Richard W. Brown

A Repetitive Year Ends

Am I Ready for the New Me?

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 18 seconds

Richard W. Brown

Looking back at the past year, I realize that 2023 has significantly changed my life. The journey begins with a New Year’s Day first-day hike in Elizabeth, NJ, and ends on New Year’s Eve watching A Midwinter Night’s Dream at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ, but it’s finally ending. As the year comes to a close, I notice that the date has become a repeating number, 123123, reminding me that change may require repeated efforts but is always possible.

Despite encountering obstacles and challenges that tested my strength and resilience, I have become more robust and determined. Like a butterfly breaking out of its chrysalis, I am ready to spread my wings and become the best version of myself, even after experiencing loss. I look towards the future with courage and grace, knowing that lasting change is always within reach with the right mindset and perseverance.

We hold the power to a successful life within ourselves through the unwavering strength of our core activities. These three pillars – family, community, and love – can stand as strong as titanium and bring us purpose, meaning, health, and happiness.

  • The love and support of my family have been my anchor, helping me navigate through the highs and lows of life. Although I wish we had more time together, the quality of our time truly matters. I’m also immensely grateful for the widows who have become my chosen family, bringing comfort and support during difficult times. They hold a special place in my heart that will always inspire me to be a better person.
  • I am blessed to call downtown Cranford my home, where a vibrant and supportive community surrounds me. Together, we work towards making our neighborhood a better place, whether it’s through advocating for environmental and social causes or simply walking around and chatting with friends. With the unwavering support of my community, I have been able to stay committed to my religious beliefs and attend Friday night services at Temple Sha’arey Shalom without fail. I am proud to have been elected as the Board Chair of Bridges last November, and I look forward to continuing my advocacy work to serve the greater good.
  • Love is truly the most powerful force in the world. Even after facing immense grief and believing that love was no longer possible, I’ve learned that it’s possible to not only love myself and life again but also to love another person. The experience of loving her has been transformative, even if it’s presently dormant.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for me, with love and all the other vital aspects of my life.

As 2024 begins, I accept that change is an inevitable part of life and that we constantly evolve. I approach change cautiously but am willing to adapt to new circumstances and embrace transformation. Throughout my adult life, I have learned that finding meaning and purpose is essential, and even when faced with adversity, I have found ways to channel my energy into positive contributions.

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

I am confident that I will emerge stronger no matter what occurs in 2024. May you be blessed with health and happiness in 2024!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Ready or Not, Change is Coming!

I am celebrating the third new year since my wife passed away. It's the beginning of the year 5784 with typical seasonal weather. The temperature during my walks is something I haven't experienced since Passover. In my mind, I can finally picture a life without her. I have donated her love to others, constructed a memorial garden, reconnected with repairing the world, fostered new friendships, and learned to live alone. If I were to observe someone else living this life, it's not a bad life.

As the year 5784 begins, I find myself asking unanswerable questions. Can I be both alone and alive? Is it possible for me to love again? Is there anyone who would want to love me? These uncertainties keep me up at night. However, I've realized that to embrace life fully, I must face the future and embrace change. Although scary, it's the only way to become fully alive. I've survived by living alone, but now it's time to take the next step and find the courage to open my heart.

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Our Salvation is Through Love!

Am I Ready for the New Me?

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 18 seconds

Our Salvation is Through Love!

During most of my grief journey, I have had the benefit of friendships that have helped me manage the perilous waters after a devasting loss. As C.S. Lewis wrote in "The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II" (2004), "Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods." I will always be grateful for my friends, some who have been with me for years and others whom I have met recently who helped me in the darkest hours of my life.As I approach thirty-one months since my wife died, I have learned to love again and be loved. I never thought I could be loved again or have the strength to love someone. No doorbusters could be as valuable as friends or the ability to love again. Love serves as my salvation and a means of attaining humanity's redemption. Love transcends ourselves and connects with others on a deeper level, leading to a more compassionate and harmonious world.

4 comments add your comment

  1. Richard, your newsletters and words of encouragement, hope, and understanding that you share have gotten me through my rough times. I use your writings as a resource to get me through my journey. You are a blessing.

    • I am but an ordinary person who has faced the pain of losing a loved one. However, I listen to my soul and the world, embracing new experiences and walking into an unknown future one step at a time. Despite the hardships, grief has taught me valuable lessons, and I continue to seek meaning and purpose in life. If my experiences have helped you in any way, I am grateful. Remember, we are all on this journey together and must support each other.

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Trust

Read: December 2022

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Trust by Hernan Diaz

by Hernan Diaz

Trust by Hernan Diaz is an elegant, multifaceted epic that recovers the voices buried under the myths that justify our foundational inequality; Trust is a literary triumph with a beating heart and urgent stakes. The novel is divided into four sections, each engaging and reminding us of the tremendous costs a fortune imposes on those who accumulate wealth. I highly recommend this novel as it is one of the best books I have ever read!

The first section is from Bonds, a successful novel about Benjamin and Helen Rask. Before finishing this section, I was so engrossed that I wanted their story to continue. The second is a memoir of Andrew Bevel, a successful fourth-generation financier, with notations on edits and corrections.

The third section is about Ida Partenza, an Italian-American novelist hired to flesh out Bevel’s memoir. The dynamics between her and Bevel, as well as her father and boyfriend, clarify the storyline and give it depth. Ms. Partenza seeks to find the truth, revealed in the fourth section, comprised of excerpts from Mildred’s diary. Suffice it to say; the admitted fact underscores the burdens of wealth and the antiquated views that limited women’s roles.

Trust is one of the NY Times’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read four of them, Demon Copperhead, The Candy House, The Furrows, and Checkout 19. Trust was the fifth and the seventy-second book I have read this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Even though the roar and effervescence of the 1920s, everyone in New York has heard of Benjamin and Helen Rask. He is a legendary Wall Street tycoon; she is the brilliant daughter of eccentric aristocrats. Together, they have risen to the very top of seemingly endless wealth. But the secrets around their affluence and grandeur incite gossip. At what cost have they acquired their immense fortune? Rumors about Benjamin’s financial maneuvers and Helen’s reclusiveness start to spread–all as a decade of excess and speculation draws to an end.

This is the mystery at the center of a successful 1938 novel, Bonds, which all of New York seems to have read. But it isn’t the only version.

Hernan Diaz’s Trust brilliantly puts the story of these characters into conversation with other accounts–and in tension with the life and perspective of a young woman bent on disentangling fact from fiction. Provocative and propulsive, Trust engages the reader in a quest for the truth while confronting the reality-warping gravitational pull of money and how power often manipulates facts. The result is a novel that becomes more exhilarating and profound with each new layer and revelation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

Read: November 2023

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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

by James McBride

I started reading The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store: A Novel by James McBride today. It’s the seventy-first book I’ve read this year and the two hundredth since January 1, 2019. The novel’s narrative begins in 1972 when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development. They were surprised to find a skeleton at the bottom of the well. The identity of the skeleton and how it ended up there were long-held secrets that the residents of Chicken Hill kept.

Jewish immigrants and African Americans lived together in this run-down neighborhood and shared their aspirations and hardships. Moshe and Chona Ludlow resided in Chicken Hill when Moshe integrated his theatre, and Chona ran the Heaven & Earth Grocery Store. When the state officials searched for a deaf boy to institutionalize him, it was Chona and Nate Timblin, the Black janitor at Moshe’s theatre and the unofficial leader of the Black community on Chicken Hill, who collaborated to keep the boy safe.

As the stories of these characters intertwine and develop, it becomes evident how much the individuals living on the outskirts of white, Christian America struggle to survive and what they must do to make it through. As the truth is ultimately disclosed regarding the events that occurred on Chicken Hill, including the involvement of the town’s white establishment, McBride illustrates to us that, even in the darkest of times, love and community – the very essence of heaven and earth – help us endure.

Bringing his masterly storytelling skills and deep faith in humanity to The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride has written a novel as compassionate as Deacon King Kong and as inventive as The Good Lord Bird.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Such a Fun Age

Read: October 2021

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Such a Fun Age

by Kiley Reid

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid. Although many reviewers highly rated this book, I was unsure it was the book for me. However, once I started reading, I could not stop. It is “a striking and surprising debut novel from a compelling new voice. Such a Fun Age is a big-hearted story about race and privilege, set around a young Black babysitter, her well-intentioned employer, and a surprising connection that threatens to undo them both.

Alix Chamberlain is a woman who gets what she wants and has made a living with her confidence-driven brand, showing other women how to do the same. So she is shocked when her babysitter, Emira Tucker, is confronted while watching the Chamberlains’ toddler one night, walking the aisles of their local high-end supermarket. The store’s security guard, seeing a young Black woman out late with a White child, accuses Emira of kidnapping two-year-old Briar. A small crowd gathers, a bystander films everything, and Emira is furious and humiliated. Alix resolves to make things right.

But Emira herself is aimless, broke, and wary of Alix’s desire to help. At 25, she is about to lose her health insurance and has no idea what to do with her life. When the video of Emira unearths someone from Alix’s past, both women find themselves on a crash course that will upend everything they think they know about themselves and each other.

With empathy and piercing social commentary, Such a Fun Ageexplores the stickiness of transactional relationships, what it means to make someone “family”, and the complicated reality of being a grown-up. It is a searing debut for our times.

When race and privilege are paramount issues, this book is a first step to understanding the intersectionality of the issues and addressing them. I recommend this book with our reservation.

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When No One is Watching

Read: February 2022

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When No One is Watching

by Alyssa Cole

When No One Is Watching by Alyssa Cole is a novel where the gentrification of a Brooklyn neighborhood takes on a sinister new meaning.

Sydney Green is Brooklyn-born and raised, but her beloved neighborhood seems to change every time she blinks. Condos are sprouting like weeds, FOR SALE signs are popping up overnight, and the neighbors she’s known all her life are disappearing. To hold onto her community’s past and present, Sydney channels her frustration into a walking tour and finds an unlikely and unwanted assistant in one of the new arrivals to the block—her neighbor Theo.

But Sydney and Theo’s deep dive into history quickly becomes a dizzying descent into paranoia and fear. After all, their neighbors may not have moved to the suburbs, and the push to revitalize the community may be more deadly than advertised.

When does coincidence become a conspiracy? Where do people go when gentrification pushes them out? Can Sydney and Theo trust each other—or themselves—long enough to find out before they too disappear?

Having lived in Brooklyn and seen the impacts of gentrification, redlining, and other practices, I found this book one that I truly enjoyed. The book will provide a detailed history lesson if you are like Theo and have no thought of these issues.

I enjoyed the visit to Weeksville, as I have been there on several professional occasions. The history of that community needs to be told.

I recommend this book.

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

Read: January 2023

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

by Julia Heaberlin

We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin is a novel I highly recommend and wish I had read earlier. The title summarizes the reality of all humans, that in the dark we are all the same. Disabilities do not define us, just as being a widow does not define who I am. In this twisty psychological thriller, Julia Heaberlin paints two unforgettable portraits of a woman and a girl who redefine perceptions of physical beauty and strength. Her novel has helped me redefine my grief.

I have been a widow for almost twenty-one months. After a trauma of that magnitude, it is easier to let the widowed state define me. But I am more than just a widow! But I am a father, grandfather, friend, neighbor, advocate, and more. Reading We Are All the Same in the Dark helped me embrace myself and not wallow in widowhood.

The novel begins with the discovery of a girl abandoned by the side of the road who threatens to unearth the long-buried secrets of a Texas town’s legendary cold case. In the first section, I was still determining if I wanted to continue. Once I read about Odette Tucker and Angel, it became a page-turner. 

This line from Odette given to Angelica, aka Angel, summarizes the characteristics that each of us should live by.

Tender. Resilient. Strong. Resourceful. Kind. Empathetic.—Six words Marshall Tucker wrote on a piece of paper to describe his daughter, Odette.

As a mensch-in-training, I will strive to live by those six words.

We are truly all the same in the dark.

We Are All the Same in the Dark is the ninth book I read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It’s been a decade since Trumanell Branson disappeared, leaving only a bloody handprint behind. Her pretty face still hangs like a watchful queen on the posters on the walls of the town’s Baptist church, the police station, and the high school. They all promise the same thing: We will find you. Meanwhile, her brother, Wyatt, lives as a pariah in the desolation of the old family house, cleared of wrongdoing by the police but tried and sentenced in the court of public opinion and a new documentary about the crime.

When Wyatt finds a lost girl dumped in a field of dandelions, making silent wishes, he believes she is a sign. The town’s youngest cop, Odette Tucker, believes she is a catalyst that will ignite a seething town still waiting for its missing girl to come home. But Odette can’t look away. She shares a wound that won’t close with the mute, one-eyed mystery girl. And she is haunted by her history with the missing Tru.

Desperate to solve both cases, Odette fights to save the lost girl in the present and to dig up the shocking truth about a fateful night in the past–the night her friend disappeared. This night inspired her to become a cop, the night that wrote them all a role in the town’s dark, violent mythology.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Crow Lake

Read: January 2022

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Crow Lake

by Mary Lawson

Crow Lake by Mary Lawson is set in northern Ontario’s rural “badlands.” The badlands are where heartbreak and hardship are mirrored in the landscape of the farming Pye family. Crow Lake is that rare find, a first novel so quietly assured, so emotionally pitch-perfect, you know from the opening page that this is the real thing – a literary experience in which to lose yourself, by an author of immense talent.

Crow Lake was a page-turner for me once I read the prologue.

Two families dominate the story.

On the one hand, it is the Greek tragedy of the Pye family. On their farm, “the sins of the fathers are visited on the sons, and terrible events occur—offstage.”

Kate Morrison has left her two brothers and sister at the lake to become a zoologist. The four siblings lost their parents and struggled to remain together. Their “tragedy looks more immediate if less brutal, but is, in reality, insidious and divisive.”

As Goodreads describes the novel,

In this universal drama of family love and misunderstandings, of resentments harbored and driven underground, Lawson ratchets up the tension with heartbreaking humor and consummate control, continually overturning one’s expectations right to the very end. Tragic, funny, unforgettable, this deceptively simple masterpiece about the perils of hero worship leaped to the top of the bestseller lists only days after being released in Canada and earned glowing reviews in The New York Times and The Globe and Mail, to name a few.

I highly recommend this novel and am looking forward to reading more from Mary Lawson.

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