Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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The Years Fly By Faster Now

The Years Fly By Faster Now

Grateful for Jan's Love

Sixty years ago, I would purchase, or someone would gift me a copy of the Almanac.

Each edition was packed with pages and pages of data and random facts.

I was sure that knowing all of this information was necessary.

The previous year’s Almaancs were kept, and I would place them sequentially on the bookshelf.

The years moved slowly, but they kept adding a digit a year, 1959, 1960, 1961, and 1962.

One day, I would be an adult, find the love of my life, and have a family.

When I left for college, I stopped looking for a new edition. By then, I also discovered that life was not a continuum but one of good and bad days.

The one dream I kept locked in my heart was finding the person who shared my soul.

I was reminded of the Almanacs when I read two articles. The first was in the NY Times on 71 of Our Favorite Facts of 2022, and the second was in The Atlantic’s 74 Things That Blew Our Minds in 2022.

Fascinating factoids for me to share!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Time Moves Too Fast for Mortals

Five years ago yesterday, I received a Life Time Achievement Award from the Supportive Housing Association of NJ.

When I was presented with the award, my first comment was it should be renamed the Half-Life Achievement Award.

If we are committed to Tikun Olam, the need to repair the world does not end simply because someone has aged.

The truth is that just as each of us is broken, the world is as well, and the work to ensure it works for all of us will never end.

After I renamed the award, I did what I always did when Jan was in the room. I introduced her and said that if I deserved the recognition, it was only because of the love and support she provided.

Seventy-four Books on the Shelf

Seventy-four Books on the Shelf

Books, Books AplentyOne book at a time can, over a year, equal seventy-four books on the shelf.

As a young child, I enjoyed reading. My sister was a librarian, and I spent many hours searching for my next book to read.

Also, several of my teachers encouraged or, in some cases, required us to read books.

I had difficulty picking a goal when I decided to participate in the Goodreads 2022 Reading Challenge.

Eventually, I selected twenty-two (22) as that was the last two digits of the year. At the end of last year, I was surprised by how many I had read.

Living in the age of algorithms, Goodreads can parse the data and provide a list of the books and an analysis.

Among the data Goodreads tabulated is the realization that I read 22,252 pages. How long would that have taken me to total the number of pages manually?

My shortest book was Everything My Mother Taught Me (24 pages), and my longest was Wolf Hall (653 pages). The average was three hundred pages (300).

My 2023 goal is twenty-three books. As a man in his mid-seventies living alone, I thought it best to hedge my bets.

I am always open to book recommendations and happy to share my suggestions.

My library is available to peruse online, or you can review the full Goodreads report on my 2022 books.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge

I have set a goal on Goodreads to read twenty-two books this year. Will I be able to read that many books this year? Follow my progress on Goodreads or this stream post.

Do you have a Goodreads goal for this year? What are you reading?

My bookshelf has all of the books I have read since 2019.

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Flight: A Novel

Flight: A Novel

Flight: A Novel by Lynn Steger Strong is a novel about family, ambition, precarity, art, and desire, forming a decisive next step from a brilliant chronicler of our time. The book has been on my to-read list for a few months. A New Yorker Best Books of 2022, it seemed like a good start on my 2023 Goodreads Reading challenge. Flight is the first book I read in 2023. Last year I read seventy-four books, and each helped me with my grief journey.

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Jan at the YWCA Groundbreaking

First Day, First Hike

Jan Lead's YWCA Strides for Strength Walk

It was a new day, a new year, and a perfect time for the first-day hike.

Like most states, New Jersey offers various outdoor hiking options on the first day of the year.

A friend invited me to join him on the Explore Historic Mid-Town Elizabeth walk.

A short one-and-a-half-mile walk, it was filled with history.

Katherine Craig from Boxwood Hall was an engaging tour guide for the group of twenty-five on a walk beginning at the historic First Presbyterian Church in Elizabeth.

The church was founded in Elizabeth in 1664. It was the first church organized in New Jersey for worship in the English language.

Princeton University has its roots in Elizabeth, and of course, Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr attended prep school.

History is both crucial and dynamic.

The cemetery at the Presbyterian Church is building a memorial to the three hundred thirteen persons who were the property of others buried in unmarked graves.

A highlight for me was seeing the YWCA’s new headquarters, which is still under construction.

Until she came home from hospice, Jan worked passionately to rebuild the YWCA.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Jan Lilien Made History

Five months ago today, the love of my life died.

She was and always will be the light of my life!

This video speaks to her dedication, passion, and commitment! She was a true Humanitarian!

The best decision I ever made was to marry Jan.

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Everything My Mother Taught Me

Everything My Mother Taught Me

I read Everything My Mother Taught Me by Alice Hoffman on the last day of 2022 as I was alone, and I have always admired Ms. Hoffman's prose. The short story is a haunting short story of loyalty and betrayal, a young woman in early 1900s Massachusetts discovers that in navigating her treacherous coming-of-age, she must find her voice first. I know it is a book that Jan would have enjoyed reading, and I highly recommend it.

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Counting My Blessings

Counting My Blessings

Love Never Dies

Love Never Dies!

A year ago, I felt I had completed the most challenging twelve months in my lifetime.

As the minute hand ticks inevitably toward 2022’s denouement, the hardships I carried a year ago have been subordinated but not eliminated.

I believe my grief journey is in my rearview mirror, but can humans demarcate such a dramatic change?

If I have stopped mourning Jan, it is because of my family, friends, and faith.

The year’s highlights were Celebrate Jan Day and welcoming my grandson Wes into the world.

He has his grandmother’s smile, and every photo brings me comfort and joy.

Jan is omnipresent when I walk thru her Memorial Garden in Hanson Park as her soul reunites with mine.

Standing in front of the Wind Sculpture, Jan’s angelic voice whispers fill my heart with love,

Richard, you are capable and strong, and I believe in you.

Despite Jan’s enduring love, I still have days when I weep uncontrollably.

I will always be grateful for your support and friendship, and my heartfelt prayer is for you and your loved ones to be blessed with a Healthy and Hopeful New Year!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Grief is a Great Teacher

As I pray every week at Temple Sha'arey Shalom, when we remember those we lost in this passage, one of our readings is: "Grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence and when a word will assure them of our love and concern."

Quietude is Graceful!

Quietude is Graceful!

Jan and Richard Hugging

Jan and Richard are Hugging!

Albeit silence is the background sound of my days and nights, steadfast quietude fully encompasses our lives during the year’s final week.

As 2022 approaches, the inevitable conclusion, traffic, vehicular and foot, is at its ebb.

Excluding a lovely lunch and tour of Jan’s Memorial Garden and Wind Sculpture and assisting a friend in securing a donation to aid people experiencing homelessness, I have had a tranquil week.

Sometimes, the only sound I hear is a fruit fly buzzing. If only they would let me know their nesting place.

Many people are uncomfortable being alone.

Being alone is nothing to fear. It is where our guardian angels can hear our cries and help us understand God’s purpose for us.

Today, I will continue to read my seventy-third and likely final book of the year and review the allocation of year-end donations.

May we all find moments of solitude in the new year!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Tranquility is Precarious and Hopeful!

My grief feels like yesterday's calmness is settling into my body and soul.

My tranquility could change into the void I felt after Jan died in a split second.

Today and every day, I will focus on maintaining the serenity I feel now.

I have achieved peacefulness, allowing me to share Jan's love with the world.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The Years Fly By Faster Now
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Seventy-four Books on the Shelf
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Flight: A Novel

Read: January 2023

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Flight: A Novel

by Lynn Steger Strong

Flight: A Novel by Lynn Steger Strong is a novel about family, ambition, precarity, art, and desire, forming a decisive next step from a brilliant chronicler of our time. The book has been on my to-read list for a few months. A New Yorker Best Books of 2022, it seemed like a good start on my 2023 Goodreads Reading challenge. Flight is the first book I read in 2023. Last year I read seventy-four books, and each helped me with my grief journey.

I recommend this novel as it is a page-turner highlighting the difficulty families experience after a loss. As a culture, we are experiencing declining social connections, including within families. Flight is an excellent effort to define the crisis.

Although several possible resolutions to the conflict became clear by the middle of the novel, Ms. Strong told the story so that until the end, it was unclear how or if it would be resolved. In addition, enough unresolved issues remained so that.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It’s December twenty-second and siblings Henry, Kate, and Martin have converged with their spouses on Henry’s house in upstate New York. This is the first Christmas the siblings are without their mother, the first not at their mother’s Florida house. Over the course of the next three days, old resentments and instabilities arise as the siblings, with a gaggle of children afoot, attempt to perform familiar rituals, while also trying to decide what to do with their mother’s house, their sole inheritance. As tensions rise, the whole group is forced to come together unexpectedly when a local mother and daughter need help.

With the urgency and artfulness that cemented her previous novel Want as “a defining novel of our age” (Vulture), Strong once again turns her attention to the structural and systemic failings that are haunting Americans, but also to the ways in which family, friends, and strangers can support each other through the gaps


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Jan at the YWCA Groundbreaking
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Everything My Mother Taught Me

Read: December 2022

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Everything My Mother Taught Me

by Alice Hoffman

I read Everything My Mother Taught Me by Alice Hoffman on the last day of 2022 as I was alone, and I have always admired Ms. Hoffman’s prose. The short story is a haunting short story of loyalty and betrayal, a young woman in early 1900s Massachusetts discovers that in navigating her treacherous coming-of-age, she must find her voice first. I know it is a book that Jan would have enjoyed reading, and I highly recommend it.

Alice Hoffman’s Everything My Mother Taught Me is part of Inheritance’s five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. I plan to read more of this series in 2023.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

New York Times bestselling author of The Rules of Magic Alice Hoffman crafts a beautiful, heart-wrenching short story. For fatefully observant, Adeline, growing up, carries an ominous warning from her adulterous mother: don’t say a word. Adeline vows never to speak again. Her only secret. After her mother takes a housekeeping job at a  But that’s not lighthouse off the tip of Cape Ann, a local woman vanishes. The key to the mystery lies with Adeline, the silent witness.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Counting My Blessings
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Quietude is Graceful!
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Ahab's Wife: Or, The Star-gazer: A Novel

Read: August 2021

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Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book I could not put down once I finished the first chapter. “Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last.” is one of the most-recognized first sentences in literature–along with “Call me Ishmael.”

Sena Jeter Naslund has created a transcendent heroine – Una Spenser – who is as memorable as Ahab. Una’s universe spans a time that begins to redefine both women and men.

After a spellbinding opening scene, the tale flashes back to Una’s childhood in Kentucky; her idyllic adolescence with her aunt and uncle’s family at a lighthouse near New Bedford; her adventures disguised as a cabin boy on a whaling ship; her first marriage to a fellow survivor who descends into violent madness; courtship and marriage to Ahab; life as mother and a rich captain’s wife in Nantucket; involvement with Frederick Douglass; and a man who is in Nantucket researching his novel about his adventures on her ex-husband’s ship.

Ahab’s Wife is a breathtaking, magnificent, and uplifting story of one woman’s spiritual journey, informed by the spirit of the greatest American novel, but taking it beyond tragedy to redemptive triumph.

Having read this book, I can easily understand why my wife loved the book and encouraged me to read it. Her life story was much like Una’s, an uplifting story of her spiritual journey and her quest to repair the world.

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Transcription

Read: May 2026

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Transcription: A Novel

by Ben Lerner

Transcription” by Ben Lerner has been named one of The New York Times’ Best Books of the Year (So Far). Hailed as “the most talented writer of his generation” by The New York Times Magazine, Lerner presents a gripping emotional drama that also serves as a brilliant exploration of the digital and literary devices we use to store or erase our memories.

The narrator of Ben Lerner‘s new novel has traveled to Providence, Rhode Island, to conduct what will be the final published interview with Thomas, his ninety-year-old mentor and the father of his college friend Max. Thomas is a giant in the arts who seems to hail from the future and the past simultaneously and who reenchants the air when he speaks. But the narrator drops his smartphone in the hotel sink. He arrives at Thomas’s house without a recording device, a fact he is mysteriously unable to admit.

What unfolds from this dreamlike circumstance is the unforgettable story of the triangle formed by Thomas, Max, and the narrator, as well as an exploration of fathers and sons, male friendship and rivalry, and the challenges of parenting in a burning world. One of the first great novels about the early days of COVID, it is also a brilliant meditation on those technologies that enrich or impoverish our connection to one another, that store or obliterate memory. Full of startling insight, but summoning the intensity of a séance, Lerner’s writing shows us how the air is full of messages, full of ghosts. Ultimately, Transcription demonstrates what only a work of fiction can record.


Ben Lerner is the author of several poetry and prose books, as well as collaborative works with visual artists. He has received fellowships from the Fulbright, Guggenheim, and MacArthur Foundations. Lerner has been a finalist for the National Book Award for Poetry and the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, along with many other honors. He is a Distinguished Professor of English at Brooklyn College.



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When We Cease to Understand the World

Read: September 2024

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When We Cease to Understand the World

by Benjamín Labatut

Today, I began reading When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamín Labatut, translated by Adrian Nathan West. This book, listed on The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, promises to be thought-provoking as it delves into the intricate connections between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.

In a world where scientific advancements often involve ethical dilemmas and societal implications, this book offers a unique perspective on the lives of scientists who have shaped our understanding of the world. Fritz Haber, Alexander Grothendieck, Werner Heisenberg, and Erwin Schrödinger are some of the luminaries whose troubled lives Benjamín Labatut deeply explores in his fictional examination. Labatut shows how these scientists and thinkers grappled with profound questions of existence, experiencing strokes of unparalleled genius, alienating friends and lovers, and descending into isolation and insanity. Their discoveries, some of which significantly improved human life, while others led to chaos and unimaginable suffering, continue to shape our world.

With a breakneck pace and a wealth of disturbing detail, Labatut uses fiction’s imaginative resources to tell the stories of the scientists and mathematicians who expanded our notions of the possible.

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The Sum of Our Dreams

Read: September 2019

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The Sum of Our Dreams: A Concise History of America

by Louis P. Masur

The Sum of Our Dreams: A Concise History of America by Louis P. Masur is a book I got through my membership at One Day University. Professor Masur is one of the best teaches that One Day University has. He is the Board of Governors Distinguished Professor of American Studies and History at Rutgers University.

Most concise histories leave out more than they include. I found the Sum of our Dreams to be an excellent book to read, and professor Masur conveyed the American experience concisely and clearly. The more recent history is complex as events like the Global War on Terror are still being analyzed and re-understood.

Evoking Barack Obama’s belief that America remains the “sum of its dreams,” Masur locates the origin of those dreams of freedom, equality, and opportunity and traces their progress chronologically, illuminating the nation’s struggle over time to articulate and fulfill their promise.

Masur lets the story of American tell itself. Inspired by James Baldwin’s observation that “American history is longer, larger, more beautiful and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it,” he expands our notion of that history while identifying its threads.

I recommend this book as well as any of Professor Masur’s lectures at One Day University.

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

Read: January 2024

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

by Shelby Van Pelt

Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.

The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.

While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.

As a detective, Marcellus uses his invertebrate body to deduce what happened when Tova’s son disappeared. Together, they embark on a journey to unearth the truth before it’s too late.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The Swamps of Jersey

Read: October 2021

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The Swamps of Jersey

by Michael Stephen Daigle

The Swamps of Jersey by Michael Stephen Daigle is the first of the Frank Nagler series. Having read the fourth one – The Red Hand, I thought this was an excellent time to read the first in this impressive deceptive series. It was, in fact, an excellent decision. Understanding Frank Nagler better now, I plan to read the next two and the Red Hand to be ready for the fifth book Dragony Rising.

Ironton, New Jersey has seen hard times before. Deserted factories and empty stores reflect the decades-long decline, that even Mayor Gabriel Richman, scion of one of the city’s leading political families, cannot seem to rectify. Now families are living on the street or in the shells of the old factories.A week-long tropical storm floods the depressed city bringing more devastation as well as a new misery: The headless, handless body of a young woman in the Old Iron Bog.

Between the gruesome murder and an old factory suspiciously burning down, Detective Frank Nagler begins to believe that incarcerated Charlie Adams, the city’s famous serial killer, may have fostered a copycat killer. Determined to find the truth, he follows the case that leads into unexpected places.

Knowing the author and the geography of NJ, I found this book a must-read.

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