Jan and Richard

Who Am I Now?

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 33 seconds

Twenty-one weeks, and I am still unsure of who I am without Jan. Life was easy when I was part of Jan and Richard, and when I was a member of that couple, I was the happiest person in the world.

Now, I am just Richard.

As I struggle to determine who I am now, it is impossible to discuss who I am now without briefly reviewing who I was before meeting Jan and how she changed my life.

I know I need to share those memories? The question is, can I?

Love never dies!

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Jan and Richard
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Rabbit Moon

Read: April 2025

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Rabbit Moon: A Novel

by Jennifer Haigh

Today, I dove into Jennifer Haigh‘s gripping new release, Rabbit Moon. Set against the vibrant backdrop of Shanghai, this tense and riveting drama unravels the complexities of a fractured American family. It explores hidden secrets and the unbreakable bond between two sisters. Ms. Haigh, the New York Times bestselling author of Mercy Street, which I read last year, weaves a tale that promises to keep readers on the edge of their seats.

Four years after their bitter divorce, Claire and Aaron Litvak receive a phone call that no parent is prepared for: their 22-year-old daughter Lindsey, who is teaching English in China during her college gap year, has been critically injured in a hit-and-run accident. As they wait at her bedside in a Shanghai hospital, they hold onto hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

The accident exposes a deeper rift within the family: it brings to light the shocking events that ended the Litvaks’ marriage and turned Lindsey against them. Estranged from her parents, Lindsey has confided only in her younger sister, Grace, who was adopted from China as an infant. As Claire and Aaron navigate the bustling, cosmopolitan atmosphere of Shanghai—the newly prosperous “miracle city”—they face unsettling questions about Lindsey’s life there, where nothing is as it seems.

With her trademark psychological insight, Jennifer Haigh crafts a taut and suspenseful story about the enduring ties of marriage that divorce cannot sever and the legendary red thread that connects two sisters across time and space. Ms. Haigh again demonstrates that she is, as The New York Times describes her, “an expertly nuanced storyteller…her work is gripping, real, and immersive.”


Jennifer Haigh is the author of seven best-selling, critically acclaimed works of fiction. Her first, Mrs. Kimble, won the PEN Hemingway Award for debut fiction. Her latest, Mercy Street, was named a Best Book of 2022 by the New Yorker and won the Mark Twain American Voice in Literature Award. A Guggenheim fellow and Iowa Writers’ Workshop graduate, she lives in Boston.



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Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: A Novel

Read: July 2024

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Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: A Novel

by Gabrielle Zevin

I delved into the pages of “Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: A Novel” by Gabrielle Zevin. The narrative unfolds the lives of Sam and Sadie, two college friends who evolve into creative partners in video game design. Their journey is a tapestry of fame, joy, tragedy, duplicity, and a form of immortality, all woven into a unique love story that captivated me like no other.

This love story uniquely portrays the challenges and triumphs of a relationship in the context of their shared creative endeavors.

On a bitter-cold day in December of his junior year at Harvard, Sam Masur exits a subway car and sees Sadie Green amid the hordes of people waiting on the platform. He calls her name. For a moment, she pretends she hasn’t heard him, but then, she turns, and a game begins: a legendary collaboration that will launch them to stardom.

These friends, who have been close since childhood, take bold steps, borrow money, and seek favors. Even before they graduate from college, they have birthed their first blockbuster, Ichigo. In a blink, the world is at their feet. Sam and Sadie, not yet twenty-five, are shining with brilliance, success, and wealth. But these attributes can’t shield them from their emotional rollercoaster of creative aspirations and the heartbreaks that come with it.

Spanning thirty years, from Cambridge, Massachusetts, to Venice Beach, California, and lands in between and far beyond, Gabrielle Zevin‘s Tomorrow, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow provides a profound exploration of the diverse nature of identity, disability, failure, the redemptive possibilities in play, and above all, our deep-seated need to connect: to be loved and to love. It’s a journey that will make you reflect on your life and relationships.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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Western Lane: A Novel

Read: March 2023

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Western Lane: A Novel

by Chetna Maroo

Western Lane: A Novel by Chetna Maroo is a taut, enthralling first novel about grief, sisterhood, and a young athlete’s struggle to transcend herself. Western Lane is about three sisters who have lost their mother. Their father is encouraged to provide structure in raising his daughters. Gopi, the narrator, is a squash player, and her father imposes a brutal training regimen. I highly recommend this novel!

The following passage explains the importance of squash to Gopi and how she views the world.

In the court, your mind is not only on the shot you’re about to play and the shot with which your opponent might reply, but on the shots that will follow two, three, four moves ahead. You’re watching your opponent’s position and the game he or she is playing, making calculations. This is how you choose which way to go. Though your mind is following several paths at once, it’s not a splitting but expansion forwards and backward in time, and it happens so quickly that it feels like instinct. Sometimes, you don’t even know you are thinking.

In the first few pages, I wondered what I would have done if I had been a single parent when my sons were young. I do not believe I would have imposed on my sons what Gopi’s father did to her. However, I have found reading and art to be powerful tools to help me cope with grief. I have focused on rituals, structure, and purpose.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Eleven-year-old Gopi has been playing squash since she was old enough to hold a racket. When her mother dies, her father enlists her in a quietly brutal training regimen, and the game becomes her world. Slowly, she grows apart from her sisters. Her life is reduced to the sport, guided by its rhythms: the serve, the volley, the drive, the shot, and its echo.

But on the court, she is not alone. She is with her pa. She is with Ged, a thirteen-year-old boy with formidable talent. She is with the players who have come before her. She is in awe.

An indelible coming-of-age story, Chetna Maroo’s first novel captures the ordinary and annihilates it with beauty. Western Lane is a valentine to innocence, to the closeness of sisterhood, to the strange ways we know ourselves and each other.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Half in Shadow

Read: December 2021

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Half in Shadow: A Novel

by Gemma Liviero

Half in Shadow by Gemma Liviero is an unforgettable novel about courage, love, and consequences at the dawn of World War I. In German-occupied Belgium, a tragic loss forces Josephine Descharmes to navigate dangerous new territory. By day it’s compliance, serving German officers at the Hotel Métropole. By night it’s resistance, working with her brothers underground to help Allied soldiers and civilians across the border into Holland. Both paths put her and her family at significant risk.

Before Jan’s death, I preferred to read non-fiction or fiction about historical events. Although I had read nothing by the author before this novel, I decided to read based on the summary. When I finished the book, the author described her goal as a writer in a manner that confirmed my decision.

“Much of my aim in the stories I write is to put human faces, be they fictional, to the many who lived through these events and imagine the experiences and reactions by innocent parties thrust into such situations.”

Half in Shadow: A Novel by Gemma Liviero

Josephine’s involvement in the resistance begins slowly and gains strength with every page. Her brothers Eugene, Xavier, and her mother become realistic due to the precise writing of Ms. Liviero.

Arthur, the English soldier who falls in love with Josephine, becomes an equal member of the resistance and the family. Franz, the German in love with Josephine, is not as strongly defined as appropriate as he is the enemy.

The Amazon overview provides a brief overview of the novel.

As Josephine struggles to keep her family safe, Arthur, a grief-stricken English soldier trapped behind enemy lines, finds purpose and hope with Josephine and her work. Meanwhile, Franz, a German officer remorseful for war casualties, offers her protection and opportunity. These two men from opposing sides will open her heart and test her loyalties.

Amid the sorrows of war and threats of mortal danger and betrayal, Josephine must steer her fate. In a country deprived of freedom, she will make an impossible choice—one that will forever impact the family she cherishes and the man she loves.

The book’s conclusion, which I will not reveal, brings together all of the novel’s threads in a way that reminded me of the power of love and family.

This is one of the best books I have ever read. I highly recommend it.

Half in Shadow is the first time I have gotten a book from Amazon First Reads. I highly recommend First Reads as a way to read books earlier than their regular release. Half in Shadow is not scheduled to be published until January 1, 2022.

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The Corrections: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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The Corrections: A Novel

by Jonathan Franzen

Today, I embarked on a profound exploration of the human condition through Jonathan Franzen‘s ‘The Corrections: A Novel.’ It guides us from the heart of the Midwest in the mid-century to the bustling streets of Wall Street and the enigmatic landscapes of Eastern Europe. It’s no surprise that it’s hailed as one of The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century.

Jonathan Franzen‘s ‘The Corrections: A Novel‘ is not just a family saga but a profound critique of our modern society. It’s a work of art that delves into the issues of our new century, enlightening us with its insights. Franzen masterfully juxtaposes the old-fashioned America of freight trains, civic responsibility, and holiday treats with the modern absurdities of neuroscience, home surveillance, hands-off parenting, DIY mental health care, and the anti-gravity New Economy. It’s a narrative that will evoke laughter, tears, and deep contemplation. Through ‘The Corrections,’ Franzen establishes himself as one of the leading interpreters of American society and the American spirit.

Enid Lambert is distraught. She conceals her anxiety from her neighbors and adult children, but her husband, Alfred, is slipping into a world of his own. Whether it’s the medication for his Parkinson’s disease or his pessimism, he’s becoming increasingly detached. His days are spent brooding in the basement, engaging in mysterious, unsettling actions, and struggling to understand Enid’s words. The depth of their struggle is palpable, drawing the reader into their world.

Trouble also brews in the lives of Enid’s children. Her eldest son, Gary, a banker in Philadelphia, has become callous and materialistic, trying to push his parents out of their old home and into a small apartment. The middle child, Chip, has abruptly quit his exciting job as a professor at D—— College for no discernible reason. He moved to New York City, seemingly embracing a “transgressive” lifestyle while working on a screenplay. Meanwhile, the youngest, Denise, has left her disastrous marriage only to waste her youth and beauty on an affair with a married man—or so Gary implies.

Enid, a lover of life’s pleasures, still looks forward to a final family Christmas and the upcoming Nordic Pleasurelines Luxury Fall Color Cruise with Alfred. However, his growing confusion and instability threaten these remaining joys. As Alfred’s condition worsens, the Lamberts must confront their family’s past failures, secrets, and long-buried wounds. Yet, in this journey of confrontation and reconciliation, the hope for a better future emerges.

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Home: A Novel

Read: February 2022

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Home: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Home: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions. Although I have not read the other novels in this series, I plan to add them to my list. I highly recommend this book.

It is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of generations, love, death, and faith. With the loss of the love of my life ten months ago, these are topics that I have spent time thinking about. Ms. Robinson’s powerful writing weaved a story that I could not stop reading.

Again, I highly recommend this novel.

This is the Goodreads summary.

Hundreds of thousands were enthralled by the luminous voice of John Ames in Gilead Marilynne Robinson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Home is an entirely independent, deeply affecting novel that takes place concurrently in the same locale, this time in the household of Reverend Robert Boughton, Ames’s closest friend.

Glory Boughton, aged thirty-eight, has returned to Gilead to care for her dying father. Soon her brother, Jack—the prodigal son of the family, gone for twenty years—comes home too, looking for refuge and trying to make peace with a past littered with tormenting trouble and pain.

Jack is one of the great characters in recent literature. A bad boy from childhood, an alcoholic who cannot hold a job, he is perpetually at odds with his surroundings and with his traditionalist father, though he remains Boughton’s most beloved child. Brilliant, lovable, and wayward, Jack forges an intense bond with Glory and engages painfully with Ames, his godfather and namesake.

Home is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions.

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