Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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St. John the Evangelist Lutheran Church

Fr. John Heinemeier, Rest in Peace

John HeineneierIn several of my longer posts and some streams, I refer to Fr. John and my time working out of St. John the Evangelist Lutheran Church in East Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I worked as VISTA Volunteer, a formative time in my life, and Fr. John was my work supervisor.

He co-officiated our marriage and provided me with both professional and personal guidance.

A few days ago, he passed away. It was less than a year after Jan’s death.

Fr. John lived a life of meaning and impact as Jan did. My life is but a shadow compared to their lives.

Read Pastor Heinemeier’s memoir.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Finding Life’s Meaning in Williamsburg

Fifty years ago, I stood on the northwest corner of Maujer Street and Graham Avenue with five new friends. We had taken a  cab from NYC and were unsure which way to the rectory. I suggested we go east on Maujer Street and thus began a journey to find meaning and purpose in my life. […]

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Soaring Spirits at Celebrate Jan Day

Friends Help Me Celebrate Jan’s Life

Over 100 people joined us to Celebrate Jan Day in Hanson Park in Cranford, NJ.

Our family will always be grateful for all of those who attended. The reimagination of the triangle into the Jan Lilien Memorial Triangle Garden, along with the benches and the Jan Lilien Education Fund, which sponsors events and programs on sustainability and environmental awareness., will ensure that her memory and legacy will endure forever.

Please consider donating to the fund.

The photo is of friends from across the country and Canada who came to the park to celebrate Jan’s birthday.

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Jan Lilien Education Fund

The Jan Lilien Education Fund

April Showers Set the Stage for Jan's Birthday

Artwork graciously provided by Emi Sato.

Hanson Park Conservancy‘s Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors events and programs on sustainability and environmental awareness.

Topics will include measures citizens can take on their properties and community.

Please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the fund.

Checks should be made payable to the Hanson Park Conservancy with a note that this is a donation for The Jan Lilien Education Fund and mailed to:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund
Hanson Park Conservancy
PO Box 542
Cranford, NJ 07016

Your generous tax-deductible donations can and will make a difference. Thank you.

Related Links

  1. Celebrate Jan Day
  2. Jan’s Memorial Garden
  3. Donate to the Jan Lilien Education Fund
  4. Photos
  5. Additional Photos
  6. Videos
  7. Day One
  8. Day Two
  9. The Wind Sculpture Poem

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Breaking Ground for Jan’s Memorial Garden

It has been only three days since we broke ground on the Jan Lilien Memorial Triangle Garden at Hanson Park. The many friends who joined us for the day helped us with love and support. Over the next few months, we will update the garden's work progress.

Letting Go of What I Cannot Change

Letting Go of What I Cannot Change

April Showers Set the Stage for Jan's Birthday

Artwork graciously provided by Emi Sato.
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One of life’s most difficult challenges is to let go of what we cannot change. As a widow, I would pay any price, bear any burden, and meet any hardship to have Jan back with me. She was, is, and always will be the love of my life. But truth be told, I cannot bring her back. All I can do is continue to love her and share her passion with others.

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Changing Ourselves

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This quote resonated with me.
Celebrate Jan

Jan’s Celebration Will Be on TV35

April Showers Set the Stage for Jan's Birthday

Artwork graciously provided by Emi Sato.

To celebrate Jan Lilien Day, there is still time to register to join us on Sunday, April 24, 2022, at 2 pm in Hanson Park in Cranford, NJ.

We will celebrate Jan’s life as we dedicate and break ground on a living memorial for her in the park.

Thanks to Cranford’s TV35, a local access television channel, we will be able to live stream the event.

The first fifteen minutes will be a pre-recorded overview of Hanson Park and begin at 2 pm EDT. The live broadcast will start at 2:15 pm EDT.

To view the live stream, please log in to either of these TV35 video links:

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

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The Shadow King: A Novel

The Shadow King: A Novel

Today I started reading The Shadow King: A Novel by Maaza Mengiste. This book happened to offer two often overlooked threads of history. The first is Mussolini’s 1935 invasion of Ethiopia. The second one I am most interested in is the women soldiers who were left out of the historical record. I have only started, but The Shadow King is a gorgeously crafted and unputdownable exploration of female power and what it means to be a woman at war.

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Too Chilly for Jan

Too Chilly for Jan

April Showers Set the Stage for Jan's Birthday

Artwork graciously provided by Emi Sato.

Like most couples, Jan and I had different temperature preferences. Every time, I deferred to her choices.

This past year I have begun to alter the heating and cooling on the margins.

At the beginning of this month, I turned the heat off as we had a few days when we did not need it. I did the same last year fall.

Of course, the past few days have tested my endurance as the indoor temperature fell to 63 degrees.

My apartment did not have heat or hot water when I met Jan. I could see my breath.

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

St. John the Evangelist Lutheran Church
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Soaring Spirits at Celebrate Jan Day
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Jan Lilien Education Fund
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Letting Go of What I Cannot Change
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Celebrate Jan
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The Shadow King: A Novel

Read: April 2022

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The Shadow King: A Novel

by Maaza Mengiste

The Shadow King: A Novel by Maaza Mengiste is a book happened to offer two often overlooked threads of history. The first is Mussolini’s 1935 invasion of Ethiopia. The second one I am most interested in is the women soldiers who were left out of the historical record. I highly recommend The Shadow King. It is a gorgeously crafted and unputdownable exploration of female power and what it means to be a woman at war.

Hirut and Aster come alive in Maaza Mengiste talented writing. Their struggles to be seen as equal in a society at war is engaging. Hirut’s plan to create a shadow kingpin the absence of Emperor Haile Selassie is one that turns defeat into victory.

Goodreads provides a good overview of the book.

With the threat of Mussolini’s army looming, recently orphaned Hirut struggles to adapt to her new life as a maid in Kidane and his wife Aster’s household. Kidane, an officer in Emperor Haile Selassie’s army, rushes to mobilize his most muscular men before the Italians invaded. His initial kindness to Hirut shifts into flinty cruelty when she resists his advances. Hirut finds herself tumbling into a new world of thefts and violations, betrayals, and overwhelming rage. Meanwhile, Mussolini’s technologically advanced army prepared for an easy victory. Hundreds of thousands of Italians―Jewish photographer Ettore among them―march on Ethiopia seeking adventure.

As the war begins in earnest, Hirut, Aster, and the other women long to do more than care for the wounded and bury the dead. When Emperor Haile Selassie goes into exile and Ethiopia quickly loses hope, Hirut offers a plan to maintain morale. She helps disguise a gentle peasant as the emperor and soon becomes his guard, inspiring other women to take arms against the Italians. But how could she have predicted her war as a prisoner of one of Italy’s most vicious officers, who would force her to pose before Ettore’s camera?

What follows is a gorgeously crafted and unputdownable exploration of female power, with Hirut as the fierce, original, and brilliant voice at its heart. In incandescent, lyrical prose, Maaza Mengiste breathes life into complicated characters on both sides of the battle line, shaping a heartrending, unforgettable exploration of what it means to be a woman at war.

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Too Chilly for Jan
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Black Sun

Read: November 2021

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Black Sun – Between the Earth and Sky

by Rebecca Roanhorse

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse.  Black Sun is the first book in the Between Earth and Sky trilogy, inspired by the civilizations of the Pre-Columbian Americas and woven into a tale of celestial prophecies, political intrigue, and forbidden magic.

I have always enjoyed fantasy novels like Black Sun, and this is the first one set in the Pre-Columbian Americas.

A god will return
When the earth and sky converge
Under the black sun

In the holy city of Tova, the winter solstice is usually a time for celebration and renewal, but this year, it coincides with a solar eclipse, a rare celestial event proscribed by the Sun Priest as an unbalancing of the world.

Meanwhile, a ship launches from a distant city bound for Tova and set to arrive on the solstice. The captain of the ship, Xiala, is a disgraced Teek whose song can calm the waters around her as quickly as it can warp a man’s mind. Her ship carries one passenger. Described as harmless, the passenger, Serapio, is a young man, blind, scarred, and cloaked in destiny. As Xiala well knows, when a man is described as harmless, he usually ends up being a villain.

Will Serapio be harmless or a villain? The answer, my friend, will be known when you read this book or perhaps the second one in the trilogy.

Before meeting and falling forever in love with Jan, I had dreamed of the life of an American Studies professor. Thousands of students are relieved to know I did not pursue that life. If I had opened that door, an area of focus would have been on Pre-Columbian Americas.

I recommend this book and will read the next two in the Between Earth and Sky trilogy.

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Creation Lake: A Novel

Read: November 2024

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Creation Lake: A Novel

by Rachel Kushner

Today, I started reading Creation Lake: A Novel by Rachel Kushner, a two-time finalist for the Booker Prize and the National Book Award. This novel follows a seductive and cunning American woman who infiltrates an anarchist collective in France. It is a gripping page-turner filled with dark humor. Creation Lake is Kushner‘s finest achievement—a work of high art, comedy, and unforgettable pleasure.

The story revolves around a secret agent, a thirty-four-year-old American woman who employs ruthless tactics and possesses striking beauty. She is sent to carry out covert operations in France. The narrator introduces herself as “Sadie Smith” when she arrives at a rural commune of French subversives, whom she is secretly monitoring, and to her lover, Lucien, a young and well-to-do Parisian whom she meets by so-called “cold bump”—making him believe their encounter was accidental. Like everyone else she targets, Lucien is helpful to her and ultimately manipulated by her. Sadie operates with strategy and deception, following instructions from her “contacts”—shadowy figures in business and government. Initially, these contacts want her to provoke reactions. As the story progresses, their demands become more complex.

In this region filled with ancient farms and prehistoric caves, Sadie becomes captivated by a mysterious figure named Bruno Lacombe. Bruno mentors young activists who believe that the path to emancipation lies not in revolt but in a return to the ancient past. Just as Sadie thinks she is the seductress and puppet master of those she surveils, Bruno enchants her with his ingenious counter-histories, poignant laments, and tragic narrative.

In brief, striking sections, Rachel Kushner‘s interpretation of “noir” is taut and dazzling.



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The Anniversary

Read: July 2023

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The Anniversary

by Stephanie Bishop

I began reading Stephanie Bishop‘s novel, The Anniversary, today. The Anniversary is a brilliantly written novel with a gripping and fast-paced storyline. It poses some interesting questions: how blurred is the boundary between reality and fiction in a writer’s thoughts? How can we reject those we yearn for? And what are the consequences for ourselves, others, and our creativity if we don’t?

J.B. Blackwood, a novelist, is on a cruise with her husband, Patrick, to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Her husband is much older than her and was her former professor, film director, and cult figure. When they first met, he appeared ageless, like a god in the eyes of those who worship them. However, his success is dwindling, while J.B. is on the verge of winning a major literary prize. Previously, her husband always oversaw her art, but now it may overshadow him.

As they sail in the sun for days, with only dark water surrounding them, a storm unexpectedly strikes, and Patrick falls from the ship. J.B. is left alone, and the search for the truth about their marriage and what happened to Patrick begins.

The Anniversary is highly recommended for readers who enjoy Lisa Halliday and Susan Choi’s works. The story revolves around a talented writer who has to confront the unresolved death of her spouse and find the courage to stand on her own. It is a captivating page-turner that will keep you hooked till the end.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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There Is No Place for Us

Read: April 2025

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There Is No Place for Us

by Brian Goldstone

Today, I delved into There Is No Place for Us by Brian Goldstone, a poignant exploration of America’s escalating homelessness crisis. Goldstone’s examination of the issue’s scale, root causes, and consequences is a wake-up call, passionately arguing that housing must be recognized as a fundamental human right. His compelling narrative demands our immediate attention and action.

The phrase “the working homeless” serves as a stark reminder of the urgency of America’s homelessness crisis. In a country where hard work and determination are expected to lead to success, it is scandalous that individuals with full-time jobs struggle to maintain stable housing. Rising rents, low wages, and insufficient tenant rights have contributed to this alarming trend. Families are facing homelessness not due to a failing economy but because of a thriving one.

In his compelling and thoroughly researched book, Brian Goldstone explores the lives of five families in Atlanta. Maurice and Natalia attempt to rebuild their lives in the country’s “Black Mecca” after being priced out of Washington, D.C. Kara aspires to become an entrepreneur while working at a public hospital. Britt has secured a much-coveted housing voucher. Michelle is studying to become a social worker. Celeste works tirelessly at her warehouse job while battling ovarian cancer. Each of these individuals strives to provide a decent life for their children. Yet, one by one, they find themselves among the nation’s working homeless, demonstrating their resilience and the system’s failures.

Through intimate, novelistic portrayals, Goldstone exposes the human cost of this crisis, following parents and their children as they sleep in cars or squalid extended-stay hotel rooms, then head to their jobs and schools the next day. These are the nation’s hidden homeless—people often omitted from official statistics—showing that overflowing shelters and street encampments represent only the most visible aspects of a much larger problem.


Brian Goldstone is a journalist whose long-form reporting and essays have appeared in The New York Times, Harper’s Magazine, The New Republic, The California Sunday Magazine, and Jacobin, among other publications. He has a PhD in anthropology from Duke University and was a Mellon Research Fellow at Columbia University. In 2021, he was a National Fellow at New America. He lives in Atlanta with his family.



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Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

by Kate Christensen

Today, I began reading “Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel” by Kate Christensen. The book tells the story of a woman in her fifties who returns home to Maine after her mother’s passing. The novel explores themes of grief, love, growing older, and family complexities. It raises the question: Can you ever honestly go back home?

Rachel is an environmental journalist living in Washington, DC. She has been estranged from her working-class family in New England for many years. Having gone through a divorce and being childless in her middle age, Rachel is a truly independent spirit who has experienced a lot of pain. She feels like her life is falling apart and is struggling to cope with big and small challenges. However, her life takes a different turn when she gets a call to return home for her mother’s funeral.

Then, everything falls apart.

Rachel is surrounded by a cast of characters who are sometimes comical, sometimes heartbreakingly earnest. Her sister is an arriviste, her brother-in-law is an alcoholic, and the love of her life has recently married her sister’s best friend. Rachel must face her past and come to terms with the sorrow she has long buried. She must also confront the ghost of her mother, who, for better or worse, made her the woman she is today.

Lively, witty, and painfully familiar, this sophisticated and emotionally resonant novel from the author of The Great Man holds a mirror up to modern life as it considers the way some of us must carry on now.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Victory City: A Novel

Read: February 2023

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Victory City: A Novel

by Salman Rushdie

Victory City: A Novel by Salman Rushdie is an epic tale of a woman who breathes a fantastical empire into existence, only to be consumed by it over the centuries from the transcendent imagination of Booker Prize-winning, internationally bestselling author Salman Rushdie. It is well written and was a page-turner from page one to the end. I highly recommend this novel and encourage everyone to read it.

Brilliantly styled as a translation of an ancient epic, this is a saga of love, adventure, and myth that is a testament to storytelling’s power. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. I was hooked when Pampa Kampana provided the seeds that created Victory City out of thin air.

David Remnick’s interview with Salman Rushdie in The New Yorker provided background I would have missed.

“The first kings of Vijayanagara announced, quite seriously, that they were descended from the moon,” Rushdie said. “So when these kings, Harihara and Bukka, announce that they’re members of the lunar dynasty, they’re associating themselves with those great heroes. It’s like saying, ‘I’ve descended from the same family as Achilles.’ Or Agamemnon. And so I thought, Well, if you could say that, I can say anything.”

Above all, the book is buoyed by the character of Pampa Kampana, who, Rushdie says, “just showed up in my head” and gave him his story, his sense of direction. Rushdie’s pleasure in writing the novel was in “world building” and, at the same time, writing about a character building that world: “It’s me doing it, but it’s also her doing it.” The pleasure is infectious. “Victory City” is an immensely enjoyable novel. It is also an affirmation. At the end, with the great city in ruins, what is left is not the storyteller but her words:

I, Pampa Kampana, am the author of this book.
I have lived to see an empire rise and fall.
How are they remembered now, these kings, these queens?
They exist now only in words . . .
I myself am nothing now. All that remains is this city of words.
Words are the only victors.

The Goodreads summary provides a brief overview,

In the wake of an insignificant battle between two long-forgotten kingdoms in fourteenth-century southern India, a nine-year-old girl has a divine encounter that will change the course of history. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. Granting her powers beyond Pampa Kampana’s comprehension, the goddess tells her that she will be instrumental in the rise of a great city called Bisnaga–literally victory city–the wonder of the world.

Over the next two hundred and fifty years, Pampa Kampana’s life becomes deeply interwoven with Bisnaga’s, from its literal sowing out of a bag of magic seeds to its tragic ruination in the most human of ways: the hubris of those in power. Whispering Bisnaga and its citizens into existence, Pampa Kampana attempts to make good on Parvati’s task: giving women equal agency in a patriarchal world. But all stories have a way of getting away from their creator, and Bisnaga is no exception. As years pass, rulers come and go, battles are won and lost, and allegiances shift, the very fabric of Bisnaga becomes an ever more complex tapestry–with Pampa Kampana at its center.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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