Planning Our Wedding!
Estimated reading time: 12 minutes, 24 seconds
Fr. John and the Interfaith Option
“Fr. John, I am not sure if I ever formally introduced you to the love of my life, Jan Lilien,” I said as we entered his office at St. John’s Church on Maujer Street. He welcomed us and held Jan’s hand firmly. As we sat in front of his desk, I spoke, “Jan and I are planning to marry in August and wanted to talk to you about co-officiating.”
“That is wonderful news! I’ve known Richard for three years, and I have great respect for him,” Fr. John declared. “I am very happy for both of you!”
Both of us said thank you in unison.
“Jan is Jewish; it will be an interfaith marriage.”
“We found a Rabbi on the upper west side who will officiate and let us use his terrace in case we have to do the wedding on our own,” Jan explained.
“I’ve done interfaith marriages and would be happy to help marry you. When is the wedding?”
“Saturday, August 9 at sunset,” Jan stated.
“That date and time work for me. Why is the location not firmed up?”
Jan and I let out an enormous sigh of relief that he was available.
“My parents are unhappy that it is an interfaith service, and I am still working on getting them to attend.”
“I hope they attend their daughter’s wedding. I can’t understand why they would not attend!”
“We agree,” I responded as I squeezed Jan’s hand.
“Jan, as I said, I have known Richard since he arrived on our doorstep in February 1972. I have never seen him as happy as he has been since he met you. And you look happy as well. I know that dozens of his friends from the neighborhood would want to celebrate your wedding.”
Jan and I looked at each other and smiled. All I could think was this was a clear answer to “why those people” would attend our wedding.
“Marriage is a significant change. It means committing to being happy and loving and supporting each other. From experience, I know it is not always easy. Have both of you thought about the impact of marriage?”
We both said yes and started talking at the same time. I stopped and deferred to Jan.
“Yes, we both know it will not always be easy, but I love him, and I knew he was the one when I met him!”
I echoed her words.
“It’s a lifetime conversation with someone you love. It is a conversation that makes the conversation stronger the longer it continues. It is best to marry someone you want to talk with for the rest of your life,” Fr. John said.
Jan and I said yes simultaneously as we had been in a never-ending conversation since we met.
We talked for a while, and I felt more excited with each passing moment.
As we left and walked down the steps to the street, Jan looked at me and said, “He never asked how we would raise our kids.”
As we walked down the stairs, I took Jan in my arms and kissed her.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
