A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 42 seconds
Shana Tova! May 5783 not only be a sweet new year but one of change.
Without Jan, my life shattered into a million pieces over the last sixteen months.
I have taken small steps, but those adjustments have been on the margins, not the core of my being.
- I have learned the activities of daily living alone (ADLA).
- I have moved into a new apartment.
But the transitions have not assisted me in defining who I am without Jan.
As Ernest Hemingway said,
We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in….
The light has allowed me to see what I need to do to regain my wholeness.
At times, the parameters of what may define me without Jan appear, but the reality is blurred.
Although Jan is still with me in spirit and always will be, I am the one still alive.
A half-century ago, I stood in the smoky, damp remains of 242 Ten Eyck Street, wearing all I had left after the fire.
I rededicated my life to being one with meaning and purpose, and I will work in 5783 to define who I am now.
God, what do you want from me? I am ready, willing, and able to do whatever mitzvot you ask me to complete.
Jan’s name is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives.
If I can change my life this year, perhaps I may one day join her as someone who lived well.
The only constant will be that Jan will be with me as I delineate who I am.
Jan’s life-changing love will never die and will be the guardrail of my year of advancement.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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Based on the demographics of life expectancy, I always believed that Jan would outlive me.
Despite the actuarial evidence, I am the one who is still alive.
I have focused the last year on celebrating Jan's life, preserving her memory, and keeping her name mentioned.
In my efforts to define how I will use these years of living alone, I also,
- I write daily about Jan, my love for her, my grief, my faith, and my life.
- I take morning walks and evening strolls.
- I read more than ever.
- I help other widows, volunteer, and serve on three boards.
