Love

Richard’s journey of love with Jan and now without her.

Blood Cancer United (BCU): CLIMB, CONQUER, CURE CANCER

Each year, I set out on a meaningful pilgrimage to the top of the One Gateway Center in Newark, a tribute to my beloved wife, Jan, and to everyone touched by the harsh reality of blood cancers. It’s staggering to think that every three minutes, someone in the U.S. receives a diagnosis of leukemia, lymphoma, or myeloma, and heartbreakingly, someone loses their fight every nine minutes.

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People Die, But Love
Lives On Forever!

“Penthouse, please,” I requested, my finger hovering over the button of the self-service elevator. The compact space could barely accommodate three people, yet somehow, it felt roomy. Jan stepped in beside me, her eyes sparkling with anticipation, and one of her friends joined us. In that moment, I couldn’t help but admire her. She had always captivated me, but on our wedding day fifty years ago, she was nothing short of breathtaking.

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Will My Heel Pain Stop My Daily Walking Streak?

“Richard!” A familiar voice called out just as I was about to step into the narrow alleyway between Sofia Color Lounge and the soon-to-open coffee shop where Beadsmith once stood. I turned around and saw—Eric! A genuine smile spread across my face as I recognized him. He was pushing a stroller, his daughter peeking out with bright, curious eyes.

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God’s Light, the Soul of Humanity,
Illuminates the Darkness

Rituals often become another item on our to-do lists, rushed and stripped of their more profound significance. When we overlook their meaning and purpose, we hinder our ability to heal from loss and navigate the complexities of grief.

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Black River

Read: November 2024

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Black River: A Novel

by Nilanjana S. Roy

Today, I dove into the captivating pages of “Black River” by Nilanjana S. Roy, a standout selection from The New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2024. This compelling debut novel unfolds against contemporary India, a country grappling with rising religious intolerance. Roy’s storytelling is nothing short of mesmerizing, intricately weaving a narrative that vividly reflects the nation’s complexities and contradictions.

Teetapur, an unassuming village just a few hours outside bustling Delhi, is known for nothing—until the discovery of an 8-year-old girl named Munia, found dead and hanging from the branch of a Jamun tree. In this predominantly Hindu village, suspicion quickly falls on Mansoor, an itinerant Muslim man. The tension ignites like wildfire, intensified by the underlying religious discord.

The responsibility for uncovering the elusive truth—and preventing the lynching of the prime suspect—falls on the weary shoulders of Sub-Inspector Ombir Singh. With only one other officer under his command and a single working revolver between them, can he bring justice to a grieving father and an angry village? Or will Teetapur demand vengeance instead?

“Black River” offers readers a gripping mystery and a sweeping analysis of the nation’s state, serving as a searing critique of modern India.



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An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President's Murder

Read: February 2023

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An Assassin in Utopia

by Susan Wels

An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President’s Murder by Susan Wels is a true crime odyssey that explores a forgotten, astonishing chapter of American history, leading the reader from a free-love community in upstate New York to the shocking assassination of President James Garfield. I had read about this historical period in several other books, most recently Civil War by Other Means.

Susan Wels has written an excellent historical overview of a period we often overlook. I highly recommend An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President’s Murder.

The Oneida Community, even though it was the most successful utopian community, is often overlooked. Ms. Wels connects the dots and places the experiment in the center of a transitional period. It is not merely the connection between Charles Julius Guitea and his assassination of President James Garfield, albeit a brutal crime, that shook America to its core, but all of the other linkages. These include “John Humphrey Noyes; his idol, the eccentric newspaper publisher Horace Greeley (founder of the New Yorker and the New York Tribune).”

She also resurrects the importance of the Wormely Compromise and the African-American family that was an instrumental part of public society.

I have found fiction to be something I enjoy, but I knew it was time for a non-fiction book to balance my reading. The New York Times and other publications highly rated An Assassin in Utopia.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It was heaven on earth—and, some whispered, the devil’s garden.

Thousands came by trains and carriages to see this new Eden, carved from hundreds of acres of wild woodland. They marveled at orchards bursting with fruit, thick herds of Ayrshire cattle and Cotswold sheep, and whizzing mills. They gaped at the people who lived in this place—especially the women, with their queer cropped hair and shamelessly short skirts. The men and women of this strange outpost worked and slept together—without sin, they claimed.

From 1848 to 1881, a small utopian colony in upstate New York—the Oneida Community—was known for its shocking sexual practices, from open marriage and free love to the sexual training of young boys by older women. And in 1881, a one-time member of the Oneida Community—Charles Julius Guiteau—assassinated President James Garfield in a brutal crime that shook America to its core.

An Assassin in Utopia is the first book that weaves together these explosive stories in a tale of utopian experiments, political machinations, and murder. This deeply researched narrative—by bestselling author Susan Wels—tells the true, interlocking stories of the Oneida Community and its radical founder, John Humphrey Noyes; his idol, the eccentric newspaper publisher Horace Greeley (founder of the New Yorker and the New York Tribune); and the gloomy, indecisive President James Garfield—who was assassinated after his first six months in office.

Juxtaposed to their stories is the odd tale of Garfield’s assassin, the demented Charles Julius Guiteau, who was connected to all of them in extraordinary, surprising ways.

Against a vivid backdrop of ambition, hucksterism, epidemics, and spectacle, the book’s interwoven stories fuse together in the climactic murder of President Garfield in 1881—at the same time as the Oneida Community collapsed.

Colorful and compelling, An Assassin in Utopia is a page-turning odyssey through America’s nineteenth-century cultural and political landscape.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Liberators

Read: November 2023

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The Liberators

by E. J. Koh

I started reading The Liberators by E. J. Koh today. The book is a debut novel about Insuk, a 24-year-old Daejeon, a South Korean college student who falls in love with her classmate, Sungho. They get married with her father’s blessing. Still, things take a turn for the worse as the military dictatorship, martial law, and nationwide protests bring the country to the brink of collapse, and Insuk’s father mysteriously disappears.

After her father’s disappearance, Insuk escapes to California with Sungho, their son Henry, and his overbearing mother. Struggling to adapt to their new life, Insuk mourns the loss of her past and her homeland, only to find solace in an illicit affair that sets in motion a chain of events that will reverberate for generations.

The Liberators is a powerful family saga that spans four generations and two continents. E. J. Koh expertly captures the lives of two Korean families as they navigate love, war, trauma, and empathy. This debut novel is a gripping testament to the consequences of inheritance and the power of memory.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is a book I wish I had long before Jan died. It provides helpful information on maintaining an organized lifestyle and handling a loved one’s possessions.

Having lost almost everything I had except for the clothes on my back after a house fire in 1972, I thought I had adopted a view that possessions were not significant. With Jan’s death, the truth is that she and I had collected essential possessions, and now it was my responsibility to decide what to do with them.

Rachel’s book is a practical guide, offering a comprehensive understanding of the significance of possessions and a step-by-step plan to manage them. Chapter 3, in particular, is a treasure trove of practical advice, focusing on Building Your Game Plan: The Ten Essentials and covering all the crucial topics – triggers, building a team, and creating a timeline, among others.

Magic of the Six Piles is a well-designed plan that will help most of us confront the possessions of our loved ones. The piles are:

  1. Keep
  2. Share
  3. Donate
  4. Sell
  5. Dispose
  6. Ponder

Having absorbed the book’s wisdom, I am ready to transition from contemplation to action. This is how I sort my wife’s possessions into six piles. I am optimistic that it will also help me streamline my possessions, making books my trusted company more accessible for my sons.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She has also encouraged me to write about my love for Jan in a journal.

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Wait: A Novel

Read: May 2025

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Wait: A Novel

by Gabriella Burnham

Today, I began reading Wait: A Novel by Gabriella Burnham. This story is told with deep insight, humor, and an unexpected tenderness that will captivate you. The novel revolves around a family struggling against the societal issues that deteriorate their bonds, such as housing instability, immigration policies, and inherited wealth. At its core, it is also a tale about love, humor, and sisterhood, highlighting how two sisters lean on each other amid monumental changes while dreaming of a brighter future.

Elise is out dancing the night before her college graduation when her younger sister, Sophie, calls to inform her that their mother is missing. Elise promptly booked the next flight back to her childhood home on Nantucket Island, which she hadn’t visited in nearly four years.

Upon her return, the sisters are confronted with the harsh reality that their mother was stopped by the police while returning home from work and deported to São Paulo, Brazil. Despite the daunting odds, Elise boldly decides to stay fueled by her love for her mother and takes the same job she had during high school: monitoring endangered birds.

Meanwhile, her college best friend, Sheba—a lively socialite and heir to a famous children’s toy company—reveals that she has inherited her grandfather’s summer mansion on Nantucket. As Elise navigates her new reality, her worlds collide as she faces the emotional and material challenges that have fractured her family and the life in Brazil that her mother has been forced to leave behind.


Gabriella Burnham‘s debut novel, It Is Wood, It Is Stone, was named a best book of the year by Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Publishers Weekly, and Good Housekeeping. She holds an MFA in creative writing from St. Joseph’s College and has been awarded fellowships to Yaddo and MacDowell, where she was named a Harris Center Fellow. Her nonfiction writing has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar. Burnham and her partner live in Brooklyn, New York, with their rescue cats, Galleta and Franz.



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Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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The Secrets we Left Behind

Read: March 2022

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The Secrets We Left Behind

The Secrets We Left Behind by Soraya M. Lane is a historical fiction that raises the question, where were the women after Dunkirk and the fall of France? When World War II appeared to have been lost with a Nazi victory. Ms. Lane watched the movie Dunkirk and then researched that time and the women’s possible roles during that difficult moment in history.

She connected the evacuation at Dunkirk to the Massacre at Le Paradis, fifty miles away, to connect a British nurse and two French women whose strength helps them survive Nazi-occupied France. Three British male soldiers, two of whom survived the massacre and one who escaped Dunkirk, have secondary roles in the novel. 

The Secrets We Left Behind is the story of the three strong women and their efforts to survive the occupation while hiding the three soldiers. This focus on the role of women has been long overdue in history. Ms. Lane, who studied to be a lawyer, has found a career as a writer. The Secrets We Left Behind is the first book I have read, but it will not be the last one by Ms. Lane that I read.

I strongly recommend this book!

The Goodreads synopsis provides an overview of the novel.

How far will they go for family, friendship, and love? Occupied France, 1940. When the staff at a field hospital draw straws to find out who will join the evacuation from Dunkirk, Nurse Cate is left behind. But when the Nazis arrive to claim prisoners of war, she takes her chance and flees into the night, taking one patient with her.

Fifty miles away, the surrendering soldiers of the Royal Norfolk Regiment are shot dead by the advancing Germans. Beneath the pile of bodies, two men survive, crawling to the safety of a nearby farmhouse, where sisters Elise and Adelaide risk their lives to take them in. When Cate, too, arrives at their door with her injured soldier, the pressure mounts.

The sisters are risking everything to keep their visitors safe. But with the Nazis coming ever closer and relationships in the farmhouse intensifying, they must all question the sacrifices they are willing to make for the lives of others. How far will they go for family, friendship, and love?

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