily escape like the mystics describe in the books she reads.

Set across one week and culminating in a shocking act of violence, The Rabbit Hutch chronicles a town on the brink, desperate for rebirth. How far will its residents—especially Blandine—go to achieve it? Does one person’s gain always come at another’s expense? Tess Gunty’s The Rabbit Hutch is a gorgeous and provocative tale of loneliness and community, entrapment and freedom. It announces a major new voice in American fiction, one bristling with intelligence and vulnerability.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

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The missing hours

Read: February 2022

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The Missing Hours

by Julia Dahl

The Missing Hours by Julia Dahl is a novel I chose to read as I was looking for something different from the recent books I have read, and a fellow reader recommended this one. The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act. Like a bomb exploding, the ripple effects of the novel’s primary event impact the victim and her family, friends, and the larger community.

A trigger warning to all readers, the violent act in the novel is a sexual assault that is filmed and shared. Claudia, the victim, has no memory initially of what happened. She had been drinking and wearing clothes that she liked to wear. None of her choices is an excuse for those who victimized her.

She cannot remember what happened until a friend receives the video.

Being wealthy and social media savvy, she is aware that reporting the assault before or after the video is released would only allow her to be re-victimized. Her choices and how she seeks to secure justice make this a book I enjoyed and highly recommended.

This is the Goodreads overview.

From a distance, Claudia Castro has it all: a famous family, a trust fund, thousands of Instagram followers, and a spot in NYU’s first-year class. But look closer, and things are messier: her parents are separating, she’s just been humiliated by a sleazy documentary, and her sister is about to have a baby with a man she barely knows.

Claudia starts the school year resolved to find a path toward something positive, maybe even meaningful – and then, one drunken night, everything changes. Reeling, her memory hazy, Claudia cuts herself off from her family, seeking solace in a new friendship. But when the rest of school comes back from spring break, Claudia is missing.

Suddenly, the whole city is trying to piece together the hours of that terrible night.

From the critically acclaimed author of Invisible City and Conviction, The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act.

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Evergreen

Read: October 2022

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Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson

by Kirsten Robinson

Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson is a tribute to the enduring resilience of human nature as we cycle through times of light and darkness, much like nature itself. In her debut book, Kirsten Robinson (@NakedWriting) lays her heart bare in a raw, relatable, and inspirational way to describe the journey of growth born out of finding beauty in breakage and love after loss.

Albeit a cliche, the book jumped off the shelf and into my hands when I saw it in Hickory & Hill General Store in Cranford.

This artfully honest collection embodies and expands upon the poetry and prose Robinson began writing under the famous social media pseudonym Naked Writing.

I highly recommend this book and intend to keep it at my bedside for a pick-me-up.

Although I have only started reading the poems, I want to share two that resonated with me.

The first one is on giving thanks.

Give thanks for all
that is good and beautiful;
the gifts you carry
people who lift you up
your big, big love
faith and trust that your life
is unfolding as it should

Give thanks for all
that has been difficult and hard;
trials tribulations tears
tests of self strength fears
all of the unknowns and days
that broke you

Without the darkness
you would not have
learned to appreciate the light

A second one on bravery.

Bravery
is not about standing tall
after you’ve climbed up
the top of a mountain

Bravery
is looking
fear
heartache
rejection
terror
loss
death
in the eye
and saying, “no,
not today”

Bravery
is standing back up
after you’ve been brought down
to your knees


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

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The Spoiled Heart: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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The Spoiled Heart: A Novel

by Sunjeev Sahota

Today, I started reading The Spoiled Heart: A Novel by Sunjeev Sahota. Nayan Olak has been seeing Helen Fletcher around town. She has returned to live in the run-down house at the end of the lane with her teenage son. Though she seems guarded, Nayan cannot help but be drawn to her. He has not risked love since losing his young family in a terrible accident twenty years ago.

After Nayan’s tragedy, his labor union, a pillar of his community, became his refuge and purpose. It was his way of striving for a better and fairer world. Now, Nayan wants to become the leader of the union, a decision that sets the stage for a gripping conflict. His opponent, Megha, a newcomer, is a more formidable challenger than he could have anticipated. Nayan is now in a battle that could redefine his life and community. The differences between Nayan and Megha escalate and threaten the ideals he holds dear. He finds solace in his growing bond with Helen. Unbeknownst to him, their connection is not just a product of their present circumstances but a thread that weaves through their lives, holding secrets that could shatter them. The suspense builds, leaving the readers on the edge of their seats and eager to uncover the truth.

In one sense, The Spoiled Heart is a tragedy in the classic mold, tracing one man’s seemingly inevitable fall. However, it is also an explosively contemporary story of how a few words or a single action, which may appear careless to one person, can be charged for another, triggering a cascade of unimaginable consequences. It is a blazing achievement from one of Britain’s foremost living writers, a vivid and multilayered exploration of the mysteries of the heart, how community is forged and broken, and the shattering impact of secrets and assumptions alike.

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The Hunter: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Hunter: A Novel

by Tana French

Today, I began reading “The Hunter: A Novel” by Tana French, often called the Queen of Irish crime fiction. The story takes place in a small village in the West of Ireland during a hot summer. Two men arrive, one returning home and the other seeking riches. However, one of them is also seeking death.

Cal Hooper is a retired Chicago police officer who moved to rural Ireland for a peaceful life. He has built a relationship with a local woman named Lena and has been mentoring Trey Reddy, a troubled teenager on a better path. But when Trey’s long-lost father returns, accompanied by an English millionaire and a plan to find gold in the townland, everything they have built is threatened. Cal and Lena are willing to do whatever it takes to protect Trey, but Trey is not interested in protection. What she wants is revenge.

This novel, written by the acclaimed author described by The New York Times as “in a class by herself,” tells a nuanced and atmospheric tale about what we are willing to do for our loved ones, what we will do for revenge, and what we may have to sacrifice when the two collide.

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North Woods: A Novel

Read: December 2023

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North Woods: A Novel

by Daniel Mason

I recommend reading “North Woods: A Novel” by Daniel Mason today. It is the story of two young lovers who leave a Puritan colony and find shelter in a humble cabin in the woods. They are unaware this cabin will become home to a succession of extraordinary human and nonhuman characters. “North Woods” has been named one of the ten best books of 2023 by both the New York Times Book Review and the Washington Post.

An English soldier who was destined for glory decides to abandon the battlefields of the New World to dedicate himself to growing apples. Meanwhile, a pair of spinster twins navigate war and famine, dealing with envy and desire. A crime reporter discovers an ancient mass grave but soon realizes the earth refuses to give up its secrets. In the same town, a lovelorn painter, a sinister con man, a stalking panther, and a lusty beetle are all present. As the inhabitants confront the wonder and mystery around them, they realize that the dark, raucous, and beautiful past is still alive.

This remarkable and highly imaginative novel by Pulitzer Prize finalist Daniel Mason is full of love, insanity, humor, and optimism. North Woods follows the cycles of history, nature, and language to reveal the numerous, enchanting ways we are connected to our surroundings, history, and each other. It is not just a memorable story about secrets and fates but a perspective on the world that poses the timeless question: How can we continue living even after we are gone?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The Human Stain: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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The Human Stain: A Novel

by Philip Roth

Today, I started reading The Human Stain: A Novel by Philip Roth. This book is considered a masterpiece and has earned its place among The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. The story takes place in 1998, a significant year marked by a presidential impeachment that affected the entire nation. In a peaceful New England town, the respected classics professor Coleman Silk is forced into retirement due to false accusations of racism by his colleagues.

This accusation triggers a series of events that bring to light shocking revelations about Coleman, revelations that carry a profound societal significance. Coleman Silk harbors a secret, a secret that is not about his affair with Faunia Farley, a woman half his age with a troubled past, or the alleged racism that led to his downfall at the college where he was once a respected dean. It’s not even about misogyny, despite Professor Delphine Roux’s attempts to portray him as such. Coleman’s true secret, a secret he has guarded for fifty years from everyone in his life, including his wife, children, colleagues, and friends, is a defining aspect of his character and his relationships.

The Human Stain is a compelling portrayal of 1990s America, a time of clashing moralities and ideological divisions. Through public denunciations and rituals of purification, it delves into how the nation’s destiny and the ‘human stain’ that marks human nature shape the lives of postwar Americans. This potent and captivating novel is a fitting continuation of Philip Roth‘s earlier works, each set in a distinct historical period.

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