Waiting for the Future to Arrive
Waiting or Godot Offers Roadmap for Recovery
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 54 seconds
I am neither a theatre critic nor have I performed one on stage or screen. However, last weekend, I watched an outstanding performance of Waiting for Godot at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ with my oldest grandchild. I have attended performances in Madison for over two decades and have always supported the theatre with a modest donation. While watching the play, I gained valuable insights into my journey with grief.
Waiting for Godot has been the subject of debate among critics since its first performance. Despite my initial doubts, I decided to follow the advice of Bonne J. Monte, the current director of the theatre, which encourages the audience to experience the performance rather than seek its meaning. In doing so, I could fully appreciate the live theatre experience.
Ms. Monte suggested that the play could represent a universal illusion – the hope for something or someone that could put us in a better place. However, this “thing” is as challenging as searching for meaning. This description accurately reflects my experience during the initial phase of grieving my wife’s death. I eventually came to terms with the fact that, no matter how much I wished my wife were still alive, her passing was irreversible. At the same time, I had to accept that no magical solution was waiting for me in the future that would make everything better..
By accepting the message of Waiting for Godot, I realized the importance of living in the present moment. Although my past with my wife was beautiful, I cannot let it consume my present. Instead, I choose to be present and welcome the future with open arms. I am prepared for the future and will do my best to live the best life possible.
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I was privileged to read a passage about illuminating our life's path for Kol Nidre this year. The selection of words amazed me as they reflected my current circumstances. Although I still have questions and need clarification, reflecting on how a few words profoundly impact our lives is inspiring. "How shall we come to know the purpose of our existence?" The answer seems obvious, yet it can be challenging to comprehend. As someone who was part of a couple for almost fifty years and now is alone, I often wonder about the purpose of my existence. While I can live alone indefinitely, I miss having a life partner and soul mate. But as the last part of my reading said, "Be gracious to us, answer us, empower us, and give us courage, for the answers are both in You and with You." It's comforting to know that the answers we seek are within us and that we have the power to find them.
My Past No Longer Consumes My Life
Waiting or Godot Offers Roadmap for Recovery
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 54 seconds
My Past No Longer Consumes My Life
I lived in the past in the initial months after my wife died. The loss of a loved one is like a mega-earthquake. When I lost my parents, a few books fell on the outer edge of my bookcase. When my wife died, the entire bookcase collapsed. I knew I needed to rebuild the bookcase and pick up the books from the floor, but I was frozen. I wanted my wife back, even though I knew that was impossible. The past consumed my life for endless days and nights and kept me from living. Almost twenty-nine months later, I am facing the unknowable future by living in the present and not letting the past consume my life.
Relapse was a stark reminder of how much power the past once held over my life. However, it also highlighted the sense of liberation I now feel. Even though we may be called towards the future, it can be difficult to envision life after loss. Only when we fully grasp Merrit Malloy's Epitaph can we break free from the past's grasp. Love never dies; only people do. I could live in the present moment when I finally let go of my wife's love. I cannot predict the future, but I am no longer afraid. I will work towards building a fulfilling life, one day at a time.
