We Must Support Each Other

We Must Support Each Other

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 56 seconds

I Am Not AloneThe first days and weeks of being a widow are difficult. The perception that we are alone and the only ones grieving intensifies our pain and isolation.

Jan is dead, but I am not alone. However, she is and always will be with me.

I will forever be grateful for the support from family and friends, especially the many widow friends I have met this year and the spiritual support of Rabbi Dr. Renee Edeleman.

When I had doubts, I focused on the words of Maya Angelou.

Each of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm. When we look at each other, we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.


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We Must Support Each Other

Alone Together

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 56 seconds

Maya Angelou’s Alone is a poem about loneliness and togetherness, a ‘thinking out loud’ reflection on vulnerability and community ‘Nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone.’ Though written in 1975, it resonates with the alone/together experiences we’ve all lived through during the pandemic.

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We Must Support Each Other
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We Must Support Each Other
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Victory City: A Novel

Read: February 2023

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Victory City: A Novel

by Salman Rushdie

Victory City: A Novel by Salman Rushdie is an epic tale of a woman who breathes a fantastical empire into existence, only to be consumed by it over the centuries from the transcendent imagination of Booker Prize-winning, internationally bestselling author Salman Rushdie. It is well written and was a page-turner from page one to the end. I highly recommend this novel and encourage everyone to read it.

Brilliantly styled as a translation of an ancient epic, this is a saga of love, adventure, and myth that is a testament to storytelling’s power. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. I was hooked when Pampa Kampana provided the seeds that created Victory City out of thin air.

David Remnick’s interview with Salman Rushdie in The New Yorker provided background I would have missed.

“The first kings of Vijayanagara announced, quite seriously, that they were descended from the moon,” Rushdie said. “So when these kings, Harihara and Bukka, announce that they’re members of the lunar dynasty, they’re associating themselves with those great heroes. It’s like saying, ‘I’ve descended from the same family as Achilles.’ Or Agamemnon. And so I thought, Well, if you could say that, I can say anything.”

Above all, the book is buoyed by the character of Pampa Kampana, who, Rushdie says, “just showed up in my head” and gave him his story, his sense of direction. Rushdie’s pleasure in writing the novel was in “world building” and, at the same time, writing about a character building that world: “It’s me doing it, but it’s also her doing it.” The pleasure is infectious. “Victory City” is an immensely enjoyable novel. It is also an affirmation. At the end, with the great city in ruins, what is left is not the storyteller but her words:

I, Pampa Kampana, am the author of this book.
I have lived to see an empire rise and fall.
How are they remembered now, these kings, these queens?
They exist now only in words . . .
I myself am nothing now. All that remains is this city of words.
Words are the only victors.

The Goodreads summary provides a brief overview,

In the wake of an insignificant battle between two long-forgotten kingdoms in fourteenth-century southern India, a nine-year-old girl has a divine encounter that will change the course of history. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. Granting her powers beyond Pampa Kampana’s comprehension, the goddess tells her that she will be instrumental in the rise of a great city called Bisnaga–literally victory city–the wonder of the world.

Over the next two hundred and fifty years, Pampa Kampana’s life becomes deeply interwoven with Bisnaga’s, from its literal sowing out of a bag of magic seeds to its tragic ruination in the most human of ways: the hubris of those in power. Whispering Bisnaga and its citizens into existence, Pampa Kampana attempts to make good on Parvati’s task: giving women equal agency in a patriarchal world. But all stories have a way of getting away from their creator, and Bisnaga is no exception. As years pass, rulers come and go, battles are won and lost, and allegiances shift, the very fabric of Bisnaga becomes an ever more complex tapestry–with Pampa Kampana at its center.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Anniversary

Read: July 2023

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The Anniversary

by Stephanie Bishop

I began reading Stephanie Bishop‘s novel, The Anniversary, today. The Anniversary is a brilliantly written novel with a gripping and fast-paced storyline. It poses some interesting questions: how blurred is the boundary between reality and fiction in a writer’s thoughts? How can we reject those we yearn for? And what are the consequences for ourselves, others, and our creativity if we don’t?

J.B. Blackwood, a novelist, is on a cruise with her husband, Patrick, to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Her husband is much older than her and was her former professor, film director, and cult figure. When they first met, he appeared ageless, like a god in the eyes of those who worship them. However, his success is dwindling, while J.B. is on the verge of winning a major literary prize. Previously, her husband always oversaw her art, but now it may overshadow him.

As they sail in the sun for days, with only dark water surrounding them, a storm unexpectedly strikes, and Patrick falls from the ship. J.B. is left alone, and the search for the truth about their marriage and what happened to Patrick begins.

The Anniversary is highly recommended for readers who enjoy Lisa Halliday and Susan Choi’s works. The story revolves around a talented writer who has to confront the unresolved death of her spouse and find the courage to stand on her own. It is a captivating page-turner that will keep you hooked till the end.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

Read: January 2023

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

by Julia Heaberlin

We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin is a novel I highly recommend and wish I had read earlier. The title summarizes the reality of all humans, that in the dark we are all the same. Disabilities do not define us, just as being a widow does not define who I am. In this twisty psychological thriller, Julia Heaberlin paints two unforgettable portraits of a woman and a girl who redefine perceptions of physical beauty and strength. Her novel has helped me redefine my grief.

I have been a widow for almost twenty-one months. After a trauma of that magnitude, it is easier to let the widowed state define me. But I am more than just a widow! But I am a father, grandfather, friend, neighbor, advocate, and more. Reading We Are All the Same in the Dark helped me embrace myself and not wallow in widowhood.

The novel begins with the discovery of a girl abandoned by the side of the road who threatens to unearth the long-buried secrets of a Texas town’s legendary cold case. In the first section, I was still determining if I wanted to continue. Once I read about Odette Tucker and Angel, it became a page-turner. 

This line from Odette given to Angelica, aka Angel, summarizes the characteristics that each of us should live by.

Tender. Resilient. Strong. Resourceful. Kind. Empathetic.—Six words Marshall Tucker wrote on a piece of paper to describe his daughter, Odette.

As a mensch-in-training, I will strive to live by those six words.

We are truly all the same in the dark.

We Are All the Same in the Dark is the ninth book I read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It’s been a decade since Trumanell Branson disappeared, leaving only a bloody handprint behind. Her pretty face still hangs like a watchful queen on the posters on the walls of the town’s Baptist church, the police station, and the high school. They all promise the same thing: We will find you. Meanwhile, her brother, Wyatt, lives as a pariah in the desolation of the old family house, cleared of wrongdoing by the police but tried and sentenced in the court of public opinion and a new documentary about the crime.

When Wyatt finds a lost girl dumped in a field of dandelions, making silent wishes, he believes she is a sign. The town’s youngest cop, Odette Tucker, believes she is a catalyst that will ignite a seething town still waiting for its missing girl to come home. But Odette can’t look away. She shares a wound that won’t close with the mute, one-eyed mystery girl. And she is haunted by her history with the missing Tru.

Desperate to solve both cases, Odette fights to save the lost girl in the present and to dig up the shocking truth about a fateful night in the past–the night her friend disappeared. This night inspired her to become a cop, the night that wrote them all a role in the town’s dark, violent mythology.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Working

Read: October 2019

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Working

by Robert A. Caro

Working by Robert A. Caro is a book of evocatively written essays on his life and work. Among the many valuable words of wisdom is his case that one needs to look at every piece of information, not just what we know when we begin. Far too often, people jump to conclusions without having learned all of the facts.

He describes what it was like to interview the mighty Robert Moses and to begin discovering the extent of the political power Moses wielded; the combination of discouragement and exhilaration he felt confronting the vast holdings of the Lyndon B. Johnson Library in Austin, Texas; his encounters with witnesses, including longtime residents wrenchingly displaced by the construction of Moses’ Cross-Bronx Expressway and Lady Bird Johnson acknowledging the beauty and influence of one of LBJ‘s mistresses. He gratefully remembers how, after years of working in solitude, he found a writers’ community at the New York Public Library, and details the ways he goes about planning and composing his books.

Caro recalls the moments at which he came to understand that he wanted to write not just about the men who wielded power but about the people and the politics that were shaped by that power. And he talks about the importance to him of the writing itself, of how he tries to infuse it with a sense of place and mood to bring characters and situations to life on the page. Taken together, these reminiscences–some previously published, some written expressly for this book–bring into focus the passion, the wry self-deprecation, and the integrity with which this brilliant historian has always approached his work.

I found this one of the best books I have read and recommend it to all readers.

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Daughter: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Daughter: A Novel

by Claudia Dey

I started reading “Daughter: A Novel” by Claudia Dey today. According to Mona Dean, to be loved by your father is to be loved by God. Mona is a playwright, actress, and daughter of a man who is famous for a great novel. However, her father’s needs and insecurities significantly impact the women in his family, including Mona, her sister, her half-sister, and their mothers.

Mona’s father’s infidelity shattered her childhood, causing her to be in opposition to her stepmother, who also suffered from his actions. Mona’s father begins a new affair, and he confides in her. She enjoys his attention painfully and parasitically. When he confesses to his wife, Mona is blamed for the disruption, punished for her father’s actions, and kicked out of the family.

Mona’s life is chaotic, and she struggles to regain stability. Only when she experiences a profound and defining loss does she begin to replace absent love with real love? Pushed to the brink, she must decide how she wants to live, what Mona needs to say, and the risks she’s willing to take to say it.

Claudia Dey provides penetrating insight and devilish humor to chronicle our most intimate lives in “Daughter.” It’s an obsessive and blazing examination of the forces that drive us to become, create, and break free.

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Bel Canto

Read: August 2024

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Bel Canto

by Ann Patchett

Today, I began my journey into the enchanting world of “Bel Canto” by Ann Patchett. This captivating novel delves into the realms of love, opera, and the remarkable ways people forge connections across cultural divides during moments of adversity. The New York Times has recognized it as one of the 100 Best Books of the Century.

At the home of the country’s vice president in South America, a lavish birthday party is underway in honor of the powerful businessman Mr. Hosokawa. The evening is perfect, with Roxanne Coss, opera’s most revered soprano, enchanting the international guests with her singing. However, this idyllic scene is shattered when a group of armed terrorists seizes the entire party. Yet, what initially seems like a nightmare gradually transforms into a moment of unexpected beauty and love. The hostages and captors form bonds that transcend their differences, turning strangers into compatriots, intimate friends, and even lovers, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the unexpected beauty that can emerge from the most dire situations.

Ann Patchett’s  Bel Canto is a captivating novel that weaves a story of strength and frailty, love and imprisonment, and an inspiring tale of transcendent romance. Her lyrical prose and vivid imagination bring to life a world where love and opera are unifying forces in a crisis. It’s a story that will keep you turning the pages, eager to uncover its secrets and a testament to Patchett’s captivating storytelling that will leave you spellbound. No wonder the New York Times included it on its list of the 100 Best Books of the Century.

Patchett’s beautiful writing and vivid imagination make Bel Canto a compelling tale that explores themes of strength, vulnerability, love, and confinement and ultimately tells an inspiring story of transcendent romance.

Bel Canto differs from Tom Lake by Ann Patchett, which I read nearly a year ago. Tom Lake is a novel that beautifully explores family, love, and coming of age. Patchett once again proves herself as one of America’s finest writers in both books.

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