Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Wes is Eighteen Months Old

Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?

I Am More Than What I Lost on My Worst Day

As I write this post, my youngest grandson Wes is eighteen months old. It has been thirty-two months since my wife Jan passed away. Although I miss her dearly, I choose to celebrate Wes during these milestones because, after a loss, our only choice is to choose life and live in the present moment. The memories that truly matter are the moments of love we share with our loved ones. In times of grief, these memories keep us going and help us find the strength to move forward. As I have described on several occasions, but most recently in my 2023 end-of-the-year message, I have made much progress in the nine hundred seventy-three days since her funeral.

“Don’t spend your final days grieving over me,” my wife frequently told me. And she was right. Despite losing my beloved Jan, I gained so much from our shared love. Among my wife’s last words were, ‘Richard, you are capable, you are strong, and I believe in you.’ These words have become my guiding light, and I want to share them with everyone. No matter what life throws at you, always remember you have the strength and ability to overcome it. Believe in yourself and keep choosing life! Let these words be your inspiration to rise above any challenge that comes your way.

I don’t understand why I am still referred to as a widow. Despite the loss of my spouse, I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose. I have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual, and I ask the reader to consider me as such. Let’s not be defined by our worst days but rather by the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am working towards coining a new word to replace widow that better represents my identity. Until then, let’s embrace our complexity and live with purpose.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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A Repetitive Year Ends

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

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Prophet Song: A Novel

Prophet Song: A Novel

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner - Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother's struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

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Ten Rules for a Good Life

Ten Rules for a Good Life

Improving Myself One Day at a Time

Ten Rules for a Good Life

Instead of making resolutions, let us strive to improve ourselves every day and become the best version of ourselves. In August, Arthur C. Brooks wrote an essay about Aristotle’s 10 Rules for a Good Life in The Atlantic. Despite being proposed over 2,000 years ago, these virtues can still guide us to live well today.

In addition, Mr. Brooks has  “A Guide to Pointing Yourself Toward Happiness.” You can flip the cards for advice every day in January. I have been doing this for years, and it has helped me stay focused and happy despite life’s challenges, including being a widow.

You can read the full article on the ten rules for a good life online by subscribing to the Atlantic or opening this PDF. Mr. Brooks has also provided an abbreviated list that you can easily refer to by placing it on your fridge or at the bottom of your computer screen.

  1. Name your fears and face them.
  2. Know your appetites and control them.
  3. Be neither a cheapskate nor a spendthrift.
  4. Give as generously as you can.
  5. Focus more on the transcendent; disregard the trivial.
  6. True strength is a controlled temper.
  7. Never lie, especially to yourself.
  8. Stop struggling for your fair share.
  9. Forgive others and forbear their weaknesses.
  10. Define your morality; live up to it, even in private.

Becoming the best version of oneself is a noble goal that requires time, effort, and dedication. It may not always be easy to follow rules and turn them into habits, but the reward of experiencing happiness is worth it. Even if we occasionally falter, our commitment to making these habits a part of our lives will help us achieve our aspirations and become the best version of ourselves.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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A Repetitive Year Ends

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

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Richard W. Brown

A Repetitive Year Ends

Am I Ready for the New Me?

Richard W. Brown

Looking back at the past year, I realize that 2023 has significantly changed my life. The journey begins with a New Year’s Day first-day hike in Elizabeth, NJ, and ends on New Year’s Eve watching A Midwinter Night’s Dream at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ, but it’s finally ending. As the year comes to a close, I notice that the date has become a repeating number, 123123, reminding me that change may require repeated efforts but is always possible.

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Ready or Not, Change is Coming!

I am celebrating the third new year since my wife passed away. It's the beginning of the year 5784 with typical seasonal weather. The temperature during my walks is something I haven't experienced since Passover. In my mind, I can finally picture a life without her. I have donated her love to others, constructed a memorial garden, reconnected with repairing the world, fostered new friendships, and learned to live alone. If I were to observe someone else living this life, it's not a bad life.

As the year 5784 begins, I find myself asking unanswerable questions. Can I be both alone and alive? Is it possible for me to love again? Is there anyone who would want to love me? These uncertainties keep me up at night. However, I've realized that to embrace life fully, I must face the future and embrace change. Although scary, it's the only way to become fully alive. I've survived by living alone, but now it's time to take the next step and find the courage to open my heart.

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Orbital

Orbital

Today, I started reading "Orbital" by Samantha Harvey. "Orbital" is a slender novel with epic power that captures a single day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space. The author's prose is poetic and impossible to put aside. Watching the Earth through the eyes of space travelers is refreshing. If I finish reading it by Sunday, it will be the 78th book I've read this year or the first one of 2024.

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Walking and Reading Daily!

Walking and Reading Daily!

2023 By the Numbers

Walking and Reading Daily!

I follow a set of routines. Since my wife passed away, two habits that have been particularly important for me are walking and reading. They have become an essential part of my daily life and have helped me maintain a sense of balance and structure amidst the chaos of everyday life.

New Year’s Eve will mark my 970th consecutive day of walking. In 2023, I walked 2956.5 miles, which averages to 8.1 miles per day. Walking at a pedestrian pace of three miles per hour every morning has become my routine. Despite the occasional reminders from my knees that I am closer to being a centurion than I am to forty-nine, I am grateful for feeling healthy and energized. I believe in pushing my limits while also listening to my body.

I awaken at 5:30 daily with unwavering commitment and a clear sense of purpose. As I leave my apartment, I feel energized and ready to seize the day. My daily walk is not just about the number of miles I cover but about the journey of perseverance and self-discipline. I am humble, so I am not saying these facts to impress you. Instead, through my unwavering consistency and dedication, I aim to inspire others to pursue their aspirations and dreams one step at a time.

Over the past two years, I have dedicated much time to reading. In 2022, I surpassed my previous reading record by completing seventy-four books. However, I was genuinely amazed when I read seventy-eight books, bringing my total to an impressive one hundred and fifty-two books over two years. My Goodreads goal for 2023 was 23 books.

Reading has become an integral part of my life. Through each book, I have broadened my perspectives, gained a deeper understanding of myself, and obtained valuable insights into how I can improve. While I love to read, sustaining this pace may be challenging in the future.

Nonetheless, I remain grateful for all the knowledge and growth I gained through my reading journey. Have you read a good book? Let’s talk.

Although patterns often characterize my life, I am not confined to them. I am flexible and adaptable, always willing to adjust my routines to help a friend or foe. After all, we are here for each other, and being supportive and accommodating is vital to building strong and meaningful relationships.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting and sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Seventy-four Books on the Shelf

One book at a time can, over a year, equal seventy-four books on the shelf.

As a young child, I enjoyed reading. My sister was a librarian, and I spent many hours searching for my next book to read.

Also several of my teachers encouraged or, in some cases, required us to read books.

My library is available to peruse online, or you can review the full Goodreads report on my 2022 books.

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The Covenant of Water

The Covenant of Water

Today, I began reading The Covenant of Water, the long-awaited new novel by Abraham Verghese, the author of the significant word-of-mouth bestseller Cutting for Stone, which has sold over 1.5 million copies in the United States alone and remained on the New York Times bestseller list for over two years. The Covenant of Water was a holiday gift from Mike, Elyssa, Nick, and Wes.

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Wes is Eighteen Months Old
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Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

It all begins on a dark, rainy evening in Dublin when Eilish Stack, a scientist and mother of four, opens her front door to two officers from Ireland’s newly formed secret police. They are there to interrogate her husband, a trade unionist. Ireland is falling apart as the government is gradually turning towards tyranny. As her world crumbles and the people she loves disappear, Eilish faces the dystopian reality of her country. How far is Eilish willing to go to protect her family? And what, or who, is she ready to leave behind?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Ten Rules for a Good Life
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Richard W. Brown
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Orbital

Read: December 2023

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Orbital: A Novel

by Samantha Harvey

Today, I started reading “Orbital” by Samantha Harvey. “Orbital” is a slender novel with epic power that captures a single day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space. The author’s prose is poetic and impossible to put aside. Watching the Earth through the eyes of space travelers is refreshing. If I finish reading it by Sunday, it will be the 78th book I’ve read this year or the first one of 2024.

They are not going towards the moon or the vast unknown but are orbiting our planet. These astronauts and cosmonauts come from various countries, including America, Russia, Italy, Britain, and Japan. They are selected for one of the last space station missions before the program is dismantled. They have left their lives behind to travel over seventeen thousand miles an hour as the earth reels below.

Throughout the book, we catch glimpses of their earthly lives through brief communications with their families, photos, and talismans. We watch them whip up dehydrated meals, float in gravity-free sleep, and exercise in regimented routines to prevent their muscles from atrophying. We also witness them form bonds that will stand between them and utter solitude. Most importantly, we are with them as they behold and record their silent blue planet. Their experiences of sixteen sunrises and sunsets and the bright, blinking constellations of the galaxy are breathtakingly beautiful and surprisingly intimate. Additionally, we get to see the marks of civilization far below, encrusted on the planet on which we live.

It is a profound, contemplative, and gorgeous book that eloquently meditates on space. Moreover, it is a moving elegy reflecting our humanity, environment, and planet.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Walking and Reading Daily!
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The Covenant of Water

Read: December 2023

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The Covenant of Water

by Abraham Verghese

Today, I began reading The Covenant of Water, the long-awaited new novel by Abraham Verghese, the author of the significant word-of-mouth bestseller Cutting for Stone, which has sold over 1.5 million copies in the United States alone and remained on the New York Times bestseller list for over two years. The Covenant of Water was a holiday gift from Mike, Elyssa, Nick, and Wes.

From 1900 to 1977, The Covenant of Water is set in Kerala, on South India’s Malabar Coast. It follows three generations of a family that suffers a peculiar affliction: in every generation, at least one person dies by drowning—and in Kerala, water is everywhere. At the turn of the century, a twelve-year-old girl from Kerala’s long-existing Christian community, grieving the death of her father, is sent by boat to her wedding, where she will meet her forty-year-old husband for the first time. From this unforgettable new beginning, the young girl—and future matriarch, known as Big Ammachi—will witness unthinkable changes throughout her extraordinary life, full of joy and triumph as well as hardship and loss, her faith and love the only constants.

A shimmering evocation of a bygone India and of the passage of time itself, The Covenant of Water is a hymn to progress in medicine and human understanding and a humbling testament to the difficulties undergone by past generations for the sake of those alive today. It is one of the most masterful literary novels published in recent years.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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1944: FDR and the Year That Changed History

Read: October 2019

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1944: FDR and the Year That Changed History

by Jay Winik

1944: FDR and the Year That Changed History by Jay Winik is a book that I had put off reading several times. When I finally did read it, I could not remember why I had not read it sooner. Had I gone to graduate school and become a professor, it might have been the type of book I might write, and I certainly would have had on my list of books for my classes. 

As The NY Times wrote, “Jay Winik brings to life in gripping detail the year 1944, which determined the outcome of World War II and put more pressure than any other on an ailing yet determined President Roosevelt.” Reading a book about events five years before my birth that transformed the world I live in becomes an easy page-turner.

It was not inevitable that World War II would end as it did or that it would even end well. Nineteen forty-four was a year that could have stymied the Allies and cemented Hitler’s waning power. Instead it saved those democracies – but with a fateful cost. Now, in a superbly told story, Jay Winik, the acclaimed author of April 1865 and The Great Upheaval, captures the epic images and extraordinary history as never before.

1944 witnessed a series of titanic events: FDR at the pinnacle of his wartime leadership as well as his reelection, the planning of Operation Overlord with Churchill and Stalin, the unprecedented D-Day invasion, the liberation of Paris, and the horrific Battle of the Bulge, and the tumultuous conferences that finally shaped the coming peace. But on the way, millions of more lives were still at stake as President Roosevelt was exposed to mounting evidence of the most grotesque crime in history, the Final Solution. Just as the Allies were landing in Normandy, the Nazis were accelerating the killing of millions of European Jews.

Winik shows how escalating pressures fell on an all but dying Roosevelt, whose rapidly deteriorating health was a closely guarded secret. Here then, as with D-Day, was a momentous decision for the president. Was winning the war the best way to rescue the Jews? Was a rescue even possible? Or would it get in the way of defeating Hitler? In a year when even the most audacious undertakings were within the world’s reach, including the liberation of Europe, one challenge – saving Europe’s Jews – seemed to remain beyond Roosevelt’s grasp.

I recommend this book.

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Read: May 2026

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The Ending Writes Itself

by V.E. Schwab and Cat Clarke

The Ending Writes Itself” is a captivating debut mystery by Evelyn Clarke, masterfully created by Cat Clarke and V.E. Schwab. Stephen King has described it as “a contender for the best mystery of 2026. The book features an abundance of beloved mystery tropes and wonderfully evokes the charm of Agatha Christie.” In this story, six authors are on a private island, where they have seventy-two hours to write an ending that will change their lives.

Arthur Fletch, one of the world’s bestselling novelists, is a reclusive genius known for his iconic protagonists and fiendish twists. When six struggling authors are invited to spend a weekend on his private Scottish island, they arrive to discover a shocking secret: Arthur Fletch is dead . . . and his last book is unfinished.

Desperate to publish the novel, Fletch’s agent and editor have summoned these writers in the hope that one of them will imagine a worthy ending for this final book. To sweeten the deal, they are offering an irresistible prize: in addition to ghost-writing the last chapter––for a mind-boggling sum––they will also help the lucky writer successfully re-launch their own career, guaranteeing future bestsellers. The catch: the writers have just seventy-two hours to finish Fletch’s magnum opus.

It’s the perfect plot. All it needs is a killer ending.


On an unusually warm evening in Edinburgh, Scotland (contrary to the cliché of a dark and stormy night), New York Times bestselling author V.E. Schwab proposed a bold idea to her longtime friend and screenwriter, Cat Clarke: that they should write a book together.

V.E. Schwab had already made a significant name for herself, having written more than twenty books, including the Shades of Magic series, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, and Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil. She had previously vowed never to co-write a novel, especially one outside the realm of fantasy.

Meanwhile, Cat Clarke, who had experienced a tumultuous career as an editor and had authored several young adult novels, including Girlhood and Entangled, had left the publishing industry for the even more unpredictable world of film, swearing she would never return to writing books. However, fate—and an irresistible idea—turned them both into liars that night.

As they transitioned from tea to something stronger, Evelyn Clarke was born.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!


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My Friend, I Care

Read: August 2021

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My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

by Barbara Karnes RN

My journey from the Island of Grief back to the Land of Love is long and arduous. Friends, especially those who have also lost a loved one, are the guideposts on this journey. One of these friends, Sue Gramacy, sent this book to me during the early phases of my grief journey.

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may be one of the shortest books I have ever read, but it is also one that has been most helpful. Barbara Karnes, RN, provides a concise understanding of grief, and she includes a list of dos and don’ts that are very helpful to someone who has recently lost the love of their life.

She provides a compelling explanation of the new life that we all must strive to achieve.

Our inability to further enjoy life does not measure our loss. The quality of our relationship with the person who has died is found in our strength, our resilience and our ability to create a new and meaningful life.

The endpoint of my journey is a new and meaningful life. This book has helped remind me that it is an achievable goal.

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Evergreen

Read: October 2022

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Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson

by Kirsten Robinson

Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson is a tribute to the enduring resilience of human nature as we cycle through times of light and darkness, much like nature itself. In her debut book, Kirsten Robinson (@NakedWriting) lays her heart bare in a raw, relatable, and inspirational way to describe the journey of growth born out of finding beauty in breakage and love after loss.

Albeit a cliche, the book jumped off the shelf and into my hands when I saw it in Hickory & Hill General Store in Cranford.

This artfully honest collection embodies and expands upon the poetry and prose Robinson began writing under the famous social media pseudonym Naked Writing.

I highly recommend this book and intend to keep it at my bedside for a pick-me-up.

Although I have only started reading the poems, I want to share two that resonated with me.

The first one is on giving thanks.

Give thanks for all
that is good and beautiful;
the gifts you carry
people who lift you up
your big, big love
faith and trust that your life
is unfolding as it should

Give thanks for all
that has been difficult and hard;
trials tribulations tears
tests of self strength fears
all of the unknowns and days
that broke you

Without the darkness
you would not have
learned to appreciate the light

A second one on bravery.

Bravery
is not about standing tall
after you’ve climbed up
the top of a mountain

Bravery
is looking
fear
heartache
rejection
terror
loss
death
in the eye
and saying, “no,
not today”

Bravery
is standing back up
after you’ve been brought down
to your knees


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

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The Hidden Habits of Genius

Read: September 2019

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The Hidden Habits of Genius

by Craig Wright

The Hidden Habits of Genius: Beyond Talent, IQ, and Grit―Unlocking the Secrets of Greatness by Craig Wright, Ph.D., I got through my membership in One Day University.

Dr. Wright raises many important questions as he analyses fourteen (14) critical traits of genius. Professor Craig Wright, creator of Yale University’s famous “Genius Course,” explores what we can learn from brilliant minds that have changed the world.

What we often presume about a genius does not match reality. Among other interesting observations, Dr. Wright reminds the reader that Picasso could not pass a fourth-grade math test, and Steve Jobs’s high school GPA was 2.65. He questions why to teach children to behave and play by the rules when transformative geniuses do not.

Examining the lives of transformative individuals ranging from Charles Darwin and Marie Curie to Leonardo Da Vinci and Andy Warhol to Toni Morrison and Elon Musk, Wright identifies more than a dozen drivers of genius, characteristics and patterns of behavior common to great minds throughout history. He argues that genius is about more than intellect and work ethic and that the famed “eureka” moment is a Hollywood fiction. Brilliant insights that change the world are never sudden, but rather, they are the result of unique modes of thinking and lengthy gestation.

I found the book to be a fascinating read and raised more questions for future thought and reading. Professor Wright argues that the habits of mind that produce great thinking and discovery can be actively learned and cultivated. In the book, he explains how. He notes that reading the book will not make you a genius but can “make you more strategic, creative, and successful, and, ultimately, happier.

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Good and Evil and Other Stories

Read: September 2025

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Good and Evil and Other Stories

by Samanta Schweblin

Good and Evil and Other Stories” by Samanta Schweblin, translated by Megan McDowell, explores characters who find themselves at a point of no return, captivated by the impending tragedy surrounding them. Vulnerable and deeply human, they become ensnared in moments when the uncanny intrudes upon their lives. Some characters transform, others find themselves isolated, and many oscillate between feelings of guilt and tenderness. All are driven by uncertainty.

Schweblin’s prose employs tension and truth to create a literary universe where the monsters of everyday life come so close that we can almost feel their breath. Her writing evokes both awe and discomfort, placing readers in a state of alarm while transporting them to a world that is both recognizable and strange.


Samanta Schweblin won the 2022 National Book Award for Translated Literature for her story collection Seven Empty Houses. Her debut novel, Fever Dream, was shortlisted for the International Booker Prize, while her book, Little Eyes, and her story collection, Mouthful of Birds, have both been longlisted for the same prize. Her books have been translated into over forty languages, and her stories have appeared in prestigious English publications, including The New Yorker, The Paris Review, Granta, and Harper’s Magazine. Originally from Buenos Aires, Schweblin currently lives in Berlin.

Megan McDowell is the recipient of a 2020 Award in Literature from the American Academy of Arts and Letters and has been short- or longlisted four times for the International Booker Prize. She resides in Santiago, Chile.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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