The Day Jan and I Married!

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 seconds

Jan’s Wedding Vows

And in the name of love, Richard Brown, I promise to love you, cherish you, respect you, and honor you in all the different times of our lives and as long as we both possess life.
To allow you the space, you need to be yourself, a separate person, and yet to try and unite us as two people together.
To support and aid you, honestly and realistically, and to allow me to be helped in the same way. 
To understand, accept, and respect you and our differences, and yet try and bridge those differences to enable us to change and grow together.
All of this I pledge on this day of our marriage, and from this time forth.

Jan’s Wedding vows, August 9, 1975

Once Jan finished her vows, she placed my wedding ring on my finger and said, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Richard’s Wedding Vows

Today is the time for our marriage. Before our families, friends, neighbors, and God, I promise to you, Janice Caren Lilien, not only to love you but to honor, cherish, and respect you all the days and nights of our lives. 
I pledge to both encourage and assist you in being true to yourself even as we make the difficult struggle to unite ourselves initially as a family of two.
I pledge to not only be your husband but your friend, always attempting as best as I can to accept and understand our similarities and differences.
All this I pledge to you on this day of our marriage and from this time forth.

RICHARD’S WEDDDING VOWS, AUGUST 9, 1975

When I finished my vows, I took a deep breath to hold back the tears forming in my throat. I then placed Jan’s wedding ring on her hand and said louder than my vows, “With this ring Janice Caren Lilien, I thee wed now and forever!”

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30 comments add your comment

  1. What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!

    • Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.

      In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.

      Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.

        My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.

        Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.

        Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.

      If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.

      As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.

      The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.

      Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.

      I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The Secrets we Left Behind

Read: March 2022

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The Secrets We Left Behind

The Secrets We Left Behind by Soraya M. Lane is a historical fiction that raises the question, where were the women after Dunkirk and the fall of France? When World War II appeared to have been lost with a Nazi victory. Ms. Lane watched the movie Dunkirk and then researched that time and the women’s possible roles during that difficult moment in history.

She connected the evacuation at Dunkirk to the Massacre at Le Paradis, fifty miles away, to connect a British nurse and two French women whose strength helps them survive Nazi-occupied France. Three British male soldiers, two of whom survived the massacre and one who escaped Dunkirk, have secondary roles in the novel. 

The Secrets We Left Behind is the story of the three strong women and their efforts to survive the occupation while hiding the three soldiers. This focus on the role of women has been long overdue in history. Ms. Lane, who studied to be a lawyer, has found a career as a writer. The Secrets We Left Behind is the first book I have read, but it will not be the last one by Ms. Lane that I read.

I strongly recommend this book!

The Goodreads synopsis provides an overview of the novel.

How far will they go for family, friendship, and love? Occupied France, 1940. When the staff at a field hospital draw straws to find out who will join the evacuation from Dunkirk, Nurse Cate is left behind. But when the Nazis arrive to claim prisoners of war, she takes her chance and flees into the night, taking one patient with her.

Fifty miles away, the surrendering soldiers of the Royal Norfolk Regiment are shot dead by the advancing Germans. Beneath the pile of bodies, two men survive, crawling to the safety of a nearby farmhouse, where sisters Elise and Adelaide risk their lives to take them in. When Cate, too, arrives at their door with her injured soldier, the pressure mounts.

The sisters are risking everything to keep their visitors safe. But with the Nazis coming ever closer and relationships in the farmhouse intensifying, they must all question the sacrifices they are willing to make for the lives of others. How far will they go for family, friendship, and love?

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Read: March 2025

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Tilt: A Novel by Emma Pattee

by Emma Pattee

Today, I began reading “Tilt: A Novel” by Emma Pattee. Set over a single day, this electrifying debut novel features a potent new literary voice, according to Vogue. It follows one woman’s journey through a transformed city as she grapples with the weight of her past and holds fervent hope for the future. Tilt is a gripping narrative about our disappointments and desires, exploring the lengths we will go to for the people we love.

You and I were safe last night. Your father and I fought in the kitchen, but it felt like another universe.

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Emma Pattee is a climate journalist and fiction writer. Her work has been published in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian, and elsewhere. She lives in Oregon.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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Read: September 2019

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The Hidden Habits of Genius

by Craig Wright

The Hidden Habits of Genius: Beyond Talent, IQ, and Grit―Unlocking the Secrets of Greatness by Craig Wright, Ph.D., I got through my membership in One Day University.

Dr. Wright raises many important questions as he analyses fourteen (14) critical traits of genius. Professor Craig Wright, creator of Yale University’s famous “Genius Course,” explores what we can learn from brilliant minds that have changed the world.

What we often presume about a genius does not match reality. Among other interesting observations, Dr. Wright reminds the reader that Picasso could not pass a fourth-grade math test, and Steve Jobs’s high school GPA was 2.65. He questions why to teach children to behave and play by the rules when transformative geniuses do not.

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I found the book to be a fascinating read and raised more questions for future thought and reading. Professor Wright argues that the habits of mind that produce great thinking and discovery can be actively learned and cultivated. In the book, he explains how. He notes that reading the book will not make you a genius but can “make you more strategic, creative, and successful, and, ultimately, happier.

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Four Spirits

Read: July 2021

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Four Spirits

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Four Spirits by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book that I could not put down. It is a page-turner. The title is from the four girls killed at Sunday School in Birmingham. When that happened in 1963, I was only a few years older and the impact brought home to me that we lived in a broken world that required repair. Like Stella Silver in the novel, my life changed as a result of the bombing. 

As my reading list may indicate, I have always preferred non-fiction with a preference for history. Picking this novel up combined my prior reading habits with my desire to read books that my wife, Jan, recommended.

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In Birmingham, Alabama, twenty-year-old Stella Silver, an idealistic white college student, is sent reeling off her measured path by the events of 1963. Combining political activism with single parenting and night-school teaching, African American Christine Taylor discovers she must heal her own bruised heart to actualize meaningful social change. Inspired by the courage and commitment of the civil rights movement, the child Edmund Powers embodies hope for future change. In this novel of maturation and growth, Naslund makes vital the intersection of spiritual, political, and moral forces that have redefined America.

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The book’s critical focus on the “intersection of spiritual, political, and moral forces that have redefined America” makes this a must-read. The redefinition has made America a better country but, we may be retreating from that ideal.

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The Way of Integrity

Read: February 2025

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The Way of Integrity

by Martha Beck

Today, I started reading Martha Beck‘s “The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self,” a book recommended by my friend Mark. I always appreciate receiving book recommendations from friends and readers of my blog. In her self-help book, Ms. Beck asserts, “Integrity is the cure for psychological suffering. Period.” This book will be invaluable during my early period of grief. I purchased the eBook from Bookshop and plan to do so.

Bestselling author, life coach, and sociologist Martha Beck explains why “integrity”—needed now more than ever in these tumultuous times—is the key to a meaningful and joyful life. As she writes,

This book, as you may have gleaned from the title, is all about integrity. But I don’t mean this in a moralizing sense. The word integrity has taken on a slightly prim, judgmental nuance in modern English, but the word comes from the Latin integer, meaning “intact.” To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided. When a plane is in integrity, all its millions of parts work together smoothly and cooperatively. If it loses integrity, it may stall, falter, or crash. There’s no judgment here. Just physics.

In The Way of Integrity, Beck presents a four-stage process that anyone can use to find integrity, a sense of purpose, emotional healing, and a life free of mental suffering. Many issues, such as people-pleasing, staying in stale relationships, and maintaining unhealthy habits, arise from a disconnection from what truly makes us feel complete.

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When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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Read: April 2025

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Vanishing World

by Sayaka Murata

Today, I began reading Sayaka Murata‘s Vanishing World, translated by Ginny Tapley Takemori. This novel, from the author of the bestselling literary sensations Convenience Store Woman and Earthlings, presents a surprising and highly imaginative story set in an alternate version of Japan where sexual relations between married couples have disappeared, and all children are conceived through artificial insemination.

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Sayaka Murata is the author of several books, including Convenience Store Woman, which won the Akutagawa Prize, Earthlings, and Life Ceremony. Freeman has recognized her as a “Future of New Writing” author, and Vogue Japan has honored her as a Woman of the Year.

Ginny Tapley Takemori has translated works from more than a dozen Japanese writers, including Ryu Murakami. She resides at the foot of a mountain in Eastern Japan.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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