Love is a Magical Force!
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 40 seconds
A Magical Call, July, 2023
My heart pounded as I took a deep breath and mustered the courage to speak. “There is something I wanted to say,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone since I met my wife, and I’ve felt this way for over a year now.” I could feel the weight of my confession as I spoke. “I wanted to have a FaceTime call with you because I knew I couldn’t express my feelings properly through text or over a call. I needed to see your face, to look into your eyes, and tell you how I feel.” I paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts. “If you don’t feel the same way, I’ll be OK. But I couldn’t keep these feelings bottled up inside anymore. I just had to let you know.” My heart raced as I waited for her response, hoping she would feel the same way.
“I liked you from the first time we met, but I thought you were not over your wife’s death, so I did not say anything.” My body was levitating, and I had to do everything possible to keep my face in the camera’s image. “I am ready, willing, and able to visit you whenever possible tomorrow, next week, next month.” She responded that we would schedule a time soon. “I never believed someone would love me again!” I knew my face was blushing, and my emotions were as raw as a paper cut. I fumbled for words to say as we ended the call. “I like you” is the best I could manage as I was still cautious of scaring her away if I said the “L” word.
Farewell December 2023
“If you want to meet, I have a time before my train leaves,” was a text message I had waited months to receive. I responded yes without checking the train schedule. The memory of that day is etched in my mind as though it were yesterday. We had agreed to meet briefly in the lobby, and as soon as I saw her, I couldn’t help but express my love for her. She looked surprised and pleased, and for a moment, I felt like we were in a romantic movie.
As we hugged, I held her tightly and felt her warmth against my body. It was a feeling I had longed for, and being with her erased all the complex emotions and doubts I had been experiencing. I knew that love would transform us and make us happy together.
She handed me a gift, which I mildly protested as I had nothing to give her in return. She remarked that I had been overly generous to her, but I replied that it was what one did when one loved someone.
Our conversation was enjoyable. We discussed the future and how we might or might not be together. But as the time for the departure of the train approached, our conversation faded, and we hugged each other again as we were about to part ways.
As I held her close, I was overcome by teenage emotions and asked if I could kiss her. Our lips touched, and I felt a rush of intense feelings that I hadn’t experienced since my wife passed away. I wanted to complete the kiss, but at the same time, I felt so close to her that I pulled away, unsure of what either of us wanted or needed.
She picked up her bag and looked around to ensure everything was in place. “Nothing happened,” she repeated several times. I reminded her that we had agreed to meet with the understanding that we wouldn’t do anything we would regret. She responded with the same mantra that nothing had happened. I explained that when our lips touched, I felt if we proceeded, it might put us in a position of no return.
As she started to board her train, I said I loved her now and forever. She looked unhappy and said, “Don’t say that; it makes me uncomfortable as I do not feel that way.” A chill fell over our space. “Can I kiss you?” Hearing no response, I lifted her bag and handed it to her. The bad was weightless compared to the weight of loneliness I felt.
I am a Romantic and a Gentleman
As we journey through life, it is a common notion that we become more set in our ways and less willing to accept change. However, I am determined to avoid falling prey to this mindset. Love is a magical power and has always been my constant companion, and it has been my guiding light through all the ups and downs of life.
I firmly believe in romance and chivalry, and when I fall in love, I do so with all my heart and soul, without reservation. My love knows no bounds, and it is unconditional. My beloved wife could see this side of me and loved me for who I am. Together, Jan and I built a legacy that will endure for generations.
The concept of love is a magical and enchanting phenomenon that occurs when two individuals unite and connect on a deeper level. While seeking genuine love may entail facing certain obstacles and challenges, I am confident that I will eventually discover it, even if it means traversing the path alone for a while. I hold steadfast to the wisdom bestowed upon me by my loved ones, and I approach life with an open mind, eager to explore the endless possibilities that await me.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
