Fear is Grief's Enforcer

Fear is Grief’s Enforcer

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 40 seconds

Celebrate JanFear has always been just below the surface since Jan received the Lymphoma diagnosis. The first fear was could I be her caregiver?

However, the most severe fear was if she did not survive cancer, how could I live without Jan?

I have confronted my anxieties and learned to live with only Jan’s spirit in the last eight months.

Jan and I learned from Al-Anon, we had to accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can.

To share Jan’s love, I confront my deepest fears every day.

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Fear is Grief's Enforcer

False Flag

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 40 seconds

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” opined FDR.

Why does the terror strike so deeply into our souls if that is the case?

In late May, I woke up in a cold sweat. I had slept reasonably well after Jan died, but this night, I could not put the terror that woke me back in a bottle.

My mind convinced me that Jan did not love me despite all the evidence proving that our love was deep and pure.

It was only in therapy that I could finally understand that it was a false flag.

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Fear is Grief's Enforcer
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Fear is Grief's Enforcer
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The Young Man

Read: April 2026

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The Young Man: A Memoir

by Annie Ernaux

Annie Ernaux, the winner of the 2022 Nobel Prize in Literature, is the author of “The Young Man,” which chronicles her passionate love affair with A., a man about 30 years her junior, while she was in her fifties. This relationship prompts her to reflect on her own youth while also making her feel ageless, as if she is living her life in reverse.

Amidst talk of having a child together, she feels time running its course, and menopause approaching. The Young Man recalls Ernaux as the “scandalous girl” she once was, but is composed with the mastery and the self-assurance she has achieved across decades of writing. The book was published in France in 2022


Annie Ernaux, the winner of the 2022 Nobel Prize in Literature, is the author of approximately twenty works of fiction and memoir. She received the Prix Renaudot for her book A Man’s Place and the Marguerite Yourcenar Prize for her body of work. Additionally, she has won the International Strega Prize and the French-American Translation Prize and was shortlisted for the Man Booker International Prize for her book The Years. In 2019, Ernaux was awarded the Prix Formentor. She is now recognized as France’s most important literary voice and is the first French woman to win the Nobel Prize in Literature.

Alison L. Strayer is a Canadian writer and translator whose work has been shortlisted for the Governor General’s Award for Literature and Translation, the Grand Prix du livre de Montréal, and the Prix littéraire France-Québec. She currently resides in Paris.



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Bright Young Women: A Novel

Read: October 2023

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Bright Young Women: A Novel

by Jessica Knoll

Today, I commenced reading Bright Young Women: A Novel by Jessica Knoll. Violent acts of the same man bring together two women from opposite sides of the country and become allies and sisters in arms as they pursue the justice that would otherwise elude them in one of the year’s most acclaimed, highly anticipated thrillers.

Masterfully blending psychological suspense and actual crime elements, Jessica Knoll—author of the bestselling novel Luckiest Girl Alive and the writer behind the Netflix adaption starring Mila Kunis—delivers a new and exhilarating thriller in Bright Young Women. The book opens on a Saturday night in 1978, hours before a soon-to-be-infamous murderer descends upon a Florida sorority house with deadly results.

The lives of those who survive, including sorority president and critical witness Pamela Schumacher, are forever changed. Across the country, Tina Cannon is convinced the man papers targeted her missing friend referred to as the All-American Sex Killer—and that he’s struck again. Determined to find justice, the two join forces as their search for answers leads to a final, shocking confrontation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Tell Me Everything: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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Tell Me Everything: A Novel

by Elizabeth Strout

Today, I dived into “Tell Me Everything: A Novel” by Elizabeth Strout, and I’m already captivated. This book made it onto NPR’s best books list for 2024 and caught the eye of Oprah’s Book Club—no small feat! Strout writes with such empathy and emotional depth that it reflects her incredible talent. Lucy beautifully captures this sentiment by stating, “Love comes in many different forms, but it is always love.”

With her profound understanding of the human condition and silences that convey deep emotions, Elizabeth Strout returns to the town of Crosby, Maine, reuniting with her beloved characters—Lucy Barton, Olive Kitteridge, Bob Burgess, and others—as they confront a shocking crime, navigate love while choosing to remain apart, and ponder the question, as Lucy Barton puts it, “What does anyone’s life mean?”

It’s autumn in Maine, and the town lawyer, Bob Burgess, finds himself entangled in a murder investigation, defending a lonely, isolated man accused of killing his mother. He has also developed a deep and abiding friendship with the acclaimed writer Lucy Barton, who lives nearby in a house by the sea with her ex-husband, William.

Lucy and Bob take walks and discuss their lives, fears, regrets, and what could have been. Meanwhile, Lucy is finally introduced to the iconic Olive Kitteridge, who now resides in a retirement community on the outskirts of town. They spend afternoons in Olive’s apartment, sharing stories about people they have known—what Olive calls “unrecorded lives,” which reanimate their experiences and imbue their lives with meaning.



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Don't Be a Stranger: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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Don’t Be a Stranger: A Novel

by Susan Minot

Today, I began reading “Don’t Be a Stranger: A Novel” by Susan Minot, a captivating new work by the author of ‘Evening.’ Known for her lyrical prose and exploration of complex human relationships, Minot’s latest novel revolves around a woman involved in a love affair during midlife. It is a radiant tale that explores themes of erotic obsession, the desire for intimacy, communication, and oblivion, which will resonate with fans of Miranda July‘s ‘All Fours,’ a book I have also read.

Ivy Cooper is 52 years old when Ansel Fleming first enters her life. Twenty years her junior, a musician newly released from prison on a minor drug charge, Ansel’s beguiling good looks and quiet intensity instantly seduce her. Despite the gulf between their ages and experience, their physical chemistry is overpowering. Over the heady weeks and months that follow, Ivy finds her life bifurcated by his presence: On the surface, she is a responsible mother, managing the demands of friends, an ex-husband, and home, but emotionally, psychologically, sexually, she is consumed by desire and increasingly alive only in the stolen moments-out-of-time, with Ansel in her bed.

Don’t Be a Stranger is a gripping, sensual, and provocative work from one of the most remarkable voices in contemporary fiction.

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So Far Gone

Read: June 2025

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So Far Gone: A Novel

by Jess Walter

For the week before Father’s Day, I read So Far Gone by Jess Walter, a hilarious, empathetic, and brilliantly provocative adventure through life in modern America about a reclusive journalist forced back into the world to rescue his kidnapped grandchildren. Is this gripping tale of a grandfather’s love and determination the perfect read for the upcoming Father’s Day?

Rhys Kinnick, a character who has truly gone off the grid, provides a humorous twist to the story. At Thanksgiving a few years back, a fed-up Rhys punched his conspiracy theorist son-in-law in the mouth, chucked his smartphone out a car window, and fled for a cabin in the woods with no one around except a pack of hungry raccoons.

Now, Kinnick’s old life is about to land right back on his crumbling doorstep. Can this failed husband and father, a man with no internet and a car that barely runs, reemerge into a broken world to track down his missing daughter and save his sweet, precocious grandchildren from the members of a dangerous militia?

With the help of his caustic ex-girlfriend, a bipolar retired detective, and his only friend (who happens to be furious with him), Kinnick, a man who is struggling with his past and his present, heads off on a wild journey through cultural lunacy and the rubble of a life he thought he’d left behind. According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, So Far Gone is a rollicking, razor-sharp, and moving road trip through a fractured nation from a writer who has been called “a genius of the modern American moment.”


Jess Walter is the author of seven previous novels, including the bestsellers The Cold Millions and Beautiful Ruins, the National Book Award Finalist The Zero, and Citizen Vince, winner of the Edgar Award for best novel. His short fiction, collected in The Angel of Rome and We Live in Water, has won the O. Henry Prize and the Pushcart Prize and appeared three times in Best American Short Stories. He lives in his hometown of Spokane, Washington.



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The Unfolding

Read: October 2022

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The Unfolding: A Novel

by A.M. Homes

The Unfolding by A.M. Homes is a darkly comic political parable braided with a Bildungsroman that takes us inside the heart of a divided country. The Unfolding is an alternative history that is terrifyingly prescient, profoundly tender, and devastatingly funny. Will this novel help me to understand how we became a nation that no longer shares the same definitions of truth, freedom, and democracy, much less a shared vision of the future?

Although I understand more clearly the crisis facing the US, I highly recommend this novel.

Ms. Homes has written a must-read book that compliments the January 6th Committee report and should make us all more vigilant.

The characters are so well defined that at the end of the novel, I wanted to continue to read about them, especially Meghan.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The Big Guy loves his family, money, and country. Undone by the 2008 presidential election results, he taps a group of like-minded men to reclaim their version of the American Dream. As they build a scheme to disturb and disrupt, the Big Guy also faces turbulence within his family. His wife, Charlotte, grieves a life not lived, while his 18-year-old daughter, Meghan, realizes that her favorite subject–history–is not exactly what her father taught her.

In a story that is as much about the dynamics within a family as it is about the desire for those in power to remain in force, Homes presciently unpacks a dangerous rift in American identity, prompting a reconsideration of the definition of truth, freedom, and democracy–and exploring the explosive consequences of what happens when the exact words mean such different things to people living together under one roof.

In her first novel since the Women’s Prize award-winning May We Be Forgiven, A.M. Homes delivers us back to ourselves in this stunning alternative history that is both terrifyingly prescient, deeply tender, and devastatingly funny.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

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