Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Jan and Rich

Seven is a Number That is as Lonely as One

“One Is The Loneliest Number,” according to the song by Three Dog Night. The lyrics and tune were ones that Jan and I knew.

Now that Jan died seven months ago, I know that one is not the only lonely number. However, I count the time – seven months, two-hundred fourteen days, or thirty weeks and four days, I am still alone, and Jan is no longer with me.

Since May, I have learned how to manage the day-to-day of living alone, but I still struggle to enjoy life again fully.

Love never dies; it only grows stronger!

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Gratitude

Gratitude for Everything!

Celebrate Jan

For my daily exercise and mental health, I do daily meditations. One that I have done several times is on gratitude. When I listened to mediations about gratitude on Apple Fitness+, I always gave Jan gratitude for all she did and her love that never dies.

This meditation by Jessica Skye provides a fresh perspective on our surroundings to inspire gratitude. She encourages us to be grateful for everything, even the simple touch of fabric.

It reminded me of how much I loved Jan and always will, but of the importance of sharing her love with others.

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Gratitude Heals My Soul!

It's been three years since I buried my beloved wife, but the memories of that day remain vivid. Looking back, I realize my actions were my only option. Expressing my gratitude to family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues reminded me of our interconnectedness and the importance of finding strength in the community. Though living alone, I'm still part of this interconnected world where we're all cousins and must help each other heal. That day marked the beginning of my journey towards healing and recovery; I used my ears to listen, my arms to embrace, and tentatively took the first step towards walking into the future.

Tesser Well

Wrinkle in Time Not Wrinkles on my Face

A new day and a new month, and I am still alone. Friday will be seven months since the love of my life died.

Each day, week, and month makes the loss seem like it has lasted longer than our love for each other.

I keep seeking a tesseract – the “wrinkle” in space and time from – A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle, so I can time travel back to be with Jan.

If only it were possible to time travel to kiss her and tell her how much I love her!

Unfortunately, the only wrinkles I have are on my face.

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Celebrate Jan

Love is the Bridge

Bridge of Love to Jan Lilien!

Celebrate Jan

To paraphrase JFK, I would pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to have Jan with me now. But unfortunately, even if I had all the money in the world or could meet any burden or hardship, I could not bring her back.

There is a land of the living, and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning. – Thornton WilderThe Bridge of San Luis Rey

Love is my bridge to Jan! Sharing her love is how I build that bridge!

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Love is a Magical Force!

Whenever I fall in love, I do so with all my heart and soul, leaving no room for half-steps. My love is unconditional and knows no boundaries. My wife knew and accepted me for who I am. Together, Jan and I created a legacy for ages to come.
Thornton Wilder Grief and Gratitude

Gratitude for Jan’s Love and Support

Celebrate JanCan grief and gratitude be compatible? I believe that focusing on both helps me.

I do meditation apps daily, and one is an app on gratitude. The presenter will ask whom I want to express my appreciation for, and I usually pick Jan. Even though she is not with me, I express my gratitude to her for all she did for me.

Last Friday, I focused on the gratitude I owe to the members of the Saturday Grief group and those on the Signal app.

In both cases, expressing gratitude helped me remember that love never dies; it only grows stronger.

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Hanukkah Lights

Chanukkah Lights

Celebrate JanTonight is the first night of Chanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, and it is another first without Jan, the light of my life.

As I light the candles, I think of this quote by Suzanne Fields,

Chanukkah is about the spark of the divine in all of us made in God’s image.

Jan provided light to her children and me, their partners, friends, co-workers, and even people who did not know her.

Jan’s life was a divine reflection of God’s image.

Love never dies! Today and every day, I will share her passion and spread the light she shared with me.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Bridges

Sharing Jan’s Love With the Unhoused

Celebrate JanLast night I did a shift in Battery Park with Bridges providing food and warm clothes. It was very windy, cold, and unlivable conditions for our neighbors living on the streets.

On Thanksgiving, I volunteered with the Bridges street outreach team in Newark.

Volunteering with Bridges allowed me to help others and partially repay all the support and love I have received since Jan died.

Both Jan and I spent our lives working to repair the world, and this Thanksgiving, I needed to share Jan’s love with our unhoused neighbors. The two volunteer opportunities with Bridges fulfilled that need.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Jan and Rich
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Gratitude
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Tesser Well
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Love is the Bridge
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Thornton Wilder Grief and Gratitude
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Hanukkah Lights
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Bridges
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Light to the Hills

Read: January 2023

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Light to the Hills: A Novel

by Bonnie Blaylock

Light to the Hills: A Novel by Bonnie Blaylock is about Amanda Rye, a young widowed mother and traveling packhorse librarian who comes through a mountain community struck by the nation’s economic collapse in the 1930s. I recommend this page-turner as it highlights the importance of family and community. From this foundation, truth lights a path toward survival, mountain justice, forgiveness, and hope.

The novel was recommended by Olivia Hawker, bestselling author of The Fire and the Ore, who said, “Light to the Hills is a touching meditation on motherhood and the importance of community, especially during difficult times.”

Last year I read a modern tale about Appalachia, Demon Copperhead. Both are good novels but very different.

Light to the Hills was a feel-good read despite the problems faced by Ms. Rye and the MacInteer family. It was precisely the book I needed to read this week.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The folks in the Kentucky Appalachians are scraping by. Coal mining and hardscrabble know-how are a way of life for these isolated people. But when Amanda Rye, a young widowed mother and traveling packhorse librarian, comes through a mountain community walloped by the nation’s economic collapse, she brings with her hope, courage, and apple pie. Along the way, Amanda takes a shine to the MacInteer family, especially to the gentle Rai, her quick-study daughter, Sass, and Finn, the eldest son who’s easy to warm to. They remind Amanda of her childhood and her parents with whom she longs to be reconciled.

Her connection with the MacInteers deepens, and Amanda shares with them a dangerous secret from her past. When that secret catches up with Amanda in the present, she, Rai, Sass, and Finn find their lives intersecting—and threatened—in the most unexpected ways. Now, they must come together as the truth lights a path toward survival, mountain justice, forgiveness, and hope.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The South

Read: August 2025

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The South: A Novel

by Tash Aw

Tash Aw‘s novel, The South, longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize, is both expansive and concise, capturing the dynamics of a family navigating change and desire. It explores the intersection of public and private lives with remarkable grace and beauty. This intimate and radiant story follows the deepening relationship between two boys throughout a summer, delving into themes of family, desire, and the legacies we inherit.

When his grandfather passes away, Jay travels south with his family to the property they have inherited—a once-thriving farm that has now fallen into disrepair. The trees are diseased, and the fields have been dry due to months of drought.

Jay’s father, Jack, sends him out to work the land, or what remains of it. During these hot, oppressive days, Jay finds himself increasingly drawn to Chuan, the son of the farm’s manager. The boys are different in almost every way, except for one crucial connection.

As they work in the fields and venture into town, the tension between the boys intensifies. Meanwhile, within the house, the other family members begin to confront their secrets and regrets. Jack, a professor at a struggling local college, reflects on his failures, many of which may have started when he married his student, Sui Ching. Sui Ching strives to keep the family together, though she, too, contemplates what her life could have been. Fong, the farm manager, chooses to ignore the reality of the situation—about Chuan, the deteriorating land, and the global forces that threaten to render their entire way of life obsolete.


Tash Aw is the author of four novels, including We, the Survivors, as well as a memoir about a Chinese-Malaysian family titled Strangers on a Pier. These remarkable works earned their place as finalists for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize, showcasing the incredible talent behind them!

The author has also been honored with several esteemed awards, including the Whitbread, Commonwealth, and O. Henry Awards. Plus, being longlisted for the MAN Booker Prize twice speaks volumes about his skill. It’s exciting to see his fiction translated into 23 languages, sharing his stories with the world!



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Parable of the Sower.

Read: January 2024

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Parable of the Sower

by Octavia E. Butler

Today, I started reading Octavia E. Butler‘s acclaimed post-apocalyptic novel, “Parable of the Sower.” The book depicts a world in which global climate change and economic crises have led to social chaos, particularly in California. The state is plagued by dangers such as pervasive water shortages and masses of vagabonds who are willing to do whatever it takes to survive.

The novel provides a message of hope even in a gloomy environment. It tells the story of Lauren Olamina, a fifteen-year-old girl who lives with her preacher father, family, and neighbors in a gated community. They are protected from the chaos happening around them. However, in a society where everyone is at risk, Lauren suffers from hyperempathy, a condition that makes her highly sensitive to the emotions of others.

Lauren is a young girl who is wise beyond her years and acutely aware of the dangers that her community refuses to acknowledge. She must speak up to protect her loved ones from the impending disasters that could otherwise harm them. However, her fight for survival leads to something much bigger—the emergence of a new faith and a profound insight into humanity’s destiny.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother)

Read: October 2025

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The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother)

by Rabih Alameddine

The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother)” is a wonderfully unique and vibrant celebration of love. Written by Rabih Alameddine, a National Book Award finalist and winner of the PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction, “The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother)” is a tragicomic love story set in Lebanon. It explores the modern saga of family, memory, and the unbreakable bond between a son and his mother.

In a small apartment in Beirut, sixty-three-year-old Raja and his mother live side by side. A beloved high school philosophy teacher and “the neighborhood homosexual,” Raja enjoys books, meditative walks, order, and solitude. Meanwhile, his octogenarian mother, Zalfa, feels that Raja’s desire for privacy is a personal affront. She demands to know every detail of his work and love life, disregarding his boundaries.

When Raja receives an invitation to an all-expenses-paid writing residency in America, it couldn’t come at a better time. It arrives on the heels of a series of personal and national disasters that have left him longing for peace, away from his mother and the turmoil of Lebanon. However, what initially seems like a stroke of luck soon forces Raja to confront and relive the very disasters and past betrayals he wishes to forget.

Told in Raja’s irresistible, wickedly funny voice, the novel traverses six decades, narrating the unforgettable story of a singular life and its absurdities—a tale of mistakes, self-discovery, trauma, and perhaps even forgiveness.


Rabih Alameddine is the author of several acclaimed works, including the novels “The Wrong End of the Telescope“, “Angel of History“, “An Unnecessary Woman“, “The Hakawati“, “I, the Divine“, and “Koolaids“. He also wrote a collection of stories titled “The Perv” and a nonfiction work called “Comforting Myths”.

Alameddine has received numerous awards for his writing, including the PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction, and he was a finalist for the National Book Award. In 2019, he was honored with the Dos Passos Prize, received a Lannan Award in 2021, and was awarded the Bill Whitehead Lifetime Achievement Award in 2025.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Worst Hard Time

Read: September 2019

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The Worst Hard Time

by Timothy Egan

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan was initially a book I selected from the e-library because nothing else I wanted to read was available. Once I started reading the book, I could not put it down.

Now that we have had the warmest summer since 1936 during the dust bowl, the book has even more meaning.

According to The New York Times,

The dust storms that terrorized the High Plains in the darkest years of the Depression were like nothing ever seen before or since. Timothy Egan’s critically acclaimed account rescues this iconic chapter of American history from the shadows in a tour de force of historical reportage. Following a dozen families and their communities through the rise and fall of the region, Egan tells of their desperate attempts to carry on through blinding black dust blizzards, crop failure, and the death of loved ones. Brilliantly capturing the terrifying drama of catastrophe, Egan does equal justice to the human characters who become his heroes, “the stoic, long-suffering men and women whose lives he opens up with urgency and respect.”

With the likelihood of more ecological catastrophes in the immediate future, this is a book I highly recommend.

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The Way of Integrity

Read: February 2025

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The Way of Integrity

by Martha Beck

Today, I started reading Martha Beck‘s “The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self,” a book recommended by my friend Mark. I always appreciate receiving book recommendations from friends and readers of my blog. In her self-help book, Ms. Beck asserts, “Integrity is the cure for psychological suffering. Period.” This book will be invaluable during my early period of grief. I purchased the eBook from Bookshop and plan to do so.

Bestselling author, life coach, and sociologist Martha Beck explains why “integrity”—needed now more than ever in these tumultuous times—is the key to a meaningful and joyful life. As she writes,

This book, as you may have gleaned from the title, is all about integrity. But I don’t mean this in a moralizing sense. The word integrity has taken on a slightly prim, judgmental nuance in modern English, but the word comes from the Latin integer, meaning “intact.” To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided. When a plane is in integrity, all its millions of parts work together smoothly and cooperatively. If it loses integrity, it may stall, falter, or crash. There’s no judgment here. Just physics.

In The Way of Integrity, Beck presents a four-stage process that anyone can use to find integrity, a sense of purpose, emotional healing, and a life free of mental suffering. Many issues, such as people-pleasing, staying in stale relationships, and maintaining unhealthy habits, arise from a disconnection from what truly makes us feel complete.

Inspired by The Divine Comedy, Beck uses Dante’s classic hero’s journey as a framework to break down the process of attaining personal integrity into small, manageable steps. She shows how to read the internal signals that lead us toward our true path and recognize what we yearn for versus what our culture sells us.

With techniques tested on hundreds of her clients, Beck brings her expertise as a social scientist, life coach, and human being to help readers uncover what integrity looks like in their lives. She takes us on a spiritual adventure that will change the direction of our lives and bring us to a place of genuine happiness.

Other books I have read with a similar theme, which I also recommend, include Man’s Search for Meaning, Climbing the Second Mountain, and The Pursuit of Happiness.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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