Perplexed But Devoted
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 46 seconds
Celebration
Standing at the Hunter School of Social Work entrance, I waited for Jan to exit her class. A year ago, when she started studying for her MSW, I would meet her after every class. On numerous occasions, we walked for blocks hand in hand, enjoying being in love. When she accidentally revealed she had a boyfriend in the Spring of this year, I stopped picking her up from class. I feared her boyfriend would be there to meet her.
“Jan,” I smiled as she walked down the stairs and entered the lobby.
As she approached me, I leaned in and kissed her as I took her book bag from her.
“It’s been a long time since you met me after class.”
“My new job keeps me busy,” I said half-heartedly, as it was, of course, not the real reason.
“Carol, my friend from school, is going to her family’s Italian restaurant. She has to work as a waiter tonight. We could go with her and celebrate there.”
I nodded, and the three of us proceeded to the subway as the restaurant was on Houston Street.
Jan and Carol kept talking about the test they had taken, and I listened while holding onto Jan’s hand.
Entering the restaurant, Carol’s mother greeted us.
“Mom, my friend Jan was offered a job today, and she and her husband, Richard, came with me to celebrate.”
“That is wonderful news,” Carol’s mom responded as she hugged Jan and kissed her on both cheeks.
Carol gave us menus as we sat down.
“Let me check with my dad to see if there are any specials.”
Jan ordered Veal Parmigiana, and I selected Lasagna.
Carol delivered the antipasto that Jan and I would share.
“My dad and mom said the wine is gratis,” she announced as she placed a bottle of wine on the table.
I only took a small amount of wine as we started eating the antipasto.
Carol’s dad brought out the entrée and congratulated Jan.
As much as I wanted to talk to Jan about her day and the new job, we had very little private time as Carol’s parents, other customers, and the kitchen staff stopped by our table to congratulate Jan.
While Jan paid the bill with her credit card, I picked up the wine bottle to see if there was enough to take home. The bottle was empty, and I had only had a third of a glass.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Excellent story…I never heard of any couple making almost the same salary!!
Funny and sad story, but I enjoyed it!!
Thanks, Hugo, for your comment.
Jan and I chose similar work focused on repairing the world. As a result, our salaries were both modest. That we ended with wages almost the same at the end is not all that surprising. If Jan had lived and continued to work at the YWCA for the last two years, her total compensation would have surpassed mine.
I agree that the story, like life, is humorous and sad simultaneously. I write from my heart, and the articles reflect the complexity of the lives Jan and I lived and how life is complicated.
The love that Jan and I shared will never die.
In closing I wanted to share share a poem from Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson. Her poems are a tribute to the enduring resilience of human nature as we cycle through times of light and darkness, much like nature itself.
Give thanks for all
that is good and beautiful;
the gifts you carry
people who lift you up
your big, big love
faith and trust that your life
is unfolding as it should
Give thanks for all
that has been difficult and hard;
trials tribulations tears
tests of self strength fears
all of the unknowns and days
that broke you
Without the darkness
you would not have
learned to appreciate the light
Thanks for your friendship and support.