What About the Kids?
Estimated reading time: 12 minutes, 21 seconds
Unveiling Jan’s Headstone
I was kneeling before Jan’s headstone on a scorching first day of May. I had placed a stone on her monument. I was chatting with her as I had done for almost forty-eight years. I finished my conversation and said to Jan, “I love you, and I will love you forever.” I could see my sons, along with Nick and Shelby, arriving from the corner of my left eye.
I greeted everyone as they entered the cemetery.
“It looks beautiful,” said Mike. “But I wish we had not had to order one.”
“I agree,” said Jon. “I am so happy it is here before the first anniversary.”
My sons had prepared an unveiling ceremony based on a document prepared by the Jewish cemetery association of Massachusetts. Raising them as Jews without confusion had worked just as Rabbi Darnov had encouraged us to do.
Each of the seven of us read selections from the pamphlet.
As we started to say the Mourner’s Kaddish, I realized we only had one copy and too many people to lean in and read over each other’s shoulders. Usually, I would read the English version of Kaddish in Temple as I can not read Hebrew.
But this time, when Mike and Jon started reading the transliteration, the melody and the words flowed from my lips. Being cautious, I spoke quietly to avoid mispronouncing the words.
Yit-gadal v’yit-kadash sh’may raba b’alma dee-v’ra che-ru-tay, ve’yam-lich mal-chutay b’chai-yay-chon uv’yo-may-chon uv-cha-yay d’chol beit Yisrael, ba-agala u’vitze-man ka-riv, ve’imru amen.
Mourner’s Kaddish
If asked, I could not translate a single word, but it felt good to be saying them in front of my family and the love of my life.
As we finished, Mike handed me the unveiling ceremony pamphlet. “We thought you might want to keep this.”
Tears formed behind my eyes, but I swallowed deeply, and the tears retreated.
“Thank you,” I said.
When I arrived home, I placed it on the sideboard that I most likely will not be able to keep when I move in July. But the pamphlet, photos of Jan, and souvenirs will go with me.
But most importantly, the portion of Jan’s soul I was born with will always be with me wherever I go and wherever I live.
Love never dies; it only grows stronger every day!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
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After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
