Love

Richard’s journey of love with Jan and now without her.

After 1,000 Days of Walking Solo, I Have Crossed Into The Future!

Over a thousand days, I have walked daily since I laid my wife to rest. It’s hard to believe, but if I had a penny for each day I walked, I would have $10, which would not even pay for the multiple walking shoes I purchase every six months. It all started on May 6, 2021, after the funeral. I remember waking up that morning with a profound sense of loss and no idea what to do with myself. Then, I saw my walking shoes on the walk-in closet floor.

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“We are all concerned about making our neighborhood better” said Philip, the host, as the five of us sat at his dining room table and listened. As a community organizer, I often had meetings like this one, but we usually talked about specific ways to work together by now. But not tonight. “But how can the council,” Philip continued, “help us make that happen?” I looked around the table to see if anyone else was going to say anything but was met with silence.

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“Dad?” The call from Samantha shocked me out of my semi-catatonic state. It had been over three decades since Samantha became my daughter after her parent’s sudden death and the will that designated me as her guardian. I was sitting on the loveseat holding my new iPhone in my hand as I had once held Samantha and, more recently, my granddaughter Janice. I let my mobile device fall onto my lap as I fully engaged with Samantha.

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After Forty Years
Together, Again

“I have one last question,” said the NPR reporter hired for my retirement diner interview. We were seated facing each other in comfy, purple chairs. Despite my concern that my purple shirt and tie might clash with the chair, I felt very comfortable until she broached her last question. I had even fancied purchasing an armchair like the one I was sitting in as it was extremely relaxing. But now I wanted the interview to be over. 

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The Emperor of Gladness

Read: May 2025

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The Emperor of Gladness

by Ocean Vuong

In “The Emperor of Gladness,” Ocean Vuong explores the interconnected themes of history, memory, and time, revealing how love, labor, and loneliness are the foundation of American life. At its core, the narrative presents a courageous epic that examines what it means to live on the margins of society and confront the wounds that affect our shared humanity. It highlights the lengths we are willing to go to grasp one of life’s most fleeting gifts: a second chance.

One late summer evening in the post-industrial town of East Gladness, Connecticut, nineteen-year-old Hai stands on the edge of a bridge in pelting rain, ready to jump, when he hears someone shout across the river. The voice belongs to Grazina, an elderly widow succumbing to dementia, who convinces him to take another path. Bereft and out of options, he quickly becomes her caretaker. Over the year, the unlikely pair develops a life-altering bond, one built on empathy, spiritual reckoning, and heartbreak, with the power to transform Hai’s relationship with himself, his family, and a community on the brink.

Hallmarks of Ocean Vuong‘s writing—formal innovation, syntactic dexterity, and the ability to twin grit with grace through tenderness—are on full display in this story.


Ocean Vuong is the author of the critically acclaimed poetry collections Night Sky with Exit Wounds and Time Is a Mother, as well as the New York Times bestselling novel On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. A recipient of the MacArthur Fellowship and the American Book Award, he once worked as a fast-food server, which inspired The Emperor of Gladness. Born in Saigon, Vietnam, he currently splits his time between Northampton, Massachusetts, and New York City.



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I'll Come to You: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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I’ll Come to You: A Novel

by Rebecca Kauffman

I began reading “I’ll Come to You: A Novel” by Rebecca Kauffman today. This sweeping and compact novel explores themes of intimacy, memory, loss, grief, and reconciliation. It delves into the wonder, terror, frustration, fear, and magic of confronting the unknowable in the world and within ourselves. The New York Times recommended it as one of six books to read this week.

I’ll Come to You is a modern and classic story of a family that follows intersecting lives throughout 1995, centered around the anticipation and arrival of a child. Through empathy, insight, and humor, Rebecca Kauffman delves into overlapping narratives: a couple struggling to conceive, which has both softened and hardened their relationship; a woman whose husband of forty years has left her without explaining why; and the man who is disastrously trying to win her affection. Additionally, there’s a couple in denial about an impending health crisis and their son, who is awkwardly navigating middle age while unable to stop lying.

Ultimately, these storylines build to a dramatic and harrowing climax. With heart, wit, and courage, the characters confront challenges that test and define their family bonds.



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Wolf Hall: A Novel

Read: May 2022

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Wolf Hall: A Novel

by Hilary Mantel

Wolf Hall: A Novel by Hilary Mantel is the first book in a three-part series on Thomas Cromwell. I am an amateur historian, and one of the characters I have always wanted to know more about was Cromwell. Although I might have achieved that by reading actual history textbooks, this three-part series seemed like the perfect next book for me to read. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.

At least this time, I am reading book one first instead of last. I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads overview provides more details.

In the ruthless arena of King Henry VIII’s court, only one man dares to gamble his life to win the king’s favor and ascend to the heights of political power.

England in the 1520s is a heartbeat from disaster. Henry VIII wants to annul his marriage of twenty years and marry Anne Boleyn. The pope and most of Europe oppose him. The quest for the king’s freedom destroys his adviser, the brilliant Cardinal Wolsey, and leaves a power vacuum. Civil war could destroy the country if the king died without a male heir.

Into this impasse steps Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell is a wholly original man, a charmer, and a bully, both idealist and opportunist, astute in reading people, and a demon of energy: he is also a consummate politician, hardened by his losses, implacable in his ambition. But Henry is volatile: one day tender, one day murderous. Cromwell helps him break the opposition, but what will be the price of his triumph?

In inimitable style, Hilary Mantel presents a picture of a half-made society on the cusp of change, where individuals fight or embrace their fate with passion and courage. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.


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Berlin- A Novel

Read: June 2023

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Berlin: A Novel by Bea Setton

by Bea Setton

I’ve begun reading Berlin: A Novel by Bea Setton. After finishing Kairos, a book set in a divided Berlin, Setton’s debut novel is witty and insightful, with a young woman battling a sense of emptiness who moves to Berlin for a fresh start. However, things go differently than planned.

Daphne, the protagonist, moves to Berlin hoping for a new beginning but deals with more drama than she left behind. She knows she needs to make friends, learn German, and navigate a new way of life. She even expects to spend long nights alone with Nutella and experience the difficulties of online dating in another language. But one night, something unexpected and unnerving happens in her apartment, and Daphne’s life suddenly turns dangerous.

Setton captures the modern female experience with sharp observations and wit, making Berlin a must-read for her generation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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All the Sinners Bleed- A Novel

Read: June 2023

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All the Sinners Bleed: A Novel

by S. A. Cosby

Today, I delved into the gripping pages of “All the Sinners Bleed” by S. A. Cosby. This enthralling novel centers around Titus Crown, the first African American sheriff in Charon County, Virginia. Despite the county’s reputation for traditional customs such as moonshine, cornbread, and honeysuckle, Titus, with his FBI expertise, knows that the peace won’t last forever.

On the first anniversary of Titus’s election, a schoolteacher is murdered by an ex-student, and Titus’s deputies take down the perpetrator. As Titus delves deeper into the case, he uncovers a web of horrendous crimes and finds a serial killer lurking in plain sight, haunting Charon’s dirt roads and woodland clearings.

Titus is determined to solve the case, despite its connection to a nearby church, and he harbors a personal secret that haunts him. However, he faces opposition from a far-right group that wants to hold a parade to honor the town’s Confederate past while he tries to solve the issue.

Despite the challenges, Titus remains resolute in his love for Charon and his commitment to finding justice. The collision of religion and hatred cannot deter him from his duty.


S. A. Cosby is a New York Times bestselling writer from southeastern Virginia. He is the author of All the Sinners Bleed, which was on more than forty Best of the Year lists, including Barack Obama’s, as well as Edgar Award finalist Razorblade Tears and Los Angeles Times Book Prize winner Blacktop Wasteland. He has also won the Anthony Award, ITW Thriller Award, Barry Award, Macavity Award, BCALA Award, and Audie Award. He has been longlisted for the ALA Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence.



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Angel Down

Read: December 2025

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Angel Down: A Novel

by Daniel Kraus

Angel Down” by Daniel Kraus immerses readers in World War I, weaving a complex tale of survival, supernatural wonder, and moral conflict. Five soldiers on a mission to venture into the perilous No Man’s Land to euthanize a wounded comrade. Instead, they discover a fallen angel. “Angel Down” was recognized as one of the New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2025.

Private Cyril Bagger has survived the unspeakable horrors of the Great War by relying on his wits and deception, swindling fellow soldiers at every opportunity. However, his survival instincts are put to the ultimate test when he and four other soldiers are given a deadly mission: to venture into No Man’s Land to end the suffering of a wounded comrade.

What they find amidst the ruined battlefield, however, is not a man in need of mercy, but a fallen angel, seemingly struck down by artillery fire. This celestial being may hold the key to ending the brutal conflict, but the soldiers must suppress their individual desires and work together. As jealousy, greed, and paranoia take hold, the group is torn apart by their inner demons, threatening to transform their angelic encounter into a descent into hell.


Daniel Kraus is a New York Times bestselling author known for his novels, television, and film work. His novel Whalefall received a front-cover review in The New York Times Book Review, won the Alex Award, and was a finalist for the LA Times Book Prize. Recognized as one of the Best Books of 2023 by NPR, The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, and several other publications.

Kraus coauthored The Shape of Water with Guillermo del Toro, based on the idea they developed for the Oscar-winning film. He also collaborated with del Toro on Trollhunters, which was adapted into the Emmy-winning Netflix series. Additionally, Kraus co-wrote The Living Dead and Pay the Piper with the legendary filmmaker George A. Romero. His novel The Death and Life of Zebulon Finch was named one of Entertainment Weekly’s Top 10 Books of the Year.

Throughout his career, Kraus has received numerous accolades, including the Bram Stoker Award, the Scribe Award, and two Odyssey Awards (for both Rotters and Scowler). He has been featured multiple times as a Library Guild selection and recognized by YALSA as a Best Fiction for Young Adults. His works have been translated into over twenty languages. Daniel Kraus resides in Chicago with his wife. Visit him at DanielKraus.com.



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