My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
After writing Road Trippin, I needed to read about other homeward-bound journeys that help us find peace and a future after a tragedy. Today I started reading She's Up to No Good by Sara Goodman Confino. The book is a funny, poignant, and life-affirming novel about family, secrets, and broken hearts. It may be the best read for my days in San Diego.
On one of our last visits to San Diego, Jan and I stayed at the Marriott Marquis San Diego Mariana.
Our room was in the same tower and had a similar view from the balcony.
Would I prefer to have Jan with me on this trip?
Yes, I would.
But after fourteen and one-half months, I know she is only with me in spirit, and that is all I need today.
As Dr. Andrew Huberman explains, there are three dimensions of relationships, and we need to remap the time and space dimensions during grief.
Jan is still with me, and our love will never die!
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Loving Jan More to Minimize Grief
I have never liked the word widow. It is better than widower but does not describe who or how I am.
But today, for the first time since COVID, I am flying across the continental US to attend Camp Widow.
Perhaps for seventy-two hours, I will need to smile and accept being called a widow.
Flying alone should be no different than living alone.
Perhaps I will fly high enough to blow a kiss to Jan.
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Am I Still Married or Am I Widowed?
Am I still married, or am I widowed? is a question that I mull over.
Most of my family and friends never think about it as they are sure I am a widow, and they based this on the legal and religious definition of marriage only lasting "till death do us part."
I always believed Jan and I were married for eternity when we met.
I have kept a daily journal of my grief journey for over a year.
In the beginning, I wrote daily in a Word document.
I believed that some of what I had to say was private, and I would share only portions on the website.
Either my determination of what is private has changed, or I have chosen to only write from a positive point of view.
Since the Spring, everything I have written I have published on this website.
I view my writings as either the first draft of history or an ongoing love letter to Jan.
Either way, the words create stories that help me keep her memory alive.
Like love, stories never die.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
My life was beginning to find meaning and purpose.
My journal entries indicated that I was confident I would regain the love I had lost by the spring.
Wes Jude, how old are you today? One week old and happy to be here.
The joy that filled my heart when I heard that Wes Jude Nucero was born continues reverberating in my heart and soul. He is a bundle of happiness that reminds us that life continues despite his grandma Jan’s death.
As I mentioned in the stream, the day he was born, Jude, the middle name, is in honor of Jan, the love of my life, Mike’s mom, and Wes’s grandmother.
It is also a nod to her love of music, especially The Beatles and their song Hey Jude.
Every time I think of Wes Jude, I start humming Hey Jude!
My love for Jan will never die!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Happy Birthday, Wes Jude Nucero!
Jude, the middle name, honors Jan, the love of my life, Mike's mom, and Wes's grandmother. It also shows her love of music, especially The Beatles and Hey Jude.
God, in her infinite and divine wisdom, had Wes Jude born fourteen months after Jan died. Wes Jude's birth on this day is a true blessing for Jan, Jude, and our family.
I woke up this morning humming All You Need is Love by The Beatles.
Of course, all I ever needed was Jan’s love.
In the 1960s, Jan and I would sing the chorus with the Beatles,
All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.
Until I met Jan, I honestly never understood love. She transformed my life, and my love for her will never die.
Humming the song today, I made a minor adjustment. Now and forever! All I need is Jan’s Love!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
A few moments before the alarm on my Apple Watch went off, I woke in a cold sweat.
I had heard Jan’s voice asking me again why I had stayed with her after the cancer diagnosis.
“A lot of people abandon their love ones when they have cancer,” she said emphatically.
My response always was that I would never leave her.
When she was in a better mood, she would always say.
I could not have managed my cancer fight without your love and support.
If I could have asked Jan one last question, it would be why did she think I would leave her because she had cancer.
I loved her, and I still love her. Love never dies!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Sara Goodman Confino
After writing Road Trippin, I needed to read about other homeward-bound journeys that help us find peace and a future after a tragedy. Today I started reading She’s Up to No Good by Sara Goodman Confino. The book is a funny, poignant, and life-affirming novel about family, secrets, and broken hearts. It may be the best read for my days in San Diego.
It was the perfect read for my time at Camp, as it was a life-affirming novel. As much as I know that life continues, She’s Up to No Good reaffirmed my belief.
I highly recommend this book.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview.
Four years into her marriage, Jenna is blindsided when her husband asks for a divorce. With time on her hands and her life in flux, she agrees to accompany her eccentric grandmother, Evelyn, on a road trip to the seaside Massachusetts town where much of their family history was shaped.
When they hit the road, Evelyn spins the tale of the star-crossed teenage romance that captured her heart more than seventy years ago and changed the course of her life. She insists the return to her hometown isn’t about that at all—no matter how much she talks about Tony, her unforgettable and forbidden first love.
Upon arrival, Jenna meets Tony’s attentive great-nephew Joe. The new friendship and fresh ocean air give her the confidence and distance she needs to begin putting the pain of a broken marriage behind her.
As the secrets and truths of Evelyn’s past unfold, Jenna discovers a new side of her grandmother and of herself that she never knew existed—and learns that the possibilities for healing can come at the most unexpected times in a woman’s life.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Ocean Vuong
In “The Emperor of Gladness,” Ocean Vuong explores the interconnected themes of history, memory, and time, revealing how love, labor, and loneliness are the foundation of American life. At its core, the narrative presents a courageous epic that examines what it means to live on the margins of society and confront the wounds that affect our shared humanity. It highlights the lengths we are willing to go to grasp one of life’s most fleeting gifts: a second chance.
One late summer evening in the post-industrial town of East Gladness, Connecticut, nineteen-year-old Hai stands on the edge of a bridge in pelting rain, ready to jump, when he hears someone shout across the river. The voice belongs to Grazina, an elderly widow succumbing to dementia, who convinces him to take another path. Bereft and out of options, he quickly becomes her caretaker. Over the year, the unlikely pair develops a life-altering bond, one built on empathy, spiritual reckoning, and heartbreak, with the power to transform Hai’s relationship with himself, his family, and a community on the brink.
Hallmarks of Ocean Vuong‘s writing—formal innovation, syntactic dexterity, and the ability to twin grit with grace through tenderness—are on full display in this story.
Ocean Vuong is the author of the critically acclaimed poetry collections Night Sky with Exit Wounds and Time Is a Mother, as well as the New York Times bestselling novel On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. A recipient of the MacArthur Fellowship and the American Book Award, he once worked as a fast-food server, which inspired The Emperor of Gladness. Born in Saigon, Vietnam, he currently splits his time between Northampton, Massachusetts, and New York City.
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by Ali Smith
Summer: A Novel by Ali Smith is a fascinating book about the times in which we live.
In the present, Sacha knows the world’s in trouble. Her brother Robert just is trouble. Their mother and father are having trouble. Meanwhile the world’s in meltdown – and the real meltdown hasn’t even started yet.
In the past, a lovely summer. A different brother and sister know they’re living on borrowed time.
This is a story about people on the brink of change.
They’re family, but they think they’re strangers.
So: where does family begin? And what do people who think they’ve got nothing in common have in common?
Summer.
Because of the two different periods and the multiple characters, I had some difficulty following the plot until about halfway to the end. Suddenly it all fit together and made sense.
The book revealed information about the internments during World War II in England that I had not fully comprehended.
Sacha’s focus on the environmental degradation augmented by the COVID pandemic provided an emotional undertow in the book.
I now must begin to read the other three novels in this Seasonal Quartet.
by Ann Patchett
Today, I began reading Tom Lake by Ann Patchett. The novel beautifully explores family, love, and growing up. Patchett once again proves herself as one of America’s finest writers. Both hopeful and mournful, it explores happiness even when the world falls apart.
The story follows Lara’s three daughters, who return to the family’s orchard in Northern Michigan in the spring of 2020. While picking cherries, they ask their mother about Peter Duke, a famous actor with whom she had a romance years before at a theater company called Tom Lake.
As Lara reminisces, her daughters are confronted with their own lives and relationships with their mothers, leading them to reevaluate everything they thought they knew. With its hopeful and mournful tone, the novel is a testament to the transformative power of understanding what happiness truly means, even amid chaos. Patchett’s compelling narrative artistry and profound insights into family dynamics weave a rich and luminous story, showcasing why she is one of our time’s most revered and acclaimed literary talents.
I have also read Patchett’s Bel Canto, a compelling tale that explores themes of strength, vulnerability, love, and confinement. It ultimately tells an inspiring story of transcendent romance.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by George Saunders
With the wisdom, playfulness, and explosive imagination we’ve come to expect from George Saunders, Vigil addresses some of the most pressing issues of our time, including corporate greed, the toll of capitalism, and the environmental dangers associated with progress. In doing so, it weaves a narrative that explores themes of life and death, good and evil, and the complex question of absolution. The New York Times has listed it as one of “The Novels Everyone Will Be Talking About in 2026.”
Not for the first time, Jill “Doll” Blaine finds herself hurtling toward earth, reconstituting as she falls, right down to her favorite black pumps. She plummets towards her newest charge, yet another soul she must usher into the afterlife, and lands headfirst in the circular drive of his ornate mansion.
She has performed this sacred duty 343 times since her own death. Her charges, as a rule, have been greatly comforted in their final moments. But this charge, she soon discovers, isn’t like the others. The powerful K. J. Boone claims he has nothing to regret. He lived a big, bold, epic life, and the world is better for it. Isn’t it?
Vigil transports us, careening, through the wild final evening of a complicated man. Visitors begin to arrive (worldly and otherworldly, alive and dead), clamoring for a reckoning. Birds swarm the dying man’s room; a black calf grazes on the love seat; a man from a distant, drought-ravaged village materializes; two oil-business cronies from decades past show up with chilling plans for Boone’s post-death future.
George Saunders is the author of thirteen books, including the novel Lincoln in the Bardo, which won the Booker Prize, and five collections of stories, including Tenth of December, which was a finalist for the National Book Award, and the recent collection Liberation Day (selected by former President Obama as one of his ten favorite books of 2022).
Three of Saunders’s books—Pastoralia, Tenth of December, and Lincoln in the Bardo—were chosen for The New York Times’s list of the 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Saunders hosts the popular Story Club on Substack, which grew out of his book, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain. In 2013, he was named one of Time’s 100 Most Influential People. He teaches in the creative writing program at Syracuse University.
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by Mariel Franklin
Mariel Franklin‘s debut novel, “Bonding,” is electrifying, sharp, and darkly humorous. It delves into the intersections of sex, technology, and pharmaceuticals in our digitally-driven world. The protagonist, Mary, is weary from a constant cycle of casual relationships and unstable jobs. After facing yet another career setback, she decides to escape to Ibiza.
There, at a party, she meets Tom, a brilliant chemist on the verge of launching a drug made to cure the anxieties of modern life.
Back in London after a heady trip, Mary runs into her volatile and driven sort-of-ex Lara, who has channeled her ambitions into an innovative dating app designed to revolutionize the industry.
When Mary begins working for Lara and falling for Tom, tech and pharma collide with shocking consequences, forcing her to question what love and success mean in a world that is hurtling out of control. A searing, elegiac satire of the way we live and work, Mariel Franklin‘s perceptive and unnerving Bonding heralds the arrival of a blazing new talent.
Mariel Franklin lives and works in London. She has an MA in English from Edinburgh University and later went on to study fine art at Goldsmiths. After graduating, she spent several years working in data administration in the tech industry. Bonding is her first novel.
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by Walt Hunter
The Singing Word: 168 Years of Atlantic Poetry, edited by Walt Hunter, celebrates the people, land, and spirit of America. This remarkable collection showcases a wide range of contemporary and historical poetry from the 168-year archive of The Atlantic magazine. Since its first issue in 1857, the poetry published in The Atlantic has drawn attention to the nation’s ongoing journey of self-discovery.
The magazine’s verse has featured odes to American leaders and landscapes, laments for the dead, and calls for change, appealing to the enduring ideals of Atlantic readers.
This one-of-a-kind collection selects poems of rousing optimism, clear-eyed realism, and moving lyricism—poems infused with the language of America’s songs, myths, and history, from the Civil War up through the present in three rich parts: National Anthems, Natural Lines, and Personal Mythologies.
Curated by The Atlantic’s Poetry Editor, this anthology features both world-famous poets—from Longfellow to Limón, including Robert Frost, W. S. Merwin, Sylvia Plath, and Adrienne Rich—as well as poets whose work has never before been published outside of the magazine.
Offering readers an essential understanding of American canon and the evolving nation, its poets have yearned to capture—the poetry of The Atlantic is the poetry of America.
Walt Hunter is a professor of twentieth- and twenty-first-century literature and chair of the English department at Case Western Reserve University. He is also the fiction and poetry editor for The Atlantic.
Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!
