Richard W. Brown

A Repetitive Year Ends

Am I Ready for the New Me?

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 18 seconds

Richard W. Brown

Looking back at the past year, I realize that 2023 has significantly changed my life. The journey begins with a New Year’s Day first-day hike in Elizabeth, NJ, and ends on New Year’s Eve watching A Midwinter Night’s Dream at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ, but it’s finally ending. As the year comes to a close, I notice that the date has become a repeating number, 123123, reminding me that change may require repeated efforts but is always possible.

Despite encountering obstacles and challenges that tested my strength and resilience, I have become more robust and determined. Like a butterfly breaking out of its chrysalis, I am ready to spread my wings and become the best version of myself, even after experiencing loss. I look towards the future with courage and grace, knowing that lasting change is always within reach with the right mindset and perseverance.

We hold the power to a successful life within ourselves through the unwavering strength of our core activities. These three pillars – family, community, and love – can stand as strong as titanium and bring us purpose, meaning, health, and happiness.

  • The love and support of my family have been my anchor, helping me navigate through the highs and lows of life. Although I wish we had more time together, the quality of our time truly matters. I’m also immensely grateful for the widows who have become my chosen family, bringing comfort and support during difficult times. They hold a special place in my heart that will always inspire me to be a better person.
  • I am blessed to call downtown Cranford my home, where a vibrant and supportive community surrounds me. Together, we work towards making our neighborhood a better place, whether it’s through advocating for environmental and social causes or simply walking around and chatting with friends. With the unwavering support of my community, I have been able to stay committed to my religious beliefs and attend Friday night services at Temple Sha’arey Shalom without fail. I am proud to have been elected as the Board Chair of Bridges last November, and I look forward to continuing my advocacy work to serve the greater good.
  • Love is truly the most powerful force in the world. Even after facing immense grief and believing that love was no longer possible, I’ve learned that it’s possible to not only love myself and life again but also to love another person. The experience of loving her has been transformative, even if it’s presently dormant.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for me, with love and all the other vital aspects of my life.

As 2024 begins, I accept that change is an inevitable part of life and that we constantly evolve. I approach change cautiously but am willing to adapt to new circumstances and embrace transformation. Throughout my adult life, I have learned that finding meaning and purpose is essential, and even when faced with adversity, I have found ways to channel my energy into positive contributions.

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

I am confident that I will emerge stronger no matter what occurs in 2024. May you be blessed with health and happiness in 2024!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Ready or Not, Change is Coming!

I am celebrating the third new year since my wife passed away. It's the beginning of the year 5784 with typical seasonal weather. The temperature during my walks is something I haven't experienced since Passover. In my mind, I can finally picture a life without her. I have donated her love to others, constructed a memorial garden, reconnected with repairing the world, fostered new friendships, and learned to live alone. If I were to observe someone else living this life, it's not a bad life.

As the year 5784 begins, I find myself asking unanswerable questions. Can I be both alone and alive? Is it possible for me to love again? Is there anyone who would want to love me? These uncertainties keep me up at night. However, I've realized that to embrace life fully, I must face the future and embrace change. Although scary, it's the only way to become fully alive. I've survived by living alone, but now it's time to take the next step and find the courage to open my heart.

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Our Salvation is Through Love!

Am I Ready for the New Me?

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 18 seconds

Our Salvation is Through Love!

During most of my grief journey, I have had the benefit of friendships that have helped me manage the perilous waters after a devasting loss. As C.S. Lewis wrote in "The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II" (2004), "Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods." I will always be grateful for my friends, some who have been with me for years and others whom I have met recently who helped me in the darkest hours of my life.As I approach thirty-one months since my wife died, I have learned to love again and be loved. I never thought I could be loved again or have the strength to love someone. No doorbusters could be as valuable as friends or the ability to love again. Love serves as my salvation and a means of attaining humanity's redemption. Love transcends ourselves and connects with others on a deeper level, leading to a more compassionate and harmonious world.

4 comments add your comment

  1. Richard, your newsletters and words of encouragement, hope, and understanding that you share have gotten me through my rough times. I use your writings as a resource to get me through my journey. You are a blessing.

    • I am but an ordinary person who has faced the pain of losing a loved one. However, I listen to my soul and the world, embracing new experiences and walking into an unknown future one step at a time. Despite the hardships, grief has taught me valuable lessons, and I continue to seek meaning and purpose in life. If my experiences have helped you in any way, I am grateful. Remember, we are all on this journey together and must support each other.

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Palaver

Read: November 2025

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Palaver: A Novel

by Bryan Washington

Written with subtle humor and warmth, Bryan Washington‘s Palaver weaves together the past and present across Houston, Jamaica, and Japan. This intricate story explores themes of family, love, and the beauty of coexistence. A finalist for the National Book Award for Fiction, this novel is a life-affirming tale about family, healing, and the ways we learn to love, showcasing the talent of the award-winning Bryan Washington.

In Tokyo, a young man works as an English tutor and spends his nights out with friends at a gay bar. He is involved in a sexual relationship with a married man. Although he has formed a chosen family in Japan, he and his mother, who resides in Houston, are estranged from each other. Her preference for his troubled, homophobic brother, Chris, ultimately pushed him to leave home. Then, in the weeks leading up to Christmas—ten years after they last saw each other—his mother arrives uninvited at his doorstep.

With only the son’s cat, Taro, to mediate, the two clash immediately. The mother struggles with memories of her youth in Jamaica and her complicated relationship with her brother, as she attempts to reconcile her good intentions with past mistakes. Meanwhile, the son grapples with the challenge of forgiveness. However, as life takes unexpected turns—leading the mother to form a tentative friendship with a local bistro owner and the son to connect with a new patron at the bar cautiously—they begin to see each other more clearly.

Through shared meals, conversations, and an eventful trip to Nara, both mother and son try to determine where “home” truly is and whether they can find it in one another.


Bryan Washington is the author of the story collection Lot and the novels Memorial and Family Meal. He is a National Book Award 5 Under 35 Honoree. He has won several prestigious awards, including the Dylan Thomas Prize, the NYPL Young Lions Fiction Award, the Ernest J. Gaines Award, two Lambda Literary Awards, and an O. Henry Prize.

Washington has also been a finalist for various awards, such as the National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction, the Aspen Words Literary Prize, the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize, the Andrew Carnegie Medal of Excellence, and the James Tait Black Prize. The New York Times referred to his writing as among the 25 Most Influential Works of Postwar Queer Literature, and he was a columnist for the New York Times Magazine.

As a frequent contributor to The New Yorker and The New York Times, his writing has appeared in other notable publications, including Granta, The New York Times Magazine, New York, Time, GQ, and Esquire, among others. He lives in Tokyo.



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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

Read: November 2023

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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

by James McBride

I started reading The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store: A Novel by James McBride today. It’s the seventy-first book I’ve read this year and the two hundredth since January 1, 2019. The novel’s narrative begins in 1972 when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development. They were surprised to find a skeleton at the bottom of the well. The identity of the skeleton and how it ended up there were long-held secrets that the residents of Chicken Hill kept.

Jewish immigrants and African Americans lived together in this run-down neighborhood and shared their aspirations and hardships. Moshe and Chona Ludlow resided in Chicken Hill when Moshe integrated his theatre, and Chona ran the Heaven & Earth Grocery Store. When the state officials searched for a deaf boy to institutionalize him, it was Chona and Nate Timblin, the Black janitor at Moshe’s theatre and the unofficial leader of the Black community on Chicken Hill, who collaborated to keep the boy safe.

As the stories of these characters intertwine and develop, it becomes evident how much the individuals living on the outskirts of white, Christian America struggle to survive and what they must do to make it through. As the truth is ultimately disclosed regarding the events that occurred on Chicken Hill, including the involvement of the town’s white establishment, McBride illustrates to us that, even in the darkest of times, love and community – the very essence of heaven and earth – help us endure.

Bringing his masterly storytelling skills and deep faith in humanity to The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride has written a novel as compassionate as Deacon King Kong and as inventive as The Good Lord Bird.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Intimacies: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Intimacies: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

Intimacies: A Novel by Katie Kitamura is about an interpreter who has come to The Hague to escape New York and work at the International Court. A woman of many languages and identities is finally looking for a place to call home.

Intimacies: A Novel is the second book by Ms. Kitamura that I have read this year. The multiple intimacies of the novel overlap and at times seem confusing, but in the end, it makes sense even if it is unclear how or where she will live the next phase of her life. A Separation is also written hypnotic, making it difficult to stop reading.

I not only highly recommend Intimacies: A Novel but have become a fan of Katie Kitamura and look forward to reading more of her books.

Goodreads summary provides a good overview.

She’s drawn into simmering personal dramas: her lover, Adriaan, is separated from his wife but still entangled in his marriage. Her friend Jana witnesses a seemingly random act of violence, a crime the interpreter becomes increasingly obsessed with as she befriends the victim’s sister. And she’s pulled into explosive political fires: her work interpreting for a former president accused of war crimes becomes precarious as their relationship is unbound by shifting language and meaning.

This woman is the voice in the ear of many, but what command does that give her, and how vulnerable does that leave her? Her coolly impassioned views on power, love, and violence, are tested, both in her personal intimacies and in her role at the Court. She is soon pushed to the precipice, where betrayal and heartbreak threaten to overwhelm her; it is her drive towards truth, and love, that throws into stark relief what she wants from her life.

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Piranesi

Read: May 2022

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Piranesi: A Novel by Susanna Clarke

by Susanna Clarke

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose

In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.

Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.

Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.

There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.

For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.


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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

Read: June 2023

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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

by Lorrie Moore

Today, I started reading Lorrie Moore‘s latest novel; I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home. It’s her first book since A Gate at the Stairs, and it’s a bold and contemplative exploration of love, death, passion, and grief. Moore examines what it means to be haunted by the past in terms of history and the human heart.

The story follows a teacher who visits his dying brother in the Bronx. A mysterious journal from the 19th century is stolen from a boarding house. There’s also a therapy clown and an assassin, who is presumed dead but may not be.

Moore’s unique wordplay, wry humor, and wisdom make for an enchanting read. She presents us with a magic box of surprises, exploring themes of love, rebirth, and the pull toward life. This novel is a poetic and imaginative portrait of lovers and siblings that questions the stories we’ve been told and whether they’re true.

With I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home, Moore takes us on a journey to a windswept, tragic, and comic landscape. It’s unmistakably her world and a journey you won’t forget.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Parable of the Talents

Read: January 2024

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Parable of the Talents

by Octavia E. Butler

This morning, I completed reading Octavia E. Butler‘s acclaimed post-apocalyptic novel Parable of the Sower and immediately started reading its sequel, Parable of the Talents, initially published in 1998. This second book is even more relevant today than it was back then. The novel’s timely message of hope and resistance in the face of fanaticism is shockingly prescient.

In 2032, Lauren Olamina survived the destruction of her home and family. She envisioned a peaceful community in Northern California, which she established based on her newly founded faith, Earthseed. This new settlement provides a haven for outcasts who face persecution following the election of an ultra-conservative president. The new president pledges to “make America great again,” but the country becomes increasingly divided and dangerous. Lauren’s subversive colony, a minority religious faction led by a young black woman, becomes a target for President Jarret’s oppressive regime characterized by terror and discrimination.

In the future, Asha Vere discovers the journals of her mother, Lauren Olamina, whom she never met. As she delves into her mother’s writings, she grapples with the conflict between Lauren’s responsibilities to her chosen family and her mission to guide humanity toward a brighter tomorrow.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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