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A Dancing Yahrzeit Candle

Estimated reading time: 12 minutes, 12 seconds
Dancing Yahrzeit Candle

Walk Day 1122

I find myself as an ordinary and flawed human navigating a world without the presence of my beloved wife. Each day, I adapt to a life of solitude, striving for independence despite imperfections. I acknowledge that there is still a long journey ahead before I can rest. As I noted earlier, two profound questions beg me to find answers: how have I discovered faith amidst my lingering uncertainties? Having accepted that God has bestowed upon me the ability to perceive, engage, and walk into the future, how should I embrace the remaining days and nights of my life?

As I sit in the cozy confines of my home, I realize that I am still searching for the answers to these questions after avoiding them for most of my life. These questions will persist in the days and weeks to come. I am deeply grateful for the support of my family and friends, and I owe it to my readers to provide a candid evaluation of my current state, the path that led me here, and where I am going. My promise is that I will share what I learn.

Counting My Blessings

Today, I walked for the 1122nd day in a row since burying my wife. It has become a habit, something other than what I do to prove I am better than anyone else. Others have their rituals that work for them. The number of days reminds me that I must live in the present and face the future. The first two single digits represent my two sons, the first number two for my two daughters-in-law, and the final two for my granddaughter and grandson. In addition, the sum of 1122 equals six. They are the next generations; I live in the present and am a bridge from the past to the present and into the unknowable future.

In closing, my wife’s memory inspires and comforts me and my family and friends as my day ends. Without her love, I would not be who I am today. We are all cousins, as Ben Jealous wrote, and I am deeply grateful for the love and support I have received during these challenging times. Your presence and shared memories have been a source of solace and a reminder of Jan’s impact on all of us.

Thank you!

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Sellout: A Novel

Read: August 2024

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The Sellout: A Novel

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Neverhome: A Novel

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

At home they are just sisters, but on stage, they are The Salvations. Ruth, Esther, and Chloe have been singing and dancing in harmony since they could speak. Thanks to the rigorous direction of their mother, Vivian, they’ve become a bona fide girl group whose shows are the talk of the Jazz-era Fillmore.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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