Jan and her Soul Sisters Blanket
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Help Me Help, Jan

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 41 seconds

Jan’s Smile Melts Away My Fears

“I am here to see my wife. She was admitted to the ICU last night.” I gave them her name and mine.She is alive is all I could think about as I waited for approval to see Jan. “Do you know how to get to the ICU?” No. Walk to the main elevators and get off on the fifth floor.

Jan greeted me with one of her big smiles. 

“I love you,” I said as I kissed her sweet lips.

“How did I get here? I remember Elyssa saying that I needed to go to the hospital.

I explained what had happened.Why did I wait to call for help if Jan did not remember anything? Did I risk her life waiting for her to agree I could call Mike?

I am so happy we could get you here and that the surgery worked.

“Me too! Do you have my iPhone?”

I searched the room and found her bag.

As soon as I handed it to her, the phone rang. 

“Jon, how are you? I’m fine. Your Dad is here with me.”

I knew Jon was flying east to be with her. 

“You do not need to come to see me. I am doing OK and will be home soon.

Listening to her talk to Jon and feeling the warmth of her smile, she seemed the healthiest she had been in years. Her voice was like the one I heard the day we met. Strong, confident, reassuring, and soothing. 

I felt we had avoided a fatal outcome and turned a corner. Jan’s alive and on the mend! Thank God she will live!

After she stopped talking to Jon, we chatted. 

Mid-afternoon, Jan looked at me and said, “you look exhausted.”

I am, my love, but I want to stay with you.

“You should go home and rest. I am OK now.”

I said no, but it was clear that having slept very little since the end of March, it was best to go home.

I love you and am so happy you are OK!

“I love you too!”

I texted my sons, Dr. Strair, the Rabbi, and critical friends as I left the hospital. 

They have stabilized her enough in the ICU that they plan to move her to the oncology unit as soon as a bed is available.

Saturday, April 3, 3:46 pm

Dr. Strair responded. She is an amazing woman!

On the way home, I repeated an edited version of the chorus to the Beatles singing All You Need is Love.

All I need is Jan’s love.
All I need is Jan’s love.
All I need is Jan’s love.

All You need is love, The Beatles

If you liked this post, you should read A Day of Fear and Hope, written a year ago.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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A Seperation

Read: January 2022

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A Separation: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

A Separation by Katie Kitamura is about a young woman who has agreed with her faithless husband: it’s time for them to separate. All I could think about from the opening page until I finished the book was how Jan and I, despite one messy period, never dealt with infidelity or separation. Our love was pure as the driven snow. The subject matter would typically not have interested me enough to read the book. However, it is written in a hypnotic manner that mesmerizes the reader into turning the next page.

I highly recommend this book.

Goodreads provides an overview.

As she begins her new life, she gets word that Christopher has gone missing in a remote region in the rugged south of Greece; she reluctantly agrees to look for him, still keeping their split to herself. As her search comes to a shocking breaking point, she discovers she understands less than she thought she did about her relationship and the man she used to love. In her heart, she’s not even sure if she wants to find him.  For the moment, it’s a private matter, a secret between the two of them.

Adrift in the wild landscape, she traces the disintegration of their relationship and discovers she understands less than she thought about the man she used to love.

A story of intimacy and infidelity, A Separation is about the gulf that divides us from the lives of others and the narratives we create for ourselves. As the narrator reflects upon her love for a man who may never have been what he appeared, Kitamura propels us into the experience of a woman on the brink of catastrophe. A Separation is a riveting stylistic masterpiece of absence and presence that will leave the reader astonished and transfixed.

In closing, I highly recommend this book.

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Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel

Read: February 2024

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Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel

by Authors Guild

I started reading Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel today. It is set in a Lower East Side tenement during the early days of the COVID-19 lockdowns. Fourteen Days is a unique collaborative novel from the Authors Guild with a twist. A different, prominent literary voice has secretly written each character in this diverse cast of New York neighbors. These voices range from Margaret Atwood and Celeste Ng to Tommy Orange and John Grisham.

The novel’s story begins one week into the COVID-19 shutdown, where tenants of a Lower East Side apartment building in Manhattan have gathered on the rooftop to tell stories. As the nights pass, more and more neighbors join in, bringing chairs, milk crates, and overturned pails. Gradually, the tenants, some of whom have barely spoken to each other, become neighbors.

In this Decameron-like serial novel, general editors Margaret Atwood and Douglas Preston and a star-studded list of contributors create a beautiful ode to those trapped when the pandemic hit. Fourteen Days is a dazzling, heartwarming, and ultimately surprising narrative that reveals how some communities managed to become stronger despite the loss and suffering brought about by the pandemic.

Includes writing from: Charlie Jane Anders, Margaret Atwood, Joseph Cassara, Jennine Capó Crucet, Angie Cruz, Pat Cummings, Sylvia Day, Emma Donoghue, Dave Eggers, Diana Gabaldon, Tess Gerritsen, John Grisham, Maria Hinojosa, Mira Jacob, Erica Jong, CJ Lyons, Celeste Ng, Tommy Orange, Mary Pope Osborne, Douglas Preston, Alice Randall, Ishmael Reed, Roxana Robinson, Nelly Rosario, James Shapiro, Hampton Sides, R.L. Stine, Nafissa Thompson-Spires, Monique Truong, Scott Turow, Luis Alberto Urrea, Rachel Vail, Weike Wang, Caroline Randall Williams, De’Shawn Charles Winslow, and Meg Wolitzer!

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When No One is Watching

Read: February 2022

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When No One is Watching

by Alyssa Cole

When No One Is Watching by Alyssa Cole is a novel where the gentrification of a Brooklyn neighborhood takes on a sinister new meaning.

Sydney Green is Brooklyn-born and raised, but her beloved neighborhood seems to change every time she blinks. Condos are sprouting like weeds, FOR SALE signs are popping up overnight, and the neighbors she’s known all her life are disappearing. To hold onto her community’s past and present, Sydney channels her frustration into a walking tour and finds an unlikely and unwanted assistant in one of the new arrivals to the block—her neighbor Theo.

But Sydney and Theo’s deep dive into history quickly becomes a dizzying descent into paranoia and fear. After all, their neighbors may not have moved to the suburbs, and the push to revitalize the community may be more deadly than advertised.

When does coincidence become a conspiracy? Where do people go when gentrification pushes them out? Can Sydney and Theo trust each other—or themselves—long enough to find out before they too disappear?

Having lived in Brooklyn and seen the impacts of gentrification, redlining, and other practices, I found this book one that I truly enjoyed. The book will provide a detailed history lesson if you are like Theo and have no thought of these issues.

I enjoyed the visit to Weeksville, as I have been there on several professional occasions. The history of that community needs to be told.

I recommend this book.

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In Praise of Walking

Read: April 2023

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In Praise of Walking

by Shane O'Mara

I recently received a book from my family that combines two interests: walking and reading. The book, “In Praise of Walking” by Shane O’Mara, celebrates the joys, health benefits, and mechanics of walking. It emphasizes the importance of getting out of our chairs and discovering a happier, healthier, more creative self.

One of the most important insights I gained from this book is that walking can lead to mind wandering, focusing on autobiographical memory rather than the immediate environment. This realization helped me accept and appreciate Jan’s love and move forward with her passion.

The book also explores the significance of walking to our human identity. Walking upright has given us many advantages, including the freedom of our hands and minds. Walking has enabled us to spread worldwide and has many benefits for our bodies and minds, such as protecting and repairing organs, aiding digestion, and sharpening our thinking.

Overall, “In Praise of Walking” inspires us to start walking again and recognize its many benefits to our lives and societies.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Murder Bimbo

Read: February 2026

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Murder Bimbo: A Novel

by Rebecca Novack

Murder Bimbo by Rebecca Novack delivers a thrilling, unpredictable tale of a sex worker who morphs into a political assassin, thrust into a high-stakes game of survival. This captivating story weaves together elements of deception, murder, and the complexities of today’s political landscape, offering readers a fresh, gripping perspective that keeps them on the edge of their seats.

The protagonist, a thirty-two-year-old sex worker, is taken by surprise when undercover government agents approach her to assist in a top-secret plot to assassinate a politician known as Meat Neck. However, after the assassination, she realizes the harsh truth: she has been deemed 100% disposable.

Now holed up in an off-the-grid cabin in the woods, she has only two days, her wits, and a laptop to save her own life.

Her best chance is to reach out to the popular feminist investigative podcast, Justice for Bimbos. In a series of hastily typed emails, the newly dubbed Murder Bimbo reveals how she was recruited and trained by a group of covert U.S. agents to eliminate Meat Neck.

Next, she opens a new email addressed to her ex, where the facts present a different narrative.

Structured in three increasingly unhinged acts, each offering a more subversive version of the story than the last, Murder Bimbo is simultaneously a thrilling literary work, a satirical manifesto for vigilantes, or a raucous commentary on the political madness we experience daily. Regardless, it serves as a serious announcement of an electrifying new voice in American literature.

Rebecca Novack grew up in the Rocky Mountains. She has a master’s in theological studies from Harvard Divinity School.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

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Reluctantly Home

Read: June 2022

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Reluctantly Home

by Imogen Clark

Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark is about dealing with the past—and finally facing the future-a topic that was appealing to me. Thirteen months into my grief journey, I live between a perfect past and an unknowable future. Will Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark help me manage these two worlds?

Surprisingly it did. Unlike the two protagonists, I am mourning losing Jan, the love of my life. However, the neuromapping in my brain made it impossible to understand how to continue to love Jan and separate that from the time and space connections that made me believe she would return at any moment.

Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark helped me understand that grief should and cannot define us forever. I recommend this book to all readers, not only those on a grief journey like mine.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Pip Appleby seems to have it all, with her prestigious job as a human rights lawyer and her enviable London home. But then a tragic accident stops her life in its tracks, and everything changes instantly. Retreating to her family’s rural farm and the humble origins she has been trying to hide, Pip is haunted by what she has done.

When she discovers the diary of actress Evelyn Mountcastle in a box of old books, Pip revels in the opportunity to lose herself in someone else’s life rather than focus on the disaster that is her own. But soon, she sees parallels—Evelyn’s life was also beset by tragedy, and, like Pip, she returned to Southwold under a dark cloud.

When Pip and Evelyn’s paths cross in real life, they slowly begin to reveal the hidden stories holding them back. Can they help each other forgive what happened in the past and, perhaps, find happiness in the future?

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