Jan’s Second Yahrzeit and She is With Me
I Am Doing Better Than I Expected
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 55 seconds
Last night, I returned home from Washington, DC, after participating in the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism’s Power of Purpose Campaign. This campaign advocates for policies that address the climate crisis, and I’m glad I was able to contribute to its cause.
Although I lit Jan’s Yahrzeit candle a little late, I don’t feel guilty. My work towards a sustainable future that benefits all of God’s children, including future generations, was a mitzvah —a good deed worth doing.
After Jan’s passing two years ago, I was unsure how to proceed. But thanks to my family, friends, neighbors, fellow widows, and Rabbi Renne, I began taking small steps towards living fully without her.
Instead of focusing on the pain of losing Jan, I focused on my love for her and the beautiful memories we shared. My memories of Jan will always be a blessing, and I want to honor her memory by performing good deeds for the sake of her soul’s merit.
This second Yahrtzeit for Jan inspires me to perform good deeds to honor Jan’s soul, which will ascend higher in heaven on this date. Tonight, I will join my fellow members of Temple Sha’arey Shalom to recite the Mourner’s Kaddish in memory of Jan and other loved ones who have passed away. We stand together as a community to honor and remember not only our loved ones but all those who have lost someone dear to them, especially those who may have been forgotten.
Although I’ve made some progress over the last two years, I still have a long way to go. But with Jan’s love and support, I can live fully and continue to share her passion for life. Her love will always be with me and will only grow stronger daily.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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Jan’s Yahrzeit Reminds Me Why Love Never Dies
During my walk, I remembered a passage from Rachel Kodanaz's book "Living with Loss, One Day at a Time" on page 138. The passage poses a thought-provoking question about whether someone would rather have their years shortened or not have any at all.
Reflecting on this question, my answer remains unchanged. Although the thought of Jan's life ending when we first met would have initially caused me great sadness, I would have eventually come to focus on the love we shared rather than the time we lost.
Celebrating Jan!
I Am Doing Better Than I Expected
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 55 seconds
While driving there, I listened to an episode of This American Life on WNYC called "Road Trip in a Tuxedo," featuring an interview with the late George Burns conducted by Margy Rochlin.
During the interview portion, I heard George talk about the loss of his wife, Gracie. I was struck by his question about how long someone can cry. Since Jan's death, I've shed many tears, but I know that crying won't bring her back. Jan and I had a wonderful life together, but hers ended too soon.
Now, instead of dwelling on my sadness, I'm trying to reinvent myself. I walk to clear my head and write about Jan to keep her memory alive. I also read a lot, hoping to find guidance for my journey. But I still need to figure out exactly who I will become. All I can do is walk with Jan's spirit beside me and move forward.
