Falling in Love Saved My Life

Lonely Planet Is A Play About Navigating Our Way Through Challenging Times

I enjoyed attending a captivating “Lonely Planet” performance this past Sunday at Luna Stage in West Orange. Directed by the talented Melissa Firlit, the play featured a stunningly crafted map store, thanks to the ingenious scenic designer Lucas Pinner. Seated in the front row alongside my friend Arnold, we were utterly engrossed in this touching narrative about navigating life’s challenges, specifically the AIDS pandemic.

Set against the backdrop of a map store in an unnamed city during the early days of the AIDS epidemic, the story revolves around Carl and Jody—two gay friends bonded by a deep spiritual connection. While I’m no theatre critic, I can wholeheartedly say that this play is a must-see. You can dive deeper into the details here.

One line from the performance resonated profoundly, lingering in my mind long after the curtains fell. It’s the impactful piece that stays with you and sparks reflection.

Jody, the owner of the map store, has returned after being tested for AIDS and received confirmation that he does not have AIDS. Carl asks him to write a story, as Jody is a talented chronicler of actual events and dreams. He recounts a man he sat next to at the training site. The man shares that he has moved to the city and plans to live out all of his fantasies. During this time of AIDS, he tells Jody, “Falling in love saved my life.”

The phrase resonated with me because we were sitting in the front row, and it felt like Jody was speaking directly to me. Throughout the week, I have repeatedly contemplated this phrase and replayed it. Although I have never experienced a life-threatening illness, I understand that love is both magical and transformative. I miss my late wife deeply, and I often wonder who I would be or where I would be without our love. I have frequently written about how we met, got married, and raised two sons together while working to improve the world around us. That experience has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I want to open up about my experience of falling in love again during my recovery after a significant loss. This new relationship has been a complex journey, filled with its share of ups and downs, often feeling like it’s living a life of its own—flourishing and fading, much like the lives of a cat. I’ve come to terms with the possibility that this love might only reside in my heart and mind, but that doesn’t diminish its depth; it sometimes feels as vast as the broadest river.

In a recent edition of The Marginalian by Maria Popova, titled “How to Live a Miraculous Life: Brian Doyle on Love, Humility, and the Quiet Grace of the Possible,” she shared, “Shortly before his premature passing due to an aggressive brain tumor, Brian Doyle — who referred to himself as ‘a muddle and a conundrum shuffling slowly along the road, gaping in wonder, trying just to see and say what is’ — addressed these profound and timeless questions in what turned into his posthumous essay collection One Long River of Song: Notes on Wonder.”

Mr. Doyle writes about love the same way I experience it.

I know: that the small is huge, that the tiny is vast, that pain is part and parcel of the gift of joy, and that this is love, and then there is everything else. You either walk toward love or away from it with every breath you draw. Humility is the road to love. Humility, maybe, is love.”

I have chosen to walk toward love with humility. Love is magical and transformative; it has saved my life twice. Finding true love again was something I never thought would happen after my loss. However, it has profoundly enriched my life, even if I might remain single for the rest of my days, living on a lonely planet.