Rabbi Renee and Me

Rabbi Renee’s First Shabbat in Tinton Falls

Discovering Life's Timeless Realities

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 6 seconds
Rabbi Renee and Me

Rabbi Renee and Me at Her First Shabbat at Monmouth Reform Temple

I was honored when Rabbi Renee invited me to her inaugural Shabbat services at the Monmouth Reform Temple (MRT) in Tinton Falls on July 7th. With over one hundred and ninety congregants expected, she requested my presence to offer a calming influence from the front pew. Her generous offer included a seat with her family, treating me like one of their own. Despite my reservations about my ability to offer comfort, I accepted the invitation, even with the potential traffic issues on a summer Friday evening near the shore.

Surprisingly, there was less traffic than anticipated, and I arrived early on Friday night. As I entered the MRT, I immediately noticed a banner welcoming Rabbi Renee Edelman and heard her voice. As I made my way down the hallway, Cantor Gabrielle Clissold hugged me and remembered me from the second night of Passover Seder. Every person I encountered, whether we had met before or not, was friendly and welcoming throughout the evening. Rabbi Renee even introduced me to her MRT family, which made me feel included and grateful that I had attended the Shabbat services.

Rabbi Renee has been an incredible source of strength and comfort for my wife, Jan, and me. Her unwavering support throughout Jan’s battle with lymphoma was truly invaluable. Even after Jan’s passing, Rabbi Renee continued to show love and compassion, providing hope.

With Rabbi Renee’s guidance, I discovered solace and comfort in Merrit Malloy’s Epitaph. This newfound understanding of life’s eternal truth has allowed me to navigate my grief and fully embrace Jan’s spirit. I am forever grateful for the unwavering love and support of my family, friends, and fellow widows. Thanks to Rabbi Renee, I can live life to the fullest.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

Rabbi Dr. Renee Goldberg Edelman speaks about Jan and how much she misses her at Celebrate Jan Day.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Love Generates Quasi-buried Treasures

During my morning walk, I reflected on the intensity of my dream and how our love deepened over time. Lorrie Moore's quote, "Love was its little generator of quasi-buried treasure," filled me with happiness. I felt like expressing my love for you loudly and publicly, like shouting it from the rooftops!

Show thread (1)

Rabbi Renee and Me

Epitaph by Merrit Malloy

Discovering Life's Timeless Realities

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 6 seconds

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.
 
And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.
 
I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.
 
Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on in your eyes
And not your mind.
 
You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.
 
Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

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American Dirt

Read: September 2021

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American Dirt

by Jeanine Cummins

American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins is one of the best books I have read this year.

American Dirt is a “cross-genre novel that combines elements of a commercial thriller, literary fiction, suspense, and romance.” American Dirt refers to the land that is the United States of America and to the difficulty undocumented migrants face both before and after crossing the border.

According to SuperSummary,

Lydia Quixano Pérez, a bookstore owner in Acapulco, saves her son Luca from a massacre that wipes out their entire family at a quinceañera cookout. The perpetrators are three sicarios, killers for Los Jardineros, a violent local cartel. Javier Crespo Fuentes, Lydia’s close friend and the jefe of Los Jardineros, ordered the hit in retaliation for an exposé written by Lydia’s husband, a journalist named Sebastián Pérez Delgado. Javier’s murderous rage stems not from the article itself, but from the impact it has on his daughter, Marta, who commits suicide when she learns of her father’s true identity. Lydia and Luca spend the rest of the novel running from Javier’s men, encountering a diverse cast of migrants along the road to the US.

I read the book at the same time that Haitian migrants were being deported at the border. Ms. Cummins writes passionately about the plight of migrants and the difficulties they face as they seek a new life in the US. This book highlighted this to me in ways that I understood intellectually but not emotionally.

Ms. Cummins refers to a sign she saw in Spanish in Tijuana while she was researching this book:

También de este lado hay sueños.

On this side, too, there are dreams.

All of our ancestors were migrants, and they all had dreams of a better life. We need to find a better way to help those who now have goals find a home so that their hopes for a better future can come true.

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Flesh

Read: May 2025

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Flesh: A Novel

by David Szalay

David Szalay, a finalist for the Booker Prize, has written a gripping and mesmerizing novel, Flesh, which follows a man whose life is turned upside down by events beyond his control. Concise and thought-provoking, Flesh delves into the subtle yet lasting effects of unresolved trauma amid the instability and violence of an increasingly globalized Europe. The novel offers sharp insights, unwavering emotional depth, and a remarkable portrayal of humanity.

Teenaged István lives with his mother in a quiet apartment complex in Hungary. Shy and new to the area, he struggles to engage with the social rituals of his classmates and soon becomes isolated. His only companion is his neighbor, a married woman of a similar age to his mother, whom he begrudgingly assists with errands. As their periodic encounters evolve into a clandestine relationship that István can barely comprehend, his life spirals out of control, culminating in a violent accident that results in a man’s death.

A tumultuous journey unfolds as István emigrates from Hungary to London, navigating a series of jobs before securing steady employment as a driver for London’s affluent elite. At each stage, his life is influenced by the goodwill or self-interest of strangers. Throughout it all, István remains a calm, detached observer of his existence. Through his perspective, we experience a tragic twist on the immigrant “success story,” lit by moments of sensitivity, softness, and Szalay’s keen observations.

Fast-paced and immersive, Flesh reveals István’s life through intimate moments with lovers, employers, and family members, charting his experiences over several decades. As the story unfolds, the tension between what is seen and unseen, and what can and cannot be expressed, intensifies until, ultimately, a sudden tragedy jeopardizes István’s life yet again.


David Szalay is the author of Turbulence, London and the South-East, and All That Man Is. He has been awarded the Gordon Burn Prize and the Paris Review Plimpton Prize for Fiction, and has been shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize. Born in Canada, he grew up in London and now lives in Vienna. His most recent novel is Flesh.



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Conjure Women

Read: November 2021

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Conjure Women: A Novel

by Afia Atakora

Conjure Women by Afia Atakora is about a mother and her daughter with a shared talent for healing—and for the conjuring of curses — at the heart of this dazzling first novel. Conjure Women takes place before, during, and after the Civil War. The book is structured around three-time frames; Slaverytime, Freddomtime, and Wartime.

Having grown up in the South and heard far too many stories about the Lost Cause, it was a joy to read a book narrated by two African-American women. The third leading character is the daughter o the owner of the plantation. At the end of the war, she was hidden away for six years and was unaware the South had surrendered.

Conjure Women is a sweeping story that brings the world of the South before and after the Civil War vividly to life. Spanning eras and generations, it tells of the lives of three unforgettable women: Miss May Belle, a wise healing woman; her precocious and observant daughter Rue, who is reluctant to follow in her mother’s footsteps as a midwife; and their master’s daughter Varina. The secrets and bonds among these women and their community come to a head at the beginning of a war and at the birth of an accursed child, who sets the townspeople alight with fear and a spreading superstition that threatens their newly won, tenuous freedom.

Magnificently written, brilliantly researched, and richly imagined, Conjure Women moves back and forth in time to tell the haunting story of Rue, Varina, and May Belle, their passions and friendships, and the lengths they will go to save themselves and those they love.

Since Jan died, I have read many books that I know she enjoyed. We both enjoyed Call the Midwife, and this book focused on birthing and mothering. Although conjuring was their medical care and not the type practiced in poplar by the Midwives, we would both have enjoyed the book.

Conjure Women also raises questions about the meaning of freedom. For example, Rue chooses not to leave the former plantation after the Klan attacks despite being free.

I recommend this book and look forward to reading more from Afia Atakora.

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Angel Down

Read: December 2025

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Angel Down: A Novel

by Daniel Kraus

Angel Down” by Daniel Kraus immerses readers in World War I, weaving a complex tale of survival, supernatural wonder, and moral conflict. Five soldiers on a mission to venture into the perilous No Man’s Land to euthanize a wounded comrade. Instead, they discover a fallen angel. “Angel Down” was recognized as one of the New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2025.

Private Cyril Bagger has survived the unspeakable horrors of the Great War by relying on his wits and deception, swindling fellow soldiers at every opportunity. However, his survival instincts are put to the ultimate test when he and four other soldiers are given a deadly mission: to venture into No Man’s Land to end the suffering of a wounded comrade.

What they find amidst the ruined battlefield, however, is not a man in need of mercy, but a fallen angel, seemingly struck down by artillery fire. This celestial being may hold the key to ending the brutal conflict, but the soldiers must suppress their individual desires and work together. As jealousy, greed, and paranoia take hold, the group is torn apart by their inner demons, threatening to transform their angelic encounter into a descent into hell.


Daniel Kraus is a New York Times bestselling author known for his novels, television, and film work. His novel Whalefall received a front-cover review in The New York Times Book Review, won the Alex Award, and was a finalist for the LA Times Book Prize. Recognized as one of the Best Books of 2023 by NPR, The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, and several other publications.

Kraus coauthored The Shape of Water with Guillermo del Toro, based on the idea they developed for the Oscar-winning film. He also collaborated with del Toro on Trollhunters, which was adapted into the Emmy-winning Netflix series. Additionally, Kraus co-wrote The Living Dead and Pay the Piper with the legendary filmmaker George A. Romero. His novel The Death and Life of Zebulon Finch was named one of Entertainment Weekly’s Top 10 Books of the Year.

Throughout his career, Kraus has received numerous accolades, including the Bram Stoker Award, the Scribe Award, and two Odyssey Awards (for both Rotters and Scowler). He has been featured multiple times as a Library Guild selection and recognized by YALSA as a Best Fiction for Young Adults. His works have been translated into over twenty languages. Daniel Kraus resides in Chicago with his wife. Visit him at DanielKraus.com.



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The Amen Effect

Read: March 2025

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The Amen Effect

by Sharon Brous

Sharon Brous, a prominent American rabbi, argues in The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World that the essential spiritual work of our time—though instinctual and often countercultural—focuses on connecting through celebration, sorrow, and solidarity. We must support one another in times of joy and pain, embracing vulnerability and possibility, nurturing relationships with shared purposes, and creating communities centered on care.

From one of our country’s most prominent rabbis comes this inspiring book about the power of community, based on one of her most impactful sermons. What will it take to mend our broken hearts and rebuild our society in a time of loneliness, isolation, social rupture, and alienation?

Brous contends that honoring our most basic human instinct—the yearning for authentic connection—is the way to reawaken our shared humanity and begin the healing process. This kind of sacred presence is captured by the word amen, a powerful ancient idea that we affirm the fullness of one another’s experience by demonstrating, in body and word: “I see you. You are not alone.”

An acclaimed preacher and storyteller, Brous pairs heart-driven anecdotes from her experience building and pastoring to a leading-edge faith community over the past two decades with ancient Jewish wisdom and contemporary science. The result is a clarion call: the sense of belonging engendered by our genuine presence is both a social and biological need, as well as a moral and spiritual necessity.

With original insights and practical tools, The Amen Effect translates foundational ideas into simple practices that connect us to our better angels, offering a blueprint for a more meaningful life and a more connected and caring world.

As she writes in the preface, after listing the joys and pains of life, weddings, births, and death,

It’s in these times that I feel the weight of the work, the privilege of being alive, the blessing of being so close to such raw beauty and pain. It’s there that I have learned the power of saying ‘Amen‘ to one another’s grief and joy, sorrow and celebration with our very presence. Of bearing witness to profound suffering and protesting injustice with our very presence. Of comforting and consoling, surviving and thriving with our very presence. What I’ve learned, during the years, is the meaning of sacred companionship. I have seen, in ways subtle and pronounced, a longing to connect with others who can help hold the pain, a need to share what we’ve learned in the trenches, and a desire to give, even when we ourselves have barely caught our breath. And I have seen how knowing that we’re not alone can both heighten our joy and help us endure unimaginable hardship.

Click here to read about my experience listening to Rabbi Brous at the Kol Tzedek Speakers Series at Temple Emanu-El in Westfield.


Sharon Brous is the senior and founding rabbi of IKAR, a leading-edge Jewish community based in Los Angeles, and the author of The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World, a national bestseller.

In 2013, Brous blessed President Obama and Vice President Biden at the Inaugural National Prayer Service, and in 2021, returned to bless President Biden and Vice President Harris and then led the White House Passover Seder 2021 and the Hanukkah candle lighting with the Vice President and Second Gentleman in 2023. She was ranked as the number one most influential Rabbi in America by Newsweek/The Daily Beast. She has also been recognized by The Forward and the Jerusalem Post as one of the most influential Jews alive today. Her work has appeared in prominent publications, including The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and The Washington Post. Additionally, her TED talk, “Reclaiming Religion,” has been viewed by over 1.5 million people.

Brous is part of the inaugural cohort of Auburn Seminary’s Senior Fellows program, which brings together top faith leaders working on the frontlines for justice. She sits on the faculty of REBOOT and serves on the International Council of the New Israel Fund, as well as the national steering committee for the Poor People’s Campaign.

A Columbia University graduate (holding both undergraduate and M.A. degrees in Human Rights), she was ordained by the Jewish Theological Seminary and resides in Los Angeles with her husband and children.


 

 

 



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The Worst Hard Time

Read: September 2019

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The Worst Hard Time

by Timothy Egan

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan was initially a book I selected from the e-library because nothing else I wanted to read was available. Once I started reading the book, I could not put it down.

Now that we have had the warmest summer since 1936 during the dust bowl, the book has even more meaning.

According to The New York Times,

The dust storms that terrorized the High Plains in the darkest years of the Depression were like nothing ever seen before or since. Timothy Egan’s critically acclaimed account rescues this iconic chapter of American history from the shadows in a tour de force of historical reportage. Following a dozen families and their communities through the rise and fall of the region, Egan tells of their desperate attempts to carry on through blinding black dust blizzards, crop failure, and the death of loved ones. Brilliantly capturing the terrifying drama of catastrophe, Egan does equal justice to the human characters who become his heroes, “the stoic, long-suffering men and women whose lives he opens up with urgency and respect.”

With the likelihood of more ecological catastrophes in the immediate future, this is a book I highly recommend.

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