Grief Tasks

The Best Grief Hacks (For Now)

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 54 seconds

Jan LilienI read David Brooks’s column on The Greatest Life Hacks in the World (for Now) and thought about the best grief hacks I have learned over the last year.

Two of Mr. Brooks’s lists resonated with me. I will add new ones in multiple threads.

Marriage is a 50-year conversation. Marry someone you want to talk with for the rest of your life. Jan and I fell in love during a conversation when we met. That conversation has not and will not end!

If you’ve lost your husband (or wife), sleep on his (or her) side of the bed, and it won’t feel so empty. I sleep on my side of the bed Sunday thru Wednesday and on Jan’s side the rest of the week. 

Grief hacks are how I ensure our love will never die!


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Grief Tasks
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Wait: A Novel

Read: May 2025

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Wait: A Novel

by Gabriella Burnham

Today, I began reading Wait: A Novel by Gabriella Burnham. This story is told with deep insight, humor, and an unexpected tenderness that will captivate you. The novel revolves around a family struggling against the societal issues that deteriorate their bonds, such as housing instability, immigration policies, and inherited wealth. At its core, it is also a tale about love, humor, and sisterhood, highlighting how two sisters lean on each other amid monumental changes while dreaming of a brighter future.

Elise is out dancing the night before her college graduation when her younger sister, Sophie, calls to inform her that their mother is missing. Elise promptly booked the next flight back to her childhood home on Nantucket Island, which she hadn’t visited in nearly four years.

Upon her return, the sisters are confronted with the harsh reality that their mother was stopped by the police while returning home from work and deported to São Paulo, Brazil. Despite the daunting odds, Elise boldly decides to stay fueled by her love for her mother and takes the same job she had during high school: monitoring endangered birds.

Meanwhile, her college best friend, Sheba—a lively socialite and heir to a famous children’s toy company—reveals that she has inherited her grandfather’s summer mansion on Nantucket. As Elise navigates her new reality, her worlds collide as she faces the emotional and material challenges that have fractured her family and the life in Brazil that her mother has been forced to leave behind.


Gabriella Burnham‘s debut novel, It Is Wood, It Is Stone, was named a best book of the year by Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Publishers Weekly, and Good Housekeeping. She holds an MFA in creative writing from St. Joseph’s College and has been awarded fellowships to Yaddo and MacDowell, where she was named a Harris Center Fellow. Her nonfiction writing has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar. Burnham and her partner live in Brooklyn, New York, with their rescue cats, Galleta and Franz.



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The Colony

Read: March 2025

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The Colony: A Novel

by Annika Norlin

Today, I explored “The Colony,” Annika Norlin‘s debut novel, which Alice E. Olsson has skillfully translated. This sensational bestseller from Sweden has captured the imagination of readers around the globe, with its rights sold in over a dozen countries and an exciting TV adaptation in the works. “The Colony,” has quickly become one of the most talked-about literary sensations since Fredrik Backman’s ‘A Man Called Ove.’

Winner of the Vi Literature Award and Swedish Radio’s Novel Prize, two of Sweden’s most prestigious literary awards, “The Colony” is a compelling portrayal of contemporary society and its alternatives.

Burned out from a demanding job and the hectic pace of city life, Emelie decides to spend a few days in the countryside. There, amidst the peaceful, green hills by the river, she encounters a mysterious group of seven people, each with personal stories marked by pain, alienation, and a longing to live differently. They are misfits in their ways, all led by the enigmatic and charismatic Sara.

How did they end up in this place? Are they content with the rigid roles assigned to them? And what happens when an outsider arrives, initially drawn to their alternative lifestyle, but inevitably disrupts their way of life?

A masterful blend of humor, emotion, unforgettable characters, and sharp social commentary, “The Colony” is a magnetic and deeply touching story about love, community, and our profound influence over one another.


Annika Norlin is a Swedish author, songwriter, and artist. She releases music under her name and through her projects, Säkert! and Hello Saferide. Her collection of short stories, “I See Everything You Do,” has been nominated for several awards. “The Colony” is her debut novel.

Alice E. Olsson is a literary translator, writer, and editor. She has served as the Cultural Affairs Adviser at the Embassy of Sweden in London and has received a fellowship and multiple grants from the Swedish Arts Council. Olsson was a nominee for the 2020 Peirene Stevns Translation Prize and the 2023 Bernard Shaw Prize.



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When We Cease to Understand the World

Read: September 2024

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When We Cease to Understand the World

by Benjamín Labatut

Today, I began reading When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamín Labatut, translated by Adrian Nathan West. This book, listed on The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, promises to be thought-provoking as it delves into the intricate connections between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.

In a world where scientific advancements often involve ethical dilemmas and societal implications, this book offers a unique perspective on the lives of scientists who have shaped our understanding of the world. Fritz Haber, Alexander Grothendieck, Werner Heisenberg, and Erwin Schrödinger are some of the luminaries whose troubled lives Benjamín Labatut deeply explores in his fictional examination. Labatut shows how these scientists and thinkers grappled with profound questions of existence, experiencing strokes of unparalleled genius, alienating friends and lovers, and descending into isolation and insanity. Their discoveries, some of which significantly improved human life, while others led to chaos and unimaginable suffering, continue to shape our world.

With a breakneck pace and a wealth of disturbing detail, Labatut uses fiction’s imaginative resources to tell the stories of the scientists and mathematicians who expanded our notions of the possible.

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Half His Age

Read: January 2026

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Half His Age: A Novel

by Jennette McCurdy

Half His Age by Jennette McCurdy is a strikingly insightful and humorously poignant character study of a yearning seventeen-year-old girl who faces numerous obstacles—or attempts to overcome them—in her quest to be seen, desired, and loved. This novel is a blend of sadness, humor, and thrills, exploring themes of sex, consumerism, class, desire, loneliness, the internet, rage, intimacy, power, and the often misguided lengths we go to obtain what we want. The New York Times has listed it as one of “The Novels Everyone Will Be Talking About in 2026.”

Waldo is ravenous. Horny. Blunt. Naive. Wise. Impulsive. Lonely. Angry. Forceful. Hurting. Perceptive. Endlessly wanting. And the thing she wants most of all: Mr. Korgy, her creative writing teacher with the wife and the kid and the mortgage and the bills, with the dead dreams and the atrophied looks and the growing paunch. She doesn’t know why she wants him. Is it his passion? His life experience? The fact that he knows books and films and things that she doesn’t? Or is it purer than that, rooted in their unlikely connection, their kindred spirits, the similar filter with which they each take in the world around them? Or, it’s just enough that he sees her when no one else does.


Jennette McCurdy is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” which won the 2023 American Library Association Alex Award. The book has been published in over thirty countries and has sold more than three million copies. McCurdy is also creating, writing, and executive producing an Apple TV+ series loosely inspired by “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” starring Jennifer Aniston. Additionally, “Half His Age” is her debut novel.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Witch: A Novel

Read: April 2026

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The Witch: A Novel

by Marie Ndiaye

The Witch” by Marie Ndiaye, the recipient of the Gold Medal in the Arts from the Kennedy Center International Committee on the Arts, is shortlisted for the International Booker Prize. In a small, sleepy town, a mediocre witch in a lackluster marriage attempts to pass on her gifts to her twin daughters, who quickly prove to possess abilities far greater than her own.

Lucie comes from a long line of witches, with powers passed down from mother to daughter. Many of them have hidden or repressed their gifts to appease disgusted or fearful men. But against the wishes of her controlling husband, Lucie initiates her twins into their family’s peculiar womanhood when they reach the age of twelve. In a few short months, Maud and Lise are crying rich crimson tears, their powers quickly becoming more potent than their mother’s, opening them to liberation and euphoria beyond what Lucie and her foremothers ever considered.

Equal parts dreamlike and disquieting, The Witch tells a tale as old as time, with a dark twist: Without looking back, children fly the nest, laying bare the tenuous threads of family that have long threatened to snap. With simmering tension and increasing panic, NDiaye’s latest novel in English captures the terror and precarity of motherhood and marriage, and the uncertainty of slowly realizing that your progeny are more dangerous—to the world and to your heart—and freer than you ever could have dreamed.


Marie Ndiaye was born in Pithiviers, France. She is the author of Rosie Carpe, winner of the Prix Femina, and of Three Strong Women, winner of the Prix Goncourt. Her recent novel, Vengeance is Mine, was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction. She is also the recipient of the Kennedy Center International Committee on the Arts Gold Medal. She lives in Paris.

Translated by Jordan Stump.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!


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Scarlet Carnation: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Scarlet Carnation: A Novel

by Laila Ibrahim

Scarlet Carnation: A Novel by Laila Ibrahim is a book I enjoyed reading. Having read this book, I am now a fan of Laila Ibrahim and look forward to reading more of her novels. In addition, I am a fan of historical fiction, and this is one of the best I have read about the second decade of the twentieth century.

May and Naomi are related, but their lives are very relatable to the reader. The promises of equality and transformation of women’s roles resonate even now. Bringing together the myriad issues they confront – racism, shaming for decisions they made, peace, and the interlocking of their families from a plantation, make this a book that I highly recommend.

The only observation was my shock at reading that they were petitioning President Coolidge at the start of WW I. It is a minor issue as the story flows strongly from the first to the last page.

The Goodreads overview highlights the narrative of the book.

In an early twentieth-century America roiling with racial injustice, class divides, and WWI, two women fight for their dreams in a galvanizing novel by the bestselling author of Golden Poppies. 1915. May and Naomi are extended families, their grandmothers’ lives inseparably entwined on a Virginia plantation in the volatile time leading up to the Civil War. For both women, the twentieth century promises social transformation and equal opportunity.

May, a young white woman, is on the brink of achieving the independent life she’s dreamed of since childhood. Naomi, a nurse, mother, and leader of the NAACP, has fulfilled her own dearest desire: buying a home for her family. But they both are about to learn that dreams can be destroyed in an instant. May’s future is upended, and she is forced to rely once again on her mother. Meanwhile, the white-majority neighborhood into which Naomi has moved is organizing against her while her sons are away fighting for their country.

In the tumult of a changing nation, these two women—whose grandmothers survived the Civil War—support each other’s quest for liberation and dignity. Both find the strength to confront injustice and the faith to thrive on their chosen paths.

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