My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
The Swamps of Jersey by Michael Stephen Daigle is the first of the Frank Nagler series. Having read the fourth one - The Red Hand, I thought this was an excellent time to read the first in this impressive deceptive series. It was, in fact, an excellent decision. Understanding Frank Nagler better now, I plan to read the next two and the Red Hand to be ready for the fifth book Dragony Rising.
The persistent question in my grief support groups is, have we said goodbye to our loved ones? For me, I never said goodbye to Jan and never will. I did permit her to leave at the end of hospice as she was in so much pain. Jan is with me now and forever. She transformed my life, and together, we lived lives worth living. She is and always will be the light of my life.
Instead of goodbye, my last words to her were, I love you, and we will meet again soon.
Sharing Jan’s Love Because Love Never Dies.
Jan was in the second week, and none of the possible adverse and frightening side effects had occurred. A crucial part of my daily CAR-T visits was strolling the halls several times with her IV poles. We could only walk on her floor as she was in a closed ward. The distance was minimal, but the joy of being together was immeasurable. Continue reading →
Today, twenty-five weeks after Jan died, my grief feels like the grief time has overwhelmed the time that Jan and I were together.
Our last kiss now seems as distant as the first one.
Katherine May in Wintering offers a clue:
We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods.
Will I ever stop meandering? Will time ever make sense?
Howard Hansen, also known as Kulell, mentored Frank Herbert, the author of Dune. Hansen, who was raised in La Push in the traditions of the Quileute Nation, succinctly summed up the urgent and pressing nature of the climate crisis. This was according to an essay in The New York Times by Northwestern Professor Daniel Immerwahr.
Time to Take Action On Climate Change
Despite the polluted air and the small red sun that was barely visible due to thick clouds from the forest fires in Canada, I had just finished my morning walk.
The photos from the YWCA Union County Gala are now available.
These are two of my favorite pictures from the YWCA Union County Gala.
The first one includes Mike, Elyssa, and my grandchild with YWCA staff.
The second one is with the YWCA staff.
Although I will never be able to thank them enough, I will always be grateful to the YWCA board and staff. They loved Jan almost as much I did. If I lived as old as Methuselah, I would never be able to thank them enough for their support and encouragement during her cancer fight.
A mask protects us from COVID-19 but can connect us to others. On Sunday, while at Shoprite, I wore the YWCA mask I got at the Gala. Searching for the best cucumber, a woman asked me if I had been to the Gala.
In response to my yes, she asked if I was Jan’s husband. She expressed her condolences and how much she missed Jan, and we agreed that the YWCA gave her an excellent tribute.
After a year when COVID isolated us all, meeting Jan’s friends while shopping was a pleasure.
The photos from the YWCA Union County Gala are now available. These are two of my favorite pictures from the YWCA Union County Gala.
by Michael Stephen Daigle
The Swamps of Jersey by Michael Stephen Daigle is the first of the Frank Nagler series. Having read the fourth one – The Red Hand, I thought this was an excellent time to read the first in this impressive deceptive series. It was, in fact, an excellent decision. Understanding Frank Nagler better now, I plan to read the next two and the Red Hand to be ready for the fifth book Dragony Rising.
Ironton, New Jersey has seen hard times before. Deserted factories and empty stores reflect the decades-long decline, that even Mayor Gabriel Richman, scion of one of the city’s leading political families, cannot seem to rectify. Now families are living on the street or in the shells of the old factories.A week-long tropical storm floods the depressed city bringing more devastation as well as a new misery: The headless, handless body of a young woman in the Old Iron Bog.
Between the gruesome murder and an old factory suspiciously burning down, Detective Frank Nagler begins to believe that incarcerated Charlie Adams, the city’s famous serial killer, may have fostered a copycat killer. Determined to find the truth, he follows the case that leads into unexpected places.
Knowing the author and the geography of NJ, I found this book a must-read.
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by Elizabeth Strout
Lucy by the Sea: A Novel by Elizabeth Strout is a poignant, pitch-perfect novel about a divorced couple stuck together during lockdown–and the love, loss, despair, and hope that animate us even as the world seems to be falling apart. Having lost Jan during Covid, I was apprehensive about reading this book. However, it was not only a page-turner but also a novel that gave me a new perspective on loss which helped me manage my grief.
With her trademark spare, crystalline prose, Elizabeth Strout turns her exquisitely tuned eye to the inner workings of the human heart, following the indomitable heroine of My Name Is Lucy Barton through the early days of the pandemic.
I highlighted several passages that specifically spoke to me.
We all live with people—and places—and things—that we have given great weight to. But we are weightless, in the end.
Who knows why people are different? We are born with a certain nature, I think. And then the world takes its swings at us.
It has been said that the second year of widowhood is worse than the first—the idea being, I think, that the shock has worn off and now one has to live with the loss, and I had been finding that to be true, even before I came to Maine with William. But now there were times I felt that I was just learning of David’s death again for the first time. And I would be privately staggered by grief. And to be in this place where David had never been (!)—I was really dislocated is what I mean.
And I also understood: Grief is a private thing. God, is it a private thing.
We are all in lockdown, all the time. We just don’t know it, that’s all. But we do the best we can. Most of us are just trying to get through.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
As a panicked world goes into lockdown, Lucy Barton is uprooted from her life in Manhattan and bundled away to a small town in Maine by her ex-husband and on-again, off-again friend, William. For the next several months, it’s just Lucy, William, and their complex past together in a little house nestled against the moody, swirling sea.
Rich with empathy and emotion, Lucy by the Sea vividly captures the fear and struggles that come with isolation, as well as the hope, peace, and possibilities that those long, quiet days can inspire. At the heart of this story are the deep human connections that unite us even when we’re apart–the pain of a beloved daughter’s suffering, the emptiness that comes from the death of a loved one, the promise of a new friendship, and the comfort of an old, enduring love.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Lena Khalaf Tuffaha
I recently read “Something About Living” by Lena Khalaf Tuffaha, a poet and essayist whose work resonates deeply. The book of poems won the 2024 National Book Award for Poetry and delved into Palestinian life through the lens of the American language, revealing a legacy of obfuscation and erasure. It questions what happens when language packages ongoing disasters for consumption and disposal.
As a Jew supporting a two-state solution, I initially hesitated to read this collection of poems. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the lyrical beauty of the verses, which explore love not just as an emotion but as a transformative force and “a radical act.” Every poem that genuinely resonated with me. “Something About Living” is a book I highly recommend for its depth and insight!
Ms. Khalaf Tuffaha has an incredible literary repertoire; her previous work, “Water & Salt,” earned the esteemed 2018 Washington State Book Award, while “Kaan & Her Sisters” was a finalist for the Firecracker Award. In addition, “Something About Living” also received the 2022 Akron Prize for Poetry. I’m excited to explore her profound insights and lyrical mastery!
Adrian Matejka, the author of “Somebody Else Sold the World,” has written about “Something About Living,”
“It’s nearly impossible to write poetry that simultaneously holds the human desire for joy and the insistent agitations of protest, but Lena Khalaf Tuffaha‘s gorgeous and wide-ranging new collection Something About Living does just that. Her poems interweave Palestine’s historic suffering, the challenges of living in this world full of violence and ill will, and the gentle delights we embrace to survive that violence. Khalaf Tuffaha’s elegant poems sing the fractured songs of Diaspora while remaining clear-eyed to the cause of the fracturing: the multinational hubris of colonialism and greed. This collection is her witness to our collective unraveling, vowel by vowel, syllable by syllable. “Let the plural be a return of us,” the speaker of “On the Thirtieth Friday We Consider Plurals” says and this plurality is our tenuous humanity and the deep need to hang on to kindness in our communities. In these poems Khalaf Tuffaha reminds us that love isn’t an idea; it is a radical act. Especially for those who, like this poet, travel through the world vigilantly, but steadfastly remain heart first.
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by Deborah Willis
I began reading “Girlfriend on Mars: A Novel” by Deborah Willis today. It’s a humorous, touching, and captivating debut novel that satirizes the idea of space travel funded by billionaires and tells a love story that spans across planets. Alic Munro, one of my preferred authors, praised the book’s emotional depth and range, as well as the author’s exceptional clarity and skill in writing.
Amber Kivinen is vying for a chance to join MarsNow and be part of the first human-led mission to Mars. She is one of twenty-three reality TV contestants worldwide, including an attractive Israeli soldier named Adam, a charming Canadian named Pichu, and several science enthusiasts and aspiring influencers. Billionaire Geoff Task is sponsoring the mission; only two seats are available.
Meanwhile, Kevin, Amber’s boyfriend of fourteen years, is left behind as Amber pursues her dream. He spends his days caring for their hydroponic weed business in their expensive basement apartment in Vancouver while wondering why the woman he loves is so determined to leave the planet with someone else.
In a reality TV show similar to Survivor and Star Trek, Amber participates in challenges in various parts of the world. She seems to develop feelings for Adam, but it’s unclear whether it’s genuine or a strategy to avoid getting eliminated. Furthermore, given that the technology to return to Earth from Mars is not yet available, would Amber be willing to abandon everything to become a billionaire’s experimental subject on the red planet? Even though the rainforest is currently ablaze, Geoff Task has purchased New Zealand, and Kevin may be struggling with depression, is there any chance for a brighter future on Earth?
Girlfriend on Mars is an impressive first work from a brilliant and unique writer, as described by Molly Antopol. It presents a satirical critique of our societal desire for fame and fortune amid environmental turmoil. At the same time, it delves into humanity’s fundamental yearning and eternal cliché: love.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Amor Towles
A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles is a transporting novel about a man sentenced by the government to spend the rest of his life inside a luxury hotel. In 1922, a Bolshevik tribunal deemed Count Alexander Rostov an unrepentant aristocrat. His house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day and must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors.
During my grief journey, I have on occasion felt as if I was a prisoner in my apartment, so I found this novel to be one that provided me an alternative to understanding what it would have been like to be under house arrest as Count Rostov was.
A Gentleman in Moscow was a page-turner. The plot captures a unique historical time and how Count Rostov makes the best of a bad situation. I highly recommend this novel.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview.
With his breakout debut novel, Rules of Civility, Amor Towles established himself as a master of absorbing, sophisticated fiction, bringing late 1930s Manhattan to life with a splendid atmosphere and an excellent command of style. As NPR commented, readers and critics were enchanted, “Towles writes with grace and verve about the mores and manners of a society on the cusp of radical change.”
A Gentleman in Moscow immerses us in another elegantly drawn era with the story of Count Alexander Rostov. When, in 1922, he is deemed an unrepentant aristocrat by a Bolshevik tribunal, the count is sentenced to house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day. He must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors. Unexpectedly, his reduced circumstances provide him a doorway into a much larger world of emotional discovery.
Brimming with humor, a glittering cast of characters, and one beautifully rendered scene after another, this singular novel casts a spell as it relates to the count’s endeavor to gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be a man of purpose.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Hila Blum
I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.
The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.
The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.
The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Etgar Keret
“Autocorrect” by Etgar Keret, a prominent figure in Israeli literature and film, is a darkly humorous collection of stories that delves into themes of identity, reality, and meaning. These narratives resonate with our current times, characterized by uncertainty and fragility, marked by misunderstandings and miscommunications, as we seek reasons and the strength to foster hope.
Etgar Keret‘s stories reveal the fault lines and uncomfortable truths in our society, all delivered in a style that is uniquely his own. He is the world’s most renowned living Israeli writer, known for his lean and accessible short stories that often blend whimsy, surrealism, and dark humor. Keret’s work explores the most minor and seemingly mundane aspects of life in profound and unusual ways.
The characters in his fiction face relatable challenges in work and relationships. They inhabit a world filled with rapidly advancing technology, yet the base nature of human passions and brutality repeatedly undermines this world. For instance, one character’s partner is a reality show contestant from a parallel dimension. At the same time, another discovers that the asteroid he paid to have named after his wife is on a collision course with Earth. In another story, an elderly widow persuades a popular AI program to commit suicide.
Etgar Keret, born in Ramat Gan in 1967, is a prominent figure in Israeli literature and film. Translated into more than forty languages, his writing has appeared in well-known publications such as The New York Times, Le Monde, and The New Yorker. He has received several prestigious awards, including the Caméra d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival in 2007, the Charles Bronfman Prize in 2016, and the esteemed Sapir Prize in 2018.
More than a hundred captivating short films and several remarkable feature films have brought his stories to life on the big screen. Keret teaches creative writing at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev. Since 2021, he has also been publishing a weekly newsletter titled “Alphabet Soup” on Substack.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
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