Jan’s Wedding Ring

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 11 seconds

Jan and I Still Wear Our Wedding Rings Because Love Never Dies

“I want my wedding ring,” Jan said as tears poured down her face. Less than an hour before her heartfelt request, the doctors had told her that there was nothing left that they could do for her, and she would be coming home for hospice care. According to the medical team, she only had a few weeks to live. 

I took a deep breath and said, “I will make sure you have the ring before coming home.”

At that moment, I had no idea if that was possible, but I knew we only had three days to complete it.

Our son Jon went to the jewelers and got the tool to measure her ring finger on Thursday, and Martin Jewelers had hers and a minor adjustment to mine completed by Friday morning.

Our Wedding Rings

“Will you wear a wedding ring,” Jan asked me while we looked at them in a small jewelry store in East Williamsburg. I’ve never seen you wear any rings or jewelry.” “I love you so much and want to be your husband more than anything in the world,” I exclaimed. “I will wear it day and night until the end!”

We kissed as the clerk looked down at the rings. 

Jan and I never had engagement rings and had to pay for our wedding. I was unemployed, and she would soon lose her job. Thus, our choices were minimal.

“How about these rings,” said the clerk.

The wedding rings were elementary gold bands with overlapping hearts. As we looked at them, Jan and I smiled at each other and knew these were the ones for us. 

“Honey, our hearts are bound forever, and the rings have enough hearts to share our love with family, friends, and the community,” I said. 

We decided to buy them without looking at any others. Jan had a credit card, which I did not, and she quickly took care of the payment. 

After the wedding, many people would not consider them symbols of our marriage if they looked at our rings. Where are the diamonds? Are you sure you are married?

But we always appreciated our rings, symbolically conveying our marriage‘s uniqueness and importance. 

Although rings, even those made of gold, are merely metal and cannot speak if ours could talk, they would shout from the rooftop – I love you, Jan! I love you, Richard! We love the world!

Richard Without His Wedding Ring

“Please, please do not take off my wedding ring,” I pleaded with the unseen nurse. After a car accident, I was on a spinal board in the emergency room. The nurse kept repeating that she had to remove the ring as my fingers were swelling. I feared not that I had a spinal injury but that she might lose my wedding band. I was crying so much that my words were unintelligible. 

After eighteen years of marriage, the nurse tightly twisted the ring on my finger. 

Please, no,” I screamed one last time

The nurse stopped as someone came into the room. 

“Sweetheart, how are you,” Jan said as she walked into the treatment room.

Now that Jan was with me, I was OK with the nurse removing my wedding band. It hurt a lot as she twisted it over my knuckle. As soon as it was off, the nurse gave it to Jan, who put it in her purse. 

Jan stayed with me while they did tests to determine if I had no spinal injuries. When the test results were available, the doctor spoke with us. “There is no spinal damage, but you have a dislocated thumb, and we will need to put on a cast.” 

My hand had to be in a cast for ten days. Since Jan married me, that was the only time I did not wear the ring she gave me. Although no one could tell if I was wearing my wedding ring under the cast, I knew I was not. 

“Don’t worry, honey, I know you love me even if your left finger is without the ring,” Jan reassured me.


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14 comments add your comment

  1. This is beautiful; thanks for sharing. Each page brought a new round of tears of appreciation for the love that the two of you shared.

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The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony

Read: April 2024

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The Mango Tree

by Annabelle Tometich

Today, I started reading Annabelle Tometich‘s The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony. The Mango Tree is not just a memoir but a profoundly emotional family saga. It takes us through the complexities of Annabelle’s life, from her childhood in a house filled with balikbayan boxes, vegetation, and luscious mangoes to her journey from aspiring medical student to restaurant critic.

It is a tribute to her fellow Filipino Americans, her younger self, and the mango tree symbolizing her family. Above all, it is a heartfelt homage to Annabelle’s mother, Josefina, who carved out a life and a home without whom Annabelle would not be who she is.

When journalist Annabelle Tometich picked up the phone one June morning, she wasn’t expecting a collect call from an inmate at the Lee County Jail. And when she accepts, she certainly isn’t prepared to hear her mother’s voice on the other end of the line. However, explaining the situation to her younger siblings afterward was easy; all she had to say was, “Mom shot at some guy. He was messing with her mangoes.” They immediately understood. Answering the questions of the breaking news reporter—at the same newspaper where Annabelle worked as a restaurant critic––proved more difficult. Annabelle decided to go with a variation of the truth: it was complicated.

Thus commences The Mango Tree, a memoir that deftly weaves a tapestry of a mixed-race Filipina’s life in suburban Florida. Annabelle’s journey is not linear but a series of interconnected stories that delve into her upbringing, her father’s tragic demise, her mother’s longing for her homeland, and her quest for identity.

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Checkout 19: A Novel

Read: December 2022

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Checkout 19: A Novel

by Claire-Louise Bennett

Checkout 19: A Novel by Claire-Louise Bennett, a New York Times Best Ten Best Books of 2022; the newspaper highlights the novel’s “unusual setting: the human mind — a brilliant, surprising, weird and very funny one. All the words one might use to describe this book — experimental, autofictional, surrealist — fail to convey the sheer pleasure of ‘Checkout 19.'” I fully agree with this description and found myself living in my mind.

Since Jan died in May of 2021, I have found myself with no one to talk to about the day-to-day events that consume so much of our lives. Checkout 19: A Novel reminded me that I have only been carrying those intimate conversations in my mind. Is it surreal? Yes. Yes, it is. Reading this novel helped me to accept the importance of those conversations. The new characters and scenarios I conjure are less creative than Ms. Claire-Louise Bennett’s

Goodreads describes Checkout 19: A Novel as the adventures of a young woman discovering her genius through the people she meets–and dreams up–along the way. Checkout 19 is a radical affirmation of the power of the imagination, and the magic escapes those who master it open to us all.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In a working-class town in a county west of London, a schoolgirl scribbles stories in the back pages of her exercise book, intoxicated by the first sparks of her imagination. As she grows, everything and everyone she encounters become fuel for a burning talent. The large Russian man in the ancient maroon car who careens around the grocery store where she works as a checkout clerk, and slips her a copy of Beyond Good and Evil. The growing heaps of other books in which she loses-and finds-herself. Even the derailing of a friendship, in a devastating violation. The thrill of learning to conjure characters and scenarios in her head is matched by the exhilaration of forging her own way in the world, the two kinds of ingenuity kindling to a brilliant conflagration.


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When She Woke

Read: August 2022

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When She Woke

by Hillary Jordan

When She Woke, a fable about a stigmatized woman struggling to navigate an America of a not-too-distant future by Hillary Jordan, Bellwether Prize WinnerHannah Payne, the protagonist, embarks on a path of self-discovery that forces her to question the values she once held and the righteousness of a country that politicizes faith. The premise of When She Woke seems to be happening as I read the novel. It is also the one hundred books I have read since the beginning of 2019 and the forty-fifth this year.

Hannah Payne, like Hester Prynne, is attacked for her actions by extreme religious beliefs. Instead of wearing a scarlet letter, Hannah’s chroming (i.e., having her skin altered) makes her skin red from head to toe. The chroming might have been a good theme for a science fiction novel. Still, Ms. Jordan has written a captivating book in which Hannah confronts who she is and, after questioning the values she once had, discovers that Hannah is more vital than she believed she could be.

I highly recommend this novel.

As Ms. Jordan describes the book,

Hannah Payne’s life has been devoted to church and family. But after she’s convicted of murder, she awakens to a nightmare: she finds herself lying on a table in a solitary confinement cell, her skin turned bright red. Cameras are broadcasting her every move to millions at home, for whom observing newly made “Chromes”—criminals whose skin color has been genetically altered to reflect their crime—is a sinister form of entertainment. Hannah is a Red, a murderess. The victim, says the state of Texas, was her unborn child, and she’s determined to protect the identity of the father, a public figure with whom she shared a fierce and forbidden love.

A powerful reimagining of The Scarlet Letter, When She Woke is a timely fable about a stigmatized woman struggling to navigate a dystopian America. In this not-too-distant future, the line between church and state has been eradicated and convicted felons are no longer imprisoned, but “chromed” and released back into the population to survive as best they can.

As she seeks a path to safety in an alien and hostile world, Hannah unknowingly embarks on a journey of self-discovery that forces her to question the values she once held true and the righteousness of a country that politicizes faith and love.


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The Boy from the Sea

Read: May 2025

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The Boy from the Sea

by Garrett Carr

The Boy from the Sea by Garrett Carr is set on the west coast of Ireland during the 1970s and 1980s. This captivating debut novel tells the story of a baby boy found on the beach near a small fishing town, narrated by the locals who become enchanted by him. Both outrageously funny and profoundly moving, The Boy from the Sea showcases the talent of an essential new voice in Irish literature.

In 1973, a baby boy was discovered on the beach of a close-knit fishing village in Ireland. Fisherman Ambrose Bonnar offers to bring the child into his family, which includes his son Declan, his wife Christine, and, up the lane, Christine’s sister and aging father. The townspeople remain fascinated by the baby, whom they name Brendan, as he grows into a strange yet charismatic young man.

The Boy from the Sea tells the story of a family and a community thrown into turmoil by Brendan’s arrival. The family’s fortunes rise and fall over the years, just as the town does because nothing happens to one family here without affecting them all. The forces of a voracious global economy and modernized commercial fishing wreak havoc on their way of life. In the village, Brendan and Declan are wildly different and often at odds; meanwhile, Ambrose worries about his children but cannot divert his attention from the brutal work that keeps his family afloat. As the world around them changes, the mystery of Brendan’s origins draws them toward a surprising and stormy fate.


Garrett Carr teaches creative writing at the Seamus Heaney Centre at Queen’s University Belfast and frequently contributes to The Guardian and The Irish Times. His nonfiction work, The Rule of the Land: Walking Ireland’s Border, was chosen as a BBC Radio 4 Book of the Week. The Boy from the Sea marks Carr’s debut novel.



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Orbital

Read: December 2023

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Orbital: A Novel

by Samantha Harvey

Today, I started reading “Orbital” by Samantha Harvey. “Orbital” is a slender novel with epic power that captures a single day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space. The author’s prose is poetic and impossible to put aside. Watching the Earth through the eyes of space travelers is refreshing. If I finish reading it by Sunday, it will be the 78th book I’ve read this year or the first one of 2024.

They are not going towards the moon or the vast unknown but are orbiting our planet. These astronauts and cosmonauts come from various countries, including America, Russia, Italy, Britain, and Japan. They are selected for one of the last space station missions before the program is dismantled. They have left their lives behind to travel over seventeen thousand miles an hour as the earth reels below.

Throughout the book, we catch glimpses of their earthly lives through brief communications with their families, photos, and talismans. We watch them whip up dehydrated meals, float in gravity-free sleep, and exercise in regimented routines to prevent their muscles from atrophying. We also witness them form bonds that will stand between them and utter solitude. Most importantly, we are with them as they behold and record their silent blue planet. Their experiences of sixteen sunrises and sunsets and the bright, blinking constellations of the galaxy are breathtakingly beautiful and surprisingly intimate. Additionally, we get to see the marks of civilization far below, encrusted on the planet on which we live.

It is a profound, contemplative, and gorgeous book that eloquently meditates on space. Moreover, it is a moving elegy reflecting our humanity, environment, and planet.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Trust

Read: December 2022

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Trust by Hernan Diaz

by Hernan Diaz

Trust by Hernan Diaz is an elegant, multifaceted epic that recovers the voices buried under the myths that justify our foundational inequality; Trust is a literary triumph with a beating heart and urgent stakes. The novel is divided into four sections, each engaging and reminding us of the tremendous costs a fortune imposes on those who accumulate wealth. I highly recommend this novel as it is one of the best books I have ever read!

The first section is from Bonds, a successful novel about Benjamin and Helen Rask. Before finishing this section, I was so engrossed that I wanted their story to continue. The second is a memoir of Andrew Bevel, a successful fourth-generation financier, with notations on edits and corrections.

The third section is about Ida Partenza, an Italian-American novelist hired to flesh out Bevel’s memoir. The dynamics between her and Bevel, as well as her father and boyfriend, clarify the storyline and give it depth. Ms. Partenza seeks to find the truth, revealed in the fourth section, comprised of excerpts from Mildred’s diary. Suffice it to say; the admitted fact underscores the burdens of wealth and the antiquated views that limited women’s roles.

Trust is one of the NY Times’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read four of them, Demon Copperhead, The Candy House, The Furrows, and Checkout 19. Trust was the fifth and the seventy-second book I have read this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Even though the roar and effervescence of the 1920s, everyone in New York has heard of Benjamin and Helen Rask. He is a legendary Wall Street tycoon; she is the brilliant daughter of eccentric aristocrats. Together, they have risen to the very top of seemingly endless wealth. But the secrets around their affluence and grandeur incite gossip. At what cost have they acquired their immense fortune? Rumors about Benjamin’s financial maneuvers and Helen’s reclusiveness start to spread–all as a decade of excess and speculation draws to an end.

This is the mystery at the center of a successful 1938 novel, Bonds, which all of New York seems to have read. But it isn’t the only version.

Hernan Diaz’s Trust brilliantly puts the story of these characters into conversation with other accounts–and in tension with the life and perspective of a young woman bent on disentangling fact from fiction. Provocative and propulsive, Trust engages the reader in a quest for the truth while confronting the reality-warping gravitational pull of money and how power often manipulates facts. The result is a novel that becomes more exhilarating and profound with each new layer and revelation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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