Grief Journey

Richard’s Grief Journey from the Island of Grief back to the land of love.

Every Kiss With Jan Was Memorable!

Kissing Jan was a joy! Each kiss was memorable, but two were very special. These were the first and the last ones. Every day, I wish upon a star and pray that I might have one more kiss from Jan. Alas, it is impossible. But memories of those kisses are so real I can taste their sweetness.


The First Kiss – November 11, 1973

Richard, we are leaving,” said Mark, my co-worker and friend. His voice came through loud and clear into the pod that had surrounded Jan and me since we arrived at her party. I thought Jan and I were alone and not at a noisy party until Mark spoke. We talked and laughed and truly enjoyed each other’s company.

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Sharing Jan’s Love
Because Love Never Dies

“Why are you giving her love away?” My answer is that I am not giving it away. What I am doing is sharing her love. The love they receive increases as they share it with others. Ultimately, that love returns to me, and I have more of Jan’s passion for life that I can re-share.

The idea of sharing her love resulted from a poem – Merrit Malloy’s Epitaph – that Jan and I both liked. It was read at her funeral and will be at mine. The last stanza explains why I share her love to preserve her memory and legacy.

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By Climbing the Second Mountain Jan Was Able to Inspire and Empower Others

How does one become a humanitarian? Is it in our DNA and Humanitarians are born that way? Is there a curriculum they study to earn a degree as a humanitarian? Is it the job where you work? Is it because of the times in which one lives? Is being a child of the sixties make one a humanitarian?

Having spent a lifetime striving to be a humanitarian and living with one for the last forty-eight years, the answer to all of those queries is no. One becomes a humanitarian by choosing to live and specifically which mountain they decide to climb.

Reading The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks provided me with the clarity to understand how Jan Lilien became a Humanitarian and why I am on the correct path. 

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Beautiful the 
Carole King Musical

As we raced into the darkness below the Hudson, I held her hand and kissed her lightly on her lips. We had planned this weekend trip before knowing Jan had blood cancer, and that news was still the elephant in the room.

Two years ago today, we made this weekend excursion to New York. When we planned the trip, all we were concerned about was recovery from the first cataract surgery, and now we knew that the love of my life also had blood cancer.

My fears were minor compared to those she was bottling up inside her. We knew our journey of love was entering a new epoch, but neither of us knew what the future held for us. All we knew for sure was that our love would grow stronger despite our challenges.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Watching Over Her

Read: January 2026

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Watching Over Her

by Jean-Baptiste Andrea

Watching Over Her,” a novel by the acclaimed French author and Prix Goncourt winner Jean-Baptiste Andrea, is described by The New York Times as a “sprawling fresco and star-crossed love story.” The narrative follows a dwarf and talented sculptor as he reflects on the moments in his life that inspired his mysteriously powerful masterpiece. This book is perfect for readers who enjoyed “Martyr!” and “The Covenant of Water.”

In an Italian monastery, a sculptor named Mimo lies on his deathbed. For decades, he has lived among the monks who watch over his masterpiece, an arresting statue that haunts all who see it. During his final hours, he reveals his life story: his impoverished childhood, brutal apprenticeship, and, most importantly, his meeting with Viola Orsini, the only daughter of a powerful and dangerous aristocratic family.

Mimo and Viola are instantly drawn to one another, viewing themselves as outsiders—Mimo, for his dwarfism, Viola, for her ability to remember everything she has ever read or experienced. Together, they traverse the unrest of the twentieth century, from the rise of fascism to the violence of the world wars. While Mimo becomes a celebrated artist, Viola chases her own dreams of becoming an emancipated woman. Over the decades, they will lose and find each other time and again, but never will they give up on the love they share.

Immersive and full of heart, Mimo’s adventures are ribald and hilarious, challenging conventions of his day. Jean-Baptiste Andrea’s Prix Goncourt–winning novel has captivated audiences worldwide and is now available to readers in English for the first time, thanks to Frank Wynne’s wonderfully vivid translation.


Jean-Baptiste Andrea is a writer, screenwriter, and director. His novel Watching Over Her won the Prix Goncourt, France’s most prestigious literary prize. He is also the author of Ma Reine, A Hundred Million Years and a Day, and Devils and Saints.

Frank Wynne is an Irish literary translator, writer, and editor known for his translations of various French and Hispanic authors, including Michel Houellebecq, Patrick Modiano, Javier Cercas, and Virginie Despentes. Over his career, which has spanned more than twenty-five years, he has won the IMPAC Dublin Literary Award twice and the Independent Foreign Fiction Prize.

Additionally, he has received the Scott Moncrieff Prize three times and the Premio Valle Inclán twice. Most recently, his translation of “The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild” by Mathias Énard won the 2024 French-American Prize. Wynne has also edited two significant anthologies: “Found in Translation: 100 of the Finest Short Stories Ever Translated” and “Queer: LGBT Writing from Ancient Times to Yesterday.”



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The Human Stain: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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The Human Stain: A Novel

by Philip Roth

Today, I started reading The Human Stain: A Novel by Philip Roth. This book is considered a masterpiece and has earned its place among The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. The story takes place in 1998, a significant year marked by a presidential impeachment that affected the entire nation. In a peaceful New England town, the respected classics professor Coleman Silk is forced into retirement due to false accusations of racism by his colleagues.

This accusation triggers a series of events that bring to light shocking revelations about Coleman, revelations that carry a profound societal significance. Coleman Silk harbors a secret, a secret that is not about his affair with Faunia Farley, a woman half his age with a troubled past, or the alleged racism that led to his downfall at the college where he was once a respected dean. It’s not even about misogyny, despite Professor Delphine Roux’s attempts to portray him as such. Coleman’s true secret, a secret he has guarded for fifty years from everyone in his life, including his wife, children, colleagues, and friends, is a defining aspect of his character and his relationships.

The Human Stain is a compelling portrayal of 1990s America, a time of clashing moralities and ideological divisions. Through public denunciations and rituals of purification, it delves into how the nation’s destiny and the ‘human stain’ that marks human nature shape the lives of postwar Americans. This potent and captivating novel is a fitting continuation of Philip Roth‘s earlier works, each set in a distinct historical period.

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James: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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James: A Novel

by Percival Everett

I started reading “James: A Novel” by Percival Everett, my fiftieth book this year. After reading only a few pages, I knew I had selected the perfect novel. The story revolves around an enslaved man named Jim who overhears that he is about to be sold to a man in New Orleans, separating him from his wife and daughter forever. In response, he decides to hide on nearby Jackson Island while formulating a plan.

Simultaneously, we encounter Huck Finn, who has staged his death to flee his abusive father and has recently resurfaced in town. The narrative unfolds as they embark on a perilous journey, navigating the Mississippi River on a raft. Each turn brings floods, storms, and unexpected encounters, including a run-in with the Duke and Dauphin.

While the familiar elements of ‘Adventures of Huckleberry Finn‘ are present, ‘James: A Novel‘ offers a unique perspective. It illuminates Jim’s agency, intelligence, and compassion, challenging our preconceived notions and offering a fresh take on a classic narrative.

James: A Novel‘ is not just a book; it’s a cornerstone of twenty-first-century American literature. It’s a testament to Everett’s literary prowess, solidifying his status as a true icon in the literary world.



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Sun City

Read: February 2025

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Sun City by Tove Jansson

by Tove Jansson

Today, I began reading “Sun City” by Tove Jansson, translated by Thomas Teal. I found this book mentioned in Maya Chung‘s review in The Atlantic’s Book Briefings, and as an older man, it seemed like the perfect choice for me. In “The Summer Book” and “The True Deceiver,” as well as in her many short stories, Tove Jansson consistently explores the everyday lives of older adults.

She portrays them not as a separate group but as fully fleshed individuals who experience the same jealousies, desires, and joys as any other demographic. It’s no wonder that in her travels through America in the 1970s, she became fascinated with what was then a particularly American institution, the retirement home, where older people lived in their tightly knit worlds.

In Sun City, Jansson depicts these worlds in a group portrait of residents and employees at the Berkeley Arms in St. Petersburg, Florida. As the narrative moves from character to character, the characters move through an America riven by cultural divides, facing the death of its dream. The Berkeley Arms’s newest resident finds a place among the rocking chairs and endless chatter on the veranda while other residents long for past glories, mourning their losses and killing time. Meanwhile, one of their attendants, Bounty Joe, is eagerly awaiting a letter, or even just a postcard, alerting him to the imminent return of Jesus Christ. Nobody’s normal anymore,” the bartender says, “not the old geezers and not the newborn kids.”



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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Hurricane Season

Read: September 2024

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Hurricane Season

by Fernanda Melchor

Hurricane Season‘ by Fernanda Melchor, translated by Sophie Hughes, is a literary gem acknowledged by the New York Times as one of the 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. The story opens with the discovery of a dead witch in a village, leading to an investigation into her murder. As the novel unfolds, it offers a unique perspective on the lives of the villagers, each narrating the story from their point of view.

This unique portrayal of the characters, each with flaws and virtues, uncovers new details and acts of depravity. Despite the characters being seen as irredeemable, Melchor extracts some shred of humanity from them, creating a lasting portrait of a doomed Mexican village. This deep connection to Mexican culture is a significant aspect of the novel that will surely resonate with readers interested in this topic.

Hurricane Season” draws significant literary inspiration from Roberto Bolaño‘s “2666” and Faulkner‘s novels. Like these works, it is set in a world filled with mythology and actual violence that seeps into the surroundings, creating a connection that makes it more terrifying the deeper you explore it.

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Love Forms

Read: August 2025

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Love Forms: A Novel

by Claire Adam

Love Forms, a novel by Claire Adam that is longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize, is a profoundly moving story about a woman’s journey of self-discovery. This novel stands out with its unique exploration of a mother’s life, emphasizing the enduring bonds of love, family, and home. The protagonist’s search for the daughter she gave up for adoption at sixteen challenges her to reconsider every life decision she has made.

For much of her life, Dawn has felt as if something is missing. Now, at the age of fifty-eight, with a divorce behind her and her two grown-up sons busy with their own lives, she should be trying to settle into a new future for herself. But she keeps returning to the past and to the secret she’s kept all these years. At just sixteen, Dawn found herself pregnant, and—as was common in Trinidad back then—her parents sent her away to have the baby and give her up for adoption.

More than forty years later, Dawn yearns to reconnect with her lost daughter. But tracking down her child is not as easy as she had thought. It’s an emotional journey that leads Dawn to retrace her steps—from Trinidad to Venezuela and then to London—and to question not only that fateful decision she’d made as a teenager but every turn in the road of her life since.


Claire Adam‘s debut novel, Golden Child, was published by Sarah Jessica Parker’s SJP for Hogarth. It was listed as one of the BBC’s “100 Novels That Shaped Our World” and was awarded the Barnes & Noble Discover Prize, the Desmond Elliott Prize, the Authors’ Club Best First Novel Award, and the McKitterick Prize. She was born and raised in Trinidad and Tobago. She studied physics at Brown University and later received an MA in creative writing at Goldsmiths, University of London. Adam lives in London.



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Don’t miss out on an exceptional opportunity! Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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