Jan and her Soul Sisters Blanket

by Richard W. Brown April 3, 2022 5 comments

Help Me Help, Jan

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 41 seconds

Brown Squishy Chair

I want to sit in the chair, not be in bed,” Jan commanded as we exited the bathroom. Her favorite chair was the brown squishy chair. It was comfortable, but could she get up from the chair if she needed to go to the toilet again?

I complied and helped her sit on the chair.

“I love you! Is there anything you need?”

Jan shook her head.

It was almost sunrise as I sat in the green rocking chair across from her.

“I need to call Mike to help me help you.”

“No,” she mumbled.

“Why not?”

“He will not come….”

“I am sure he will help If I ask him.”

“No.”

“What about one of the soul sisters?”

“I don’t want to bother them.”

Frustrated, I opened the blinds to let the morning light into the apartment.

“I need someone to help me help you.”

Jan did not respond.

Call for Help

“I need to go,” Jan announced. I stood up next to her. “I am going to move the ottoman and lower your legs. Then I will try to help you to stand up.” Even as I said those words, I could feel the pain in my back surge like a high-voltage charge of electricity racing through my body.

Lean on me,” I instructed Jan.

She could not move, and the only option was for me to lift her off the chair.

I tried to lift her but could not move her.

My lower back hurt so much that I could not straighten myself as I stood by her.

I reached for my iPhone and typed an urgent message.

Mike and Elyssa, can you call me as soon as possible. I need your help!
Friday, April 2, 11 AM

“I reached out for help.”

I accepted Jan’s non-response as an affirmative answer.

My iPhone’s ring jolted me.

“We are on our way,” said Elyssa. “What do you need help with?”

I inched my way at a 45-degree angle into the hallway and explained the events of the last dozen hours.

Richard W. Brown

After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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My random thoughts on love, grief, life and all things considered.

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The Keeper

Read: April 2026

The Keeper: A Novel

by Tana French

Before I finished the last page of The Keeper by Tana French, I found myself missing Cal, Lena, and Trey, along with the other characters from the Irish village of Ardnakelty. Tana French is a renowned crime writer who has inspired a devoted following among readers and has been described as “incandescent” by Stephen King. She is releasing the third and final book in the million-copy bestselling Cal Hooper trilogy.

On a cold night in the remote Irish village of Ardnakelty, a girl goes missing. Sweet, loving Rachel Holohan was about to be engaged to the son of the local big shot. Instead, she’s dead in the river.

In a close-knit small town, a death like this isn’t simple. It comes wrapped in generations-old grudges and power struggles, splitting the townland in two. Retired Chicago detective Cal Hooper has friends here now, and he owes them loyalty, but his fiancée Lena wants nothing to do with Ardnakelty’s tangles. As the feud becomes more vicious, their settled peace begins to crack. And when they uncover a scheme that casts a new light on Rachel’s death and threatens the whole village, they find themselves in the firing line.

“One of the greatest crime novelists writing today,” according to Vox, crafts a masterwork of atmospheric suspense that brings the story of one of her most beloved characters to a spellbinding conclusion.

Tana French is the New York Times–bestselling author of nine previous books, including In the Woods, The Searcher, and The Hunter. Her novels have sold over eight million copies worldwide and won numerous awards, including the Edgar, Anthony, Macavity, and Barry Awards, the Los Angeles Times Book Prize for Best Mystery/Thriller, and the Irish Book Award for Crime Fiction. She lives in Dublin with her family.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!

Richard W. Brown

After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.

Love Forms

Read: August 2025

Love Forms: A Novel

by Claire Adam

Love Forms, a novel by Claire Adam that is longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize, is a profoundly moving story about a woman’s journey of self-discovery. This novel stands out with its unique exploration of a mother’s life, emphasizing the enduring bonds of love, family, and home. The protagonist’s search for the daughter she gave up for adoption at sixteen challenges her to reconsider every life decision she has made.

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More than forty years later, Dawn yearns to reconnect with her lost daughter. But tracking down her child is not as easy as she had thought. It’s an emotional journey that leads Dawn to retrace her steps—from Trinidad to Venezuela and then to London—and to question not only that fateful decision she’d made as a teenager but every turn in the road of her life since.

Claire Adam‘s debut novel, Golden Child, was published by Sarah Jessica Parker’s SJP for Hogarth. It was listed as one of the BBC’s “100 Novels That Shaped Our World” and was awarded the Barnes & Noble Discover Prize, the Desmond Elliott Prize, the Authors’ Club Best First Novel Award, and the McKitterick Prize. She was born and raised in Trinidad and Tobago. She studied physics at Brown University and later received an MA in creative writing at Goldsmiths, University of London. Adam lives in London.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Don’t miss out on an exceptional opportunity! Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!

Richard W. Brown

After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Read: December 2024

Playground: A Novel

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I started reading “Playground: A Novel” by Richard Powers today. This remarkable new novel comes from the Pulitzer Prize-winning and New York Times best-selling author of “The Overstory” and “Bewilderment.” Even more astonishing is that this marks my three hundredth book since I embarked on this reading journey on January 1, 2019! I’m also enjoying “Judaism Is About Love,” which means “Playground: A Novel” will be my 98th or 99th book in 2024.

In this sweeping, panoramic novel, four lives intertwine, showcasing Richard Powers at the height of his skills. Twelve-year-old Evie Beaulieu finds herself at the bottom of a swimming pool in Montreal, strapped to one of the world’s first aqua lungs. Ina Aroita grows up on naval bases across the Pacific, finding solace in art as her only home. At an elite high school in Chicago, two opposites bond over a three-thousand-year-old board game: Rafi Young gets lost in literature, while Todd Keane’s work leads to a startling breakthrough in artificial intelligence.

Their paths converge on the history-laden island of Makatea in French Polynesia, once known for its phosphorus deposits that helped sustain the world. This tiny atoll has been chosen for a groundbreaking venture: a plan to create floating, autonomous cities to venture out onto the open sea. However, the island’s residents must vote to approve the project or turn the seasteaders away.

Set against the world’s most enormous ocean backdrop, this awe-inspiring book delves into the last wild place we have yet to colonize, exploring a still-unfolding oceanic narrative. It beautifully weaves rich characters, profound themes of technology and the environment, and a deep examination of our shared humanity—and exploration that only Richard Powers can deliver.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Richard W. Brown

After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.

Atonement: A Novel

Read: August 2024

Atonement: A Novel

by Ian McEwan

Today, I started reading “Atonement: A Novel” by Ian McEwan, an acclaimed Booker Prize-winning author. This symphonic novel explores complex themes, including love and war, childhood and class, guilt and forgiveness. It has been recognized as one of the New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, making it a must-read for those interested in these profound themes.

The story begins on a scorching summer day in 1935, when thirteen-year-old Briony Tallis witnesses a moment of flirtation between her older sister, Cecilia, and Robbie Turner, the son of a servant and Cecilia’s childhood friend. Briony’s incomplete understanding of adult motives and her literary gifts lead to a crime that significantly impacts their lives, taking them on an emotional journey of love, guilt, and forgiveness.

The narrative tracks the repercussions of this crime through the chaos and carnage of World War II, a vivid historical backdrop that immerses the reader into the twentieth century’s close. “Atonement” has been acclaimed for engaging readers on multiple levels, marking it a genuine masterpiece from the Booker Prize-winning, internationally bestselling author Ian McEwan.

Ian McEwan is a critically acclaimed author known for his nineteen novels and two short story collections. His first published work, a collection of short stories titled “First Love, Last Rites,” won the Somerset Maugham Award.

His notable novels include “The Child in Time,” which won the Whitbread Novel of the Year Award in 1987; “The Cement Garden“; “Enduring Love;” “Amsterdam;” which won the Booker Prize in 1998; “Atonement;” “Saturday;” “On Chesil Beach;” “Solar;” “Sweet Tooth;” “The Children Act;” “Nutshell;” and “Machines Like Me,” which became a number-one bestseller.

Several of his works, including “Atonement,” “Enduring Love,” “The Children Act;,” and “On Chesil Beach,” have been adapted into films.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

Richard W. Brown

After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.