Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Service Award

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes, 53 seconds

Acceptance Speech

Over the years, I have often spoken at award ceremonies and events. In the six years since my retirement, I have had a few occasions where I expected to talk, but in each case, I did not. I took morning walks during the first week of January to test ideas and outline my thoughts.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Distinguished Service Award

The week before the award ceremony, Cindy called to inform me that I needed to keep my speech brief, around two to three minutes. I used my walks to refine my language and adhere to the time limit. After sharing my draft with her, she responded, “Well, that is absolutely beautiful. I mean beautiful. Well done, my friend.”

I will leave it to my readers to listen to my speech and draw their conclusions.

Journey of Faith and Love

Almost four years ago, I felt like a lost sheep, searching for a way to live without my wife. I began a journey that involved walking, reading, volunteering, and worshiping. While grief initially motivated me to embark on this path, it has now transformed into a journey of faith and love—guideposts that have helped me find meaning and purpose as a single man in my seventies.

As Jeffrey Rosen wrote in “The Pursuit of Happiness: How Classical Writers on Virtue Inspired the Lives of the Founders and Defined America,”

Today, we think of happiness as the pursuit of pleasure. But “classical and Enlightenment thinkers defined happiness as the pursuit of virtue—being good rather than feeling good. For this reason, the Founders believed that the quest for happiness is a daily practice requiring mental and spiritual self-discipline, mindfulness, and rigorous time management. At its core, the Founders viewed the pursuit of happiness as a lifelong quest for character improvement, where we use our powers of reason to moderate our unproductive emotions to be our best selves and serve others.”

If life is like a narrow bridge, my journey demands that I focus my time and energy on being good rather than simply feeling good. Over fifty years ago, as a first-year student at Stetson University, I managed my time to ensure that I was prepared for class and thoroughly benefited from my education. Today, my journey is no longer motivated by grief; it has transformed into a dedication to self-improvement and engagement.

Every step I take, every page I turn, every hour I spend volunteering, and every prayer I offer are significant moments on my journey of personal growth. As my friend Danny said nearly a year ago, “You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!”

My friend and rabbi, Rav Uri, echoed Danny’s sentiments during the award ceremony, reminding us of our shared purpose. The award displayed in my home transcends mere recognition; it stands as a milestone, a guiding trail marker that inspires me to follow my path and reinforces my unwavering commitment to repairing the world. Tikun Olam!




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Still Life: A GMA Book Club Pick: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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Still Life: A Novel

by Sarah Winman

I began reading “Still Life,” a GMA Book Club pick by Sarah Winman. This captivating and bighearted novel weaves a rich tapestry of stories about people connected by love, war, art, flood, and the ghost of E.M. Forster. Kristen V. Brown, in The Atlantic Magazine’s Culture Survey, describes “Still Life” as the best novel she has recently read and considers it the best nonfiction work.

In Tuscany in 1944, as Allied troops advance and bombs fall around deserted villages, a young English soldier, Ulysses Temper, finds himself in the wine cellar of an abandoned villa. There, he encounters Evelyn Skinner, a middle-aged art historian who has come to Italy to salvage paintings from the ruins and recall long-forgotten memories of her youth. In each other, Ulysses and Evelyn find a kindred spirit amidst the rubble of war-torn Italy and set off on a course of events that will shape Ulysses’s life for the next four decades.

As Ulysses returns home to London, reimmersing himself in his crew at The Stoat and Parot—a motley mix of pub crawlers and eccentrics—he carries his time in Italy. And when an unexpected inheritance brings him back to where it all began, Ulysses knows better than to tempt fate and returns to the Tuscan hills.

With beautiful prose, extraordinary tenderness, and bursts of humor and light, Still Life is a sweeping portrait of unforgettable individuals who come together to make a family and a deeply drawn celebration of beauty and love in all its forms.



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Being Mortal

Read: August 2019

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Being Mortal

by Atul Gawande

Before departing for Toronto to celebrate our 44th Wedding Anniversary, I went through the e-library. Everything on my list that I wanted to read was not available except for this book. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande is the book I read on our vacation before Jan’s diagnosis of non-Hodgkin Large B-cell Lymphoma.

Selecting Being Mortal might seem an accidental choice to some, and I believe it was a divine intervention. It prepared me to be a caregiver to my wife over the nineteen months of her fight with cancer. It helped me focus on the good life that my wife lived and not the pain and suffering.

Atul Gawande describes his book as “riveting, honest, and humane. Being Mortal shows that the ultimate goal is not a good death but a good life – to the very end.”

When I read the book, I wondered what I could have done to help my mother in her final years. The book offers an excellent overview of how nursing homes and assisted living facilities have struggled to meet the needs of their residents.

Dr. Gawande provides an in-depth overview of the benefits of hospice care. Although I knew of this option, reading this book helped me understand that I was ready for hospice when my wife came home for the last time.

He reminds us that “when it comes to the inescapable realities of aging and death, what medicine can do often runs counter to what it should.” As he writes in the book, the current system does not work and, in many cases, actually shortens life.

This book has had a lasting impact on my life. It allowed me to be a loving caregiver to my wife when she needed it more than anything else. I read it when it would be most beneficial to me.

I highly recommend this book.


Atul Gawande is the author of several bestselling books: Complications, a finalist for the National Book Award; Better; The Checklist Manifesto; and Being Mortal. He is also a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, a staff writer for The New Yorker, and a professor at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health. He has won the Lewis Thomas Prize for Writing about Science, a MacArthur Fellowship, and two National Magazine Awards. In his work in public health, he is the Founder and Chair of Ariadne Labs, a joint center for health systems innovation, and Lifebox, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making surgery safer globally. He is also the chair of Haven, where he served as CEO from 2018 to 2020. He and his wife have three children and live in Newton, Massachusetts.



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The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers' Guild

Read: January 2024

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The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild

by Mathias Énard

Today, I started reading “The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild” by Mathias Énard. The book has been translated into English by Frank Wynne. This novel is full of Mathias Énard‘s characteristic humor and extensive knowledge. It is a lively book where the boundaries between past and present are constantly blurred, set against a backdrop of excess reminiscent of Rabelais’ writing.

David Mazon, an anthropology student, moves from Paris to La Pierre-Saint-Christophe, a village in the marshlands of western France, to research his thesis on contemporary agrarian life. He is determined to understand the essence of the local culture and spends his time scurrying around on his moped to interview the residents.

David must be made aware of the extraordinary events in an ordinary location. This place, where wars and revolutions once occurred, is now a dancefloor for Death. When something dies, its soul is recycled by the Wheel of Life and thrown back into the world as a microbe, human, or wild animal – sometimes in the past and sometimes in the future. Once a year, Death and the living agree to a temporary truce, during which gravediggers indulge in a three-day feast filled with food, drink, and conversation.

Mathias Énard’s novel, The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild, is a riotous and exciting comic masterpiece that won the prestigious Prix Goncourt award. The novel is set in the French countryside and is filled with Énard’s characteristic wit and encyclopedic brilliance. Against a backdrop of excess, the story blurs the lines between past and present, creating a Rabelaisian world of chaos and humor.


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Remarkably Bright Creatures

Read: January 2024

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

by Shelby Van Pelt

Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.

The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.

While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.

As a detective, Marcellus uses his invertebrate body to deduce what happened when Tova’s son disappeared. Together, they embark on a journey to unearth the truth before it’s too late.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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You Dreamed of Empires: A Novel

Read: December 2024

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You Dreamed of Empires: A Novel

by Álvaro Enrigue

Today, I began reading “You Dreamed of Empires: A Novel” by Álvaro Enrigue, translated by Natasha Wimmer. This book is from the visionary author of “Sudden Death,” a hallucinatory and revelatory tale of colonial revenge. It has been recognized as one of The New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2024 and included in the list of 10 Best Books of 2024. So far, I have read four of the top five fiction books of 2024: “All Fours,” “James,” “Martyr!,” and “Good Material.”

One morning in 1519, conquistador Hernán Cortés entered the city of Tenochtitlan, today’s Mexico City. Later that day, he will meet the emperor Moctezuma in a collision of two worlds, two empires, two languages, and two possible futures.

Cortés is accompanied by his captains, troops, prized horses, and two translators: Friar Aguilar, a taciturn friar, and Malinalli, an enslaved, strategic Nahua princess. After nearly bungling their entrance to the city, the Spaniards are greeted at a ceremonial welcome meal by the steely Aztec princess Atotoxtli, sister and wife of Moctezuma. As they await their meeting with the emperor – who is at a political and spiritual crossroads and relies on hallucinogens to get by – Cortés and his entourage are ensconced in the labyrinthine palace. Soon, one of Cortés’s captains, Jazmín Caldera, overwhelmed by the place’s grandeur, began questioning the ease with which they were welcomed into the city and wondered at the chances of getting out alive, much less conquering the empire. And what if… they don’t?

You Dreamed of Empires brings Tenochtitlan to life at its height and reimagines its destiny. The incomparably original Álvaro Enrigue sets afire the moment of conquest and turns it into a revolution, a restitutive, fantastical counterattack, in a novel so electric and unique that it feels like a dream.



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Zenith Man

Read: February 2023

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Zenith Man, Inheritance #4

by Jennifer Haigh

Tonight I read Zenith Man by Jennifer HaighA 911 call begins the story. A man reports his wife had died, but no one knew he had a wife. For thirty-two years, they had been married, and only one person had seen her, but only for a minute when she said: “supper was ready.” I read the first page and immediately found myself with a short page-turner that I could not stop reading. I recommend Zenith Man.

Actual events inspired this story. For many decades, many acquaintances of Jan and mine had no idea we were married. Once they found out, the response was, “we should have known as the two of you are perfect for each other.” But they knew we were married and had met both of us.

Being a widow, I found this phrase in the story emotional and very moving.

“She was a good woman,” Harold told Cob Krug. “I was lucky to have her. I promised to keep her in sickness and in health, and that’s what I did.”

Is there anything more that can summarize the love between two people?

I highly recommend Zenith Man, part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. Zenith Man is the fourth one in the series I have read. The previous three were Everything My Mother Taught Me, Can You Feel This?, and The Lion’s Den.

I have enjoyed all four and look forward to reading the final one.

Now that I have read Ms. Haigh’s short story, I have added her newest novel, Mercy Streetto my queue.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Whatever had been going on inside the shuttered old house, the couple who lived there kept it to themselves. Among the locals, there’s only chilling speculation.

Neighbors are shocked when Harold Pardee reports his wife dead. No one even knew the eccentric TV repairman was married. Within hours, horrible rumors spread about what that poor woman must have endured for thirty years. Until the Pardees’ carefully guarded world is exposed. New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Haigh delivers an endearing short story about our misguided perception of strangers, the nature of love, and the need for secrets.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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