Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Cooking with Jan

Cooking Without the Smoke Alarm

Happy together!I have met two of my three new neighbors on the third floor.

The one I have not met, strange as it may be, is the building super.

One is a couple who moved into my old abode, Apartment 3D.

They announced they planned to marry and were walking their dog when I met them in the hallway.

Since they moved in, I cannot remember hearing even a soft sound from them.

When Jan and I lived there, heating hot water for herbal tea would set off the smoke detector.

Perhaps the flawed smoke detector was fixed before they moved in.

Or they enjoy dining at the many top-notch restaurants in Cranford.

I know that Jan and I would have appreciated not being disturbed by the loud, persistent sound of the smoke detector while cooking.

My memories of Jan will remind me why our love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Swimmers: A Novel

The Swimmers: A Novel

The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka is a novel about what happens to a group of obsessed recreational swimmers when a crack appears at the bottom of their local pool. This searing, intimate story of mothers and daughters—and the sorrows of implacable loss—is the most commanding and unforgettable work yet from a modern master. I highly recommend The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka.

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Growing Great Garlic in Jan's Memory

Growing Great Garlic in Jan’s Memory

Jan Lilien Education FundOn Tuesday, September 20th, Hanson Park Conservancy‘s Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsored an event on Growing Great Garlic.

Your tax-deductible donations support these programs! Plans are already being made for events next year.

Garlic is a star ingredient in just about every culture’s cuisine.

The workshop asked an important question, why not grow great garlic?

​Lesley Parness presented information on how to grow your garlic, the various kinds, and which ones are best for your cooking style.

She covered:

  1. soil preparation,
  2. foolproof planting instructions,
  3. winter/spring/summer care,
  4. harvesting tips, curing, and
  5. storage.

A list of garlic vendors was provided, along with information on excellent cultivars to grow.

All participants received a set of 8 cloves (2 cloves each of 4 delicious cultivars).

Lesley Parness, the presenter, retired in 2017 as Superintendent of Horticultural Education at New Jersey’s Morris County Park Commission. She oversaw programming at The Frelinghuysen Arboretum, Willowwood Arboretum, and Bamboo Brook Outdoor Education Center.

Ms. Parness is a member of the Herb Society of America, The Council on Horticultural and Botanical Libraries, and Garden State Gardens.

Lesley’sLesley’s news column, The Garden Historian, is featured bi-monthly in Gardener News Magazine.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s blog.

Jan’s Education Fund Sponsors Soil Health and Composting Event

On Thursday, May 12, at 7:00 PM in the Cranford Community Center, Virginia Lamb will speak about Soil Health and Composting in the first session funded by Hanson Park Conservancy’s Jan Lilien Education Fund. Ms. Lamb will speak about soil health, why it is crucial to a successful garden, and the environmental benefits of composting. […]
Just for Today, Keep it Simple.

Just for Today, Keep it Simple!

Jan and Richard Hugging

Jan and Richard hugging and kissing!

One breath, one step, one day, was all I could manage in the initial weeks after Jan died.

Slowly I have made progress and am optimistic that the new year will be sweet and one of change and growth.

I will never cease to love Jan and be loved by her.

As S.C. Lourie wrote,

Look at your life for all you have gained rather than lost.

Look at your path for everything you have got through rather than
everywhere you think you should be.

Celebrate rather than criticize.

Experience rather than expect.

See how that goes, just for today.

Every day, I promise to remember what I gained from loving Jan, not the misery of the loss.

It seems easy to scribble those words on parchment, but focusing on love instead of loss is not effortless.

Just for today, I will keep it simple and love Jan with all my heart and soul.

Love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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One Breath at a Time!

When we heard Jan was coming home for hospice, I thought I was living on the edge of a precipice. I thought I was living one moment at a time. But I have learned life’s lesson that it is truly living one breath at a time. I was reminded of this by reading Joyce Carol […]

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Flowers Convert Apartment 3B Into a Home

Flowers Convert 3B Into a Home

Jan with the Peace LilyThanks to my friend Deb, I have made a giant step in making Apartment 3B my home!

I have all of the plants re-potted and back in my tiny dwelling!

Deb, a master gardener and a member of the Hanson Park Conservancy and the Green Thumb Garden Club, helped me select the plants, and she re-potted them.

Deb also recommended self-watering pots, making it easier for me to manage the plants and avoid drowning them.

Deb recommended a Swiss Cheese plant in front of the kitchen sink, which I will purchase shortly. I have a grow light that can assist the flower in flourishing.

I will be forever grateful to Deb for her patience, guidance, support, and friendship.

My goal since moving into Apartment 3B on July 31st was to make it homelike before the new year. Although I have more to do, I believe I have achieved the objective.

I understand that time travel is impossible, unlike in the Sea of Tranquility.

However, I daydream that Jan might travel thru time and space. Now, with the flowers, she would feel comfortable if she made a stopover in Apartment 3B and would be pleased to visit regularly.

If Jan did visit me, I understand I would not know it was her, so she did not alter the time continuum.

But her spirit will always be with me, and I want 3B to be our home, not mine alone.

Love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Am I Alone in Apartment 3B?

As I unpack in apartment 3B, I am alone, but I know Jan is still with me. I am having trouble finding places for all the remembrances of decades of love. Each item I unwrap opens the floodgates of a lifetime of love. It also reminds me of how fortunate I was and how Jan […]
Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!

Holiday Flowers for Jan

Holiday Flowers for JanOn the second day of Rosh Hashanna, I visited the love of my life at Beth Israel Cemetery.

Jan and I had so many years in which we shared the start of a sweet new year.

Although she is always with me, I took her seasonal flowers and spent time discussing my plans to refocus my life with meaning and purpose in 5783.

Jan’s name is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives.

If I can change my life this year, perhaps I may one day join her as someone who lived well.

When I picked out the flowers, I remembered how Jan told me when I bought her a day-old Rose that no one had ever given her flowers.

Forty-nine years later, I will continue to buy Jan flowers as long as I live.

Love never dies!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

When Richard Met Jan!

We embraced each other tightly, and our lips met in a deep and passionate kiss. It was even more intense than the sweet and lovely kisses we had already shared. I felt like I was flying, and if I hadn't worn my boots, I was sure this kiss would have knocked my socks off. This was the moment that sealed our love forever. I had always dreamed of finding true love, and now I had finally found it. Love is a beautiful thing that lasts forever and never dies.
A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change

A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change

Jan and Richard Walking

Shana Tova! May 5783 not only be a sweet new year but one of change.

Without Jan, my life shattered into a million pieces over the last sixteen months.

I have taken small steps, but those adjustments have been on the margins, not the core of my being.

But the transitions have not assisted me in defining who I am without Jan.

As Ernest Hemingway said,

We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in….

The light has allowed me to see what I need to do to regain my wholeness.

At times, the parameters of what may define me without Jan appear, but the reality is blurred.

Although Jan is still with me in spirit and always will be, I am the one still alive.

A half-century ago, I stood in the smoky, damp remains of 242 Ten Eyck Street, wearing all I had left after the fire.

I rededicated my life to being one with meaning and purpose, and I will work in 5783 to define who I am now.

God, what do you want from me? I am ready, willing, and able to do whatever mitzvot you ask me to complete.

Jan’s name is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives.

If I can change my life this year, perhaps I may one day join her as someone who lived well.

The only constant will be that Jan will be with me as I delineate who I am.

Jan’s life-changing love will never die and will be the guardrail of my year of advancement.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Who Am I Without Jan?

Based on the demographics of life expectancy, I always believed that Jan would outlive me.

Despite the actuarial evidence, I am the one who is still alive.

I have focused the last year on celebrating Jan's life, preserving her memory, and keeping her name mentioned.

In my efforts to define how I will use these years of living alone, I also,

  • I write daily about Jan, my love for her, my grief, my faith, and my life.
  • I take morning walks and evening strolls.
  • I read more than ever.
  • I help other widows, volunteer, and serve on three boards.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Cooking with Jan
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The Swimmers: A Novel

Read: October 2022

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The Swimmers: A Novel

by Julie Otsuka

The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka is a novel about what happens to a group of obsessed recreational swimmers when a crack appears at the bottom of their local pool. This searing, intimate story of mothers and daughters—and the sorrows of implacable loss—is the most commanding and unforgettable work yet from a modern master. I highly recommend The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka.

The novel was a page-turner from the first to the last page. It had been on my to-read list for months, and I am happy to start reading The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka

Memory loss is a frightening situation for anyone. Ms. Otuska writes powerfully and eloquently about Alice’s loss of her memory. I felt as if it was one of my loved ones.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The swimmers are unknown to one another except through their private routines (slow lane, medium lane, fast lane) and the solace each takes in their morning or afternoon laps. But when a crack appears at the bottom of the pool, they are cast out into an unforgiving world without comfort or relief.

One of these swimmers is Alice, who is slowly losing her memory. The pool was a final stand against the darkness of her encroaching dementia for Alice. Without the fellowship of other swimmers and the routine of her daily laps, she is plunged into dislocation and chaos, swept into memories of her childhood and the Japanese American incarceration camp where she spent the war. Alice’s estranged daughter, reentering her mother’s life too late, witnesses her stark and devastating decline.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’sJan’s Love blog.

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Growing Great Garlic in Jan's Memory
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Just for Today, Keep it Simple.
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Flowers Convert Apartment 3B Into a Home
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Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!
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A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change
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A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism

Read: February 2019

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A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism

by Carol Berkin

A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism by Carol Berkin, Presidential Professor American Colonial and Revolutionary History; Women’s History Professor at Baruch College, focuses on four crises in the first decade. Most historians view these are part of the early partisan debates in America.

Professor Berkin takes a different perspective. She focuses on how the Whiskey Rebellion, the Genet Affair, the XYZ Affair, and the Alien and Sedition Acts helped build nationalism. Despite the partisan divisions, both sides could find solutions that helped America survive its first decade. The failure to resolve anyone of these could have doomed America to failure.

The Federalists – Washington, Hamilton, and Adams – were the leaders of that first decade and managed the successive crisis of sovereignty.

A Sovereign People is one of four books from my first One Day University class.

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Lone Women

Read: March 2023

Lone Women: A Novel

by Victor LaValle

As an amateur historian, I have always enjoyed historical fiction, especially when It helps us redefine the past to be more accurate. Lone Women: A Novel by Victor LaValle is a haunting new vision of the American West from the award-winning author of The Changeling. Blue skies, empty land—and enough room to hide away a horrifying secret. Or is there? I recommend this book.

When I began reading this novel, I was unsure where it was going or what might be hidden in the steamer trunk. I was unaware of this story and found this book a well-written account of forgotten history that must be told and shared with all readers. Stay the course as Lone Women: A Novel reveals the secrets in the Trunk and the fantastic story of lone women who lived in and prospered in the old West.

Lone Women is the twenty-fifth book I have read in 2023. Although I have surpassed my reading goal, I will continue to read.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Adelaide Henry carries an enormous steamer trunk with her wherever she goes. It’s locked at all times. Because when the trunk is opened, people around her start to disappear…

The year is 1914, and Adelaide is in trouble. Her secret sin killed her parents and forced her to flee her hometown of Redondo, California, in a hellfire rush, ready to make her way to Montana as a homesteader. Dragging the trunk with her at every stop, she will be one of the “lone women” taking advantage of the government’s offer of free land for those who can cultivate it—except Adelaide isn’t alone. And the secret she’s tried so desperately to lock away might be the only thing keeping her alive.

Told in Victor LaValle’s signature style, blending historical fiction, shimmering prose, and inventive horror, Lone Women is the gripping story of a woman desperate to bury her past—and a portrait of early twentieth-century America as you’ve never seen.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Never Let Me Go

Read: August 2024

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Never Let Me Go

by Kazuo Ishiguro

I started reading “Never Let Me Go” by Nobel Prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro today. This novel, listed among The New York Times 100 Best Books of the Century, has also received critical acclaim for its unique narrative and thought-provoking themes. Written by the acclaimed and bestselling author of “The Remains of the Day,” it’s described as “a Gothic tour de force” with an extraordinary twist—a moving, suspenseful, beautifully atmospheric modern classic.

The story unfolds at Hailsham, an enigmatic and exclusive boarding school in the English countryside. The central characters, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy navigate through mercurial cliques and mysterious rules. Teachers constantly remind the students of their specialness, adding an element of suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

As young adults, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy reunite, prompting Kathy to reflect on their shared past and understand what makes them unique. The novel explores themes of identity and humanity, delving into the emotional depth of their lives, making it a genuinely thought-provoking journey that readers can deeply connect with.

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Bug Hollow

Read: June 2025

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Bug Hollow: A Novel

by Michelle Huneven

Bug Hollow” by Michelle Huneven is a decades-spanning family saga that follows the messy yet loving Samuelson clan as they navigate life after the loss of their son, Ellis. When Sally Samuelson was eight years old, her golden boy brother, Ellis, went missing the summer after he graduated from high school. He eventually reappeared at the picturesque Bug Hollow, a final remnant of the beautiful Northern California counterculture of the seventies.

Although he found joy in communal life, his life was tragically cut short in a freak accident just weeks later, leaving the Samuelson family to grapple with their grief. From that point on, the world of the Samuelsons never spun on the same axis, especially after Julia, Ellis’s girlfriend from Bug Hollow, showed up pregnant on their doorstep.

Each member of the Samuelson family has sought their form of solace: Sybil Samuelson pours herself into teaching to numb her pain after losing her beloved son; her husband, Phil, found comfort in a new love that developed while he was working as an engineer in Saudi Arabia; Katie, the high-achieving middle child, comes home to try to make peace with her mother following a cancer diagnosis. Meanwhile, Sally has become the de facto caretaker of Eva, the child Ellis never had the chance to know.

Michelle Huneven is known for her five enthralling novels, which chronicle the lives of middle-class Americans in her vividly portrayed native California. Her characters struggle with addiction, painful romances, and profound losses as they continue to seek meaning and strive to be good. She captures the Samuelson family with remarkable precision and deep empathy as they fracture and rebuild time and again.


Michelle Huneven is the author of Round RockJameslandBlameOff Course, and Search. Her books have been New York Times Notable Books and finalists for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and the National Book Critics Circle Award. She is the recipient of a Whiting Award for Fiction, a Guggenheim Fellowship, a James Beard Award, and a Literature Award from the American Academy of Arts and Letters. She received her Master of Fine Arts degree from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and teaches creative writing at the University of California, Los Angeles.



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Intimacies: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Intimacies: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

Intimacies: A Novel by Katie Kitamura is about an interpreter who has come to The Hague to escape New York and work at the International Court. A woman of many languages and identities is finally looking for a place to call home.

Intimacies: A Novel is the second book by Ms. Kitamura that I have read this year. The multiple intimacies of the novel overlap and at times seem confusing, but in the end, it makes sense even if it is unclear how or where she will live the next phase of her life. A Separation is also written hypnotic, making it difficult to stop reading.

I not only highly recommend Intimacies: A Novel but have become a fan of Katie Kitamura and look forward to reading more of her books.

Goodreads summary provides a good overview.

She’s drawn into simmering personal dramas: her lover, Adriaan, is separated from his wife but still entangled in his marriage. Her friend Jana witnesses a seemingly random act of violence, a crime the interpreter becomes increasingly obsessed with as she befriends the victim’s sister. And she’s pulled into explosive political fires: her work interpreting for a former president accused of war crimes becomes precarious as their relationship is unbound by shifting language and meaning.

This woman is the voice in the ear of many, but what command does that give her, and how vulnerable does that leave her? Her coolly impassioned views on power, love, and violence, are tested, both in her personal intimacies and in her role at the Court. She is soon pushed to the precipice, where betrayal and heartbreak threaten to overwhelm her; it is her drive towards truth, and love, that throws into stark relief what she wants from her life.

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How to Read a Book: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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How to Read a Book: A Novel

by Monica Wood

I started reading Monica Wood‘s “How to Read a Book: A Novel” today. It’s a heartfelt and uplifting story about a chance encounter at a bookstore—the novel delves into themes of redemption, unlikely friendships, and the life-changing power of sharing stories. With Monica Wood’s characteristic heart, wit, grace, and understanding, the novel illuminates the decisions that shape a life and the kindnesses that make life meaningful.

The story revolves around three characters: Violet Powell, a twenty-two-year-old from rural Abbott Falls, Maine, who is being released from prison after serving twenty-two months for a drunk-driving crash that killed a local kindergarten teacher; Harriet Larson, a retired English teacher who runs the prison book club and is facing the prospect of an empty nest; and Frank Daigle, a retired machinist who is struggling to come to terms with the complexities of his marriage to the woman Violet killed.

Their lives unexpectedly intersect one morning in a bookstore in Portland, Maine. Violet buys the novel she read in the prison book club before her release, Harriet selects the following title for the remaining women, and Frank fulfills his duties as the store handyman. Their encounters set off a chain of events that will profoundly change them.

How to Read a Book is a candid and hopeful story about releasing guilt, embracing second chances, and the profound impact of books on our lives.

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