The First Step is to Start

The First Step is to Start

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 30 seconds
Ellen, Jon and Mike Build a Garden

Photo courtesy of Neeru and Asish Patel.

Long before I began my grief journey, I learned the importance of starting to take action. It is too effortless to do nothing and accept the status quo. As a child, I knew I had to start where I was. It did not matter if it was homework or chores. As a widow, I felt pain, fear, and doubt that could have overwhelmed me. Two days after burying Jan, I got up, laced my shoes, and started walking. I could have stayed in bed, but I kept marching.

I kept a journal and then shared my writings about love, grief, and Jan.

I opened a book and started reading.

Working with the Hanson Park Conservancy, we began building the Jan Lilien Memorial Triangle Garden, including the purple wind sculpture.

One day at a time, I began to move forward with Jan’s spirit by my side.

As atmogenesis wrote,

Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just start. The beginning is always now.

In moments of apprehension when I could halt my progress, I hear Jan whispering words of encouragement,

Richard, you are capable and strong, and I believe in you.

With her wisdom, I pick myself up, shake off the dust and start over.

Love never dies!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Dust Myself Off and Start Over

Jan and I believed in the message in the lyrics by Nat King Cole,

Pick yourself up... Take a deep breath... Dust yourself off And start all over again.

I am reminded of those words as I approach the final hours of my move to a smaller apartment.

1 comment add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The First Step is to Start
×
Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

Get this book

Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

It all begins on a dark, rainy evening in Dublin when Eilish Stack, a scientist and mother of four, opens her front door to two officers from Ireland’s newly formed secret police. They are there to interrogate her husband, a trade unionist. Ireland is falling apart as the government is gradually turning towards tyranny. As her world crumbles and the people she loves disappear, Eilish faces the dystopian reality of her country. How far is Eilish willing to go to protect her family? And what, or who, is she ready to leave behind?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
A Seperation

Read: January 2022

Get this book

A Separation: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

A Separation by Katie Kitamura is about a young woman who has agreed with her faithless husband: it’s time for them to separate. All I could think about from the opening page until I finished the book was how Jan and I, despite one messy period, never dealt with infidelity or separation. Our love was pure as the driven snow. The subject matter would typically not have interested me enough to read the book. However, it is written in a hypnotic manner that mesmerizes the reader into turning the next page.

I highly recommend this book.

Goodreads provides an overview.

As she begins her new life, she gets word that Christopher has gone missing in a remote region in the rugged south of Greece; she reluctantly agrees to look for him, still keeping their split to herself. As her search comes to a shocking breaking point, she discovers she understands less than she thought she did about her relationship and the man she used to love. In her heart, she’s not even sure if she wants to find him.  For the moment, it’s a private matter, a secret between the two of them.

Adrift in the wild landscape, she traces the disintegration of their relationship and discovers she understands less than she thought about the man she used to love.

A story of intimacy and infidelity, A Separation is about the gulf that divides us from the lives of others and the narratives we create for ourselves. As the narrator reflects upon her love for a man who may never have been what he appeared, Kitamura propels us into the experience of a woman on the brink of catastrophe. A Separation is a riveting stylistic masterpiece of absence and presence that will leave the reader astonished and transfixed.

In closing, I highly recommend this book.

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
King of Ashes

Read: July 2025

Get this book

King of Ashes: A Novel

by S. A. Cosby

Today, as heavy thunderstorms rumbled outside and flash flood warnings loomed, I dove into “King of Ashes,” a gripping Southern crime saga that draws inspiration from “The Godfather.” Written by the acclaimed New York Times bestselling author S. A. Cosby, this novel was a long-awaited treat for me. I read “All the Sinners Bleed” nearly two years ago and have been itching for Cosby’s next masterpiece ever since.

As I turned the pages, the opening paragraphs immediately pulled me in and confirmed that the wait was worthwhile. The summoning of eldest son Roman Carruthers’ home after his father’s car accident not only sets the stage for a gripping plot but also resonates with the universal theme of family. He finds his younger brother, Dante, in debt to dangerous criminals and his sister, Neveah, exhausted from holding the family—and the family business—together. Neveah and their father, who run the Carruthers Crematorium in the run-down central Virginia town of Jefferson Run, see death up close every day. But mortality draws even closer when it becomes clear that the crash that landed their father in a coma was no accident, and Dante’s recklessness has placed them all in real danger.

Roman, a financial whiz with a knack for numbers and a talent for making his clients wealthy, has some money to help his brother out of trouble. But in his work with wannabe tough guys, he’s forgotten that there are real gangsters out there. As his bargaining chips go up in smoke, Roman realizes that he has only one thing left to offer to save his brother: himself and his own particular set of financial skills.

Roman begins his work for the criminals while Neveah tries to uncover the long-ago mystery of what happened to their mother, who disappeared under mysterious or suspicious circumstances when they were teenagers. But Roman is far less of a pushover than the gangsters realize. He is willing to do anything to save his family. Anything.

Because everything burns.


S. A. Cosby is a New York Times bestselling writer from southeastern Virginia. He is the author of All the Sinners Bleed, which was on more than forty Best of the Year lists, including Barack Obama’s, as well as Edgar Award finalist Razorblade Tears and Los Angeles Times Book Prize winner Blacktop Wasteland. He has also won the Anthony Award, ITW Thriller Award, Barry Award, Macavity Award, BCALA Award, and Audie Award. He has been longlisted for the ALA Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


×
The God of the Woods: A Novel

Read: July 2024

Get this book

The God of the Woods: A Novel

by Liz Moore

I started reading “The God of the Woods: A Novel” by Liz Moore today. Several reviews recommended it as a great summer read. The story is set in August 1975, the same month and year my spouse Jan and I married. Liz Moore weaves a multi-threaded story, inviting readers into a rich and gripping dynasty of secrets and second chances.

The novel begins with a camp counselor discovering an empty bunk at an Adirondack summer camp belonging to thirteen-year-old Barbara Van Laar, who has mysteriously vanished. Barbara is not just any teenager; she is the daughter of the family that owns the camp and employs many residents. What makes this disappearance even more intriguing is that Barbara’s older brother went missing similarly fourteen years ago and was never found.

As the search for Barbara begins, the novel unfolds into a thrilling drama, delving into the deeply buried secrets of the Van Laar family and the blue-collar community working in its shadow. This novel is said to be Liz Moore’s most ambitious and wide-reaching work yet.

×
Hurricane Season

Read: September 2024

Get this book

Hurricane Season

by Fernanda Melchor

‘Hurricane Season‘ by Fernanda Melchor, translated by Sophie Hughes, is a literary gem acknowledged by the New York Times as one of the 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. The story opens with the discovery of a dead witch in a village, leading to an investigation into her murder. As the novel unfolds, it offers a unique perspective on the lives of the villagers, each narrating the story from their point of view.

This unique portrayal of the characters, each with flaws and virtues, uncovers new details and acts of depravity. Despite the characters being seen as irredeemable, Melchor extracts some shred of humanity from them, creating a lasting portrait of a doomed Mexican village. This deep connection to Mexican culture is a significant aspect of the novel that will surely resonate with readers interested in this topic.

“Hurricane Season” draws significant literary inspiration from Roberto Bolaño‘s “2666” and Faulkner‘s novels. Like these works, it is set in a world filled with mythology and actual violence that seeps into the surroundings, creating a connection that makes it more terrifying the deeper you explore it.

×
Being Mortal

Read: August 2019

Get this book

Being Mortal

by Atul Gawande

Before departing for Toronto to celebrate our 44th Wedding Anniversary, I went through the e-library. Everything on my list that I wanted to read was not available except for this book. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande is the book I read on our vacation before Jan’s diagnosis of non-Hodgkin Large B-cell Lymphoma.

Selecting Being Mortal might seem an accidental choice to some, and I believe it was a divine intervention. It prepared me to be a caregiver to my wife over the nineteen months of her fight with cancer. It helped me focus on the good life that my wife lived and not the pain and suffering.

Atul Gawande describes his book as “riveting, honest, and humane. Being Mortal shows that the ultimate goal is not a good death but a good life – to the very end.”

When I read the book, I wondered what I could have done to help my mother in her final years. The book offers an excellent overview of how nursing homes and assisted living facilities have struggled to meet the needs of their residents.

Dr. Gawande provides an in-depth overview of the benefits of hospice care. Although I knew of this option, reading this book helped me understand that I was ready for hospice when my wife came home for the last time.

He reminds us that “when it comes to the inescapable realities of aging and death, what medicine can do often runs counter to what it should.” As he writes in the book, the current system does not work and, in many cases, actually shortens life.

This book has had a lasting impact on my life. It allowed me to be a loving caregiver to my wife when she needed it more than anything else. I read it when it would be most beneficial to me.

I highly recommend this book.


Atul Gawande is the author of several bestselling books: Complications, a finalist for the National Book Award; Better; The Checklist Manifesto; and Being Mortal. He is also a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, a staff writer for The New Yorker, and a professor at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health. He has won the Lewis Thomas Prize for Writing about Science, a MacArthur Fellowship, and two National Magazine Awards. In his work in public health, he is the Founder and Chair of Ariadne Labs, a joint center for health systems innovation, and Lifebox, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making surgery safer globally. He is also the chair of Haven, where he served as CEO from 2018 to 2020. He and his wife have three children and live in Newton, Massachusetts.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


×