Love

Richard’s journey of love with Jan and now without her.

Can I, An Ordinary Man,
Serve and Bless?

During the last Friday night service in May, when we commemorated Jan’s Yarhzeit, Rav Uri shared a passage about the valuable lessons that grief can teach us. It wasn’t the first time I had heard the passage, and I’ve used it in a post or stream before. He spoke about how grief can be a great teacher, leading us to serve and bless the living, offer counsel and comfort to the grieving, know when to keep silent, and offer words of love and concern. As many of my friends and readers know, I find comfort in reading, writing, walking, and worshiping, seeking to absorb as much wisdom as possible.

Continue reading →

Discovering Altruism as the Antidote to Love and Grief

“Can you please hold on for a moment? I need to make a quick phone call,” she asked. With my hand over the mouthpiece, I asked for a minute to handle the call. Since moving into Clara Martini’s Mansion, a one-bedroom place without heat or hot water, I had encouraged my colleagues to rent the larger apartment next door. Allowing their apartment to use the same phone number as mine was how I treated others as cousins. Until late November, I had not felt the need to make any calls, and the number of times people called for me could be counted on one hand. However, after meeting Jan, I constantly wanted to talk to her. What was supposed to be a minute-long interruption turned into over an hour. I realized that instead of being a considerate neighbor, I had selfishly focused only on my needs.

Continue reading →

Publicly Mourning
Helped Me to Learn and Grow

It has been almost thirty-eight months since my wife passed away. Losing a loved one, particularly a spouse, is an experience no one would wish for. Atul Gawande wrote in “Being Mortal” that we have come to believe that every medical professional has a magic cure to prevent death or postpone it indefinitely. However, the truth is that death is one of the life cycle events encoded in our DNA.

Continue reading →

On Jan Lilien’s 3rd Yahrzeit,
A Ritual Helps Me Embrace the Future!

The soft, flickering glow of the Yahrzeit Candle paints a poignant tableau on the walls, ceiling, and floor of my kitchen, creating a serene atmosphere. For the last two years, I’ve placed this candle before a photo of my beloved wife, Jan. Tonight, I’ve encircled it with three images that capture precious moments of our sons, their wives, and our two grandchildren. Each image is a gateway to a cherished memory, stirring a deep nostalgia and a profound love that defies time constraints. Have you ever found yourself lost in a sea of photos, searching for the perfect ones? As I was doing so, I realized that I still had thousands of digital pictures of Wes waiting to be printed and framed. Keeping up with the life changes requires time and effort.

Continue reading →

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

The Friend: A Novel

Read: September 2022

Get this book

The Friend: A Novel

by Sigrid Nunez

The Friend: A Novel by Sigrid Nunez is a moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog. When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. I understand the positives and negatives of having a dog help with grief, but I cannot have one where I live.

One line that resonated with me was,

You can’t hurry, love, as the song goes. You can’t hurry, grief, either.

Far too often, widows are in a hurry, not unlike young lovers. We need to learn patience and remind ourselves that the more we love, the more we will grieve.

I often said that Jan would replace me with a dog if she survived me.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides a concise overview,

The woman’s own battle against grief is intensified by the mute suffering of the dog, a huge Great Dane traumatized by the inexplicable disappearance of its master, and by the threat of eviction: dogs are prohibited in her apartment building.

While others worry that grief has made her a victim of magical thinking, the woman refuses to be separated from the dog except for brief periods of time. Isolated from the rest of the world, increasingly obsessed with the dog’s care, determined to read its mind and fathom its heart, she comes dangerously close to unraveling. But while troubles abound, rich and surprising rewards lie in store for both of them.

Elegiac and searching, The Friend is both a meditation on loss and a celebration of human-canine devotion.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Such a Fun Age

Read: October 2021

Get this book

Such a Fun Age

by Kiley Reid

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid. Although many reviewers highly rated this book, I was unsure it was the book for me. However, once I started reading, I could not stop. It is “a striking and surprising debut novel from a compelling new voice. Such a Fun Age is a big-hearted story about race and privilege, set around a young Black babysitter, her well-intentioned employer, and a surprising connection that threatens to undo them both.

Alix Chamberlain is a woman who gets what she wants and has made a living with her confidence-driven brand, showing other women how to do the same. So she is shocked when her babysitter, Emira Tucker, is confronted while watching the Chamberlains’ toddler one night, walking the aisles of their local high-end supermarket. The store’s security guard, seeing a young Black woman out late with a White child, accuses Emira of kidnapping two-year-old Briar. A small crowd gathers, a bystander films everything, and Emira is furious and humiliated. Alix resolves to make things right.

But Emira herself is aimless, broke, and wary of Alix’s desire to help. At 25, she is about to lose her health insurance and has no idea what to do with her life. When the video of Emira unearths someone from Alix’s past, both women find themselves on a crash course that will upend everything they think they know about themselves and each other.

With empathy and piercing social commentary, Such a Fun Ageexplores the stickiness of transactional relationships, what it means to make someone “family”, and the complicated reality of being a grown-up. It is a searing debut for our times.

When race and privilege are paramount issues, this book is a first step to understanding the intersectionality of the issues and addressing them. I recommend this book with our reservation.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Sun City

Read: February 2025

Get this book

Sun City by Tove Jansson

by Tove Jansson

Today, I began reading “Sun City” by Tove Jansson, translated by Thomas Teal. I found this book mentioned in Maya Chung‘s review in The Atlantic’s Book Briefings, and as an older man, it seemed like the perfect choice for me. In “The Summer Book” and “The True Deceiver,” as well as in her many short stories, Tove Jansson consistently explores the everyday lives of older adults.

She portrays them not as a separate group but as fully fleshed individuals who experience the same jealousies, desires, and joys as any other demographic. It’s no wonder that in her travels through America in the 1970s, she became fascinated with what was then a particularly American institution, the retirement home, where older people lived in their tightly knit worlds.

In Sun City, Jansson depicts these worlds in a group portrait of residents and employees at the Berkeley Arms in St. Petersburg, Florida. As the narrative moves from character to character, the characters move through an America riven by cultural divides, facing the death of its dream. The Berkeley Arms’s newest resident finds a place among the rocking chairs and endless chatter on the veranda while other residents long for past glories, mourning their losses and killing time. Meanwhile, one of their attendants, Bounty Joe, is eagerly awaiting a letter, or even just a postcard, alerting him to the imminent return of Jesus Christ. Nobody’s normal anymore,” the bartender says, “not the old geezers and not the newborn kids.”



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


×
I'll Come to You: A Novel

Read: January 2025

Get this book

I’ll Come to You: A Novel

by Rebecca Kauffman

I began reading “I’ll Come to You: A Novel” by Rebecca Kauffman today. This sweeping and compact novel explores themes of intimacy, memory, loss, grief, and reconciliation. It delves into the wonder, terror, frustration, fear, and magic of confronting the unknowable in the world and within ourselves. The New York Times recommended it as one of six books to read this week.

I’ll Come to You is a modern and classic story of a family that follows intersecting lives throughout 1995, centered around the anticipation and arrival of a child. Through empathy, insight, and humor, Rebecca Kauffman delves into overlapping narratives: a couple struggling to conceive, which has both softened and hardened their relationship; a woman whose husband of forty years has left her without explaining why; and the man who is disastrously trying to win her affection. Additionally, there’s a couple in denial about an impending health crisis and their son, who is awkwardly navigating middle age while unable to stop lying.

Ultimately, these storylines build to a dramatic and harrowing climax. With heart, wit, and courage, the characters confront challenges that test and define their family bonds.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


×
Commitment: A novel

Read: April 2023

Get this book

Commitment: A Novel

by Mona Simpson

The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.

A hardworking single mother, Diane Aziz falls into a deep depression after dropping off her oldest son, Walter, at college. Despite her struggles, her closest friend is vital in keeping the family together and their mother’s dreams alive.

This is a story of one family’s struggle to navigate the crisis of their lives, a struggle that may resonate with many readers. Walter discovers a newfound passion for architecture, but financial struggles threaten his academic pursuits. Meanwhile, Lina fights to attend an Ivy League school, and Donny, the youngest sibling, battles a dangerous drug addiction.

As someone with different personal experiences, I still found Commitment to affirm the importance of biological and chosen families.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Kala: A Novel

Read: June 2024

Get this book

Kala: A Novel

by Colin Walsh

Today, I started reading “Kala: A Novel” by Colin Walsh, a gripping literary page-turner from a rising Irish talent. Former friends, estranged for twenty years, reckon with the terrifying events of the summer that changed their lives. Three old friends are reunited in the seaside town of Kinlough, on Ireland’s west coast, for the first time in years.

Helen, Joe, and Mush were part of an original group of six inseparable teenagers in the summer of 2003, with motherless, reckless Kala Lanann as their group’s white-hot center. Soon after that summer’s peak, Kala disappeared without a trace.

Now it’s fifteen years later:

  • Helen has reluctantly returned to Ireland for her father’s wedding.
  • Joe is a world-famous musician who is newly back in town.
  • Mush has never left, too scared to venture beyond the counter of his mother’s café.

But human remains are discovered in the woods. Two more girls have gone missing. As past and present begin to collide, the estranged friends are forced to confront their involvement in the events that led to Kala’s disappearance.

Against the backdrop of a town suffocating on its secrets, in a story that builds from a smolder to a stunning climax, Kala brilliantly examines the sometimes brutal costs of belonging and the battle in the human heart between vengeance and forgiveness, despair and redemption.

×