My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
I am reading Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May. In the Saturday Grief Group, many participants mentioned how winter impacts them. Ms. May’s book is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”
Although I have not finished reading the book, one quote resonated with me,
“That’s what grief is – a yearning for that last moment of contact that would settle everything.”
Jan and I fulfilled that yearning the day she died with our last kiss, and I love you.
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”
A quote that resonated with me:
That’s what grief is - a yearning for that last moment of contact that would settle everything.
May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.
Yesterday, I got my COVID Booster shot; it was only a sore arm with no severe side effects. At bedtime, I was exhausted. Once in bed, it dawned on me that my slippers were not by the bed. Getting up to find them, I slipped and fell. No disorientation was broken, only scrapes and bruises. The fall damaged my pride. The aches and pain will heal, but will my pride and self-confidence heal? Continue reading →
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”
A quote that resonated with me:
That’s what grief is - a yearning for that last moment of contact that would settle everything.
May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.
In accepting the Janice C. Lilien Humanitarian Award, Assemblywoman Annette Quijano quoted Banksy,
I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.
Everything I have done in the last five months has been to preserve Jan’s memory and legacy. Keeping her name spoken is a positive side benefit.
However, now we have a Humanitarian Award and an Education Fund named for her, and there will likely be more.
May the name Jan Lilien always be said. Love never dies!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
It is two years since Jan started Chemotherapy. The first day went much better than either of us anticipated. The nurses and Dr. Saksena were very supportive and helpful.
With a family text chain, I was updating everyone in real-time.
The therapy dogs came by and made Jan smile with ease and joy. Since we found out that she had blood cancer in late August, her smiles were smaller and less frequent.
When we left with the following five dates scheduled, we both felt we could beat cancer. If only Jan and I could have been successful.
I have often written about the three times that Jan committed her love to me. Each time she had viable alternatives, and she decided each time to stay with me.
With the benefit of hindsight, I have often thought of what would have happened if she had made a different decision.
Our relationship would have been very different, and very likely, we would not have married or stayed together.
Even in the worst-case scenarios, I would never have stopped loving her. When she was diagnosed with cancer, my love would have required me to be by her side.
During Saturday group, someone mentioned she felt grief had opened a door in her mind to long-forgotten memories. Now she had a Pandora’s Box of traumas on the loose.
Her description struck a chord with me, as I was overwhelmed by old, long-forgotten traumas. These old misfortunes confused my thinking and led me down unnecessary rabbit holes.
I will always miss Jan, but I do not need to ask if she loved me because of old traumas when love was a mirage.
Our love was unique and will never die!
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by Katherine May
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”
Two quotes that resonated with me were:
That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.
We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.
May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.
Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.
A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.
Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.
I recommend this book without reservation.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Nikki Erlick
The Poppy Fields by Nikki Erlick is a unique and thought-provoking speculative novel that delves into themes of heartache, hope, and resilience. It explores the complexities of grief and healing, raising essential questions about recovery after loss and the lengths we go to in search of healing. This powerful exploration resonated with me and provided ample food for thought. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!
The Poppy Fields is a captivating speculative story that explores themes of healing, self-discovery, forgiveness, and the power of newfound friendship. Located in a remote stretch of the California desert, the Poppy Fields offers hope for even the most battered hearts seeking to heal. Nikki Erlick‘s unique narrative technique adds an extra layer of intrigue to the story.
This area is home to an experimental and controversial treatment center designed for those grappling with the heartache of loss. It offers a unique solution, allowing patients to sleep through their pain and continue sleeping. However, when they eventually awaken from this prolonged state of slumber, they will be healed, provided they are willing to accept the possible shadowy side effects, raising concerns about the actual cost of healing.
Embarking on a journey to this mystical destination are four very different strangers and one little dog: Ava, a book illustrator; Ray, a fireman; Sasha, an occupational therapist; and Sky, a free spirit, accompanied by a friendly pup named PJ. Their diverse backgrounds and mysterious motivations add an intriguing layer to their quest to find Ellis, the brilliant and enigmatic founder of The Poppy Fields.
Nikki Erlick is the author of the instant New York Times bestseller, The Measure, which was selected as a Read with Jenna/Today Show book club pick. The Measure has been translated into twenty-four languages worldwide. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Harvard University and a master’s degree from Columbia University. Currently, she resides in Los Angeles.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
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by Sara Hamdan
If you’re in the mood for a book that’s equal parts hilarious and heartwarming, look no further than “What Will People Think?” by Sara Hamdan. This captivating tale takes readers on a journey of self-discovery, inviting them to explore the hidden facets of their identity. With its poignant exploration of love in all its many forms, the novel masterfully shows how these connections can truly transform us and inspire personal growth, leaving you inspired and uplifted.
Mia Almas, like many of us, has a secret. By day, she works as a media fact-checker—a role that her conservative Arab grandparents approve of. But by night, she performs at comedy clubs across New York City. Her grandparents’ approval is a significant part of her life, and it’s this conflict between their expectations and her true self that adds depth to her story.
As Mia pursues a forbidden romance with her boss, her standup gets better and bolder, leading to a surprising spotlight that exposes her secret gig. Horrified and worried that her rebellious act could mean significant consequences for her reserved Palestinian-American family, Mia frantically dives into damage control. However, all of her efforts to retreat from the spotlight reveal a family scandal from the 1940s that could alter everything, adding unexpected twists to her story.
As a hopeless romantic, I found this charming story to be an irresistible page-turner that will leave you both laughing and reflecting long after you’ve turned the last page.
Sara Hamdan, a Berkeley and Columbia graduate, is a former Merrill Lynch banker, New York Times journalist, and editor at Google. After winning a Netflix short story award, she received the First Chapter: Emirates Literature Foundation Seddiqi First Chapter Writers’ Fellowship for her debut novel, What Will People Think? Sara is Palestinian American, raised in Greece, and has called Dubai home for twenty years. When she’s not typing away on her laptop, she loves to spend time at the beach with her husband and two kids.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!
by Margaret Atwood
Surfacing by Margaret Atwood was a book I picked up on a random walk around the house. I had read The Handmaid’s Tale but was not ready to read The Testaments.
This book is a detective novel as well as a psychological thriller. A talented woman artist goes in search of her missing father on a remote island in northern Quebec. She had grown up on the island, and the journey includes her lover and another young married couple. When they arrive, the isolation and obsession of the artist shape all of their lives in unexpected ways. The marriage begins to fall apart, violence and death lurk just beneath the surface, and sex becomes a catalyst for conflict and dangerous choices.
Goodreads describes the book as,
Surfacing is a work permeated with an aura of suspense, complex with layered meanings, and written in brilliant, diamond-sharp prose. Here is a rich mine of ideas from an extraordinary writer about contemporary life and nature, families, and marriage, and about women fragmented… and becoming whole.
I also found myself captivated by the many layers of the book the search for her father, and the psychological impact on all four of them.
by Bushra Rehman
Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion by Bushra Rehman is a book I encouraged friends to read before I finished reading it. I highly recommend this page-turner novel, which is punctuated by both joy and loss, full of ’80s music and beloved books. Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion is a must-read coming-of-age story of Razia Mirza, a girl struggling to reconcile her heritage and faith with her desire to be true to herself.
Razia Mirza, the protagonist, leaps off the page or screen. Bushra Rehman describes Corona with prose that is vibrant and clear-eyed. When I lived in Brooklyn, I had, on a few occasions, meetings in Corona a decade before the novel’s setting. Reading the book made me remember that time and place and understand intuitively the world that Razia was struggling to reconcile.
Razia’s choice between her heart and her family is one I will not reveal. However, the novel defines the conflicts between the Pakistani-American community and the love that Razia and Anglea experience in clear prose, and the reader can easily accept various resolutions.
The choice that Rasia makes left me desiring to know what happens next. I have added Bushra Rehman to my favorite authors and plan to read more of her novels.
I had this novel on my list for the last month but could not get to it until now. I wish I had read it sooner. It is the eighth book I have read in 2023.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Razia Mirza grows up amid the wild grape vines and backyard sunflowers of Corona, Queens, with her best friend, Saima, by her side. Razia’s heart is broken when a family rift drives the girls apart. She finds solace in Taslima, a new girl in her close-knit Pakistani-American community. They embark on a series of small rebellions: listening to scandalous music, wearing miniskirts, and cutting school to explore the city.
When Razia is accepted to Stuyvesant, a prestigious high school in Manhattan, the gulf between the person she is and the daughter her parents want her to be, widens. At Stuyvesant, Razia meets Angela and is attracted to her in a way that blossoms into a new understanding. When an Aunty discovers their relationship in the community, Razia must choose between her family and her future.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Joseph O'Neill
Today, I dove into “Godwin” by Joseph O’Neill, the brilliant mind behind “Netherland,” which snagged the title of Best Book of the Year from the New York Times Book Review. This captivating tale follows the adventure of two brothers embarking on a globe-trotting quest to find an extraordinary African soccer prodigy—someone who might transform their lives forever. The thrill of their journey and the promise of discovery have me hooked!
Mark Wolfe, a brilliant self-thwarting technical writer, lives in Pittsburgh with his wife, Sushila, and their toddler daughter. Born and raised in the United Kingdom, his half-brother Geoff is a desperate young soccer agent. He pulls Mark across the ocean into a scheme to track down an elusive prospect known as “Godwin“—an African teenager Geoff believes could be the next Lionel Messi.
Narrated in turn by Mark and his work colleague Lakesha Williams, Godwin is a tale of family and migration as well as an international adventure story that implicates the brothers in the beauty and ugliness of soccer, the perils and promises of global business, and the dark history of transatlantic money-making.
As only he can do, Joseph O’Neill investigates the legacy of colonialism in the context of family love, global capitalism, and the dreaming individual.
Mr. O’Neill was born in Ireland and grew up in Mozambique, Iran, Turkey, and Holland. His previous novels include the PEN/Faulkner Award-winning Netherland and the Booker Prize long-listed The Dog. O’Neill’s short fiction appears regularly in The New Yorker and his political essays in The New York Review of Books. He lives in New York City.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
by Maggie Stiefvater
Maggie Stiefvater‘s latest historical fiction, The Listeners, is now available in stores today, and it’s an enthralling read that you won’t want to put down. Set against the backdrop of January 1942, the luxurious Avallon Hotel & Spa stands as a beacon of elegance amid the rugged beauty of West Virginia, its refreshing mountain waters promising to wash away the worries of high society until it is ordered to house Axis diplomats. Stiefvater‘s meticulous research and attention to historical detail bring this era to life in a way that will captivate any history buff.
At the heart of this gripping tale is June Porter Hudson, a local girl who has risen to the role of general manager. With remarkable skill, she navigated the early challenges of wartime operations, but nothing could prepare her for the complexities of hosting diplomats from the Axis powers. As tensions mount and secrets unfold, June must confront her fears and the profound changes in history, all while striving to uphold the dignity of the Avallon. Dive into this captivating story and feel the weight of the changing tides of history.
In the opulent world of the Avallon Hotel, the Gilfoyle family reigns supreme, their aristocratic lineage a testament to old-world charm and privilege. But this sanctuary of luxury is thrown into turmoil when the family heir strikes a clandestine deal with the State Department, bringing a motley crew of captured Axis diplomats into their midst. June, the hotel’s resourceful manager, finds herself in an impossible position, tasked with persuading her dedicated staff, many of whom have loved ones fighting on the front lines, to serve these enemy guests with charming smiles.
As tensions simmer beneath the surface, FBI Agent Tucker Minnick lurks in the shadows, his coal tattoo serving as a reminder of his rugged Appalachian roots. He presses his ear against the hotel’s walls, eavesdropping on the diplomats’ whispered secrets. Yet, his past clings to him like a specter, revealing that the very same balancing act that keeps June poised could lead to perilous consequences. Beneath the hotel lies Sweetwater—its power to heal intertwined with its potential to destroy.
June is known for her ability to charm any guest, but these diplomats challenge her mastery. They’ve waged a silent war at her doorstep, forcing her to confront the reality that clashing loyalties threaten to shatter Avallon’s polished exterior. As June navigates this treacherous terrain, she must weigh the actual cost of luxury and decide what she’s willing to sacrifice in a time of conflict.
Maggie Stiefvater is the New York Times bestselling author of the Shiver trilogy, The Raven Cycle, and The Scorpio Races, among dozens of other YA fantasy novels. Her books have sold over five million copies worldwide. She lives in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia with her husband and their two children.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!
