Sharon Brous, a prominent American rabbi, argues in The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World that the essential spiritual work of our time—though instinctual and often countercultural—focuses on connecting through celebration, sorrow, and solidarity. We must support each other in times of joy and pain, embrace vulnerability and possibility, nurture relationships with shared purposes, and create communities centered on care.
The Amen Effect is a Book for Our Moment!
Rabbi Sharon Brous's Message of Healing: Embracing Both Pain and Joy!
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 4 secondsAs a child, I was the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve, tears flowing freely in response to both joy and sorrow. As I transitioned into young adulthood, I reveled in this sensitivity, convinced it made me a true man—one unafraid to be vulnerable and express his emotions. But everything changed when my wife was diagnosed with lymphoma. Suddenly, those tears felt dangerously heavy. I found myself crying not just for her but also out of a profound fear that it should have been me facing this battle instead.
As her caregiver, the weight of my emotions became a burden—I felt the need to project strength, to hide my tears behind a brave facade. When my wife passed away, I embarked on a conscientious journey to regain my resilience. This path transformed me, instilling a strength I never knew I had and igniting a sense of purpose. My Rabbi Uri Allen, friend Danny, and others have told me I’ve become a better person through this experience. Yet, I needed a way to understand who I am and how to live fully.
On Tuesday, March 18th, I attended the Kol Tzedek Speakers Series at Temple Emanu-El in Westfield. I was captivated by an inspiring presentation from Rabbi Sharon Brous, the author of “The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World.” From the moment she spoke her first words, my eyes brimmed with tears, a testament to the deep emotional connection she stirred within me.
As Rabbi Brous, the senior and founding Rabbi of IKAR, spoke about the brokenness of the world and the importance of accepting both the pain and moments of joy in life, I realized that I had managed to navigate my grief by following her advice despite hearing her for the first time almost four years after my wife’s death. How could I, an ordinary man, have learned to grieve and live?
In the early days of my grief, it would have been easy for me to shut myself off from the world and become a hermit. Instead, I chose to engage with life. I began a separate set of tasks that became a testament to my conscientious resilience, a testament to personal growth and empowerment. I took walks, met new people, read, wrote, worshiped, volunteered, and continued to dream.
During this time, I had an excellent therapist and several grief support groups. Two and a half months after the funeral, my youngest son invited me to his wedding. My therapist believed it was an excellent opportunity for me to embrace joy after my loss and reminded me that I was attending not as a widow but as the groom’s father. The other widows in my support groups expressed concern about attending a wedding. In hindsight, I realized this was the beginning of my recovery.
Celebrating love gave me the confidence to realize that I could live fully after my loss. Day by day, other moments of joy occurred, including fourteen months to the day after my grandson Wes’s first, which rekindled my faith. I also enjoyed volunteering, discovering new insights from books, and helping others. This journey was made possible by the support and understanding of my community.
As I listened to Rabbi Borus, I realized she perceived me not as a broken man but as someone who had found meaning and purpose during my grief. She offered a framework for what I had come to understand through my trials and errors. A bridge over troubled waters needs more than bricks and mortar; it requires faith in a structure that holds the bridge together despite the stress and strains.
As I read her book, I wanted to skim its pages, yet I knew I must take the time to truly absorb the meaning of each word. With the support of my friends, I’ve overcome challenges and look forward to deepening my understanding of how I’ve reached this moment in my life. The Amen Effect offers guidance on my journey. When I asked Rabbi Borus to sign a book for a friend who was unable to attend, I expressed how her words had transformed my life, showing me how and why I am a better person. I embrace her wisdom and will share my knowledge to uplift others.
If you would like to read my review of The Amen Effect, please click here.
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