What About the Kids?
Estimated reading time: 12 minutes, 21 seconds
A Teaneck Christmas
“Look, mom, how nice the tree looks with all the lights turned on,” said Jon. The tree was on the ground floor adjacent to the stairs to the second floor of our home in Teaneck. Jon was seven, going on eight, and Mile was four. Jan and I married for fourteen years and celebrated Jewish and Christian holidays.
“It looks so beautiful!”
Mike asked, “Is it the best tree you ever had, mom? Even better than the ones you had as a child?”
“I did not have them as a child,” Jan said and explained why she had not celebrated Christmas.
“I think it is time for these two boys to get ready for their baths and bedtime,” I interrupted Jan’s explanation.
I moved my sons up the stairs. “Who wants the first bath?”
After the boys fell asleep, I tiptoed down the stairs.
“All quiet upstairs,” Jan whispered.
I nodded my head.
“Can we sit in the kitchen?”
Jan put her book down and joined me in the kitchen.
We sat diagonally across from each other.
“Honey, do you want to talk about when we will finish holiday shopping.”
Yes and no, I responded.
“I have been thinking about Rabbi Darnov’s message about holidays.” I did a quick summary of his message that if we were members of Beth Am and raising the boys as Jews, we should not be confusing them by celebrating both holidays.
“I wondered what you thought about his message.”
“He made a good point,” Jan said.
“I agree with his position,” I said. “This should be our last year with a Christmas tree and the last time we celebrate this holiday as a family.”
“Are you sure?”
Yes, I replied.
“But you grew up celebrating the Christian holidays. Want you miss them?”
“Yes, but this is not about you or me. It is what is best for our family.”
“I don’t want you to give up anything, my dear.”
I shook my head.
“Our boys are getting older and soon will be ready for their Bar Mitzvahs. We need to give them a consistent religious education.”
Jan’s smile told me she agreed even though she did not speak a word.
I held her hand and reached across the table to kiss her.
“I love you! We will finish this holiday, and after Jon’s birthday in January, and your father takes the tree for garden mulch, we will tell the boys.”
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
