My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
The Passing Storm by Christine Nolfi is a gripping, openhearted novel about family, reconciliation, and bringing closure to the secrets of the past. From the first chapter, it was a pageturner and a book that engaged me when I needed to focus on life's challenges. I was looking for something different from my most recent books.
Last night, my widow friend Betsy and I attended a performance by the Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra. Wendy, a mutual friend who is also a widow, is the concertmaster. The 2019 and 2021 winners of the Young Artist Competition performed in the two concertos, which were a pleasure for my body and soul. The symphony was superb.
On January 3rd, I wrote an article titled "Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?". In the article, I expressed my confusion and frustration over being referred to as a widow despite having moved on from the loss of my spouse. I explained how I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose and have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I also mentioned that I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual. Therefore, I requested the reader to consider me as such.
My friend and reader of my blog, Mark Annett, read my blog post. He wrote, "Your quest for a new term for the widow was noble. So, I shared your post with ChatGPT for some help. Here is what it came up with…
The month of May has been foggier than in prior years.
Raindrops are sometimes only drizzling, and other times we have a downpour that risks street flooding.
The seasons may not be synchronized with historical patterns, but they arrive.
If Spring is the season of rebirth, why am I not able to find happiness in the plethora of blooming flowers?
Perhaps the fog of grief has left me dizzy and unable to fathom the revitalization occurring around me.
If today’s fog can burn off by midday, why can’t the gloom of grief dissipate into thin air?
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“Honey, how are the worms?” Jan’s inquiry was one I was asked often after emptying the compost bucket. We took composting seriously both for our garden as well the environment.
Last night, Virginia Lamb of Groundwork Education and Consulting spoke enthusiastically and knowledgeably on Soil Health and Composting at the first event funded by The Jan Lilien Education Fund, which sponsors events and programs on sustainability and environmental awareness.
Ms. Lamb’s firm offers organic waste reduction/composting, organic gardening/farming, and sustainable soil management solutions.
Click here for a flyer with all of this year’s presentations.
Please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the fund.
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Diane Esty spoke about how much Jan enjoyed working with the Girl Scouts in Essex and Hudson Counties at Celebrate Jan Day.
Diane did not realize she was speaking on a temporary Girl Scout campground—every year before COVID, thirteen hundred Girl Scouts camp in Hanson Park.
On Thursday, May 12, at 7:00 PM in the Cranford Community Center, Virginia Lamb will speak about Soil Health and Composting in the first session funded by Hanson Park Conservancy’s Jan Lilien Education Fund.
Ms. Lamb will speak about soil health, why it is crucial to a successful garden, and the environmental benefits of composting.
This event is co-funded by Cranford Green Team.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors events and programs on sustainability and environmental awareness. Topics will include measures citizens can take on their properties and community. Click here for a flyer with all of this year’s programs.
Please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the fund.
Checks should be made payable to the Hanson Park Conservancy with a note that this is a donation for The Jan Lilien Education Fund and mailed to:
The Jan Lilien Education Fund
Hanson Park Conservancy
PO Box 542
Cranford, NJ 07016
Your generous tax-deductible donations can and will make a difference.
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Before meeting Jan, my lover for eternity, I often found myself in a series of culdesacs. As much as I would focus on the prize, I found myself in a labyrinth where my dreams would evaporate in a line dance in which I would take one step forward and then back. Line dancing was never one of my favorites, but it is how I lived.
With Jan, our life from the outside might have looked like it was a pretzel. But our love and support helped each of us stay focused.
In the year since Jan died, I have struggled, like Piranesi, to find meaning and purpose, but I will continue to seek life’s meaning and the way out of the maze.
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Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose.
by Christine Nolfi
The Passing Storm by Christine Nolfi is a gripping, openhearted novel about family, reconciliation, and bringing closure to the secrets of the past. From the first chapter, it was a pageturner and a book that engaged me when I needed to focus on life’s challenges. I was looking for something different from my most recent books.
I very much enjoyed this novel. It is focused on losses, including one parent and a daughter. I had not anticipated that but found that Ms. Nolfi handled that in an empathic way that did not trigger my grief but helped me understand my grief. The primary characters Rae, Quinn, Connor, and Griffin are brought to life by the writer. It left me wanting to know what happens to them now that they have survived the early stages of grief.
The Goodreads summary provides a good overview.
Early into the turbulent decade of her thirties, Rae Langdon struggles to work through grief she never anticipated. With her father, Connor, she tends to their Ohio farm, a forty-acre spread that has enjoyed better days. As memories sweep through her, some too precious to bear, Rae gives shelter from a brutal winter to a teenager named Quinn Galecki.
His parents have thrown out Quinn, a couple too troubled to help steer the misunderstood boy through his losses. Now Quinn has found a temporary home with the Langdons—and an unexpected kinship because Rae, Quinn, and Connor share a past and understand one another’s pain. But its depths—and all its revelations and secrets—have yet to come to light. To finally move forward, Rae must confront them and fight for Quinn, whose parents have other plans for their son.
There might be hope for a new season with forgiveness, love, and the spring thaw—a second chance Rae believed in her heart was gone forever.
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by Susanna Clarke
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose.
In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.
Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.
Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.
There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.
For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.
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by Robert A. Caro
Working by Robert A. Caro is a book of evocatively written essays on his life and work. Among the many valuable words of wisdom is his case that one needs to look at every piece of information, not just what we know when we begin. Far too often, people jump to conclusions without having learned all of the facts.
He describes what it was like to interview the mighty Robert Moses and to begin discovering the extent of the political power Moses wielded; the combination of discouragement and exhilaration he felt confronting the vast holdings of the Lyndon B. Johnson Library in Austin, Texas; his encounters with witnesses, including longtime residents wrenchingly displaced by the construction of Moses’ Cross-Bronx Expressway and Lady Bird Johnson acknowledging the beauty and influence of one of LBJ‘s mistresses. He gratefully remembers how, after years of working in solitude, he found a writers’ community at the New York Public Library, and details the ways he goes about planning and composing his books.
Caro recalls the moments at which he came to understand that he wanted to write not just about the men who wielded power but about the people and the politics that were shaped by that power. And he talks about the importance to him of the writing itself, of how he tries to infuse it with a sense of place and mood to bring characters and situations to life on the page. Taken together, these reminiscences–some previously published, some written expressly for this book–bring into focus the passion, the wry self-deprecation, and the integrity with which this brilliant historian has always approached his work.
I found this one of the best books I have read and recommend it to all readers.
by Abraham Verghese
Today, I began reading The Covenant of Water, the long-awaited new novel by Abraham Verghese, the author of the significant word-of-mouth bestseller Cutting for Stone, which has sold over 1.5 million copies in the United States alone and remained on the New York Times bestseller list for over two years. The Covenant of Water was a holiday gift from Mike, Elyssa, Nick, and Wes.
From 1900 to 1977, The Covenant of Water is set in Kerala, on South India’s Malabar Coast. It follows three generations of a family that suffers a peculiar affliction: in every generation, at least one person dies by drowning—and in Kerala, water is everywhere. At the turn of the century, a twelve-year-old girl from Kerala’s long-existing Christian community, grieving the death of her father, is sent by boat to her wedding, where she will meet her forty-year-old husband for the first time. From this unforgettable new beginning, the young girl—and future matriarch, known as Big Ammachi—will witness unthinkable changes throughout her extraordinary life, full of joy and triumph as well as hardship and loss, her faith and love the only constants.
A shimmering evocation of a bygone India and of the passage of time itself, The Covenant of Water is a hymn to progress in medicine and human understanding and a humbling testament to the difficulties undergone by past generations for the sake of those alive today. It is one of the most masterful literary novels published in recent years.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Jennifer Croft
I began reading “The Extinction of Irena Rey” by Jennifer Croft today. The novel is about eight translators searching for a world-famous author, Irena Rey, who has gone missing in a primeval Polish forest. The translators have come from eight different countries and share a deep admiration for Irena Rey. Their mission is to translate her masterpiece, “Gray Eminence,” but their task takes an unexpected turn when Irena disappears within days of their arrival.
The translators begin to investigate where Irena may have gone while continuing to work on her book. They explore the ancient wooded refuge, with its intoxicating slime molds and lichens, and study Irena’s exotic belongings and layered texts for clues. However, their search reveals secrets and deceptions that they are unprepared for. As they grow increasingly paranoid in this isolated and obsessive fever dream, the translators are forced to confront their differences, and their rivalries and desires threaten not only their work but also the fate of Irena Rey herself.
This debut novel is a brilliant exploration of art, celebrity, the natural world, and the power of language. It is a thought-provoking narrative blends humor and adventure, taking readers on an unforgettable journey with a small yet diverse cast of characters. These characters, shaken by the shocks of love, destruction, and creation, find themselves in one of Europe’s last great wildernesses, where the fate of their beloved author hangs in the balance.
by Julia Dahl
The Missing Hours by Julia Dahl is a novel I chose to read as I was looking for something different from the recent books I have read, and a fellow reader recommended this one. The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act. Like a bomb exploding, the ripple effects of the novel’s primary event impact the victim and her family, friends, and the larger community.
A trigger warning to all readers, the violent act in the novel is a sexual assault that is filmed and shared. Claudia, the victim, has no memory initially of what happened. She had been drinking and wearing clothes that she liked to wear. None of her choices is an excuse for those who victimized her.
She cannot remember what happened until a friend receives the video.
Being wealthy and social media savvy, she is aware that reporting the assault before or after the video is released would only allow her to be re-victimized. Her choices and how she seeks to secure justice make this a book I enjoyed and highly recommended.
This is the Goodreads overview.
From a distance, Claudia Castro has it all: a famous family, a trust fund, thousands of Instagram followers, and a spot in NYU’s first-year class. But look closer, and things are messier: her parents are separating, she’s just been humiliated by a sleazy documentary, and her sister is about to have a baby with a man she barely knows.
Claudia starts the school year resolved to find a path toward something positive, maybe even meaningful – and then, one drunken night, everything changes. Reeling, her memory hazy, Claudia cuts herself off from her family, seeking solace in a new friendship. But when the rest of school comes back from spring break, Claudia is missing.
Suddenly, the whole city is trying to piece together the hours of that terrible night.
From the critically acclaimed author of Invisible City and Conviction, The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act.
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by Eleanor Catton
Birnam Wood: A Novel by Eleanor Catton is a gripping psychological thriller from the Booker Prize-winning author of The Luminaries. Birnam Wood is Shakespearean in its wit, drama, and immersion in character. A brilliantly constructed consideration of intentions, actions, and consequences is an unflinching examination of the human impulse to ensure our survival. I highly recommend this novel.
The review in The New Yorker and a personal recommendation made this novel my next read.
At first, the conflict between the guerrilla gardening group and a wealthy American billionaire seemed like a story that had been told too many times. However, Ms. Catton has created a page-turner that is a must-read during our current climate emergency and the growing income gap. Although the end is foretold, it may surprise the reader while confirming the conviction that we must find an alternate way forward.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Five years ago, Mira Bunting founded a guerrilla gardening group: Birnam Wood. An undeclared, unregulated, sometimes-criminal, sometimes-philanthropic gathering of friends, this activist collective plants crops wherever no one will notice: on the sides of roads, in forgotten parks, and in neglected backyards. For years, the group has struggled to break even. Then Mira stumbles on an answer, a way to finally set the group up for the long term: a landslide has closed the Korowai Pass, cutting off the town of Thorndike. A natural disaster has created an opportunity, a sizable farm seemingly abandoned.
But Mira is not the only one interested in Thorndike. Robert Lemoine, the enigmatic American billionaire, has snatched it up to build his end-times bunker–or so he tells Mira when he catches her on the property. Intrigued by Mira, Birnam Wood, and their entrepreneurial spirit, he suggests they work this land. But can they trust him? And, as their ideals and ideologies are tested, can they trust each other?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Sarah MacLean
These Summer Storms by Sarah MacLean is a poignant and thoughtful story about the transformative power of grief, love, and family—the novel delves into past secrets, present truths, and futures shaped by wild summer storms. Alice Storm has not been welcome at her family’s magnificent private island off the Rhode Island coast for five years—not since she was cast out and built her life apart from the Storm name, its influence, and untold billions.
However, the shocking death of her larger-than-life father changes everything. Alice plans to keep a low profile, pay her final respects (as complicated as they are), and leave as soon as the funeral concludes. Unfortunately, her father had other plans. The eccentric and manipulative patriarch left his family a final challenge—an inheritance game designed to disrupt their lives. The rules are straightforward: spend one week on the island, complete their assigned tasks, and receive the inheritance.
Spending an entire week on Storm Island presents challenges for Alice. The old house is chaotic in every corner: her older sister’s secret love affair, her brother displays unwavering arrogance, and her younger sister is constantly analyzing the “vibes.” All of this is under the stern, watchful gaze of Jack Dean, her father’s intriguing and too-handsome second-in-command. It will take a miracle for Alice to escape unscathed.
Sarah MacLean is the author of sixteen New York Times bestselling novels, translated into more than twenty-five languages. She co-hosts the weekly romance novel podcast Fated Mates and is a prominent voice in the romance genre. A product of Rhode Island summers and New England storms, MacLean now lives with her family in New York City.
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