Richard W. shared a stream on June 30, 2022

Surviving Grief by Growing Stronger

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 38 seconds

It’s been almost fourteen months since Jan passed away, and I still feel the weight of grief on my chest and miss her constantly. However, I’ve been able to grow and make changes due to these challenges. Interestingly, we learn more during difficult and threatening times than during quiet periods.

Dr. Lois Tonkin’s research emphasizes the importance of embracing grief as a part of our growth process. By incorporating Jan’s love into my life, I can gradually reduce my suffering and find peace.

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Grow Around Grief

Growing Around My Grief

As Dr. Lois Tonkin's research documents, we need to grow around grief, so our grief is a smaller portion of us. I will grow around my grief by sharing Jan's love, and my suffering will become a smaller portion of me.

Richard W. Brown January 2, 2022

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My random thoughts on love, grief, life and all things considered.

Walking for 1097 Days
For the past three years, I have been walking towards the future. I find joy in the little things that make up my daily routine, but sometimes, I feel a deep longing for companionship. […]
My Apolytus Moment
Despite the deep and abiding pain of missing my beloved wife daily, I have come to understand that it is essential that I continue living and finding joy in the present moment. […]
Flowers Everywhere
Memories of Jan's unwavering love and support continue to sustain me and provide me immeasurable comfort and strength during these trying times. It is her memories that help me to remain grounded and hopeful, even as I continue to struggle with the loss of my loved one. […]
Solar Eclipse of My Soul
The memories of the last total solar eclipse I saw in Oregon were bittersweet. They reminded me of what I had lost and still had to cherish, and I will forever hold onto those memories as a reminder of the beauty and fragility of life […]
Learning From Grief
Though grief was a challenging experience, I found the courage to move forward and learn more about myself and the world around me. As a result, I gained a greater appreciation for my resilience and growth potential as I navigated the world alone. […]

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A Game Called Dead

Read: November 2021

A Game Called Dead

by Michael Stephen Daigle

A Game Called Dead by Michael Stephen Daigle is the sequel to “The Swamps of Jersey,” the first Frank Nagler Mystery. Having read the fourth one – The Red Hand, I recently read the first one and thought this was an excellent time to read the second in this impressive deceptive series.

Reading the Frank Nagler Mysteries is rare when this reviewer knows the author. Mr. Daigle wrote this is the overview of A Game Called Dead.

Nagler is called to investigate the brutal attack of on two women at the local college. It begins a tale of urban terror, much of which seems to be directed at Nagler and his associates.

The story introduces the mysterious terrorist #ARMEGEDDON, who taunted the police from cyberspace.

The story also digs deeper into Nagler’s past, especially the old Charlie Adams serial-killer case, and his relationship with Lauren Fox, who played a key role in exposing the political corruption in “Swamps.” She is back and steps into the front of Nagler’s life.

The story also introduced Harriet Waddley-Jones, a college dean, who is Nagler’s nemesis, and later ally.

Each book is a challenge to write a “better” book. In this case I wanted tighter, faster action and to develop a theme and flow to help carry the story. Sound and the description of sound, are keys.

I also wanted Nagler to confront aspects of his past. Can he reconcile them, or will they always haunt him?

This reviewer’s opinion was a more substantial plot than the first book in the Frank Nagler Mysteries. Like all good mysteries, the suspense built page by page, and I could not figure out who the villain was until late in the novel.

The one part that was difficult for me to read was the ending and the potential reigniting of the relationship with Lauren Fox. Having lost Jan, my wife, this year, I am aware of Frank Nagler’s pain in the first book about losing his wife. Ms. Fox only appeared in The Swamps of Jersey as a lost friend. I understand that some widows need to find love again to feel happy, which is not what I need or am seeking. The next book may provide some difficult moments on this topic, but I look forward to reading the next Frank Nagler Mystery.

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Western Lane: A Novel

Read: March 2023

Western Lane: A Novel

by Chetna Maroo

Western Lane: A Novel by Chetna Maroo is a taut, enthralling first novel about grief, sisterhood, and a young athlete’s struggle to transcend herself. Western Lane is about three sisters who have lost their mother. Their father is encouraged to provide structure in raising his daughters. Gopi, the narrator, is a squash player, and her father imposes a brutal training regimen. I highly recommend this novel!

The following passage explains the importance of squash to Gopi and how she views the world.

In the court, your mind is not only on the shot you’re about to play and the shot with which your opponent might reply, but on the shots that will follow two, three, four moves ahead. You’re watching your opponent’s position and the game he or she is playing, making calculations. This is how you choose which way to go. Though your mind is following several paths at once, it’s not a splitting but an expansion forwards and backwards in time, and it happens so quickly that it feels like instinct. Sometimes, you don’t even know you are thinking.

In the first few pages, I wondered what I would have done if I had been a single parent when my sons were young. I do not believe I would have imposed on my sons what Gopi’s father did to her. However, I have found reading and art to be powerful tools to help me cope with grief. I have focused on rituals, structure, and purpose.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Eleven-year-old Gopi has been playing squash since she was old enough to hold a racket. When her mother dies, her father enlists her in a quietly brutal training regimen, and the game becomes her world. Slowly, she grows apart from her sisters. Her life is reduced to the sport, guided by its rhythms: the serve, the volley, the drive, the shot, and its echo.

But on the court, she is not alone. She is with her pa. She is with Ged, a thirteen-year-old boy with formidable talent. She is with the players who have come before her. She is in awe.

An indelible coming-of-age story, Chetna Maroo’s first novel captures the ordinary and annihilates it with beauty. Western Lane is a valentine to innocence, to the closeness of sisterhood, to the strange ways we know ourselves and each other.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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