I have always preferred not to celebrate my birthday, as a year is too short to measure any significant change or growth. After I met Jan, whose birthday falls just twenty-five days after mine, I used to joke that we could skip the month of March and celebrate her birthday instead. However, my wife didn’t appreciate my attempts to avoid celebrating my birthday.
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Today, March 30, 2024, on my 75th birthday, I wrote as I do daily in my journal. As I put pen to paper, I paused to contemplate my life’s journey. Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences – both joyful and gloomy – that have shaped me into the person I am today. I’ve experienced moments of pure joy and also times of deep sorrow. One of the most heart-wrenching moments was when I lost Jan, my dear wife, in May 2021. It was a challenging time that left an indelible mark on my soul. Although the loss has been painful, I choose to live in the present and embrace the future.
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My wife, Jan, was lying in bed, her eyes fixed on me as she pleaded, “Honey, now that you’re not working anymore, please stay in bed with me.” I was standing on her side of the bed, pondering my next move, when I heard her voice. Her words melted my heart, and I couldn’t resist her request. Her words melted my heart, and I couldn’t resist her request. Although I had a lazy day ahead without work and other obligations, I knew I couldn’t refuse Jan’s plea. I decided to stay and hold her in my arms, cherishing the precious moments we spent together. As I returned to bed, I noticed her nightgown lying on the floor. I kissed her and whispered, “You’ve given me an offer I could not refuse.
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During a dinner in Philadelphia, the night before the Flower Show, my good friend Hugo noticed a significant change in me. He remarked that over the past three years, since the loss of my wife, Jan, I had changed. Intrigued, I asked him to elaborate. Hugo explained that during the first year after Jan’s death, I would break down in tears at any mention of her. But he had noticed my improvement since then, as I appeared more relaxed and content. I agreed, acknowledging the progress I had made. Then, with the wisdom of an old man, I said, “We often seek positive change in times of loss. To make it happen, we must be willing to become the change we desire.”
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by Julie Orringer
Today I read Can You Feel This? by Julie Orringer. This short story rekindled so many memories. In the chaos of a maternity ward, memories of tragedy and grief come flooding back for an anxious mother-to-be as she struggles to balance her child’s needs with her healing. Although Jan and I did not have the shadows of tragedy and grief when our sons were born, this short story was more than a page-turner. Can You Feel This? reminded me of the power of the love Jan and I shared.
When our second son was born, we almost had him at home or in the as we waited too long. In Can, You Feel This? , that was not the case. Both children had two loving parents but also grandparents.
When Jan had the first of several hospitalizations, she was in the hospital where her mother died. Jan told me her feelings, and I comforted her, but I could not fully comprehend her angst.
Can You Feel This? is part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. This is the second one in the series I have read. The previous one was Everything That my Mother Taught Me.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Rushed into an emergency cesarean section, a woman finds herself in the same hospital where her suicidal mother died. She’s buried the trauma of her mother’s last hours—and also the dread that she might be just as vulnerable to breaking. As the new mother relives one crisis in the midst of another, prize-winning author Julie Orringer turns the joyous event of birth into a harrowing, poignant short story.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Ann Patchett
Today, I began my journey into the enchanting world of “Bel Canto” by Ann Patchett. This captivating novel delves into the realms of love, opera, and the remarkable ways people forge connections across cultural divides during moments of adversity. The New York Times has recognized it as one of the 100 Best Books of the Century.
At the home of the country’s vice president in South America, a lavish birthday party is underway in honor of the powerful businessman Mr. Hosokawa. The evening is perfect, with Roxanne Coss, opera’s most revered soprano, enchanting the international guests with her singing. However, this idyllic scene is shattered when a group of armed terrorists seizes the entire party. Yet, what initially seems like a nightmare gradually transforms into a moment of unexpected beauty and love. The hostages and captors form bonds that transcend their differences, turning strangers into compatriots, intimate friends, and even lovers, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the unexpected beauty that can emerge from the most dire situations.
Ann Patchett’s Bel Canto is a captivating novel that weaves a story of strength and frailty, love and imprisonment, and an inspiring tale of transcendent romance. Her lyrical prose and vivid imagination bring to life a world where love and opera are unifying forces in a crisis. It’s a story that will keep you turning the pages, eager to uncover its secrets and a testament to Patchett’s captivating storytelling that will leave you spellbound. No wonder the New York Times included it on its list of the 100 Best Books of the Century.
Patchett’s beautiful writing and vivid imagination make Bel Canto a compelling tale that explores themes of strength, vulnerability, love, and confinement and ultimately tells an inspiring story of transcendent romance.
Bel Canto differs from Tom Lake by Ann Patchett, which I read nearly a year ago. Tom Lake is a novel that beautifully explores family, love, and coming of age. Patchett once again proves herself as one of America’s finest writers in both books.
by James McBride
I started reading The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store: A Novel by James McBride today. It’s the seventy-first book I’ve read this year and the two hundredth since January 1, 2019. The novel’s narrative begins in 1972 when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development. They were surprised to find a skeleton at the bottom of the well. The identity of the skeleton and how it ended up there were long-held secrets that the residents of Chicken Hill kept.
Jewish immigrants and African Americans lived together in this run-down neighborhood and shared their aspirations and hardships. Moshe and Chona Ludlow resided in Chicken Hill when Moshe integrated his theatre, and Chona ran the Heaven & Earth Grocery Store. When the state officials searched for a deaf boy to institutionalize him, it was Chona and Nate Timblin, the Black janitor at Moshe’s theatre and the unofficial leader of the Black community on Chicken Hill, who collaborated to keep the boy safe.
As the stories of these characters intertwine and develop, it becomes evident how much the individuals living on the outskirts of white, Christian America struggle to survive and what they must do to make it through. As the truth is ultimately disclosed regarding the events that occurred on Chicken Hill, including the involvement of the town’s white establishment, McBride illustrates to us that, even in the darkest of times, love and community – the very essence of heaven and earth – help us endure.
Bringing his masterly storytelling skills and deep faith in humanity to The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride has written a novel as compassionate as Deacon King Kong and as inventive as The Good Lord Bird.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Robyn Gigl
Today, I started reading “Nothing But the Truth,” the fourth book in Robyn Gigl‘s Erin McCabe Legal Thriller series. The New York Times has selected it as one of the Best Crime Novels 2024. I have also read “The Hunter” and “Gods of Wood,” which are on the same list. Nothing but the Truth is a gripping and timely thriller exploring murder, prejudice, and police corruption.
One of the reasons I decided to read this novel is that it—and the entire series—takes place mainly in Union County, particularly in Cranford, my hometown! Erin McCabe and her law partner get salads from the Gourmet Deli, and she dines with her husband at the Cranford Hotel. In this installment, Erin McCabe, a transgender attorney from the Garden State, discovers that uncovering the Truth can be deadly.
New Jersey State Trooper Jon Mazer has been charged with killing Black investigative reporter Russell Marshall in a racially charged, headline-making murder. The evidence against criminal defense attorney Erin McCabe’s new client is overwhelming. The gun used is Mazer’s off-duty weapon. Fingerprints and carpet fibers link Mazer to the crime. And Mazer was patrolling Marshall’s neighborhood shortly before the victim took three bullets to the chest. Mazer’s argument? He’s a gay officer being set up to take the fall in an even bigger story.
Mazer swears he was a secret source for Marshall’s exposé about the Lords of Discipline. The covert gang operating within the New Jersey State Police is notorious for enforcing its code of harassing women, framing minorities, and out-powering any troopers who don’t play their rogue and racist games. With everyone from the governor to the county prosecutor on the wrong side of justice, Erin and her partner, Duane Swisher, are prepared to do anything to ensure Mazer doesn’t become another victim.
As Erin deals with an intensely personal issue at home and faces an uphill battle to prove her client’s innocence, she and Duane find themselves mired in a conspiracy of corruption more profound than they imagined—and far more dangerous than they feared.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
by Viktor E. Frankl
I recall reading portions of Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl at various times, but I never completed the book. However, recently, eight and a half months after Jan’s passing, my wife and I were discussing in one of my groups. Frankl’s theory of logotherapy, which derives from the Greek word for “meaning,” centers around the idea that the primary human drive is not pleasure, as Freud believed, but rather the search for what gives life meaning. I now have a framework for my life without Jan.
For those like me who are widows, Frankl understands suffering,
In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.
Jan and I lived meaningful lives. My challenge now is to continue to find meaning in my life without Jan.
As Frankl writes,
Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how.
The love Jan and I shared was one of my primary sources of meaning. In addition, I stopped working full-time at the end of 2018 and struggled to replace the purpose I had gained from repairing the world. After Jan died, I suffered the “provisional existence of an unknown limit, ” which Frankl experienced when he was in the concentration camps.
I have replaced the loss of meaning and purpose with a series of activities:
I am also beginning to serve on the board of a few non-profits. It is time to transition from hands-on work to providing leadership in a different way.
Will this be enough to give my life meaning?
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life, and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life, he can only respond by being responsible.
I must continue to focus on my search for meaning, as life will inevitably change over time.
My grief journey has taught me that love never dies,
For the first time in my life, I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry, thought, and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.
My path forward is to keep Jan’s love alive and continue to share it with others.
I recommend this book without reservation.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!
by Diana Evans
I just started reading A House for Alice: A Novel by Diana Evans. The story is set against a complicated political backdrop but is filled with hope, humor, and humanity. A House for Alice explores the scars of grief and betrayal across generations and reveals the secrets we keep from our loved ones.
The novel opens with two tragedies that occur in London. The first is the Grenfell Tower fire, which took many lives. The second is the death of Cornelius Winston Pitt, a family patriarch who dies alone. A House for Alice is a beautiful and poignant story about a family of women shaken by loss and searching for closure.
The family matriarch, Alice, has lived in England for fifty years but longs to spend her remaining years in her homeland, Nigeria. Her three daughters are divided on the matter. The youngest daughter, Melissa, is also struggling with the aftermath of her failed relationship. The family’s foundational pillars of trust, love, and cultural identity begin to weaken as they navigate these difficult times.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
