Richard W. Brown January 4, 2022
Jan, Jon and Richard

Family of Three

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 44 seconds

Celebrate JanToday is the anniversary of Jan and I becoming parents. It is a moment of happiness that positively changed our lives.

I had always wanted to be a father. Before Jon was born, when Jan and I spoke about having children, she would answer “someday.”

It seemed as if someday would never arrive. In early 1980, we talked about it again. Jan surprised me and said we should have a child.

When she gave birth to Jon, it was one of her happiest days.

My love for Jan increased when I handed our son to her. Love Never Dies!

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Richard W. Brown
Jan, Jon and Richard

We Are Having a Baby!

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 44 seconds

April 1, 1980, the NYC Transit strike commenced. During the work stoppage, I had to travel to DC.

I rode my bike to Brooklyn Heights and left it at a friend’s apartment. I then walked over the Brooklyn Bridge and uptown to take the Path train to Penn Station. Fortunately, when I returned, the subway was running again.

When I arrived at our home on Sterling Steet in Prospect Lefferts Gardens, Jan greeted me with a hug and a kiss. “I was waiting for you to take the test.”

The two of us had big smiles after the test and, in unison, said, “We are having a baby!”

Richard W. Brown
Jan, Jon and Richard

Waiting on The Times

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 44 seconds

I had not gone out Saturday night to pick up the Sunday Times as we knew Jan was close to giving birth.

On the way to the hospital at 4 am, I stopped the car in Grand Army Plaza to pick up the newspaper. I felt an urgency to get to the hospital, so I grabbed the first paper on the stack and returned to the car.

Jan asked if I had made sure all sections were there. I had not, I responded. She checked the paper while the car idled.

Jan was in labor for almost 12 hours. She never looked at The Times.

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Checkout 19: A Novel

Read: December 2022

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Checkout 19: A Novel

by Claire-Louise Bennett

Checkout 19: A Novel by Claire-Louise Bennett, a New York Times Best Ten Best Books of 2022; the newspaper highlights the novel’s “unusual setting: the human mind — a brilliant, surprising, weird and very funny one. All the words one might use to describe this book — experimental, autofictional, surrealist — fail to convey the sheer pleasure of ‘Checkout 19.'” I fully agree with this description and found myself living in my mind.

Since Jan died in May of 2021, I have found myself with no one to talk to about the day-to-day events that consume so much of our lives. Checkout 19: A Novel reminded me that I have only been carrying those intimate conversations in my mind. Is it surreal? Yes. Yes, it is. Reading this novel helped me to accept the importance of those conversations. The new characters and scenarios I conjure are less creative than Ms. Claire-Louise Bennett’s. 

Goodreads describes Checkout 19: A Novel as the adventures of a young woman discovering her genius through the people she meets–and dreams up–along the way. Checkout 19 is a radical affirmation of the power of the imagination, and the magic escapes those who master it open to us all.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In a working-class town in a county west of London, a schoolgirl scribbles stories in the back pages of her exercise book, intoxicated by the first sparks of her imagination. As she grows, everything and everyone she encounters become fuel for a burning talent. The large Russian man in the ancient maroon car who careens around the grocery store where she works as a checkout clerk, and slips her a copy of Beyond Good and Evil. The growing heaps of other books in which she loses-and finds-herself. Even the derailing of a friendship, in a devastating violation. The thrill of learning to conjure characters and scenarios in her head is matched by the exhilaration of forging her own way in the world, the two kinds of ingenuity kindling to a brilliant conflagration.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Wilderness

Read: October 2025

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The Wilderness: A Novel

by Angela Flournoy

“The Wilderness” by Angela Flournoy is a remarkable and multifaceted follow-up to her critically acclaimed debut, “The Turner House.” A true talent, Flournoy skillfully captures how five women form deep, lasting connections over a lifetime, often reflecting the complex and uncertain nature of friendship, with sharp wit and vibrant language. The book is a finalist for the 2025 Kirkus Prize for Fiction and longlisted for the 2025 National Book Award for Fiction.

This era-defining novel centers on the lives of five Black women as they navigate their twenty-year friendship, moving through the dizzying and sometimes precarious transition from young adulthood to midlife. It is a highly anticipated second book from National Book Award finalist Angela Flournoy.

Desiree, Danielle, January, Monique, and Nakia are all in their early twenties, beginning their careers, marriages, and motherhood, while also settling into their big-city lives in New York and Los Angeles. Together, they are finding their path through the wilderness—an overwhelming, mysterious period of life filled with both freedom and consequences.

Desiree and Danielle, sisters whose shared history has only deepened their estrangement, cope with painful family wounds in different ways. January finds herself in a relationship with a “good” man but feels ambivalent about him, especially following her unexpected pregnancy. Monique, a librarian and aspiring blogger, unexpectedly gains online fame after calling out her university for its plans to whitewash its complicated history. Meanwhile, Nakia is striving to establish her restaurant without relying on her upper-middle-class family, who question whether she should pursue a more conventional career.

As these friends transition from the late 2000s into the late 2020s, evolving from young adults into grown women, they must discover what they mean to each other amid political upheaval, economic and environmental instability, and the increasing volatility of modern American life.

Angela Flournoy is the author of “The Turner House“, which was a finalist for the National Book Award, the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize, and selected as a Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers choice. It was also an Indie Next pick and recognized as a New York Times Notable Book of the Year.

Her fiction has appeared in The Paris Review, and she has written for The New York Times, The New Yorker, the Los Angeles Times, and other publications.

A graduate of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, Flournoy has taught at the University of Iowa, Princeton University, and UCLA. She currently lives in New York.

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The Little Prince

Read: May 2021

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The Little Prince

by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry is often referred to as a children’s book. I read it as a child and later read it to my children. After Jan died, I picked it up again and read it more than once.

I have found quotes from the book very helpful during my grief journey. These are three that I often use in my writing and my conversations with friends and family.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”

It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.

You see, one loves the sunset when one is so sad.”

The first quote about beautiful things only felt in the heart summarizes how I knew Jan was the one for me within seconds of meeting her.

For those who have not read the book, this overview might help convince you to read it today!

The Little Prince describes his journey from planet to planet, each tiny world populated by a single adult. It’s a wonderfully inventive sequence that evokes the great fairy tales and monuments of postmodern whimsy. The author pokes similar fun at a business person, a geographer, and a lamplighter, all of whom signify some futile aspect of adult existence.

The Little Prince will be by my bedside as long as I live!

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

by Han Kang

Today, I started reading The Vegetarian: A Novel by Han Kang, Winner of the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature. The novel also won The International Booker Prize and is one of The New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Celebrated by critics worldwide, The Vegetarian is a darkly allegorical, Kafka-esque tale of power, obsession, and one woman’s struggle to break free from the violence both without and within her.

Before the nightmares began, Yeong-hye and her husband lived an ordinary, controlled life. But the dreams—invasive images of blood and brutality—torture her, driving Yeong-hye to purge her mind and renounce eating meat altogether. It’s a small act of independence, but it interrupts her marriage and sets into motion an increasingly grotesque chain of events at home.

As her husband, her brother-in-law, and her sister each fight to reassert their control, Yeong-hye obsessively defends the choice that’s become sacred to her. Soon, their attempts turn desperate, subjecting first her mind and then her body to ever more intrusive and perverse violations, sending Yeong-hye spiraling into a dangerous, bizarre estrangement, not only from those closest to her but also from herself.

Han Kang was born in 1970 in South Korea. She is the author of The Vegetarian, which I have read, and winner of the International Booker Prize,  Human Acts, The White Book, Greek Lessons, and We Do Not Part. In 2024, she received the Nobel Prize in Literature.

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A House for Alice: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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A House for Alice: A Novel

by Diana Evans

I just started reading A House for Alice: A Novel by Diana Evans. The story is set against a complicated political backdrop but is filled with hope, humor, and humanity. A House for Alice explores the scars of grief and betrayal across generations and reveals the secrets we keep from our loved ones.

The novel opens with two tragedies that occur in London. The first is the Grenfell Tower fire, which took many lives. The second is the death of Cornelius Winston Pitt, a family patriarch who dies alone. A House for Alice is a beautiful and poignant story about a family of women shaken by loss and searching for closure.

The family matriarch, Alice, has lived in England for fifty years but longs to spend her remaining years in her homeland, Nigeria. Her three daughters are divided on the matter. The youngest daughter, Melissa, is also struggling with the aftermath of her failed relationship. The family’s foundational pillars of trust, love, and cultural identity begin to weaken as they navigate these difficult times.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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