Is Grief Narcissistic?

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 52 seconds

Shedding My Mourning Clothes

This month, my grandson Wes turned two years old. I vividly recall the feeling of an apolytus transformation when he was born. It might have been when I attended Camp Widow in San Diego just a couple of weeks after Wes’s birth or when I realized that I could fully embrace life. Like a snake shedding its skin without keeping track of dates and times, knowing specific timing holds great importance for humans as if it will set us free. The exact timing is not significant, but what truly matters to me is love’s profound and transformative power. It has empowered me to leave behind grief and shed my mourning clothes two years ago.

In April of this year, my friend Danny commented on my Three Birthday Blessings post:

You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!”

Danny

I am not exceptional, but I have undergone a significant transformation. Since Jan’s passing, I have faced life’s challenges without her, relying on my inner resilience and committing to continuous self-improvement. This dedication to self-improvement has empowered me and can empower you to face life’s challenges with determination and a positive outlook.

If grief has made me a better person, it’s because God gave me the ability to listen, embrace, and move forward. I choose to move forward with courage and resilience, treasuring every moment life offers. Although I dearly miss Jan, I am committed to honoring her memory and being the best father, grandfather, friend, and neighbor.

While grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing journey, it mustn’t consume us indefinitely. If we succumb to the overwhelming weight of grief, we risk becoming trapped in a closed garden without any means of escape. Despite the deep pain of missing my beloved wife daily, I have come to understand that it is essential that I continue living and finding joy in the present moment.


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The Corrections: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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The Corrections: A Novel

by Jonathan Franzen

Today, I embarked on a profound exploration of the human condition through Jonathan Franzen‘s ‘The Corrections: A Novel.’ It guides us from the heart of the Midwest in the mid-century to the bustling streets of Wall Street and the enigmatic landscapes of Eastern Europe. It’s no surprise that it’s hailed as one of The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century.

Jonathan Franzen‘s ‘The Corrections: A Novel‘ is not just a family saga but a profound critique of our modern society. It’s a work of art that delves into the issues of our new century, enlightening us with its insights. Franzen masterfully juxtaposes the old-fashioned America of freight trains, civic responsibility, and holiday treats with the modern absurdities of neuroscience, home surveillance, hands-off parenting, DIY mental health care, and the anti-gravity New Economy. It’s a narrative that will evoke laughter, tears, and deep contemplation. Through ‘The Corrections,’ Franzen establishes himself as one of the leading interpreters of American society and the American spirit.

Enid Lambert is distraught. She conceals her anxiety from her neighbors and adult children, but her husband, Alfred, is slipping into a world of his own. Whether it’s the medication for his Parkinson’s disease or his pessimism, he’s becoming increasingly detached. His days are spent brooding in the basement, engaging in mysterious, unsettling actions, and struggling to understand Enid’s words. The depth of their struggle is palpable, drawing the reader into their world.

Trouble also brews in the lives of Enid’s children. Her eldest son, Gary, a banker in Philadelphia, has become callous and materialistic, trying to push his parents out of their old home and into a small apartment. The middle child, Chip, has abruptly quit his exciting job as a professor at D—— College for no discernible reason. He moved to New York City, seemingly embracing a “transgressive” lifestyle while working on a screenplay. Meanwhile, the youngest, Denise, has left her disastrous marriage only to waste her youth and beauty on an affair with a married man—or so Gary implies.

Enid, a lover of life’s pleasures, still looks forward to a final family Christmas and the upcoming Nordic Pleasurelines Luxury Fall Color Cruise with Alfred. However, his growing confusion and instability threaten these remaining joys. As Alfred’s condition worsens, the Lamberts must confront their family’s past failures, secrets, and long-buried wounds. Yet, in this journey of confrontation and reconciliation, the hope for a better future emerges.

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Stone Yard Devotional: A Novel

Read: February 2025

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Stone Yard Devotional: A Novel

by Charlotte Wood

Today, I dove into Charlotte Wood‘s captivating novel, “Stone Yard Devotional.” I couldn’t resist picking it up after discovering a glowing review by Joumana Khatib. She expressed her fondness for the book in the New York Times Book Review Newsletter, saying, “I’m still so enamored of Charlotte Wood’s novel.” It’s impressive that this work was a finalist for the Booker Prize last year! I’m eager to read the book to determine if it is a “love story,” as Ms. Khatib believes.

Burnt out and needing a retreat, a middle-aged woman leaves Sydney to return to her childhood home, taking refuge in a small religious community hidden away on the stark plains of rural Australia. She does not believe in God and is unfamiliar with the concept of prayer, finding herself living this strange, reclusive existence almost by accident.

However, her secluded life is disrupted by three significant events. First, a terrible mouse plague marks a new battle against the growing infestation daily. Second, the skeletal remains of a sister who disappeared decades ago and was presumed murdered return. Finally, a troubling visitor brings her further into her past.

Meditative, moving, and finely observed, “Stone Yard Devotional” is a seminal novel from a writer of rare power. It explores the meaning of retreating from the world, forgiveness’s true nature, and grief‘s lasting effects on the human soul.



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When She Woke

Read: August 2022

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When She Woke

by Hillary Jordan

When She Woke, a fable about a stigmatized woman struggling to navigate an America of a not-too-distant future by Hillary Jordan, Bellwether Prize WinnerHannah Payne, the protagonist, embarks on a path of self-discovery that forces her to question the values she once held and the righteousness of a country that politicizes faith. The premise of When She Woke seems to be happening as I read the novel. It is also the one hundred books I have read since the beginning of 2019 and the forty-fifth this year.

Hannah Payne, like Hester Prynne, is attacked for her actions by extreme religious beliefs. Instead of wearing a scarlet letter, Hannah’s chroming (i.e., having her skin altered) makes her skin red from head to toe. The chroming might have been a good theme for a science fiction novel. Still, Ms. Jordan has written a captivating book in which Hannah confronts who she is and, after questioning the values she once had, discovers that Hannah is more vital than she believed she could be.

I highly recommend this novel.

As Ms. Jordan describes the book,

Hannah Payne’s life has been devoted to church and family. But after she’s convicted of murder, she awakens to a nightmare: she finds herself lying on a table in a solitary confinement cell, her skin turned bright red. Cameras are broadcasting her every move to millions at home, for whom observing newly made “Chromes”—criminals whose skin color has been genetically altered to reflect their crime—is a sinister form of entertainment. Hannah is a Red, a murderess. The victim, says the state of Texas, was her unborn child, and she’s determined to protect the identity of the father, a public figure with whom she shared a fierce and forbidden love.

A powerful reimagining of The Scarlet Letter, When She Woke is a timely fable about a stigmatized woman struggling to navigate a dystopian America. In this not-too-distant future, the line between church and state has been eradicated and convicted felons are no longer imprisoned, but “chromed” and released back into the population to survive as best they can.

As she seeks a path to safety in an alien and hostile world, Hannah unknowingly embarks on a journey of self-discovery that forces her to question the values she once held true and the righteousness of a country that politicizes faith and love.


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The Café with No Name

Read: May 2025

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The Café with No Name

by Robert Seethaler

Today, I started reading The Café with No Name by Robert Seethaler, translated by Katy Derbyshire. It’s a vibrant story of love, companionship, and renewal in 1960s Vienna. With warm prose and tender humor, Seethaler has created a delightful parable about human existence, brought to life by unforgettable characters and a rich tapestry of narratives.

In the summer of 1966, Robert Simon was in his early thirties and had a dream. Raised in a home for war orphans, he has grown into a warm-hearted, hard-working, and determined man. When the former owners of the corner café in Carmelite Market Square close the business, Robert sees an opportunity to realize his dream.

The café, dark and dilapidated, is located in an impoverished neighborhood of the Austrian capital. However, a new energy is beginning to fill the air, signaling a desire for renewal. In the newspapers that fishmongers use to wrap char and trout from the Danube, one can read about the great things to come, heralding a bright future emerging from the shadows of the past.

Inspired by this optimism, Robert refurbishes the café. His efforts pay off as customers arrive, drawn to a congenial space where they can gather, talk, read, or sit and reflect. Each visitor brings their passion, friendship, loss, and heartache stories. Some search for companionship, while others long for love or a place to feel understood. As the city transforms, Robert’s café becomes a haven—a refuge from which to observe life, mourn, and rejoice.


Robert Seethaler was born in Vienna in 1966 and is the author of eight novels. In 2017, he was a finalist for the Man Booker International Prize with A Whole Life (FSG, 2016). He also works as an actor, most recently in Paolo Sorrentino’s Youth. He lives in Berlin.

Katy Derbyshire translates contemporary German writers, including Christa Wolf, Heike Geissler, and Olga Grjasnowa. Her translation of Clemens Meyer‘s While We Were Dreaming was longlisted for the 2023 International Booker Prize. She was born in London and has been based in Berlin for over twenty years.



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Judaism Is About Love

Read: October 2024

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Judaism Is About Love

by Rabbi Shai Held

Today, I embarked on a transformative journey with Rabbi Shai Held’s book, “Judaism Is About Love.Rav Uri‘s mention of this book during this year’s Yom Kippur service at Temple Sha’arey Shalom sparked a profound connection to the Divine, as echoed in my writings “Love Can Conquer Even Death” and “High Holiday Meditation Cleanses My Soul.” Rabbi Held’s book, which focuses on love, meaning, purpose, and faith, has guided my quest to become the best version of myself.

“Judaism Is About Love” is a beacon of understanding, offering a profound and groundbreaking perspective on Jewish life. It challenges a long-standing misinterpretation that has shaped the Western narrative: Christianity is the religion of love, while Judaism is the religion of law. Rabbi Shai Held, a leading Jewish thinker in America, passionately argues for correcting this misconception. He asserts that love is not just a part of Judaism but a fundamental aspect, thus reclaiming the heart of the Jewish tradition.

With a unique blend of intellectual rigor, respect for tradition, and a vibrant Judaism, Held’s aim is clear: to reclaim Judaism in its authentic form. He illustrates that love is the foundation of the true Jewish faith, influencing our unique perspectives on injustice, protest, grace, family life, responsibilities toward neighbors and enemies, and chosenness.

Judaism Is About Love” is a work of ambition and revelation. It serves as a beacon, illuminating the true essence of Judaism. More than just a book, it is an act of restoration from within, reclaiming the authentic form of Judaism.



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The God of the Woods: A Novel

Read: July 2024

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The God of the Woods: A Novel

by Liz Moore

I started reading “The God of the Woods: A Novel” by Liz Moore today. Several reviews recommended it as a great summer read. The story is set in August 1975, the same month and year my spouse Jan and I married. Liz Moore weaves a multi-threaded story, inviting readers into a rich and gripping dynasty of secrets and second chances.

The novel begins with a camp counselor discovering an empty bunk at an Adirondack summer camp belonging to thirteen-year-old Barbara Van Laar, who has mysteriously vanished. Barbara is not just any teenager; she is the daughter of the family that owns the camp and employs many residents. What makes this disappearance even more intriguing is that Barbara’s older brother went missing similarly fourteen years ago and was never found.

As the search for Barbara begins, the novel unfolds into a thrilling drama, delving into the deeply buried secrets of the Van Laar family and the blue-collar community working in its shadow. This novel is said to be Liz Moore’s most ambitious and wide-reaching work yet.

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