“You have a beautiful, healthy baby boy,” said the Midwife. Jan was smiling and squeezing my right hand so hard I was afraid she would cut off the circulation. I looked at the clock on the wall. “My sweetheart, It’s four am! I am glad we left the house when we did.”
As the Midwife handed me our second son, she said, “If you had waited any longer, he would have been born in the car.”
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Jan Lilien
“I do not want to go back to the hospital,” Jan pleaded with me. It was the first of March, and we had just spoken to Dr. Strair’s team, and they recommended that she needed to be admitted to the hospital immediately. I was standing by the bed, holding back my tears.
“I do not want you to either,” I responded.
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“I have COVID,” Jan disclosed over tears that flowed like a broken water main. “I do not want to die,” her voice echoed around the cabin of our Prius. Her words were the most frightening ones I had ever heard her say. After leaving her in the emergency room at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, I was driving home when the love of my life called me.
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“I love this scarf,” Jan exclaimed with a smile more beautiful than every rainbow I had ever seen. “But it is so expensive.” I tried to explain that it was not that expensive once you converted Canadian to American dollars. “But I have nothing for you for our anniversary,” she protested.
“All I need is your love,” I explained without success. “I do not need a gift.”
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by Namwali Serpell
The Furrows: A Novel by Namwali Serpell is a bold exploration of memory and mourning that twists unexpectedly into a story of mistaken identity, double consciousness, and the wishful—and sometimes willful—longing for reunion with those we’ve lost. Namwali Serpell’s remarkable new novel captures the uncanny experience of grief, the way the past breaks over the present like waves in the sea. I highly recommend this book.
The Furrows: A Novel reminded me of my longing to be reunited with Jan. I know it is impossible, but that does not keep me from desiring the unattainable. Reading this novel helped me remind me that Jan is still with me in spirit and that is far better than reuniting with her.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Cassandra Williams is twelve, and her little brother Wayne is seven. One day, an accident happens when they’re alone together, and Wayne is lost forever. Or so it seems. Though his body is never recovered, their mother, unable to give up hope, launches an organization dedicated to missing children. Their father leaves and starts another family somewhere else.
As C grows older, she sees her brother everywhere: in coffee shops, airplane aisles, subway cars, and cities on either coast. Here is her brother’s more aging face, the light in his eyes, his lanky limbs, the way he seems to recognize her too. But it can’t be, of course. Or can it? Disaster strikes again, and C meets a man, both mysterious and strangely familiar, who is also searching for someone and his place in the world. His name is Wayne.
Namwali Serpell’s remarkable novel captures the ongoing and uncanny experience of grief–the past breaking over the present like waves in the sea. The Furrows is a bold and beautiful exploration of memory and mourning that twists unexpectedly into a masterful story of black identity, double consciousness, and the wishful and sometimes willful longing for reunion with those we’ve lost.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Geraldine Brooks
Today, I started reading “Memorial Days: A Memoir” by Geraldine Brooks, the bestselling Pulitzer Prize-winning author of “Horse”. In this poignant and beautifully written memoir, she explores sudden loss and the journey toward healing. Why do I choose to read novels and memoirs about loss and grief? Perhaps it’s because, as Martín Prechtel wrote in his book “The Smell of Rain on Dust”, “Grief is praise because it is the natural way love honors what it misses.”
Many cultural and religious traditions expect grieving people to withdraw from the world. In modern life, we frequently encounter bureaucratic obstacles and lengthy to-do lists. This is precisely what happened to Geraldine Brooks when her partner of more than thirty years, Tony Horwitz—just sixty years old and, to her knowledge, vigorous and healthy—collapsed and died on a sidewalk in Washington, D.C.
After spending their early years together in conflict zones as foreign correspondents, Geraldine and Tony settled down to raise two sons on Martha’s Vineyard. They lived a fulfilling life filled with meaningful work, good humor, and tenderness. Geraldine and Tony spent their days writing and evenings cooking family dinners or enjoying sunsets with friends at the beach. Their peaceful existence abruptly ended on Memorial Day 2019 when Geraldine received the dreaded phone call we all fear. The demands of life became immediate and overwhelming, leaving little room for grief. The sudden loss created a profound void in their lives.
Three years later, she booked a flight to a remote island off the coast of Australia to give herself the time to mourn finally. She often spent days alone in a shack on the pristine, rugged coast without seeing another person. It was a space for her to reflect on the various ways cultures grieve and consider which rituals might help her rebuild her life in the wake of Tony’s death.
“Memorial Days,” a spare and profoundly moving memoir, portrays a larger-than-life man and the timeless love between two souls. It exquisitely captures the joy, agony, and mystery of life.
Geraldine Brooks is the author of six novels, including “Horse,” “People of the Book,” “Year of Wonders,” and the Pulitzer Prize-winning “March.” She has also written acclaimed nonfiction works, including “Nine Parts of Desire” and “Foreign Correspondence.” Her books have been translated into more than thirty languages and have sold millions of copies worldwide. Born and raised in Australia, Brooks now divides her time between Sydney and Martha’s Vineyard.
My journey through grief has significantly helped me grow as a person by focusing on conscientious resilience. I make it a point to read and walk daily, engage in worship, and actively participate as a volunteer and a good neighbor in my community. Fourteen hundred days ago, I wasn’t sure if I could continue living or how to move forward. However, by concentrating on strengthening my resilience, I now lead a life filled with meaning and purpose. I choose to look back not on what I lost but on what I have gained.
As my friend Danny said nearly a year ago, “You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Although Jan is not here physically, she has done so much for you!
My Rabbi, Rav Uri, echoed similar sentiments during his remarks when I received the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Distinguished Service Award. If their beliefs are true, much of my progress directly results from my conscientious resilience!
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by S. A. Cosby
Today, as heavy thunderstorms rumbled outside and flash flood warnings loomed, I dove into “King of Ashes,” a gripping Southern crime saga that draws inspiration from “The Godfather.” Written by the acclaimed New York Times bestselling author S. A. Cosby, this novel was a long-awaited treat for me. I read “All the Sinners Bleed” nearly two years ago and have been itching for Cosby’s next masterpiece ever since.
As I turned the pages, the opening paragraphs immediately pulled me in and confirmed that the wait was worthwhile. The summoning of eldest son Roman Carruthers’ home after his father’s car accident not only sets the stage for a gripping plot but also resonates with the universal theme of family. He finds his younger brother, Dante, in debt to dangerous criminals and his sister, Neveah, exhausted from holding the family—and the family business—together. Neveah and their father, who run the Carruthers Crematorium in the run-down central Virginia town of Jefferson Run, see death up close every day. But mortality draws even closer when it becomes clear that the crash that landed their father in a coma was no accident, and Dante’s recklessness has placed them all in real danger.
Roman, a financial whiz with a knack for numbers and a talent for making his clients wealthy, has some money to help his brother out of trouble. But in his work with wannabe tough guys, he’s forgotten that there are real gangsters out there. As his bargaining chips go up in smoke, Roman realizes that he has only one thing left to offer to save his brother: himself and his own particular set of financial skills.
Roman begins his work for the criminals while Neveah tries to uncover the long-ago mystery of what happened to their mother, who disappeared under mysterious or suspicious circumstances when they were teenagers. But Roman is far less of a pushover than the gangsters realize. He is willing to do anything to save his family. Anything.
Because everything burns.
S. A. Cosby is a New York Times bestselling writer from southeastern Virginia. He is the author of All the Sinners Bleed, which was on more than forty Best of the Year lists, including Barack Obama’s, as well as Edgar Award finalist Razorblade Tears and Los Angeles Times Book Prize winner Blacktop Wasteland. He has also won the Anthony Award, ITW Thriller Award, Barry Award, Macavity Award, BCALA Award, and Audie Award. He has been longlisted for the ALA Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence.
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by Justin Cronin
The novel, “The Ferryman,” by Justin Cronin, is set in the beautiful archipelago of Prospera. People lead long and fulfilling lives in this society until their forearm monitors drop below 10%. Then, they retire to the Nursery. Their memories are wiped clean, and they start a new life as sixteen-year-olds.
Although the book was recently published, I hesitated to read it due to the unsettling notion of having my memories wiped clean. However, my curiosity got the best of me, and I’m glad it did. Proctor Bennett, the protagonist, works as a ferryman, assisting people through retirement. But things worsen when Proctor starts dreaming, which is impossible in Prospera, and his monitor percentage rapidly decreases. Are these dreams fragments of a past that they cannot recall?
Amidst all this, rumors about the Arrivalists, who oppose the societal structure, and even the Support Staff, who keep Prospera functioning, are questioning their roles. Proctor finds himself caught up in a more significant cause than expected and sets out to uncover the truth.
Without giving away too much, things are not always what they seem in Prospera.
As a widow, I found this line particularly poignant: “That loss was love’s accounting, its unit of measure, as a foot was made of inches, a yard was made of feet.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book; it kept me engaged and excited, and my Kindle was my go-to device for reading it. I highly recommend this novel.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Hernan Diaz
Trust by Hernan Diaz is an elegant, multifaceted epic that recovers the voices buried under the myths that justify our foundational inequality; Trust is a literary triumph with a beating heart and urgent stakes. The novel is divided into four sections, each engaging and reminding us of the tremendous costs a fortune imposes on those who accumulate wealth. I highly recommend this novel as it is one of the best books I have ever read!
The first section is from Bonds, a successful novel about Benjamin and Helen Rask. Before finishing this section, I was so engrossed that I wanted their story to continue. The second is a memoir of Andrew Bevel, a successful fourth-generation financier, with notations on edits and corrections.
The third section is about Ida Partenza, an Italian-American novelist hired to flesh out Bevel’s memoir. The dynamics between her and Bevel, as well as her father and boyfriend, clarify the storyline and give it depth. Ms. Partenza seeks to find the truth, revealed in the fourth section, comprised of excerpts from Mildred’s diary. Suffice it to say; the admitted fact underscores the burdens of wealth and the antiquated views that limited women’s roles.
Trust is one of the NY Times’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read four of them, Demon Copperhead, The Candy House, The Furrows, and Checkout 19. Trust was the fifth and the seventy-second book I have read this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview.
Even though the roar and effervescence of the 1920s, everyone in New York has heard of Benjamin and Helen Rask. He is a legendary Wall Street tycoon; she is the brilliant daughter of eccentric aristocrats. Together, they have risen to the very top of seemingly endless wealth. But the secrets around their affluence and grandeur incite gossip. At what cost have they acquired their immense fortune? Rumors about Benjamin’s financial maneuvers and Helen’s reclusiveness start to spread–all as a decade of excess and speculation draws to an end.
This is the mystery at the center of a successful 1938 novel, Bonds, which all of New York seems to have read. But it isn’t the only version.
Hernan Diaz’s Trust brilliantly puts the story of these characters into conversation with other accounts–and in tension with the life and perspective of a young woman bent on disentangling fact from fiction. Provocative and propulsive, Trust engages the reader in a quest for the truth while confronting the reality-warping gravitational pull of money and how power often manipulates facts. The result is a novel that becomes more exhilarating and profound with each new layer and revelation.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Douglas Stuart
“John of John” is a captivating novel that explores themes of duty, passion, and the transformative power of truth. This remarkable literary work solidifies Douglas Stuart‘s reputation as one of the greatest contemporary novelists. The story follows a young man who returns to his home on a Hebridean island, depicting the complex relationship between a father’s expectations and a son’s desires.
Out of money and with little to show for his art school education, John-Calum Macleod takes the ferry back home to the Isle of Harris in the Outer Hebrides to find that little has changed except for him. He returns to the windswept croft and the two pillars of his childhood: his father John, a sheep farmer, tweed weaver, and lay preacher in the local Presbyterian church, and his maternal grandmother Ella, a profanity-loving Glaswegian whose steady warmth helped Cal weather the sudden departure of his mother.
Cal privately wonders if any lonely men might be found on the barren hillsides of home, while John is dismayed by his son’s long hair, strange clothes, and seeming unwillingness to be saved. But Cal isn’t the only one in the croft house who is keeping secrets. As lambing season turns to shearing season, the threads holding the community together become increasingly frayed, and nothing will remain as it was before.
Douglas Stuart is a Scottish-American author. His New York Times bestselling debut novel Shuggie Bain won prizes including the 2020 Booker Prize and the Sue Kaufman Prize from the American Academy of Arts and Letters, was a finalist for the National Book Award and the PEN/Hemingway Award, and was named one of the “25 Best Books of the 21st Century” by the Sunday Times (UK). His second novel, Young Mungo, was a national bestseller, longlisted for the Andrew Carnegie Medal and a finalist for the British Book Award, and one of the most highly acclaimed books of the year. His stories are published in The New Yorker, and his essays have featured on Literary Hub. He lives in New York City.
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