Walking is Vital to My Conscientious Resilience!

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes, 47 seconds

Conscientious Resilience

As I near the end of this month, I eagerly look forward to beginning my seventy-seventh orbit around the Sun! I have embraced resilience throughout my journey through conscientious walking, reading, writing, worshiping, and volunteering. These passions serve as my foundation, guiding me through life after losing my beloved wife. Love is timeless; it ignites our spirits and motivates us to become the best versions of ourselves. No matter how long I live, my wife’s memory will forever be with me; her passion inspires me to live fully, love deeply, and commit to improving the world.

(L to R) Rabbi Uri Allen, myself, Cindy Hannen, Kathleen Murray, and Rabbi Paul Kerbel.

I understand that one day, weakness in my legs may prevent me from walking, and my vision might fade. Worship may transform from in-person gatherings to virtual experiences. I plan to rely on volunteers and hired staff to assist with my daily living. Yet, my journey will have strengthened me to face the end of life with resilience.

My friend Danny noted nearly a year ago that I had already transformed my life, writing, “You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although she is not here physically, has done so much for you!” His words brought me joy, even as I struggled to accept their truth.

In January, my Rabbi, Rav Uri, echoed these sentiments during his remarks when I received the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Distinguished Service Award. Though I had known Rav Uri for only a year, his words resonated with Danny’s comment.

I am a better person today because of the countless individuals who have supported me through my grief. During my long walks, I focus on being good rather than merely feeling good, as Jeffrey Rosen writes in “The Pursuit of Happiness: How Classical Writers on Virtue Inspired the Lives of the Founders.” This shift in focus allows me to confront my weaknesses instead of surrendering to indulgence.

Each step honors my wife, and I let my mind wander as I discover the strength and resilience to choose a life rich with meaning and purpose.




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10 comments add your comment

  1. As you know, I am walking because of you. I am currently at day 55 of 100. Once I reach day 75, I plan to change my goal to walk 150 days.

    I am excited by that goal because when I arrive at 150 days, I will have walked 10% of the days that you will have walked and it will be my one chance to have such alignment. I am excited!

    So, why am I walking? I am walking because having a concrete goal of walking 100 days gives me reason not to quit. I am guessing that you start your walk each day for a similar reason. It gives you a reason not to quit, to keep going.

    Once I begin my walk the reasons change and are different from day to day. However, the sense of accomplishment of having “walked today” is always there and my guess is that you likely walk for those endorphins too.

    Thank you for inspiring me!

    -Mark-

    • Mark, I want to express my gratitude for your friendship and support. It will be an honor to celebrate when you reach 150 days, and I’m currently at 1,410 days and counting.

      I walk to enjoy the endorphins, but like you, each day I walk gives me one more reason not to quit. Some days my body protests, but once I start, the pain disappears, and I find myself in moments of tranquility with nature and life.

      If I’ve inspired you to walk, you have encouraged me to live life fully after loss in countless ways.

      I will always be grateful to have you as a friend.

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Sea of Tranquility

Read: September 2022

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Sea of Tranquility

by Emily St. John Mandel

Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel has been on my reading list for months. I recommend the book without reservations. Sea of Tranquility is a novel of art, time, love, and plague that takes the reader from Vancouver Island in 1912 to a dark colony on the moon three hundred years later, unfurling a story of humanity across centuries and space. It was a page-turner from page one.

With the delay of Artemis I, I have been thinking a lot about the Sea of Tranquility, the original lunar landing site. Sea of Tranquility reminded me of the days of my youth when we believed that NASA would colonize the moon as it is in the novel.

One of the passages that moved me was when Olive Llewellyn asked, “What if it always is the end of the world.” A second profound passage asks, “A life lived in a simulation is still a life.

The Goodreads summary provides a good overview,

Edwin St. Andrew is eighteen years old when he crosses the Atlantic by steamship, exiled from polite society following an ill-conceived diatribe at a dinner party. He enters the forest, spellbound by the beauty of the Canadian wilderness, and suddenly hears the notes of a violin echoing in an airship terminal—an experience that shocks him to his core.

Two centuries later a famous writer named Olive Llewellyn is on a book tour. She’s traveling all over Earth, but her home is the second moon colony, a place of white stone, spired towers, and artificial beauty. Within the text of Olive’s bestselling pandemic novel lies a strange passage: a man plays his violin for change in the echoing corridor of an airship terminal as the trees of a forest rise around him.

When Gaspery-Jacques Roberts, a detective in the Night City, is hired to investigate an anomaly in the North American wilderness, he uncovers a series of lives upended: The exiled son of an earl driven to madness, a writer trapped far from home as a pandemic ravages Earth, and a childhood friend from the Night City who, like Gaspery himself, has glimpsed the chance to do something extraordinary that will disrupt the timeline of the universe.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Dogs and Monsters: Stories

Read: October 2024

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Dogs and Monsters: Stories

by Mark Haddon

Today, I started reading Dogs and Monsters: Stories by Mark Haddon. The collection features eight captivating and imaginative stories that blend Greek myths with contemporary dystopian narratives. The stories explore themes of mortality, moral choices, and various forms of love, including romantic, familial, and self-love. Haddon’s clear-eyed vision is infused with deep empathy.

In addition, Haddon’s fluid prose showcases his remarkable powers of observation, both of the physical world and the inner workings of the human psyche. Greek myths have fascinated people for millennia with their timeless appeal and enduring lessons about fate, hubris, and life’s uncertainties. In Dogs and Monsters: Stories, Mark Haddon delves into the heart of these ancient fables and presents them in a fresh light. For instance, in one story, the dawn goddess Eos requests that Zeus grant her lover Tithonus eternal life but forgets to ask for eternal youth. In “The Quiet Limit of the World,” Haddon imagines Tithonus’s life as he ages over thousands of years, transforming this cautionary tale about tempting the gods into a spellbinding meditation on observing death from the outside. This tale ultimately explores how carnal love evolves into something more profound and poignant over time.

In “The Mother‘s Story,” Haddon reinterprets the myth of the Minotaur, born of the monstrous lust of King Minos’s wife, Pasiphaë. He turns it into a heartbreaking parable of a mother’s love for a damaged child and the more tangible monstrosities of patriarchy. In “D.O.G.Z.,” the story of Actaeon, who was transformed into a stag after glimpsing the naked goddess Diana and was subsequently torn apart by his hunting dogs, becomes a visceral metaphor for the continuum of human and animal behavior.

Other stories in Dogs and Monsters: Stories play with contemporary mythic tropes—such as genetic engineering, attempts to escape the future, and the cruelty of adolescent ostracism. These stories showcase how modern humans are subject to the same capriciousness that concerned the Greeks but in a fresh and intriguing light. Haddon‘s tales cover a wide range of themes, from the mythic to the domestic, from ancient Greece to the present day, and explore love alongside stories of cruelty. They take readers from battlefields to bed and breakfasts and from dogs in space to doors between worlds, all bound together by profound sympathy and an insight into how human beings think, feel, and act when pushed to their limits.

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Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is a book I wish I had long before Jan died. It provides helpful information on maintaining an organized lifestyle and handling a loved one’s possessions.

Having lost almost everything I had except for the clothes on my back after a house fire in 1972, I thought I had adopted a view that possessions were not significant. With Jan’s death, the truth is that she and I had collected essential possessions, and now it was my responsibility to decide what to do with them.

Rachel’s book is a practical guide, offering a comprehensive understanding of the significance of possessions and a step-by-step plan to manage them. Chapter 3, in particular, is a treasure trove of practical advice, focusing on Building Your Game Plan: The Ten Essentials and covering all the crucial topics – triggers, building a team, and creating a timeline, among others.

Magic of the Six Piles is a well-designed plan that will help most of us confront the possessions of our loved ones. The piles are:

  1. Keep
  2. Share
  3. Donate
  4. Sell
  5. Dispose
  6. Ponder

Having absorbed the book’s wisdom, I am ready to transition from contemplation to action. This is how I sort my wife’s possessions into six piles. I am optimistic that it will also help me streamline my possessions, making books my trusted company more accessible for my sons.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She has also encouraged me to write about my love for Jan in a journal.

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The Worst Hard Time

Read: September 2019

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The Worst Hard Time

by Timothy Egan

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan was initially a book I selected from the e-library because nothing else I wanted to read was available. Once I started reading the book, I could not put it down.

Now that we have had the warmest summer since 1936 during the dust bowl, the book has even more meaning.

According to The New York Times,

The dust storms that terrorized the High Plains in the darkest years of the Depression were like nothing ever seen before or since. Timothy Egan’s critically acclaimed account rescues this iconic chapter of American history from the shadows in a tour de force of historical reportage. Following a dozen families and their communities through the rise and fall of the region, Egan tells of their desperate attempts to carry on through blinding black dust blizzards, crop failure, and the death of loved ones. Brilliantly capturing the terrifying drama of catastrophe, Egan does equal justice to the human characters who become his heroes, “the stoic, long-suffering men and women whose lives he opens up with urgency and respect.”

With the likelihood of more ecological catastrophes in the immediate future, this is a book I highly recommend.

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Working

Read: October 2019

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Working

by Robert A. Caro

Working by Robert A. Caro is a book of evocatively written essays on his life and work. Among the many valuable words of wisdom is his case that one needs to look at every piece of information, not just what we know when we begin. Far too often, people jump to conclusions without having learned all of the facts.

He describes what it was like to interview the mighty Robert Moses and to begin discovering the extent of the political power Moses wielded; the combination of discouragement and exhilaration he felt confronting the vast holdings of the Lyndon B. Johnson Library in Austin, Texas; his encounters with witnesses, including longtime residents wrenchingly displaced by the construction of Moses’ Cross-Bronx Expressway and Lady Bird Johnson acknowledging the beauty and influence of one of LBJ‘s mistresses. He gratefully remembers how, after years of working in solitude, he found a writers’ community at the New York Public Library, and details the ways he goes about planning and composing his books.

Caro recalls the moments at which he came to understand that he wanted to write not just about the men who wielded power but about the people and the politics that were shaped by that power. And he talks about the importance to him of the writing itself, of how he tries to infuse it with a sense of place and mood to bring characters and situations to life on the page. Taken together, these reminiscences–some previously published, some written expressly for this book–bring into focus the passion, the wry self-deprecation, and the integrity with which this brilliant historian has always approached his work.

I found this one of the best books I have read and recommend it to all readers.

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One of Us

Read: March 2026

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One of Us: A Novel

by Elizabeth Day

“One of Us,” written by Elizabeth Day, delivers sharp commentary on the hypocrisies of the elite. This engaging ensemble drama explores the dynamics among old friends entangled in dazzling wealth, highlighting the delicate balance between personal ambition and collective responsibility. With its gripping narrative and insightful themes, “One of Us” is a page-turner that combines elements of “The Wedding People” and “Succession.” It’s darkly comic and incisive, yet it also carries an unexpected sense of hope.

When Fliss, the eccentric adult daughter of the powerful Fitzmaurice clan, is found dead on a beach in Bali, what appears to be a tragic accident raises more suspicions than it resolves for those who have long engaged in a web of favors within her family.

Ben, Fliss’s brother, is eager to downplay his sister’s death, as it becomes evident he is the next in line to become Prime Minister. Meanwhile, Martin—Ben’s former best friend—sees Fliss’s memorial as an opportunity to reinsert himself into the Fitzmaurice circle, motivated by a desire for both revenge and acceptance. He also observes that Ben’s wife, Serena, has come to realize in middle age that her privileged life resembles more of a gilded cage. Additionally, Ben and Serena’s daughter, Cosima, has become an environmental activist, opposing everything her parents represent—a change her late aunt would have wholeheartedly supported.

Richard Take, Ben’s disgraced colleague who is determined to make a comeback, adds another layer of complexity to the situation. Lastly, Andrew Jarvis, a figure entwined with the family, raises questions about his role: has he been their loyal supporter, or has he manipulated his influence to keep them all in line?


Elizabeth Day is the author of “The Party” “The Vaster Wilds“, and several other books, and one of the most influential podcasters today. Her show, “How to Fail“, has become a major success, helping authors like Meg Mason and Glennon Doyle reach the UK bestseller list. She splits her time between London and Los Angeles.



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