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The Triad of Love

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes, 6 seconds
Packing Day

Ten Cherished Days of Memories Embracing the Fullness of Life

Remembering the loves of our lives is an ongoing journey that goes beyond anniversaries or special dates. The profound love I shared with my wife has defined who I am, and it’s hard to imagine a day passing without thinking of her. In the early days after her passing, I found myself engulfed in darkness, uncertain about how to live or even if I wanted to live at all. The incredible strength of our love has been like a guiding light, illuminating even my darkest moments.

This love has inspired me not only to embrace her passions but also to embark on my journey after loss. I share my story and actively support cancer research. I’ve dedicated myself to volunteering, taking long walks, immersing myself in books, and truly savoring every moment life has to offer. This love fuels my passion for living life to the fullest and serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, as well as the incredible power of love to inspire hope in the face of adversity.

I’ve come to realize that these small moments of remembering are not just fleeting thoughts; they are the anchors that keep us connected to our loved ones and provide comfort in our grief. Each day also brings opportunities for reflection and appreciation, a powerful tool that has been instrumental in my healing process. It reminds me of the beauty of our time together and the importance of embracing life to the fullest. The life I lead today, filled with love and purpose, would not have been possible without a marriage built on love and support.

Many of my friends have remarked that I seem transformed, almost like a better or entirely new person. While I can’t confirm or dispute their perceptions, I do know one thing: every day, I consciously choose to embrace life with open arms. I strive to savor each moment, filling my days and nights with as much joy and meaning as I can for however much time I have left.

In this post, I will share three essays that I previously published on my stream, covering events that took place over ten days from April 26 to May 5. This timeframe begins with the Big Climb, just two days after what would have been her seventy-fifth birthday, and it concludes on the fourth anniversary of her funeral.

Initially, you might think that these stories revolve around sad memories, but they reflect who I am today and offer insight into my future journey. I always appreciate your feedback, as it plays a crucial role in my growth and helps me strive to live my best life. Your thoughts and insights are invaluable to me, and I truly value your presence in my journey. It is your support that has made my transformation possible, and I am grateful to every one of you. Your support is not just appreciated; it is essential to my journey and my fight against cancer.

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Neighbors and Other Stories

Read: February 2024

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Neighbors and Other Stories

by Diane Oliver

Today, I began reading Diane Oliver‘s Neighbors and Other Stories. It’s a powerful and eerie debut collection of stories that portrays the struggles of different characters as they face the everyday dangers of racism during the Jim Crow era. The book features an introduction by Tayari Jones.

Diane Oliver is an important yet often overlooked figure in African American literature of the 20th century. She was a gifted writer, ahead of her time, whose talent was cut short by her untimely death at 22 in 1966. Nevertheless, she left behind a remarkable collection of crisply written and often chilling tales that delve into race and racism in America during the 1950s and 60s. Oliver’s insightful stories remain relevant today; this is the only existing collection of her works. She has rightfully earned her place in the literary canon as a masterful storyteller.

The passage below describes several short stories with different themes. The first story, “The Closet on the Top Floor,” tells the story of Winifred, the first Black student in a newly integrated college. In this story, Winifred begins to disappear, creating a nightmarish scenario. The second story is titled “Mint Juleps not Served Here.” It’s about a couple who live deep in a forest with their son. They will go to bloody lengths to protect him from any danger. The third story, “Spiders Cry without Tears,” features a couple named Meg and Walt. They must confront prejudices and strains of interracial and extramarital love. Finally, the last story is the titular one, and it’s a high-tension narrative that follows a nervous older sister the night before her younger brother is set to desegregate his school.

These are powerful and personal depictions of African American families‘ everyday struggles and moments of distress, illustrating how they utilize their abilities to overcome challenges. “Neighbors” is an enthralling compilation and a valuable historical and social document, displaying the remarkable literary skills of a previously overlooked author.

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

by Lily Tuck

Today, I dove into “The Rest Is Memory: A Novel” by Lily Tuck, and it’s already leaving a powerful impression. This poignant tale follows a young Catholic girl’s harrowing journey to Auschwitz, woven in a captivating Rashomon-style narrative showcasing Tuck’s brilliance as a storyteller. Esquire has rightly placed it on their list of Best Books for Fall 2024, and I can see why.

In Tuck‘s skilled hands, “The Rest Is Memory” transforms into an unforgettable piece of historical reclamation, breathing life into an innocent soul who has long been remembered only through a haunting triptych of photographs. It’s a journey that promises to linger in my thoughts long after I’ve turned the last page.

In this mesmerizing novel by Lily Tuck, we first glimpse fourteen-year-old Czeslawa riding on the back of a boy’s motorcycle. Tuck imagines Czeslawa’s upbringing in a small Polish village before her world imploded in late 1942. Stripped of her modest belongings, she arrives at Auschwitz shorn and bearing the tattoo number 26947. Shortly after, she is photographed. Three months later, she is dead.

How did this happen to an ordinary Polish citizen? This is the question Tuck grapples with in this haunting narrative, which frames Czeslawa’s story within the tragic context of the six million Poles who perished during the German occupation. A decade before writing The Rest Is Memory“, Tuck read an obituary of the photographer Wilhelm Brasse, who took over 40,000 pictures of Auschwitz prisoners—including three of Czeslawa Kwoka, a Catholic girl from rural southeastern Poland. Tuck cut out these photos and kept them, determined to learn more about Czeslawa. However, she could only gather the barest facts: the village she came from, the transport she was on, that she was accompanied by her mother and neighbors, her tattoo number, and the date of her death. Tuck crafts a remarkable kaleidoscope of imagination from this scant evidence, something only our greatest novelists can achieve.

Susanna Moore described the novel as “Beautifully written, all the while instilling a sense of horror.” Tuck’s language swirls around the reader, yet no word is out of place. The subtly rotating images tumble forth, accelerating as we learn about Czeslawa’s tragic time in Auschwitz, as well as the lives of real individuals, including the brutal Commandant Rudolf Höss, his unconscionable wife Hedwig, psychiatrist and child rescuer Janusz Korczak, and the sharp Polish short story writer Tadeusz Borowski. Although we know Czeslawa’s fate, we must keep turning the pages, thoroughly captivated by Tuck’s nearly otherworldly prose.

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Small Things Like These

Read: July 2024

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Small Things Like These

by Claire Keegan

Today, I read “Small Things Like These” by Claire Keegan, one of the New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, and the seventeenth book I have read from that list. “Small Things Like These” is award-winning author Claire Keegan‘s landmark new novel, a tale of one man’s courage and a remarkable portrait of love and family.

The story is set in 1985 in a small Irish town. During the weeks leading up to Christmas, Bill Furlong, a coal merchant and family man, faces his busiest season. Early one morning, while delivering an order to the local convent, Bill makes a discovery that forces him to confront his past and the complicit silences of a town controlled by the church.

I found this short but well-written novel very impactful. The following quote explains the powerful impact of the need for meaning and purpose in our lives as Furlong walks in the snow after taking action after bringing home a young girl from a Magdalen laundry. How often can we ignore the small things like these and still look ourselves in the mirror?

“As they carried on along and met more people Furlong did and did not know, he found himself asking was there any point in being alive without helping one another? Was it possible to carry on along through all the years, the decades, through an entire life, without once being brave enough to go against what was there and yet call yourself a Christian, and face yourself in the mirror?”

As an international bestseller, ‘Small Things Like These‘ is a profoundly moving story of hope and quiet heroism. It’s a narrative that will make you admire the characters and stir your empathy, all crafted by one of our most critically acclaimed and iconic writers. The characters in the story are so relatable that you will feel understood and deeply invested in their journey.

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How the Word is Passed

Read: December 2021

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How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America

by Clint Smith

How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America by Clint Smith. This book was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected How the Word is Passed as one of the best books published this year. Beginning in his hometown of New Orleans, Clint Smith leads the reader on an unforgettable tour of monuments and landmarks—those that are honest about the past and those that are not—that offer an intergenerational story of how slavery has been central in shaping our nation’s collective history, and ourselves.

How the Word is Passed is one of the best books I have read in 2021. I had read an excerpt in The Atlantic on the Whitney Plantation, one of the only former plantations devoted to preserving the experience of the enslaved people whose lives and work sustained it. Like most of us, I had placed the book on my to-read list, where it remained lost in the cobwebs. Fortunately, my son Jon purchased the book for me.

Secondly, the book rekindled my long-lost dream of being an American Studies professor. As soon as Jan and I met, I dropped plans to leave Brooklyn and start graduate school in the fall of 1974. I made that decision primarily because of how much I loved Jan. But it was also partly that I did not have a clear vision of what my life would be like as a professor. The book provided clear examples of people like Yvonne Holden at The Whitney Plantation redefining history to be more accurate and inclusive. I probably could not have done as well as she did, but I can now see that it might have resulted in a career for me that could have been impactful.

Goodreads provides this overview for those who still need to be convinced to read this book.

It is the story of the Monticello Plantation in Virginia, the estate where Thomas Jefferson wrote letters espousing the urgent need for liberty while enslaving over 400 people on the premises. It is the story of the Whitney Plantation, one of the only former plantations devoted to preserving the experience of the enslaved people whose lives and work sustained it. It is the story of Angola Prison in Louisiana, a former plantation named for the country from which most of its enslaved people arrived and which has since become one of the most gruesome maximum-security prisons in the world. And it is the story of Blandford Cemetery, the final resting place of tens of thousands of Confederate soldiers.

In a deeply researched and transporting exploration of the legacy of slavery and its imprint on centuries of American history, How the Word Is Passed illustrates how some of our country’s most essential stories are hidden in plain view-whether in places we might drive by on our way to work, holidays such as Juneteenth, or entire neighborhoods—like downtown Manhattan—on which the brutal history of the trade in enslaved men, women and children has been deeply imprinted.

Informed by scholarship and brought alive by the story of people living today, Clint Smith’s debut work of nonfiction is a landmark work of reflection and insight that offers a new understanding of the hopeful role that memory and history can play in understanding our country.

How the Word is Passed is one of the best books I have read this year and many prior ones. I encourage you to read it and share your comments.

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Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

by Jonathan Lethem

I recently recommended reading “Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel” by Jonathan Lethem. The story is set in 1970s Brooklyn, where a daily ritual occurs on the streets. This ritual involves exchanging money, surrendering belongings, and asserting power. Violence is promised everywhere and becomes a currency itself.

Regardless of race, the street is like a stage in the shadows for the children. In the background, other players hide, including parents, cops, renovators, landlords, those who write the headlines, histories, and laws, and those who award this neighborhood its name.

Although the rules seem apparent initially, in memory’s prism, the roles of criminals and victims may appear to trade places. The voices of the past rise and gather as if in harmony, then war with one another. A street may seem to crack open and reveal what lies behind its shimmering facade. None who lived through it are ever permitted to forget.

Jonathan Lethem has written this story with kaleidoscopic verve and delirious wit, making it a breathtaking tour de force by a writer at the top of his powers. He has crafted an epic interrogation of how we fashion stories to contain the uncontainable: our remorse at the world we’ve made. He is known as “one of America’s greatest storytellers” by the Washington Post.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Can You Feel This?

Read: January 2023

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Can You Feel This?

by Julie Orringer

Today I read Can You Feel This? by Julie Orringer. This short story rekindled so many memories. In the chaos of a maternity ward, memories of tragedy and grief come flooding back for an anxious mother-to-be as she struggles to balance her child’s needs with her healing. Although Jan and I did not have the shadows of tragedy and grief when our sons were born, this short story was more than a page-turner. Can You Feel This? reminded me of the power of the love Jan and I shared.

When our second son was born, we almost had him at home or in the as we waited too long. In Can, You Feel This? , that was not the case. Both children had two loving parents but also grandparents.

When Jan had the first of several hospitalizations, she was in the hospital where her mother died. Jan told me her feelings, and I comforted her, but I could not fully comprehend her angst.

Can You Feel This? is part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. This is the second one in the series I have read. The previous one was Everything That my Mother Taught Me.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Rushed into an emergency cesarean section, a woman finds herself in the same hospital where her suicidal mother died. She’s buried the trauma of her mother’s last hours—and also the dread that she might be just as vulnerable to breaking. As the new mother relives one crisis in the midst of another, prize-winning author Julie Orringer turns the joyous event of birth into a harrowing, poignant short story.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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