I Have Covid!

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 49 seconds

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“Jan is in the hospital, and she tested positive for COVID,” I say to my sons. “I have no idea how long she will be in the hospital. No, I am unable to visit her.” These words are the core of the message I share on the phone and later text.

It is always best to get the facts out as quickly as possible. 

“That’s all I know,” I respond to questions that I cannot answer. 

“Yes, I have to quarantine and be tested.”

Mike offers to drop off an inflatable mattress.

Standing in the second bedroom, I try to imagine a mattress in the space. We have never slept in separate beds

“As soon as I know more, I will let you know.”

I pace the empty house. Almost all of the other hospitalizations seemed routine, and I could visit her. 

I pull my iPhone out of my pocket and dial her number. 

“Hello,” she says. Her voice sounds like she is on the other side of the moon.

I want to say something meaningful and calming. The only words that leave my mouth are, I love you. 

“I know; I love you too!”

I update the calls and review the list I need to text. 

“I am getting a COVID test on Friday.”

“I hope you did not catch it from me.”

I tell her not to worry. 

“Mike is loaning us their inflatable mattress.”

“Good.”

Our words seem repetitive and strained.

“This is just a bad bump in the road. We will get thru this.”

“I hope we do….”

Her tears fill my ears with the sound of sadness. I want to fill her heart with love and hope

“I’ll call you in the morning.”

Jan, my sweetheart, our love will never die! I collapsed on the couch and wept. Jan was alone and afraid. I needed to stop crying and focus on Jan’s needs, not mine. She needs me now more than ever, and with the COVID diagnosis, I cannot visit her.

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12 comments add your comment

    • Penny, thank you so very much. My writings are from my heart and, in many ways, are an extended love letter to Jan. As I have described in other posts and comments, the words flow from me like an incoming tide at the Jersey shore.

      This quote by Helen Keller has always resonated with me.

      “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

      I hope to see you on April 24th to Celebrate Jan Day.

      Thanks so very much for reading this post. Please feel free to share this post and others with anyone interested.

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Read: March 2026

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Aftermirth

Read: August 2022

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Aftermirth by Hillary Jordan

by Hillary Jordan

Aftermirth by Hillary Jordan is a book about grief as the two protagonists take a road trip that is a darkly funny journey of healing that takes them deep into the heart of their suffering and others, and then beyond it, to a place of peace and laughter. I had just finished reading When She Woke by Ms. Jordan and having enjoyed that book, reading a second one by the same author seemed reasonable.

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

I stopped being funny the day my wife was electrocuted by her underwire bra.” So begins “Aftermirth,” a dark comedy that explores the absurdity of death through the eyes of thirty-one-year-old comedian, writer, and actor Michael Larssen. What is funny to the rest of the world is devastating to Michael, who loves his wife deeply, exceptionally her bright, rippling, abandoned laughter, which captivated him from the first time he heard it. In the aftermath of her death, he loses his sense of humor and his career.

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