Perplexed But Devoted

Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 46 seconds

RB, Call Home

“Hello, sweetheart! I am on my way home. I wanted to call so you could let the dancing boys leave.” I had made calls like this every day since the crisis in the Spring when I was sure she would divorce me. “There are no dancing boys at home, just me, waiting for the love of my life to come home.” I inquired if I needed to pick up anything. She answered negatively. “I will see you soon,” I said.

Walking on Powers Street, I turned to the right on Graham Avenue and proceeded to the Florist on the corner of Ainslie Street. 

“Good evening; how are you?”

I responded that I was OK. 

“What are you looking for, a bouquet, roses, a plant?”

“The love of my life just got a job, so I need something celebratory. Maybe a dozen roses?”

“That would work for me,” the Florist said. Red would be nice, but I can also do a mix of roses.

“Mixed.”

As she finished, I joked, “I suppose there is no florist’s dozen?”

She laughed and then added another rose. 

For our regular customers, I am happy to help.

Leaving the store, I could smell the roses and knew it was a good idea. Perhaps it will help Jan feel better and be open to a frank discussion. The question was how to start the conversation.

I waved at Sal from his pizza shop as I approached our apartment building. 

Sal asked, “Are those for me?”

We both laughed as I proceeded up the stoop at 542 Lorimer Street. 

Unlocking the door, I tried unsuccessfully to hide the flowers behind my back. 

I love you, Jan,” I stated as I awkwardly tried to enter the apartment without revealing the roses.

“These are beautiful,” Jan responded as I handed her the thirteen roses. 

“I wanted to give you something to celebrate your new job. I can’t walk past a flower shop without buying something for you.

Jan kissed me and then looked for a vase for the flowers. 

Over dinner, I repeated that the COPE job seemed perfect for her.

“I am very excited. I can still go to school as well as work full-time.

We chatted about the job. I kept wondering when I could ask Jan my other questions.  

While doing the dishes, the words were in my mouth, but Jan wanted to continue chatting about her job. 

As we got into bed, I was about to give up on the idea

But then Jan said, “Let’s make love tonight. Last night when we got home was messy, to say the least.”

I nodded and then asked, “Last night you wanted me to take advantage of you….”

“I was a little drunk and slurring my words, so you might not have heard correctly.”

I knew I had heard her words clearly, but I chose not to contradict her while her sweet kisses took my breath away.


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12 comments add your comment

  1. Excellent story…I never heard of any couple making almost the same salary!!

    Funny and sad story, but I enjoyed it!!

    • Thanks, Hugo, for your comment.

      Jan and I chose similar work focused on repairing the world. As a result, our salaries were both modest. That we ended with wages almost the same at the end is not all that surprising. If Jan had lived and continued to work at the YWCA for the last two years, her total compensation would have surpassed mine.

      I agree that the story, like life, is humorous and sad simultaneously. I write from my heart, and the articles reflect the complexity of the lives Jan and I lived and how life is complicated.

      The love that Jan and I shared will never die.

      In closing I wanted to share share a poem from Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson. Her poems are a tribute to the enduring resilience of human nature as we cycle through times of light and darkness, much like nature itself.

        Give thanks for all
        that is good and beautiful;
        the gifts you carry
        people who lift you up
        your big, big love
        faith and trust that your life
        is unfolding as it should

        Give thanks for all
        that has been difficult and hard;
        trials tribulations tears
        tests of self strength fears
        all of the unknowns and days
        that broke you

        Without the darkness
        you would not have
        learned to appreciate the light

      Thanks for your friendship and support.

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Three Strong Women

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Three Strong Women

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Three Strong Women by Marie NDiaye is a novel that focuses on three women who say no. Winner of the coveted Prix Goncourt, the first by a black woman, Marie NDiaye, creates a luminous narrative triptych as harrowing as beautiful. With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. I highly recommend this novel.

John Fletcher translated the Kindle version.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

This is the story of three women who say no: Norah, a French-born lawyer who finds herself in Senegal, summoned by her estranged, tyrannical father to save another victim of his paternity; Fanta, who leaves a modest but contented life as a teacher in Dakar to follow her white boyfriend back to France, where his delusional depression and sense of failure poison everything; and Khady, an impoverished widow put out by her husband’s family with nothing but the name of a distant cousin (the Fanta above) who lives in France, a place Khady can scarcely conceive of but toward which she must now take desperate flight.

With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. We see with stunning emotional exactitude how ordinary women discover unimagined reserves of strength, even as their humanity is chipped away. Three Strong Women admits to an immigrant experience rarely, if ever, examined in fiction, but even more into the depths of the suffering heart.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: July 2023

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The Anniversary

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I began reading Stephanie Bishop‘s novel, The Anniversary, today. The Anniversary is a brilliantly written novel with a gripping and fast-paced storyline. It poses some interesting questions: how blurred is the boundary between reality and fiction in a writer’s thoughts? How can we reject those we yearn for? And what are the consequences for ourselves, others, and our creativity if we don’t?

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: April 2023

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In Praise of Walking

by Shane O'Mara

I recently received a book from my family that combines two interests: walking and reading. The book, “In Praise of Walking” by Shane O’Mara, celebrates the joys, health benefits, and mechanics of walking. It emphasizes the importance of getting out of our chairs and discovering a happier, healthier, more creative self.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: April 2023

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Commitment: A Novel

by Mona Simpson

The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: August 2022

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The Last White Man: A Novel

by Mohsin Hamid

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I decided to read the book after hearing an interview with the author on All of It on WNYC.

The Goodreads summary provides a good overview,

One morning, Anders wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land. Some see in the transformations the long-dreaded overturning of an established order, to be resisted to a bitter end. In many, like Anders’s father and Oona’s mother, a sense of profound loss wars with profound love. As the bond between Anders and Oona deepens, change takes on a different shading: a chance to see one another, face to face, anew.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Read: June 2021

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Bodily Harm

by Margaret Atwood

Bodily Harm by Margaret Atwood is one of the books I picked up from our bookshelf in the first few months after Jan’s death. Being someone who has always fantasized about being a journalist, I found it very interesting.

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